July 1 2025

VINEETO: Appreciate this “stillness all around” as much as you can and then some more, it’s the most wonderful, mirificent and magically sweet way of experiencing being alive.

KUBA: I remember in one of Richard’s quotes he wrote that perfection is only of the moment, which means that it can only be a lived experience, it happens now at this moment in time and this place in space. When I appreciate this “stillness all around”, there is exactly this mirificent and magically sweet aspect which is experienced, but it cannot be grasped by ‘me’ at all, it is only of the moment – it happens here and now. Nevertheless it is utterly wonderful and I can see that what is called “the meaning of life” is contained right in that experience.

At times this mirificent and magically sweet flavour is brief, it’s like “blink and you’ll miss it”, other times like now it is rather stable, experienced to be all around. How amazing is that? To experience that the very meaning of life is all around, somehow contained within that stillness / intrinsically part and parcel of it.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Indeed this stillness “is the life-giving foundation of all that is apparent”. Something which is already always here for the taking.

*

VINEETO: Ha, it’s always the hardest thing to acknowledge that ‘I’ am redundant, even though you experientially and apperceptively know that ‘you’ are. ‘You’ have done your job and have done it well, ‘you’ can contentedly retire having earned ‘your’ longed-for oblivion.

KUBA: So I remember a while ago we talked about the “utter fullness”, this is what ‘I’ am now experiencing to be already always here now. And indeed this “utter fullness” is calling each moment again. The “utter fullness” is what informs ‘me’ that ‘I’ am redundant. This is equally wonderful because it means that ‘I’ can lay down ‘my’ burden, and that not a single thing will be missing.

VINEETO: Yes.

To expand on this “utter fullness” I’ll first reiterate how Richard reported Vineeto becoming essentially the same as him in an event on 28^th of August 2011, in other words pure intent personified –

• [Claudiu]: [...] What prevents it [‘the quickening’] from happening to Vineeto, for example?

• [Richard]: Given that she is the first female to become actually free from the human condition there is, of course, nothing to prevent it from happening to Vineeto.

Indeed she has been interacting with me intensively with that very intention; an existential event of some considerable significance in regard to this intent took place between 3:30 and 4:00 AM on the 28th of August 2011, for instance.

For about three weeks prior to this she had been experiencing a near-constant pressure-pain in the nape of the neck, so she knew that something was imminent, as well as experiencing what she referred to as ‘an ambrosial immanence’ filling her up, inasmuch from time-to-time she could bear no more of it (such as to cause her to refrain from interacting intensively for two-three days until it dissipated) due to it being ‘too much’ or ‘too overwhelming’ for her.

Then, at the moment she became essentially the same as me (how I have been, on my own, all these years) there was a tremendous upwards surge of that energetic immanence, in and around my head and shoulders region, of such a potency, of such a strength, as would previously (on some occasion) render me utterly passive, completely immobile, and scarcely able to bear with it, to contain its immensity.

On this occasion, however, it was able to flow freely – it was as if a circuit had been formed betwixt the two of us – and a second, equally potent, surge of that existential immanence followed the first (again in an upwardly direction in and around my head and shoulders region) a short while later.

Regarding that reference to a circuit having been formed, I am reminded of first being shown, as a child in High School, how a magnet produces a magnetic field by holding a sheet of paper over it and sprinkling iron-filings upon its surface; as there is a potent field now operating it is as if the two of us, a male and a female, are the ‘north’ and ‘south’ poles of a magnet; alternatively, the effect could perhaps be likened to the ‘anode’ and ‘cathode’ of a battery generating an electric current (and thus producing an electric field) when a circuit is completed. [...]. (Richard, List D, Claudiu, 9 February 2012).

As a result of this remarkable event Richard had this to say –

Richard: … what I am indicating is that pure intent is no longer only accessible outside of the human condition (via a PCE) but nowadays also from within it (i.e., as a feeling ‘being’). (Richard, List D, Rick, 28 May 2013).

*

Richard to James: [...] that ‘over-arching benevolence and benignity’, which the feeling-being inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago experienced and named ‘pure intent’, became [immanently] accessible to some select associates during a specific situational setting called ‘The Second Convivium Gathering’, in late 2009/early 2010, and was variously experienced by them as a ‘palpable sweetness’, for instance, and an ‘infinite tenderness’, for example, and has been more generally described as ‘being bathed in intimacy.

It was also accessible at-a-distance [...]. (Richard, List D, James, 6 February 2012).

When Richard died he left me with the floodgates wide open of an immense, often overwhelming appreciation, yet I could clearly experience that the previously established circuit of energetic immanence no longer existed, as it had been when Richard was alive. Now an event has happened for Geoffrey on May 7 this year which restored this circuit of existential immanence of human consciousness, and as such it is again directly, more fully/ more easily available as an ‘infinite sweetness’ or “utter fullness” for example –

Geoffrey: “So it happens last week that I suddenly became aware of the energetic evolution that had been taking place. For the anecdote it was Wednesday (May 7th) (…)
Later in the car on my way to martial arts practice I started to identify some very soft and gentle energy circulating in my neck region. I decided to somehow go into it fully, and the results during that martial arts practice were impressive. People interacting with me would smile to their ears, be utterly light and playful themselves, and I’d see usually self-conscious or depressed people strikingly act as if all weight had suddenly disappeared from their shoulders. This overblown effect progressively decreased over the next day to finally reach the ‘equilibrium’ it sits at now.

I can identify an ‘energy’ that wasn’t here before, prominently floating in my shoulders and neck region, soft, gentle, very fine, and imbued of benevolence, like it has a smile.

It very clearly physical, in the sense that it’s bodily, like the body has become more ‘conductive’, … (Private email, 16 May 2025)

As I wrote to Geoffrey, personally “I experienced the very fact that there is “an equal in the actual world” in the similar way as when Richard was alive – which is the first time I experienced this since he died. It’s ambrosial/ beneficent, the quality of personified pure intent, the intimacy of a fellow human being experiencing being the universe experiencing itself as a conscious human being, very pronounced, joyous, almost jubilant, just wonderful.”

I have recounted this all to you, and all the forum members, so that you can choose to tap into this personified immanence , now that it is again both masculinely and femininely available, and thus potentially accessible per favour naïveté regardless of spatial extension, and there is no reason at all that you cannot slide into the actual world right now.

Cheers Vineeto

July 1 2025

KUBA: Sometimes I wonder why I continue to write so much, to describe these experiences. On one hand there is that tendency which I have to peek around the corner and to be overly concerned with meticulously chartered territory. But then on the other hand I am very happy to have discovered what I have so far, which is that the way towards actual freedom is not some enigmatic, special powers requiring quest, rather it is something that is within the capacity of anybody to discover, it is a down to earth and sensible quest.

And it seems I have done the same thing with any discovery along the wide and wondrous path, that not only have I walked it but then I made sure that it was described in an explicit manner. Perhaps because I was never the “natural athlete” both in the sense of BJJ and the wide and wondrous path, in that I required a lot of instruction and a lot of feedback, it’s not something that I could have worked out on my own.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Just a quick comment – be diligently attentive that this being a coach doesn’t turn into yet another justification for ‘me’ to hang around beyond ‘my’ use-by-date.

Just can just as well “charter” the path “meticulously” after you become actually free – in fact, you will do a much better job then because uninterruptedly operating apperception is vastly superior to mere sensibility, and your ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes who operates marginally different to yourself is highly improved as well. As long as you are a ‘self’, your perspective is necessarily ‘self’-centric and thus limited.

Plus, you have then demonstrated by action that your coaching in fact delivers the advertised result – an actual freedom from the human condition.

Cheers Vineeto

July 2 2025

KUBA: Yes thank you, well actually just a read of your previous post made this click, what ‘I’ can do from within the human condition vs what is possible when actually free, eg :

Geoffrey: “So it happens last week that I suddenly became aware of the energetic evolution that had been taking place. For the anecdote it was Wednesday (May 7th) (…)

Later in the car on my way to martial arts practice I started to identify some very soft and gentle energy circulating in my neck region. I decided to somehow go into it fully, and the results during that martial arts practice were impressive. People interacting with me would smile to their ears, be utterly light and playful themselves, and I’d see usually self-conscious or depressed people strikingly act as if all weight had suddenly disappeared from their shoulders. This overblown effect progressively decreased over the next day to finally reach the ‘equilibrium’ it sits at now. (Private email, 16 May 2025)

There is a constantly growing confidence that the time is ripe to go all the way into actual freedom. And as far as I can tell – even though a lot of it seems past ‘my’ pay grade – there is way more to what one does for peace on earth when actually free than just explicit knowledge.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Just to clarify in case it was not obvious, the experience described above was a one-off. It may or may not be a hypothetical possibility in a distant future but when I go shopping in town for instance, people do not “smile to their ears” or something of the kind. The effect, if there is any, is far more subtle and very, very rarely communicated. Whatever benefits happen do so without my knowledge. And Geoffrey clearly said –

Geoffrey: “This overblown effect progressively decreased over the next day to finally reach the ‘equilibrium’ it sits at now”.

KUBA: In fact what ‘I’ do towards a virtual peace and harmony is way beyond explicit knowledge too! That ‘I’ might be able to offer some practical advice is for sure useful but it is the effect of the happy and harmless vibes that already does way more.

VINEETO: Exactly, practical replicable help is certainly beneficial and it's best that there is nothing happening a ‘self’ could hang their hat on as that would instantly have a ‘self’-enhancing effect.

KUBA: It is as you said the other day and I have been fascinated by this – the changes which happen are not accounted for by the ‘controller’. And yet a lot is happening “behind the scenes”.

VINEETO: Indeed, and this is part and parcel of the perfection and purity how the universe operates. Everything is squeaky clean in the actual world. It is eminently delightful.

Cheers Vineeto

July 2 2025 

KUBA: Wow I am having a blast lately. Things are constantly happening, and these are not just realisations, this is more akin to actuality “coming at me” without a break, not that I would want a break anyways! And this sense of actuality constantly “knocking on my door” is nothing to do with ‘me’, the momentum is not of ‘my’ doing. Oopsie… Looks like I am now solidly out from control .

VINEETO: Ah, the genuine article.

KUBA: There was one thing that happened about 30min ago which was especially precious. I was chilling on the sofa with Sonya and poncho (my dog). I went to cuddle poncho and all of a sudden it was like that veil of reality was pulled back and I saw both Sonya and poncho as actually existing. It’s hard to convey the importance of those words – “actually existing”. But it goes some way to consider that not a single one of the ‘events’ which ever happened in ‘my’ reality were genuine. That the entirety of ‘my’ life was never genuine.

And now that curtain got pulled back and an actually existing world was revealed, so precious to discover it!

VINEETO: I fully understand the importance of those words as I remember ‘Vineeto’s’ first experience of this happening, it was quite world-view-shattering for ‘her’ –

‘Vineeto’: The next vital and essential break-through in understanding was my first major peak experience (PCE). What had started off one evening as ‘a roaming in the vast chambers of my mind’, psychic experiences and an expanded state of consciousness suddenly took a turn from ‘inner reality’ to actuality. It happened when Peter looked at me and said ‘hello, how are you doing?’ [Perhaps vaguely similar to Richard asking Pamela, “how is it as you sit here now”? (@13.53 min)].

I popped out of my inner world of feelings and imagination and, questioning the very validity of all I felt and thought, entered the world beyond beliefs and feelings – the actual world. Here was another human being, a flesh-and-blood person without any particular identity [for me] and he wanted to talk to me. And here I was, also a flesh-and-blood person without a particular identity, sitting on an old couch and curious to talk to this man that I was meeting for the first time.

I had never met the actual Peter; I had only related to him through the curtain of my expectations and classifications, through the filter of my social identity, through the grey or rose-coloured glasses of my ‘self’. What was initially a shocking surprise quickly turned into fascination and delight to have discovered something so simple and so pure – actual intimacy with another person and the perfection of the actual world. Here we were, two human beings, meeting for the first time, without past or future. No grand feelings, in fact, no feelings at all, but the pleasure of mutual undivided attention as to what the other is going to say next... [square-bracketed inserts added]. (Actualism, Vineeto, Actual Freedom List, James2, 7.4.2000)

PS: At the time I didn’t actually know if Peter was in a PCE as well (he wasn’t), so the “two human beings (…) without past or future” is an incorrect description from ‘my’ memory. The “without past or future” experience was nevertheless the case for myself. (Interesting how the identity subtly colours the perception/ description in hindsight).

There was another experience, even more intimate than the above described one, which Richard reported –

Richard: The term ‘intimacy experience’ became part of the actualism lingo after a particularly instructive event in late spring, 2007, when at anchor upriver whilst exhorting feeling-being ‘Grace’ to no longer reserve that specific ‘way-of-being’ for those memorable occasions when ‘she’ was alone with me and to extend such intimacy to also include ‘her’ potential shipmates in order to dynamically enable the then-tentative plans for a floating convivium – which were on an indefinite hold at that time – to move ahead expeditiously (this was in the heady context of feeling-being ‘Pamela’ having already entered into an on-going PCE a scant five days beforehand due to ‘her’ specifically expressed concerns to me over the lack of intimacy between actualists). At some stage during this intensive interaction feeling-being ‘Vineeto’, who had been intently following every nuance, every twist and turn of the interplay, had what ‘she’ described as a ‘shift’ taking place in ‘her’ whereupon the very intimacy being thus exigently importuned came about for ‘her’ instead.

To say ‘she’ was astounded with the degree of intimacy having ensued is to put it mildly as ‘her’ first descriptive words were about how ‘she’ would never have considered it possible to be as intimate as this particular way of being – an intimacy of such near-innocence as to have previously only ever been possible privately with ‘her’ sexual partner in very special moments – when in a social setting as one of a number of persons partaking of coffee and snacks in a sitting room situation. Intuitively seizing the vital opportunity such intimate experiencing offered ‘she’ took over from me and commenced interacting intensively in my stead – notably now a one-on-one feeling-being interchange – and within a relatively short while feeling-being ‘Grace’ was experiencing life in the same, or very similar, manner as feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ (hence that 4th of December 2009 report of mine about how these intimacy experiences are potentially contagious, so to speak, for other sincere actualists as the atmosphere generated affectively-psychically can propagate a flow-on effect). (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 28 January 2016).

The last one I remember happened during the ‘Second convivium meeting’ when ‘Vineeto’ was out-from-control. Richard had entered the room, holding a cup with a drink in each hand and I exclaimed “Richard, I have never seen you like this!” He was naturally puzzled, looked up and down his body and couldn’t see anything special or different. In the ensuing conversation it became clear that I was suddenly seeing the actual Richard, and was surprised and delighted by the imminence and intimacy to see him without the veil of ‘my’ outer world perspective.

KUBA: And since that event I keep getting that same experience but milder, that the veil of reality is so thin and this actually existing world keeps coming through. It’s almost slightly disorientating at times, not in an unpleasant way at all but rather it’s that things are shifting around at a very fundamental level, that I don’t know which way to place myself, but actually I’m not too concerned with that anymore anyways – I am having a blast on the one way ride.

VINEETO: This is wonderful to read. Now that you know that an actual intimacy is possible (and potentially contagious) you have the additional opportunity to explore the territory of Intimacy Experiences and/or actual intimacy as well.

Richard: Actual intimacy – being here now – does not come from love, for love stems from separation. The illusion of intimacy that love produces is but a meagre imitation of this direct experience of the actual. In the actual world, ‘I’ as ego, the personality, and ‘me’ as soul, the ‘being’ – both subjectively experienced as one’s identity – have ceased to exist; whereas love accentuates, endorses and verifies ‘me’ as being real. And while ‘I’ am real, ‘I’ am relative to other similarly afflicted persons; vying for position and status in order to establish ‘my’ credentials … to verify ‘my’ very existence.

To be actually intimate is to be without the separative identity … and therefore free from the need for love with its ever un-filled promise of Peace On Earth. There is an actual intimacy between me and my companion. Actual intimacy is a direct experiencing of the other. I am having a superb time … and it is a well-earned superb time, too. (Library, Topics, Intimacy)

Cheers Vineeto

July 5 2025

KUBA: So for a while now I have been in talks with my mum about various aspects of the human condition, the specific situation which has brought this up is some personal problems that have come about for a family member.

This got me wondering about the difference between the “pursuit of happiness” and the goal of being happy and harmless, why is it that 1 fails and 1 delivers the goods? Because this idea of “trying to be happy” has been around for a long time and has been applied by many well meaning people, so why is it that it fails?

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

It’s a great question to compare the real-world goal of “the ”pursuit of happiness“” with the goal of “being happy and harmless”, and the ‘harmless’ aspect is indeed vitally important.

KUBA: It clicked then that it is the harmless aspect which provides the stable element to one’s ongoing enjoyment and appreciation, there is no other way. What happens when ‘I’ set out on the quest for ‘my’ happiness is that ‘I’ inevitably gravitate towards the good feelings and these can include a variety of things – Love, compassion, pride, authority, desire, even aggression! These feelings will initially provide the illusion that ‘I’ am succeeding in ‘my’ quest, they are feelings of a positive hedonic tone and so there is immediate gratification, ‘I’ am hooked.

Of course the end product of such “pursuit of happiness” is driven, self-centred and tunnel visioned identities trying to “get theirs”.

VINEETO: However, a note of caution to present it only this way. In this own journey, Richard was imitating the actual, yet, because of the lack of a precent, ‘he’ was captured by Love and Compassion and ended up enlightened, despite ‘his’ intent of being harmless (demonstrated by his story how ‘he’ rid ‘himself’ of full-blown anger. Those people who are following the “pursuit of happiness” are also not aware of the third alternative.

Hence I would suggest an addition to your suggestion of adding being harmless and that is to not overlook the investigation of ‘good’ feelings when attempting to being happy and harmless, enjoying and appreciating. The reason is because all the morals and ethics, principles and beliefs of the real world are derivatives of the value-set of spiritual enlightenment and are therefore the hardest ones to question. (When you have love and compassion and pacifism you will go to heaven/ become immortal).

KUBA: But this can be solved so easily, one only has to add this very important element which is that the goal is to be both happy and harmless. Now this harmlessness has nothing to do with morality, or with sacrificing one’s happiness for others etc. No this harmlessness benefits all, it benefits others of course but it also allows for an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation for ‘me’, it wins at all levels. If ‘my’ goal is to be both happy and harmless then ‘I’ will very quickly notice that the good feelings hurt both ‘me’ and others so ‘I’ will not continue travelling down that path which leads to nowhere fruitful. With the focus on both happiness and harmlessness ‘my’ vision opens up from the previous self-centred and tunnel visioned approach, ‘I’ become caring and considerate. With the focus on both happiness and harmlessness ‘I’ notice that only the felicitous and innocuous feelings deliver the goods, that they are the only ones stable enough to provide an ongoing enjoyment and appreciation for ‘me’ as well as an ongoing interpersonal peace and harmony, and as above these feed between each other.

This has clicked big time now, that it is the goal of being happy and harmless that delivers the goods, it delivers the goods for all. This has surfaced some aspects of ‘my’ life where there has been exactly that drive for “my happiness” and I see now that it is completely a dead end. It not only fails for ‘me’ but it fails for others too.

VINEETO: Of course, once you know that neither love nor compassion are harmless, and nor is pacifism (another strong moral imperative, including not to be judgemental for instance), then the being harmless as well as happy encompasses the whole range of investigations into the obstacles of enjoying and appreciating this moment of being alive.

Cheers Vineeto

July 5 2025

KUBA: Hi Vineeto,

It seems like there is a risk of going out of control, like ‘I’ am very vulnerable.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You feel vulnerable because with the sophisticated ‘doer’ being descendant you can no longer automatically rely on your socio-cultural inwit, a.k.a. conscience, to not get into trouble, hence you now need to orient yourself to, and rely upon, the compass of pure intent.

Ha, Richard used to say –

Richard: The identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years ago was wont to say, whenever ‘he’ would get a bit cocky about being on top of it all, that an everyday life situation would invariably tap ‘him’ behind the knees, so to speak, and bring ‘him’ back down-to-earth ... and that, furthermore, life was very good at doing just that. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 68d, 17 October 2005)

KUBA: Also with regards to intimacy experiences I find something similar, that when a lot is “going on” and I don’t quite know where to place myself, it is quite difficult to allow such interaction, it is like I am operating with a fragmented mind.

VINEETO: Mmh, why do you need to “place myself” – isn’t your aim, informed by pure intent and especially in intimacy, to lose ‘yourself’?

The “fragmented mind” could to be indicator of a remnant hesitation to lose ‘yourself’. That’s where the tyre meets the road, so to speak.

KUBA: I am always amazed at Richard and his mettle, how he went through insanity to end up in the actual world, and with no precedent at all, what an incredible achievement. But it seems like when I am in that precarious place it could fall one way or another, actuality or insanity.

VINEETO: I suggest to first get back to feeling good before you make an assessment about your state of mind.

Then find your connection to pure intent and experience the beneficence and benevolence issuing forth from the purity of the stillness of this infinite universe. In this stillness you will find the confidence and certainty that nothing can go wrong.

Cheers Vineeto

July 6 2025

VINEETO: You feel vulnerable because with the sophisticated ‘doer’ being descendant you can no longer automatically rely on your socio-cultural inwit, a.k.a. conscience, to not get into trouble, hence you now need to orient yourself to, and rely upon, the compass of pure intent.

KUBA: So as I was driving to work today I was contemplating on the conversation we had and something quite incredible happened. I saw the ‘guardian’, it was like this blanket that had been covering ‘me’ forever and up until today it was invisible, but invisible in the way of “hiding in plain sight”. But this wasn’t that a certain belief or moral was seen, it was that the entire structure of the conscience was seen.

With this feeling of the guardian being as if “lifted off” a little”, there was also this incredible sense of pure intent being accessible, like a broadband connection had just opened. When I arrived at the hen party I was able to spend 2 hours with them with my conscience being as if irrelevant. I was operating outside of the dictates of my conscience.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Whilst it is illuminating to see “the entire structure of my conscience” and had the effect of “this feeling of the guardian being as if ‘lifted off” a little”, it nevertheless might be beneficial at some point to identify the specific aspect which started the whole sequence. You said in the previous message –

Richard: The identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years ago was wont to say, whenever ‘he’ would get a bit cocky about being on top of it all, that an everyday life situation would invariably tap ‘him’ behind the knees, so to speak, and bring ‘him’ back down-to-earth ... and that, furthermore, life was very good at doing just that. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 68d, 17 October 2005)

Kuba: But just to put more context to this, this is why those 2 situations shook me like so, because one was a training partner getting injured in training and another was a complaint from a customer. And it was like “oh shit” maybe ‘I’ am going to be dangerous. And it was the same kind of theme around Christmas last year, this sense of “maybe I have got it all wrong” and that if ‘I’ don’t resume control ‘I’ will be dangerous.

Actually I’m not sure if it was that ‘I’ would be dangerous or in danger. It seems like both, in that operating outside of sanity seems like it could get me in trouble as well as be dangerous for others. If anything this shows just how successful the social/ moral conditioning is, and perhaps for good reason.

According to your report two incidents caused you to question if you are “going to be dangerous”, which in itself is a worthwhile subject for investigation for these specific incidents. But because those incidents themselves caused “shame, the fear of ostracization, isolation, punishment, damnation etc.” and then escalated, as feelings tend to do, into imaginings of “all the various “worst case scenarios””, you never had an opportunity to get back to the original trigger. This situation of strong doubt and fear you then “followed by a general contemplation that “operating outside of sanity seems like it could get me in trouble as well as be dangerous for others” in order to de-escalate those feelings. Yet these contemplations still left you at arm’s length of the original feelings by placing them into the overarching category of ‘sanity vs. insanity’ and the workings of conscience in its general structure.

Now that those strong feelings have subsided and “this incredible sense of pure intent being accessible”, it is beneficial to trace the situation back to its origin so that a similar situation won’t be tapping you “behind the knees” again, as Richard said.

Specifically, you might want to ascertain if have you been in fact careless to contribute to the two incidences, or you perhaps just blame yourself just-in-case because you were not sure?

I had a similar question running after I had become newly free –

Vineeto: Personally, when I negotiated my way towards freedom from the (overall well-meaning but now inadequate) ‘guardian’ (i.e. the social identity), the main question was – will I be able to be safe and harmless without the guardian watching over me? So I checked myself out in interactions, in various social situations with the intent to determine if I would be safe, and harmless, without the rules and regulations (morals and ethics), preconceived notions and automated behaviour patterns and eventually determined that I will be. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Srinath, 1 Jan 2019)

As shame was your initial feeling for unleashing a ‘feast of fears’ I also recommend Richard’s correspondence with Jonathan on this topic from August 2013 after Jonathan’s visit to Australia – (Richard, List D, Jonathan, 4 Aug 2013).

Cheers Vineeto

July 6 2025

KUBA: Hi Vineeto,

Thank you for your reply :

VINEETO: Specifically, you might want to ascertain if have you been in fact careless to contribute to the two incidences, or you perhaps just blame yourself just-in-case because you were not sure?

KUBA: I will have to go into some specific detail here because I have been puzzling over this myself. And yes even though this ‘guardian’ was experienced to be temporarily lifted the contents of it have remained.

I was sparring with a partner that has been training roughly as long as me (about 10 years) and is by all means very experienced/ skilled. It was a competitive training round, with both of us working pretty hard to gain the slightest advantage over each other in order to score a win. The injury happened during a takedown as I had my hands locked around his waist and was behind him. He was training to insert one of his arms into the circumference of my lock in order to break it, and noticing this I hit a quick throw which took him backward with the arm still trapped in the lock. As the arm was trapped in the lock he fell without a post and knocked his head on the mat and was knocked out from the momentum. Now what I did is not an illegal move by any means but it is something that can be potentially risky, and in this case it did eventuate in an injury. It’s probably the kind of technique that I would not do against a beginner at all but in this scenario going against a seasoned grappler and amidst a competitive round this is what I did. (…)

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Thank you for your detailed report.

It is quite simple – what were you feeling at the time and shortly before the incident?

Where there is no feeling of malice of any kind – as in the definition on the website (Richard, Abditorium, Malice & Sorrow) – then there is no reason for feeling guilty, ashamed or any similar remorse. You have to sort out where/ if competitiveness/ winning at the cost of caution and consideration fits in.

Personally, I would contemplate if I wanted to remain in a situation where competitive fervour can lead to unintended accidents, though, but then that was never neither my hobby nor livelihood.

KUBA: Situation 2 :

And so basically this is where I thought was the danger of no longer working to the various morals, principles and creeds.

VINEETO: A clarification here –

Richard: There is a marked distinction betwixt spontaneity and impetuosity (aka impulsiveness) ... acuity and/or perspicacity, in the applied form of discrimination, discernment (as in being expedient, provident, judicious, prudent) in conjunction with pragmatism, practicality, sensibility, simplicity, and so forth, gives ready access for any introspective/ creative process to take place. With no identity in situ/ no affective faculty extant, to stuff things up, it is all quite effortless. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 103, 1 October 2005d)

Given that you still have an affective faculty in situ, and without the previously strict guidance of inculcated morals and ethics, a structure with fixed rules no matter the circumstance, you instead rely on pure intent.

Richard: Pure intent is the quality that encompasses what morals and ethics aspire to but never reach. (…) Freed by pure intent from the very necessary social constraints – designed to control a wayward ego and a compliant soul – one can have generosity of character without striving. Pure intent guides one in each and every situation and circumstance – it is an essential prerequisite to ensure a guaranteed passage through the psychic maze … [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan, 16 September 1999)

You seem to want it both ways –

KUBA: Because yes I operate within the legal laws and protocols but in a situation where one’s character is judged it seems to be a tick in my favour if I also demonstrably live to the various moral and ethical creeds. Like in scenario 2 if I explicitly ask for consent every 2 seconds then it would work in my favour, whereas going by implicit consent of observing someone’s responses etc would not be considered as good. And the same with situation 1, I could just never do any technique that is even a little risky which would certainly prevent these events and yet it would mean that I could never hang with anyone experienced, as it’s just not how it works, there is a certain level of tenacity required to score against a seasoned opponent, but the general public does not know these things. Hence those nightmare scenarios surrounding some kind of public damnation.

Essentially it’s something like a fear of being put under a witch hunt and not having this “oh look but I’m a moral citizen” to assist me. (…) [Emphasis added].

VINEETO: You now seem to put the responsibility for your fears on “the general public” while you are upholding your own inner guardian, your social identity, unless you have a blank cheque guarantee in advance. Only the active pure intent of naiveté can guide you and give you the confidence and certainty. As I said to you before –

Vineeto: Then find your connection to pure intent and experience the beneficence and benevolence issuing forth from the purity of the stillness of this infinite universe. In this stillness you will find the confidence and certainty that nothing can go wrong. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba9, 5 June 2025a)

And like Ian perspicaciously observed recently –

Ian: Also fascinatingly, I am society – the rules I suffer under, I also enforce.

KUBA: And even Richard experienced all manner of attacks on his character.

VINEETO: Yes he did – after all an actual freedom is most subversive – and how well and carefully phrases, mailing list members more often than not do object to the message itself, and then blame the messenger.

Richard: ‘Tis just as well I did not have you advising me back in 1997 when feeling-being ‘Peter’ suggested I go public with my discovery, on-line, for all the world to potentially access – else these words would not be available for you to peruse and neither would actualism/ actual freedom have a world-wide footprint – as my tendency is to be so bold as to render being ‘as bold as brass’ to be but the faintest of hues on the boldness scale.

(Being arguably the most subversive man on the planet – for those who read with both eyes open – would surely make any feeling-being quail). (Richard, List D, Jonathan2, 1 June 2015).

KUBA: I mean I have even spoken with forum members here and they have said some outrageous things about Richard and Vineeto, about what they apparently did, of course with this isomorphism in place the actions of actually free people are simply viewed through that ‘normal’ lens. (…)

VINEETO: Oh, vitriol from others does not automatically cease because one is free of the human condition. What always mattered most to feeling being ‘Vineeto’ was that ‘she’ was as free of malice (the intent to harm) as much as possible, especially when answering antagonistic messages.

KUBA: So update about situation 2 : (…)

VINEETO: You may find that the more you allow pure intent to operate and suffuse you in the sweet tenderness of benignity and benevolence, the more caring and considerate you become, and possibly change situations with the foresight to avoid risks of inadvertently causing harm. It becomes second nature.

Richard: Thus the pure intent of naiveté provides the collateral assurance ‘I’ require to safely give ‘myself’ permission to allow this moment to live me (rather than ‘me’ trying to live in the present) and to let go the controls. Yet it is the direct experience itself which is the fundamental factor when it comes to making the curious decision to abandon both one’s present course and that of one’s peers and plunge into the adventure of a lifetime. Viz.:

• ‘I was outside watching a bird fly/flutter through a background of blue sky and the green leaves of trees and I was taken away by the utter fullness of it!’

This is what is important. (Richard, List B, No. 25f, 22 June 2000)

Cheers Vineeto

July 7 2025

VINEETO: Given that you still have an affective faculty in situ, and without the previously strict guidance of inculcated morals and ethics, a structure with fixed rules no matter the circumstance, you instead rely on pure intent.

KUBA: Yes so this is precisely what I was contemplating whilst I was driving yesterday, before I saw the guardian. I wanted to find something that is impeccable and the answer is pure intent. But I can see now that this conscience which I saw is absolutely necessary as long as ‘I’ am a feeling being. It is a fail-safe in that way because as long as ‘I’ am in existence as a passionate being then there is always a chance for malice to be activated.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Conscience is never “fail-safe” as you can see by the amount of the mayhem and suffering which continues despite the rules of the social identity.

Living within the human condition is never “fail-safe” until/ unless pure intent is operating uninterrupted.

KUBA: So when I arrived at the party yesterday after the guardian was as if lifted off a little and there was the experience of pure intent being readily accessible, there was this sense that nothing could go wrong, that as long as pure intent is active then it is certain that I will behave in a manner that is safe for all.

And linking this back to my previous post, it is this connection to pure intent that will answer my question of how/ whether to proceed with competitive training and what it will look like in practice.

VINEETO: Presently you place your confidence of being able “to safely operate outside of the morals and ethics” on an ongoing active pure intent, which at least during the two incidents wasn’t active or ongoing – else those incidents would not have had the impact on you that they did.

Kuba: I sat for about 20min just now and I don’t know if I can provide an accurate answer here. I have certainly observed how competitiveness can segue into aggression during hard sparring. It’s a little like when one plays with a dog and as the intensity builds there can be this ‘switch’ that happens when all of a sudden it’s no longer play. But it gets pretty difficult to distinguish these shifts during competitive sparring rounds. What I can say that there was certainly a sense of intense competitiveness which means it is likely there was aggression underlying it, although I don’t even know if at this level competitiveness can be distinguished from aggression. As in as soon as I enter that competitive mindset – of winning at all cost – then likely I am already ‘being’ aggression.

KUBA: Also this was a very long winded and cunning way of saying that there was aggression there. I was feeling aggression, and in fact this competitiveness is driven by aggression. So of course when an incident happens there is the guilt, shame etc.

And the same with situation no. 2, it was coming face to face with the outcomes of my pursuit of the good feelings that caused such a shock.

VINEETO: This is a sincere appraisal – affective aggression is just that, no matter if it is happening during “sanctioned” activity such as competitive sport or not. And you have perspicaciously identified situation No. 2 as “my pursuit of the good feelings” – those ‘good’ feelings, which so often get overlooked in one’s pursuit of being happy and harmless.

A month ago you quoted part of Claudiu’s report of his meeting with Geoffrey –

Claudiu: Another interesting thing he imparted to me was just how much social identity can remain even for the basically free people. In other words, the ‘bar’ to basic actual freedom is really not that high. You don’t have to clean up all or even nearly all of your social identity issues… that being said, simultaneously it is still absolutely everything for me to self-immolate, as I (the feeling-being) am indeed fully going extinct, make no mistake about it. But you don’t have to clean up every last thing. It’s more a matter of seeing the way to oblivion and going there, full-on.

Now here is a thought – what about becoming actually free first before making further assessments and potentially life-changing decisions on how much you can rely on being actively and continuously connected to pure intent?

Wouldn’t this be a worthwhile cause to sacrifice ‘yourself’ for the benefit of all the people who might potentially be hurt or harmed by ‘you’ when/if your own pure intent occasionally slips? If anything, these two incidents, which rocked you to the core, have experientially demonstrated to ‘you’ the imperative that remaining an instinctually driven identity is inherently unsafe for everyone concerned.

Geoffrey: I (…) realised in a flash that the unknown path is the safe path. That the known is the unsafe. That ‘I’ am the unsafe. (Geoffrey, Becoming Free Report)

Cheers Vineeto

July 7 2025

VINEETO: If anything, these two incidents, which rocked you to the core, have experientially demonstrated to ‘you’ the imperative that remaining an instinctually driven identity is inherently unsafe for everyone concerned.

KUBA: Yes indeed this is exactly what happened and furthermore as you said :

Vineeto: Conscience is never “fail-safe” as you can see by the amount of the mayhem and suffering which continues despite the rules of the social identity.

So the social/ moral conditioning cannot provide safety either, basically there is no safety where ‘I’ am in existence.

So with regards to proceeding towards actual freedom now, it is just this last question of how on earth to trigger altruism, I say question but it’s not that I am lacking the intellectual understanding, more like how to actually have it happen. Me and Sonya were watching a zombie movie (28 weeks later) yesterday and it actually gave a very good example of altruism, I mentioned this to Sonya during one of the scenes.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Even though you appear to agree with what I said, you have successfully pushed the decisive event of action away by transforming it, yet again, into a “last question”. Apparently, the two incidents haven’t given you enough demonstration to recognize “that ‘I’ am the unsafe”.

KUBA: Because in the movie there is (of course) a zombie outbreak … then an automatic readiness to sacrifice their life. There was simply no consideration for ‘my’ survival when the survival of the species was at stake. So the altruism which they displayed it was out of their hands, it was activated by the situation. Not to say that I am now waiting for a zombie apocalypse. 

VINEETO: This can only be the cunning ‘me’ talking, having succeeded in surviving another day and another threatening shock to ‘my’ existence. If only ‘I’ could be the saviour …

KUBA: Is this what morality is at core? A bastardisation of what happens when altruism is activated? That ‘I’ can “put the other before myself” in order to claim ‘my’ rewards? Whereas when altruism is activated ‘I’ sacrifice ‘myself’ for the survival of the species without any other consideration.

So it’s like the situation is already set up for all that needs to happen, to happen. Essentially the universe has set it up so that ‘I’ can disappear.

VINEETO: It’s your philosophy (derived from the imagination so ripe in the real world) which turns the altruism of the Actual Freedom Trust website into a “bastardisation” –

Richard: Thus when ‘I’ willingly and irremunerably ‘self’-immolate in toto – both psychologically and psychically – then ‘I’ am making the most noble sacrifice that ‘I’ can make for this body and that body and every body ... for ‘I’ am what ‘I’ hold most dear. It is ‘my’ moment of glory. It is ‘my’ crowning achievement ... it makes ‘my’ petty life all worth while. It is not an event to be missed ... to physically die without having experienced what it is like to become dead is such a waste of a life. (Richard, Abditorium, Altruism).

Your conjecture that nothing can be done (as in “is already set up for all that needs to happen”) is presently lacking one vital element – pure intent.

Kuba: This is also nice to read, how ‘Vineeto’ approached ‘her’ quest, because ‘I’ have had the very same approach from the very start, and still do – that there is absolutely no possibility that ‘I’ will give up.

Today your above post from 29 June could have a different meaning than when you wrote it – it seems it is ‘you’ who won’t give up ‘his’ rotten-to-the-core existence despite recent experiential knowledge of the harm ‘he’ could cause. Not yet anyway, you say, ‘I’ am waiting for the “zombie apocalypse”.

Is this really what you want?

Just to give an inkling of what you, the actual Kuba is missing out on –

Geoffrey: I watched the 3 videos, ‘yours’ was my favourite. Although I couldn’t help being surprised at seeing this ‘Vineeto’ person. Constantly on my mind while watching was what a sad state of affairs it was, for the actual Vineeto sitting right there on that chair, to have ‘Vineeto’ in residence, however nice and funny and happy she may have been, ‘her’ presence was so obvious. I was looking completely fascinated – realising it was the first time I was seeing the effect of the ‘person’ of an actually free person I had met. The before/ after was striking! Then the thought couldn’t help but being: what an astoundingly wonderful thing an actual freedom is, freeing what one is from who one is! For there is indeed all the difference in the world. (Private email 3 July 2025)

Cheers Vineeto

July 7 2025

VINEETO: Today your above post from 29 June could have a different meaning than when you wrote it – it seems it is ‘you’ who won’t give up ‘his’ rotten-to-the-core existence despite recent experiential knowledge of the harm ‘he’ could cause. Not yet anyway, you say, ‘I’ am waiting for the “zombie apocalypse”.

Is this really what you want?

KUBA: In my post I wrote “Not to say that I am now waiting for a zombie apocalypse” specifically to make the point that this very dramatised depiction of altruism is not necessary at all, that there is already all the reasons in the world to self-immolate, and especially having recently experienced what ‘I’ am capable of this has been particularly poignant.

So I am not sure if the rest of your post was based on the impression that ‘I’ am waiting for something as dramatic as a zombie apocalypse in order to “be a saviour”, but this is completely incorrect.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Thank you for your correction. It’s a pleasure to read that I got it wrong about you waiting for the apocalypse.

Cheers Vineeto

July 8 2025

KUBA: Hehe yes and to add ‘my’ days of trying to “be a saviour” are also done, this I can say with confidence. Because how could ‘I’ “be a saviour” when ‘I’ know that ‘I’ am rotten to ‘my’ very core.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

My apologies for my dire error of misreading your last message. It’s delightful to learn that your “days of trying to ”be a saviour“ are also done”, just like that.

KUBA: My post was rather like looking at this huge array of buttons that exist on ‘my’ dashboard and trying to suss out experientially how to trigger the one called “altruism”, what does it looks like, how does it operate, where could it be located, etc.

I don’t know which of the buttons you are going to choose from your “dashboard” – whichever it is will need a deep and passionate caring to give up what you hold dearest, your ‘self’.

VINEETO: I read some writing from Richard today that might be in accord with your previously stated deep and passionate caring about to be innocence personified –

Viz.:

• innocent (in′ȱ-sënt), a. and n. [‹ ME. innocent, innosent, ‹ OF. (also F.) innocent = It. innocente, ‹L. innocen(t-)s, harmless, blameless, upright, disinterested, ‹in- priv. + nocen(t-)s, ppr. of nocere, harm, hurt: see nocent]. ~ (Century Dictionary and Cyclopaedia).

• nocent (nō′sënt), a. and n. [‹ L. nocen(t-)s, ppr. of nocere, harm, hurt, injure]. I. a. 1. hurtful; mischievous; injurious; doing hurt: as, ‘nocent qualities’. 2. guilty; criminal; nocently (adv.): in a nocent manner; hurtfully; injuriously [rare]. ~ (Century Dictionary and Cyclopaedia).

(Richard, List D, Martin, 6 July 2015).

Cheers Vineeto

July 9 2025

KUBA: Hi Vineeto,

Thank you for your message it is very much appreciated  It has been quite an eventful few days for ‘me’, definitely some choppy waters to navigate through. The miscommunication came right after I was rocked by the previous events and then I was rocked some more haha.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

As I already said in my last message, I am eminently pleased that your “days of trying to “be a saviour” are well and truly gone, it must have been a skilfully hiding, and a nevertheless influential ‘persona’ interfering with pure intent on and off for quite some time.

KUBA: But all is well and it is what you wrote the other day that I keep coming back to, that I need to orient myself to this new compass of pure intent. When I was in those choppy waters it was like I already threw away the old compass but I did not have confidence in the new one yet.

VINEETO: Yes, it requires, like all changes to one’s instinctual/ social programming, consistent attentiveness until it becomes second nature.

KUBA: But things are already changing, Sonya even mentioned yesterday out of the blue that my vibes seem to have got softer, that they are like “round and without any corners”.

VINEETO: This is amazing that Sonya is so perceptive of the quality of your vibes and can give you feedback regarding your emanating feelings/ vibes as a confirmation of change.

KUBA: So I will describe this compass of pure intent as I experience it – I experience this hushed stillness that is all around, if I “go into it” or rather allow myself to stand still so that it can be experienced then there is this active beneficence which flows in all directions, it’s part and parcel of the stillness. And when this is happening or when I am in that place, then all is well.

VINEETO: Yes – a wonderful, out-of-this-(real)-world description. With this “hushed stillness” of pure intent coming more and more to the fore and Sonja’s keen interest in how you are experiencing yourself, this is an advantageous opportunity to explore the near-innocence naïve intimacy fostered by the pure intent of naiveté –

Richard: The term ‘intimacy experience’ became part of the actualism lingo after a particularly instructive event in late spring, 2007, when at anchor upriver whilst exhorting feeling-being ‘Grace’ to no longer reserve that specific ‘way-of-being’ for those memorable occasions when ‘she’ was alone with me and to extend such intimacy to also include ‘her’ potential shipmates in order to dynamically enable the then-tentative plans for a floating convivium – which were on an indefinite hold at that time – to move ahead expeditiously (this was in the heady context of feeling-being ‘Pamela’ having already entered into an on-going PCE a scant five days beforehand due to ‘her’ specifically expressed concerns to me over the lack of intimacy between actualists).

At some stage during this intensive interaction feeling-being ‘Vineeto’, who had been intently following every nuance, every twist and turn of the interplay, had what ‘she’ described as a “shift” taking place in ‘her’ whereupon the very intimacy being thus exigently importuned came about for ‘her’ instead.

To say ‘she’ was astounded with the degree of intimacy having ensued is to put it mildly as ‘her’ first descriptive words were about how ‘she’ would never have considered it possible to be as intimate as this particular way of being – an intimacy of such near-innocence as to have previously only ever been possible privately with ‘her’ sexual partner in very special moments – when in a social setting as one of a number of persons partaking of coffee and snacks in a sitting room situation.

Intuitively seizing the vital opportunity such intimate experiencing offered ‘she’ took over from me and commenced interacting intensively in my stead – notably now a one-on-one feeling-being interchange – and within a relatively short while feeling-being ‘Grace’ was experiencing life in the same, or very similar, manner as feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ (hence that 4th of December 2009 report of mine about how these intimacy experiences are potentially contagious, so to speak, for other sincere actualists as the atmosphere generated affectively-psychically can propagate a flow-on effect). (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 28 January 2016).

Cheers Vineeto

July 9 2025

KUBA: Now looking at the recent events there is something else that is becoming apparent. Because ‘I’ have seen that ‘I’ am rotten to ‘my’ very core and of course ‘I’ could not be any kind of saviour.

But now is it that ‘I’ am still hoping to be saved or to be “made right”? It’s like what Srinath wrote a while back that the actualism method does not turn the T-rex that ‘I’ am into a plush toy. When ‘I’ apply the method ‘I’ am directing ‘my’ affective energy into the felicitous and innocuous feelings, and then later on when ‘I’ give way to pure intent ‘I’ am allowing that which is impeccable to live this life. But all the while ‘I’ remain rotten to ‘my’ very core!

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

There is only one way “to be “made right” – that you understand deeply and comprehensively ‘your’ very nature and out of that understanding agree to ‘your’ demise. Not ‘reborn’ as ‘someone’ else, as another form of ‘you’ but in ‘your’ entirety.

Feeling being ‘Vineeto’ understood this early on (and nevertheless took another 11 years to become free) –

Richard: There is no cure to be found in the ‘real world’ ... only never-ending ‘band-aid’ solutions.

‘Vineeto’: The devastation is enormous and the only way ‘out’ is ‘self’-sacrific.

Richard: Yet it is the instinct for survival that got you and me and every other body here in the first place. We peoples living today are the end-point of myriads of survivors passing on their genes ... we are the product of the ‘success story’ of fear and aggression and nurture and desire. Is one really going to abandon that which produced one ... that which (apparently) keeps one alive?

Do you recall those conversations we had about loyalty (familial and group loyalty) back when you and I first met ... and what was required to crack that code?

That was chicken-feed compared with this one. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Vineeto, 30 September 1999)

You have now reached the stage where it’s no longer “chickenfeed” to be a genuine actualist. Do you have the mettle?

KUBA: But it’s like there is this hope somewhere there for ‘me’, that by being a ‘good actualist’ ‘I’ could be saved at ‘my’ very core, that ‘I’ would be “made right”. And this hope it will have ‘me’ remain forever, somewhat walking the wide and wondrous path but never arriving at the destination.

VINEETO: Ha, remember Peter’s facetious quote? –

Peter: I remember when I first met Richard I joked to him that he should have a sign above the door that says – ‘Abandon hope – all who enter here’. (Actualism, Peter, No. 15, 28.6.1999)

Richard: I experience no fear whatsoever ... which does away with the need for trust, faith, hope and belief. This is my on-going experience twenty four hours a day, year after year. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Hope)

There is more where that came from, it might give you some clues.

KUBA: So I guess what I am getting at is that all that I have done with regards to walking the wide and wondrous path, this has made exactly 0% change on what ‘I’ am as a ‘self’ which is – fear, aggression, nurture and desire. What ‘I’ am at core is exactly as rotten now as it was at the beginning and it will remain exactly as rotten until the day it disappears via altruistic self-immolation.

VINEETO: Ha, this is not you speaking, guided by the “compass of pure intent as I experience it” – “this hushed stillness that is all around, if I “go into it” or rather allow myself to stand still so that it can be experienced then there is this active beneficence which flows in all directions, it’s part and parcel of the stillness. And when this is happening or when I am in that place, then all is well.”

This is your ‘self’ deprived of the now-discredited saviour persona looking for another “doomsday straw” (Richard, List B, James3, 21 November 2002) while disparaging and belittling what you have done in the last years because ‘you’ have not yet agreed to ‘your’ demise.

I recommend, with the guidance of the “compass of pure intent” to listen, as a friend, to ‘you’, and negotiate ‘your’ way to understand that this is the only, and in fact the perfect, solution for everyone concerned. ‘You’ will get the oblivion you secretly long for and the flesh-and-blood Kuba will be set free from the burden of your instinctual/ social programming – for peace on earth. Only then your permission to ‘your’ extinction will be voluntary and magnanimously granted.

With pure intent operating you are not on your own, the universe is with you all the way.

I’ll copy in what I already presented to you because it answers all the questions, hopes and doubts you presently expressed –

Richard: It is very important to have confidence in your own ability to discriminate between current human knowledge and what you personally know from your own peak experiences. This will give you that optimism that is the ability to plough on regardless of whatever stands in your way until you evoke your destiny. It is not a matter of having faith or believing that it is possible; it is not a matter of trusting or hoping that it will happen to you; it is all to do with the solid knowing, born out of the peak experience, that it is here for you and anyone ... if only you will act upon your knowing. This ‘action’ amounts to – at times – ‘talking yourself into it’, for the other alternative is to let doubt and disbelief and distrust and despair eat away at your resolve. Only you can manifest your own freedom.

However, once embarked upon the ‘wide and wondrous path’, you are not on your own: the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe is with you all the way ... but if you waver, you are indeed on your own. It is a matter of having the courage of your convictions and letting nothing stand in your way; determination and perseverance are the essential prerequisites to ensure success ... coupled with application and diligence. Having the ‘courage of your convictions’ has nothing to do with believing, trusting, hoping or having faith that it be possible. I, for one, never believed, trusted, hoped or had faith that it was possible, for such an action of believing, trusting, hoping and having faith perpetuates the believer, the truster, the hoper and the faithful. On the contrary, I could no longer believe that it was not possible – which is a different action entirely to believing, trusting, hoping and having faith that it is possible – thus dispensing with the believer, the truster, the hoper and the faithful. Do you see this?

For example: Doubt is believing it not to be possible ... doubt is actually an action of believing, which supports the believer. Faith is believing that it is possible ... which also supports the believer ... and thus, either way, the believer pushes freedom away into an ever elusive future.

All this stemmed from my peak experience in which I experienced the purity and the perfection of life itself – here and now – and thus saw that what others had perceived as being our reward after physical death already existed ... at this moment in time and this place in space. Thus I ceased believing that life on earth was a grim business with only scant moments of reprieve ... yet I did not start believing in perfection. To repeat: I stopped believing, period. All sorrow and malice stems from the activity of believing ... which arises from the believer. ‘I’, as a psychological entity, can only believe – or disbelieve – in possibilities and impossibilities. In the peak experience ‘I’ temporarily abdicated the throne and I knew, by direct experience, that freedom was already actual. It was ‘I’ that was the problem, not the absence of perfection. When ‘I’ ceased to be, perfection became, as always, apparent. By believing perfection to be possible ‘I’ perpetuate ‘myself’. ‘I’, by ‘my’ very presence, inhibit that splendid perfection becoming apparent.

Perfection is already always here. Yet ‘I’, by believing in a remembered perfection, chase an ever-elusive chimera into an ever-receding future. Thus one stands still and does nothing but watch the dust settle all around ... and perfection, which is only of the moment, becomes apparent. ‘I’ have ceased to be. By ‘doing nothing’ I mean neither believing nor disbelieving; neither having faith nor having doubt; neither trusting nor distrusting; neither hoping nor despairing. In short, one’s superb confidence and overweening optimism precipitates ‘my’ demise ... ‘I’ do not make freedom happen ... ‘I’ allow the universe to ‘disappear’ the ‘me’ that I was ... and perfection has become apparent. ‘I’ did not invoke perfection, for it already is here ... and it is here now, not off into the future. It may have taken some time to eventuate, as ‘I’ got whittled away, yet when that time came, it was already here ... because it is always now.

To sum up: ‘I’ do not make perfection happen because it is already always here. What ‘I’ do is to ‘stand still’ and unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur. To do this, ‘I’ cease believing, hoping, trusting and having faith ... without falling into disbelief, despair, distrust or doubt. ‘I’, having the courage of ‘my’ convictions – which is the confidence born out of the solid knowing as evidenced in the peak experience – thus developing a superb confidence and an overweening optimism. Thus nothing can stand in ‘my’ way in this, the adventure of a life-time. It is not for the faint of heart or the weak of knee ... but pure intent, born out of the connection between one’s inherent naiveté and the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe, will provide one with the necessary intestinal fortitude. (Richard, Private email, March 1999)

KUBA: I remember there was the lady of Indian descent who became actually free 24 hours after visiting Richard and Vineeto. In the past there was disbelief at this as ‘I’ had felt somewhat cheated. I am not actually sure if she did much in the way of applying the actualism method before hand. But the point is that ultimately it doesn’t matter, the method is an “in the meantime” method. That “last bit” or for some maybe the “first bit” haha – it is all the same.

VINEETO: Richard was always clear that the actualism method is what you do in the meantime. Also –

Vineeto: One of the major topics of this three-week event of answers to questions from forum members in 2017 was that there are *no conditions to become actually free*.

“Richard said there is *no connection at all* between feeling good each moment again and actual freedom. You can become actually free right now. But … In the meantime, while you’re living your life not actually free, why not feel good? As he says, this is your only moment of being alive, why waste it feeling bad?” (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Claudiu2, 29 Aug 2024)

I found the whole message worth a re-read.

As for the “somewhat cheated” feeling, it is entirely self-induced. In fact, when “applying the actualism method” with the aim of becoming actually free you have deceived yourself, as you now discover, that you have not yet agreed to the last step. It is all par for the course when one sets out to untangle and extract oneself from the maze of the human condition.

Cheers Vineeto

July 10 2025

KUBA: Thank you for your replies Vineeto and Geoffrey.

Right now I experience myself to be here where this moment is happening but there is certainly affect still happening, but it’s like there is only pure affect and then there is actuality all around.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I can’t tell you where you are “in terms of any ”actualist maps”” – you are “here where this moment is happening but there is certainly affect still happening”.

The only thing I can suggest is to stand still, move neither forward nor backward nor sideways, nor up nor down (metaphorically speaking) – let the “shift”/ process finish itself. Or to say it in Kuba’s words from one-and-a-half days ago –

Kuba: I experience this hushed stillness that is all around, if I “go into it” or rather allow myself to stand still so that it can be experienced then there is this active beneficence which flows in all directions, it’s part and parcel of the stillness. And when this is happening or when I am in that place, then all is well.

Cheers Vineeto

August 18 2025

KUBA: Thank you for your reply Claudiu, I do appreciate your 2 cents. I think I do see your point, in that an active going for it is needed as opposed to a passive waiting for something to happen.

“A door as big as the universe” seems to be a good target though!

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

The following quote might give you a hint “what “it” looks like” –

Richard: On the contrary, what is promoted and/or promulgated on the web site is enjoying and appreciating being alive/ being here each moment again – that is, despite the normal vicissitudes of life – by establishing a general feeling of well-being (a.k.a. ‘feeling good’), as a bottom line of experiencing and, thereby, all the while agreeably complying with the legal laws and observing the social protocols (i.e., the many and various customs, traditions, conventions, values, principles, morals, ethics, codes, observances, etiquettes, niceties, formalities, ceremonies, rituals, and so on, as observed in many and various ways in the many and various countries around the world).

Moreover, as a central aim in all the above is the fellowship regard of an actual intimacy[1] whereby it is impossible to not like one’s fellow human being – and given that the means to the end are no different than that end (other than affectively for the one, in the meanwhile, and actually for the other, upon the end) – then any phantasy talk about having to minimise ‘the impact on others’ is patently preposterous, as well, as to maximise ‘the impact on others’ is to facilitate a global spread of peace and harmony. [emphasis and underlining in original]. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Hedonism).

Footnote[1]: The fellowship regard of an actual intimacy:

• [Richard]: ‘Furthermore, by being actually selfless [i.e., sans any identity whatsoever] – which means a total absence of both selfishness and its antidotal unselfishness – an actual intimacy prevails (due to an utter absence of any separative identity whatsoever); with no separation whatsoever fellowship regard is automatically the default condition (whereby it is impossible to not like one’s fellow human being); with that involuntary fellowship regard of an actual intimacy operating, come-what-may, acting in a mutually beneficial way is the status-in-quo (the complete absence of any self-centricity whichsoever ensures equity and parity be paramount)’. (Richard, List D, Jonathan2, 1 July 2015)

To clarify: this fellowship regard relates to both the flesh-and-blood bodies of one’s fellow human beings as well as the identity inside those feeling beings, which is generating the very suffering that an actual caring operates to bring to an end sooner rather than later. The word “suffering” is the give-away. Viz:

Richard: “I like my fellow human being and prefer that their self-imposed suffering come to an end, forever, sooner rather than later”. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 74f, 2 February 2006).

I write this specifically in response to a previous post of yours on 9 August 2025 –

Kuba: So indeed it will take an immense daring sourced in a deep and abiding caring. But what I see now (and I already dipped into this a while back) is that I have been aiming at the wrong target, not a genuine target.

To cut it short I have been aiming my caring towards other identities, towards ‘humanity’. And of course this can only have the effect of keeping ‘me’ chained to ‘humanity’. ‘I’ cannot sacrifice ‘myself’ for other identities or for ‘humanity’. The target and the beneficiaries of ‘my’ supreme sacrifice are the actually existing flesh and blood bodies.

And just as well because I have always struggled to care of other identities, after-all I know how rotten ‘I’ am and how rotten ‘we’ are, how could I have this deep and abiding caring for such entities? [Emphasis added].

For a start, not caring for the “rotten” identity inside your body prevents you from winning ‘him’ as an ally to agree to your voluntary and cheerful demise. Why would ‘he’ – condemned and cast aside as not worthy considering, let alone caring about – want to sacrifice himself, and joyfully recognize that ‘you’, this very ‘rotten’ identity, have a vital job to do?

The misconception in your argument, bordering on dissociation, is that caring for your fellow human beings would keep you “chained to ‘humanity’” while ignoring what ‘being naiveté’ means. One doesn’t become actually free by chopping off bits that one deems unworthy.

Only when I genuinely like myself (all of ‘me’), and therefore my fellow human beings, can I allow myself to being less and less self-centric/self-centred via being naiveté, and in the absence of self-centredness caring becomes more and more intimate to the point of near-actual-caring. Two examples from the Selected Correspondence on Near-Actual-Caring –

Richard: As a PCE provides an experiential understanding of what an actual caring is – and that direct experiencing is streets ahead of any of my descriptions and explanations – it is the benchmark par excellence.

As such it is the quintessential point of reference upon which all terms of reference – and especially, for example, a near-actual caring – can be reliably and confidently sourced.
In the meanwhile, I will leave you with what I wrote, much further above, about the first time feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ experienced a near-actual caring as it very effectively conveys just how extraordinary a near-actual caring is.

• [Richard]: “1. When feeling-being ‘Vineeto’s everyday feeling of caring first shifted into what has since become known as a near-actual caring the qualitative difference was so marked in its effect ‘she’ initially mistook it to be an actual caring (as per ‘her’ memories of PCE’s)”.

(Richard, List D, Srinath2, 13 August 2016)

And –

Richard: Now, as the identity inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago was in an out-from-control virtual freedom for something like five months – although not named as such back then, of course, nor thought of in those terms – I can readily report how ‘he’ was more empathetic during that period than ‘he’ ever had been in all ‘his’ 34 years of existence. So much so, in fact, that I would be inclined to characterise a near-actual caring as an acutely-empathic caring.

This acutely-empathic characteristic of the near-actual caring which prevails in the out-from-control way of being is, by virtue of not being self-centred/ self-centric, universal in its scope. As such there is no way the (self-centred/ self-centric) professional caring depicted in that article [quote] “aligns with” [endquote] a near-actual caring as that universality itself is the very potency required to effect the universal solution to the human condition – the ‘self’-sacrificial extirpation of blind nature’s instinctual passions by the feeling-being formed thereof cheerfully and thus willingly ‘self’-immolating for the benefit of this body and that body and every body ... [Emphasis added]. (Richard, List D, Srinath2, 13 August 2016)

Does this perhaps help to allow you to see “a door as big as the universe”?

Cheers Vineeto

August 19 2025

KUBA: Thank you for your reply and it is very nice to hear from you,

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You are welcome. I had taken a pause replying to your posts when you signalled that you wanted to “see where I am at without any of this information, without the map, without the recipe”. (29 July 2025).

KUBA: I’m amazed how you are able to get right to the crux of what is going on for me. I guess that is an example of the actual intimacy which is being discussed, I remember how Srinath wrote (shortly after becoming actually free) about an exquisite attunement to others. And it seems that you are able to see me in a clearer light than I can see myself.

VINEETO: Have you noticed that often other people can detect your blind spots more easily than yourself and vice versa? Of course, it goes without saying that the perspective of an actual freedom (apperception) reveals the human condition in operation much more clearly than feeling beings can see it – ‘Vineeto’ experienced this often enough when talking to Richard and, even though ‘she’ wanted his expertise, was often also apprehensive about what might come to light.

KUBA: In the text below you highlighted this particular – “observing the social protocols” :

Richard: On the contrary, what is promoted and/or promulgated on the web site is enjoying and appreciating being alive/ being here each moment again – that is, despite the normal vicissitudes of life – by establishing a general feeling of well-being (a.k.a. ‘feeling good’), as a bottom line of experiencing and, thereby, all the while agreeably complying with the legal laws and observing the social protocols (i.e., the many and various customs, traditions, conventions, values, principles, morals, ethics, codes, observances, etiquettes, niceties, formalities, ceremonies, rituals, and so on, as observed in many and various ways in the many and various countries around the world). [emphasis and underlining in original]. (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Hedonism).

I am not sure why you highlighted this bit in particular but it is actually very relevant to me and how it relates to something which could be classed as an acutely empathic caring. I certainly would not describe myself as naturally empathic, actually my natural disposition would be something like intellectual-distanced.

VINEETO: If you had read the quote carefully to the end you would have noticed the addition “[emphasis and underlining in original]” before the link source, which means the highlighting was not of my doing but Richard drawing attention to his then-correspondent (List D, No. 04) who had his own objections to “observing the social protocols”. It is a fortunate coincidence that this issue rings a bell with you.

KUBA: In fact I would say that there is still something like a distaste for those social protocols as well as the general ways in which feeling beings operate. Of course this is where the dissociation comes in because I am a feeling being. Experiencing myself as if on the outside and “looking at all those feeling beings / social identities” with distaste can only be dissociation. (…)

VINEETO: Mmh, could what you call “something like a distaste” be resentment perhaps? And could the “experiencing myself as if on the outside” with “distaste” in regards to “observing the social protocols” be a feeling of superiority (or elitism) that those “social protocols” are only for the plebs but not for me, perchance? If this is the case the dissociation can be easily addressed looking at the elitism, don’t you think?

KUBA: And so I am not sure if I yet see the full extent of what you are pointing to however I can see that this distaste as well as the distancing/ dissociation is preventing all of me from being on board and thus allowing a near actual caring to make visible this “door as wide as the universe”.

VINEETO: I find it interesting that you didn’t mention (or didn’t notice) the other steps I described but jumped straight to “near-actual-caring” (on the map). Ha, it reminds me of a kid jumping up and down on a rickety chair to reach the top shelf with the cookie jar.

KUBA: Of course, if I genuinely like my fellow human beings then this would automatically take into consideration the fact that there is only 1 way into the world. Which means that those fellow human beings are programmed with the instinctual passions and furthermore they are programmed with a social identity (the social protocols etc) which is there to keep those passions in check. But of course something is not quite there, because why the distaste and the distancing.

VINEETO: Perhaps a more practical – rather than hypothetical or ratiocinative – approach, would be to start being friends with yourself? I say this because you had said –

Kuba: I have always struggled to care of other identities, after-all I know how rotten ‘I’ am and how rotten ‘we’ are, how could I have this deep and abiding caring for such entities? [Emphasis added].

As long as you don’t like yourself, how can you genuinely like another fellow human being, let alone be considerate and genuinely (=naïvely) caring. They are just “such entities” like manikins in a video-game.

KUBA: Perhaps it is correct to say that I am slightly different in the sense of never having been able to emotionally bond like others do – it seems this distaste and the distancing is related to this. In fact I can very clearly experientially sense out this distance, it is exactly that – this cold and detached space which exists in the psyche and it is placed between me and others.

VINEETO: As bonding is not a necessity, rather a hindrance, of genuinely caring, there is no need to be concerned. Distancing yourself originates in the (natural) misunderstanding that the choice is only between emotional bonding and distancing yourself. When you allow yourself being naïve and naïvely liking yourself and others you can experientially find out that there is another choice, as was your intention when you wrote on 29 July 2025 “see where I am at without any of this information, without the map, without the recipe”.

KUBA: So yes I think plenty of hints here, this cold and detached space it has to disappear so that all of me can be on board. And of course I can see the immediate benefit also, of being able to thoroughly enjoy and appreciate living amongst others.

VINEETO: Not “has to disappear” – who likes obeying commands, even when they are your own. Be nice to yourself.

*

KUBA: It is like I resent feeling beings and social identities for being feeling beings and social identities. Whilst I am a feeling being with a social identity. But it’s like I don’t want to admit it, this distance it allows me to believe that I am apparently different. And perhaps I am different in that I cannot bond like others do but this is more a difference in degree and not in kind, because I am still a passionate entity.

The ultimate fear for me would be that I would be seen to have emotions – this speaks volumes about this detached persona. My biggest fear would be for others to see that I am an emotional entity just like they are!

VINEETO: How on earth can you notice and investigate feelings and channel the affective energy towards felicity and innocuity when you don’t even allow admitting your feelings (so that nobody else will notice). No wonder you can only brush all this aside with “I am rotten, we all are rotten and I don’t like neither myself nor them”.

Did you know that the actualism method is to affectively enjoy and appreciate – it’s always easy when you come back to the basics.

Cheers Vineeto

August 21 2025

KUBA: And something else that Richard wrote came up too, which is that without equity one cannot have intimacy. I could see that only from a position of parity I can experience a genuine fellowship regard.

And so it seems (at least for now) this elitism and resentment is gone, however there is something that has become apparent underneath that. And it is related to what you wrote here :

Vineeto: How on earth can you notice and investigate feelings and channel the affective energy towards felicity and innocuity when you don’t even allow admitting your feelings (so that nobody else will notice).

I noticed that there is something like a cap, to how much intimacy I am willing to allow. And it is related to this fear of being seen for the emotional being that I am. Because if I am so concerned with others seeing my good and bad feelings then I will also habitually censor when the felicitous and innocuous feelings are happening.

That fear of being seen to have good and bad feelings it has spilled over to a fear of being seen to want and to enjoy intimacy. Like I have made it taboo for myself to explicitly show to another that I want to be close to them, somehow being “calm, cool and collected” aka distanced is taken as a priority instead.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Thank you for your detailed feedback and description.

And because you said that you wanted to “see where I am at without any of this information, without the map, without the recipe” now is the perfect opportunity to do just that – to be practical, rather than conceptual, and explore experientially the various aspects standing in the way of naïve intimacy.

Perhaps revisiting the description of the actualism method in “This Moment of Being Alive”, especially between the second and forth banner (including tool-tips) is worthwhile, particularly keeping in mind acknowledging that ‘I’ am my feelings and my feeling are ‘me’. This acknowledgement that you are your feelings allows you to channel the affective energy from the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feeling towards felicitous/ innocuous feelings by choosing to be felicity/ innocuity.

Once you get the knack you have no need to express any of your ‘good’ or ‘bad’ feelings, and therefore don’t have to censor them either. But affectively recognizing, acknowledging and admitting those, so far rejected, feelings to yourself is vital.

Enjoy and appreciate the adventure of growing tenderness and intimacy.

Cheers Vineeto

August 23 2025

KUBA: Thank you for your reply, I am considering now whether after all these years I have not fully understood this key aspect of actualism – which is to actively channel ‘my’ affective energy from the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings and towards the felicitous and innocuous feelings.

VINEETO: This acknowledgement that you are your feelings allows you to channel the affective energy from the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feeling towards felicitous/ innocuous feelings by choosing to be felicity/ innocuity.

KUBA: Which is to say that at the core of it there is no pre-set list of conditions which ‘I’ have to tick off as the ‘doer’ before felicity and innocuity is granted to ‘me’ – this is completely the wrong paradigm. It pre-supposes that felicity and innocuity is something that is granted as an end result of some kind of deterministic domino effect, all the while ‘I’ remain passive, waiting.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You put it well – this is the difference between actively taken life into your hands and changing yourself fundamentally, rather than following the reward/ punishment template and therefore passively wait for an authority, ‘mother nature’, karma or some supernatural force/ entity to capriciously dish out the rewards. In fact, this is one big difference between the straight and narrow path and the wide and wondrous path.

KUBA: I guess this is exactly what the ‘doer’ is all about, that is how ‘I’ experience life as the ‘doer’. In that ‘I’ operate from the back-seat, ticking off the ‘right things’ and hoping that the goods will be delivered to ‘me’.

So instead what happens is that ‘I’ choose to ‘be’ the felicitous and innocuous feelings instead of ‘being’ the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings. Then ‘I’ am no longer operating from the back-seat, ‘I’ am directly and actively involved in how ‘I’ am experiencing this moment of being alive.
Of course as you mentioned this can only work if ‘I’ first fully acknowledge that ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings, which means that no feelings can be repressed, suppressed or dissociated from.

VINEETO: This seems to be quite a common obstacle – to fully comprehend that it is not ‘my’ fault that ‘I’ am the instinctual passions (not just the tender ones but also the savage ones), that ‘I’ am not to blame for ‘my’ genetic inheritance but instead can unilaterally do something about it. The sooner this is understood the easier it is to be the feeling one chooses to be.

KUBA: I remember on the AFT a correspondent asked something along the lines of “how long does it take for the actualism method to bear fruit”, Richard responded along the lines of “about as long as it takes to see that feeling bad sucks”.

VINEETO: Ha, this is such an excellent pithy quote. It took a while but I think I found what you are referring to –

RESPONDENT: How soon will the rewards can be reaped by the method (in getting rid of the ‘me’) so that the momentum can be acquired by the success rather than the veracity/ power of your words?

RICHARD: About as soon as it takes to realise that feeling anything other than happy and harmless sucks ... and sucks big-time at that. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 71, 9 July 2004a)

KUBA: So this is exactly what I am trying to point to, that the correspondent saw himself as merely a passive entity, hoping that some discipline will provide ‘him’ with the goods. This kind of paradigm has one as a victim to one’s feelings and moods and simply waiting and hoping that change will come as a result of ‘doing’ the ‘right things’. As if ticking off a long list of requirements and then handing in ‘my’ assignment to receive ‘my’ reward.

VINEETO: More importantly – you can see that now. And as I understood you, it came about when you recognized that you had wanted to hide the undesirable feelings from yourself and others.

KUBA: But actually it’s a lot simpler and more direct than that, ‘I’ don’t have to wait for anything at all, the goods can be delivered right now. What ‘I’ do is acknowledge that ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and then direct ‘my’ affective energy into ‘being’ the felicitous and innocuous feelings.

VINEETO: Bingo, it is really that simple.

KUBA: This is somewhat convoluted but I guess what I am getting at is the difference between ‘doing’ and ‘being’. With ‘doing’ being something passive, living from the back-seat, waiting, trusting and hoping. Whereas ‘being’ is ‘me’ actively involved in how ‘I’ am experiencing this moment of being alive, no more waiting.

VINEETO: Before you make it into a new concept or map or something sophisticated – it is simply a matter of doing it – each time you “feeling anything other than happy and harmless”.

Cheers Vineeto

August 25 2025

KUBA: I remember a while back on this forum Geoffrey wrote about which articles or bits of information he would recommend to those looking to succeed with the actualism method. He wrote (paraphrasing) that “This moment of being alive” was the key article and this along with some other bits of information would likely be enough for anyone to succeed.

But he also wrote (again paraphrasing) that he saw the “Attentiveness and Sensuousness and Apperceptiveness” article as potentially problematic for various reasons. I can see how for someone like me – clearly prone to dissociation and defaulting to a meditative like focus – it has been problematic.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Thank you for this assessment of the “Attentiveness …” article from Geoffrey and your personal comment and experience with it.

I remember once discussing the article with Richard, after 2010, when it had been online for a decade and he wondered if it better be taken off the website because many couldn’t see the difference between Buddhism and actualism when reading it. But because he had many correspondences online about the article already Richard decided it was too late.

‘Vineeto’ never took to this particular article, in contrast to all other of Richard’s writings and correspondence. But then ‘she’ also never took to Buddhistic-type meditations – ants-in-pants was the only effect it had for ‘her’. During ‘her’ years in the Rajneesh commune in Poona ‘she’ was more drawn to dancing meditations and therapy groups of the humanistic express-your-feelings variety – which was then the flavour of the decade.

KUBA: And I was always fond of that article, perhaps for that specific reason, that in my misunderstanding I would begin to apply that same meditative like focus to ‘examine the psyche’. This kind of focus can be summarised by the phrase – I am not that. ‘I’ would assume the role of attentiveness and ‘I’ would direct ‘my’ gaze on all these affective phenomena, looking at them come and go and examining them one by one.

This kind of looking it was quite addictive because it was safe for ‘me’, after all ‘I’ was only looking at these things which were not ‘me’, and ‘I’ could spend countless hours apparently exploring the depths of the psyche whilst remaining fundamentally unchanged. Essentially ‘I’ would assume the role of the watcher. Now writing this out I would wager that I am not the only one who has defaulted to such a thing.

VINEETO: You are certainly not the only one. It is easy to overlay one’s own real-world paradigm over Richard’s writing and look for apparent similarities rather than the vital differences. As such the very first words on the Actual Freedom Trust homepage are generally brushed aside – “new”, “non-spiritual”, “down-to-earth” and of course “actual”. You can check out the tool-tip right next to the title which details this ‘derailment’ of understanding. It’s all very amusing once one recognizes where one has gone awry.

KUBA: What I see now is that genuine attentiveness to the cause of diminished enjoyment and appreciation automatically leads to change, it is only by acting as a watcher that ‘I’ can remain unchanged. I have often used the following example when trying to describe to others how getting back to feeling good takes place – to remember perhaps a moment when say the weather was starting to shift and affect one’s plans, and there would be this shift happening into ‘being’ frustrated or upset or what have you, and all of a sudden this would be seen – in the most matter of fact way – as simply silly, and it would cease there and then. I think most people have experienced something akin to this happening in their life. But there is no watcher in such a scenario, it is ‘me’ that sees how silly it is to let X spoil this moment of being alive, and this seeing is the ending of that particular drama. The reason why it works is because in such a scenario ‘I’ see that ‘I’ am ‘being’ frustrated or upset and that it is simply silly to ‘be’ that – the end.

It seems I am untangling now just what on earth I have been doing all this time.

VINEETO: You might find Claudiu’s report interesting after Richard suggested, in reply to Claudiu’s first post to the mailing list –

Richard: 1. Cease aiming to be aff, forthwith.
2. Stop listening to the affers, period. (…)
3. Turn around 180 degrees from the direction you have been travelling thus far and come to your senses (both metaphorically and literally).
4. Put the actualism method – enjoying and appreciating being alive each moment again – into practice as the number one priority in your life.
5. Tap into pure intent and you will no longer be on your own in this the adventure of a lifetime! (Richard, List D, Claudiu, 7 February 2012).

After further understanding what the original Buddhism was about as compared to the watered-down contemporary versions, Claudiu reported how he slowly extracted himself from his long and intensive meditation practice –

Claudiu: … I had reduced everything to physical sensations – touch, sight, sound, etc., with thoughts thrown in as well (though there was debate as to whether thoughts can also just be reduced to one of the five senses).

Thus, when I felt something unpleasant in my body, or some persistent tension, the only recourse, meditatively, was to put my attention on it, and notice it as being ‘impermanent’ (that is, as according to MCTB, vibrating in real-time at a certain frequency), ‘not-self’ (that is, as according to MCTB, happening on its own without a ‘self’ involved), and ‘dukkha’ (that is, according to MCTB, unsatisfactory in some fundamental way). The affect itself is taken completely out of the picture. It is noticed, but it is noticed strictly as a physical sensation, and the solution is to do something about that physical sensation. Here is where entering altered states of consciousness helps as it made the psyche more readily able to do something with those sensations. … (Richard, List D, Claudiu, 18 December 2012).

I recommend the whole page of this correspondence from February to December 2012 as an example, to let it sink in that there is indeed nothing in common between Buddhistic practices and actualism, nothing at all, in fact they are 180 degrees opposite. This theoretical & practical background may help so that every temptation to fall back into the familiar grove of distancing yourself (which habitual behaviour tends to do) will start flashing a red light of alarm for you each time it happens. After “years spent distancing myself from it” [resentment] and other undesirable feelings, your realisation regarding this paradigm requires actualising it, until you uproot it one instance at a time.

KUBA: Essentially it’s slowing bringing out into the open all these feelings and states of ‘being’ which ‘I’ have pushed to the side and ignored. And of course ‘my’ ‘actualist identity’ has solidified this even further, in that I just wouldn’t accept that yes it is me that is being resentful or anxious or what have you, it couldn’t possibly be me because I am an accomplished actualist lol. But as Claudiu wrote the other day this is indeed the case – that if there is a feeling happening then it is me, no matter who I believe or assert myself to be.

VINEETO: Ha, I know from ‘Vineeto’s’ experience, developing an actualist identity is nearly unavoidable, and it’s beneficial you recognized and labelled it. As Richard says –

Richard: What the identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years ago would do is first get back to feeling good and then, and only then, suss out where, when, how, why – and what for – feeling bad happened as experience had shown ‘him’ that it was counter-productive to do otherwise.

What ‘he’ always did however, as it was often tempting to just get on with life then, was to examine what it was all about within half-an-hour of getting back to feeling good (while the memory was still fresh) even if it meant sometimes falling back into feeling bad by doing so ... else it would crop up again sooner or later.

Nothing, but nothing, can be swept under the carpet. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 68c, 31 May 2005).

*

Richard: The phrase ‘nipping them in the bud’ is not to be confused with either suppression/ repression or ignoring/ avoiding ... it is to be consciously and deliberatively – with knowledge aforethought – declining oh-so-sensibly to futilely go down that well-trodden path to nowhere fruitful yet again. (Richard, Articles, This Moment of Being Alive)

KUBA: And often it is little things, silly things, that I would not allow “such an accomplished actualist” would ‘be’… For example just now there was this feeling that after I finish training BJJ today I will not have anything else to look forward too. I know this feeling because I have felt it for a long time, except that I would experience it as coming from ‘out there’ and somehow assaulting ‘me’. But no it is me after all, and now it makes sense experientially what Richard would often mention – is it not silly to let such a thing spoil this only moment of being alive? Indeed it is but I first had to see that it was me all along.

VINEETO: There is a perfect remedy for pride when it looms to get in the way – a healthy sense of humour.

Gary: Apparently, after self-immolation has taken place, having a good laugh is not ruled out, as Richard has written else-where about nearly rolling on the floor in laughter. Is this then ‘an affective experience’?

Respondent: Sounds like it to me, Gary. Perhaps Richard could elaborate on this apparent contradiction?

Richard: It is only an ‘apparent contradiction’ if all laughter is first determined to be affective ... one can laugh with the sheer delight of being alive or in moments of great pleasure. I recall that when freedom first happened there was much laughter because it was as if I had been playing a great joke upon myself by searching everywhere and everywhen for something that was already always just here right now ... I am chuckling even now as I write about it (all suffering is self-caused and totally unnecessary).

Also, one can laugh where something is ludicrous, farcical, absurd, ridiculous and so on ... speaking personally, I find the TV series ‘3rd Rock From The Sun’ humorous as it oft-times demonstrates many of the foibles of human nature (as in the first thirty four years of my life). Plus it is hilarious that for eleven years I lived-out the experience of being the latest saviour of humankind ... there is much about life which is irrepressibly funny. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 2, 1 April 2002).

Cheers Vineeto

August 28, 2025

KUBA: I notice that when Richard or Vineeto or Geoffrey write, those words are intended to do exactly that, to usher fellow human beings towards discovering their own freedom, and ‘I’ can do something similar towards ‘myself’. That when things go awry ‘I’ can assist and guide ‘myself’ through it all in that same gentle and beneficial manner – always back towards enjoyment and appreciation.

It’s very nice to be nice to myself.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

While it is essential you be a friend to yourself, what ‘you’ ultimately do is ‘ushering yourself’ towards allowing pure intent to live you and let the ‘doer’, the ‘usherer’, step out of the way. Otherwise ‘you’ only will usher ‘yourself’ gently round in circles.

Thought I mention it.

Cheers Vineeto

September 9, 2025

KUBA: Things have been going rather well recently, for a while it seemed like I had ran out of options to try, of avenues where I haven’t looked yet. I spent some time going round in circles initially and this past week something has changed.

Geoffrey’s post has been a great help, in terms of providing direction of what to focus on:

Geoffrey: As long as you find yourself looking for the door that is tiny (the recipe, the formula, the secret sauce, the psychic gun, the pill, the trick), you’re nowhere near and should instead walk the path.

As long as you find the path narrow, arduous, vanishing, confusing, instead of wide and wondrous as it is, you’re not walking it, you are merely lost in the woods nearby – and should instead find it in yourself to take a first clear step in the right direction, such as making a commitment to happiness and harmlessness.

The door is wide as the universe, just as the path is by imitation.

When one knows what it is one wants, and when one knows what it is one must sacrifice, then only the sensible action remains.

It is such a great post, it makes me smile how Geoffrey has managed to make it so succinct and yet for it to offer so much helpful information.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I fully agree. Geoffrey’s words encapsulate the whole story of becoming actually free.

KUBA: “If the path is not wide and wondrous then I am merely lost in the woods nearby” amazing! I have spent plenty of time roaming those woods.

And so this is the kind of place I have found myself recently, it’s been very wonderful and all-round no longer stressful. ‘I’ cannot know what self-immolation will be like or what life will be like when ‘I’ am gone, but that doesn’t matter at all actually.

VINEETO: You now know the same territory as Alan reported in 1998 –

ALAN: ‘I’ cannot accept that ‘I’ will never know the answer.

RICHARD: You will find, as the process proceeds, that ‘I’ will come to accept that ‘I’ can never know the answer – and gladly – when ‘I’ realise that ‘my’ psychological and psychic self-immolation is the best contribution that ‘I’ can make for peace-on-earth. ‘I’ have an in-built tendency for self-sacrifice – human history bears this out in silly physical self-sacrifice – so ‘my’ ending of ‘myself’ it is what ‘I’ am well-equipped to do ... it is what ‘I’ am good at doing. Literally millions of peoples throughout history, mistakenly identifying with ‘I’, have readily sacrificed the physical body for whatever ‘good cause’ that they have been brainwashed into believing. As I wrote in Article 17 of ‘Richard’s Journal’: ‘It is possible to not only seek but to find ... thereby enabling one to live life in full meaning twenty-four-hours-a-day. The universe is innately perfect and pure. It is already always immaculate and consummate. Nothing ‘dirty’ can breach the blameless bastions of this unimpeachable purity and perfection ... even the most profound thoughts and the most sublime feelings are self-centred. The self – ‘I’ – is not only defiled, it is corrupt through and through. ‘I’ am perversity itself. No matter how earnestly one tries to purify oneself, one can never succeed completely. The last little bit always eludes perfecting. ‘I’ am rotten at the very core. There is one thing that ‘I’ can do, however, to remedy the situation. ‘I’ can disappear. Psychological and psychic self-immolation is the only sensible sacrifice that ‘I’ can make in order to reveal perfection. Life is bursting with meaning when ‘I’ am no longer present to mess things up. ‘I’ stand in the way of that purity being apparent. ‘My’ presence prohibits perfection being evident. ‘I’ prevent the very meaning to life, which ‘I’ am searching for, from coming into plain view. The main trouble is that ‘I’ wish to remain in existence to savour the meaning’.

And again, in Article 15: ‘‘I’ will never find the ultimate fulfilment for ‘I’ am standing in the way of the ‘Mystery of Life’ being revealed. There is no way out, ‘I’ am doomed. ‘I’ must, inevitably, cease to ‘be’. Instead of bemoaning ‘my’ fate and vainly searching for an escape, ‘I’ can see ‘myself’ for what ‘I’ am. This seeing is the beginning of the ending of ‘me’. The extinction of ‘me’ is the ultimate sacrifice ‘I’ can make to ensure the possibility of peace-on-earth for not only me but for all humankind. Thus, I find myself here, in the world as-it-is. A vast stillness lies all around, abounding with purity.

Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. For me to be able to be here now at all was a blessing that only ‘I’ could grant, because nobody else could do it for me. I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity. And what an adventure it was ... and still is’.

These are the wondrous workings of the exquisite quality of life. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan, 27 Jul 1998).

Once you activate the instinct of altruism, it can be all over in an instant.

Dare to care, then you will care to dare.

Here a full moon shines dimly through a thin layer of clouds and its reflection and that of some town light twinkle on the gently rippling water.

Perfection.

Cheers Vineeto

September 10, 2025

KUBA: (…) It’s very cool that I can see now that there is actually no-one stopping me other than myself, in that only ‘I’ can give the full permission and allow it to happen, that is in part what makes it so wonderful, nothing will happen against ‘my’ will, it will be a gift freely given by ‘me’, with ‘my’ full concurrence.

Also just to add, when I say wonderful I am not sure if it quite describes what is going on – it is like the summation of a life-time of searching, it is approaching towards the actualisation of ‘my’ deepest desire, it’s that kind of wonderful…

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

It is indeed a happening to appreciate to the maximum – what an astonishing, amazing and wonderful moment when the most joyous escapade is about to reach its ultimate destination.

Richard: There is no “necessary condition” for ‘self’-immolation to take place – and it is so dead easy to become actually free it is, literally, all much ado about nothing – other than being sure it is what one wants to have happen due to its irrevocability. (Richard, List D, Srinath 2, 13 August 2016).

Cheers Vineeto