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Living Together
The collection of beliefs and instincts that are common to all
human beings is known as the Human Condition. In seeing and fully understanding the appalling consequences of this Human Condition on both
our individual happiness and mutual harmony, Vineeto and I set out to challenge all that was ‘taken for granted’ and all that was said
to be ‘set in concrete’.
In undertaking our mutual investigation into what it was that caused the
perpetual battle of the sexes that we both knew so well, Vineeto and I put any issues that arose ‘on the table’ to discuss each of them,
probe them and make mutual sense of them. By regarding them as the Human Condition – beliefs, emotions and instincts common to all human
beings – we were able to largely avoid ‘taking the issue personally’, which had proved the downfall of all previous attempts at
discussing sensitive relationship issues. In my case I was challenging and dismantling my very maleness – ‘being a man’ and all that
it entails.
I found that the whole of our supposedly civilized world is still, at the very
core, based on the primitive instincts of fear, aggression, nurture and desire. They are blind Nature’s rather clumsy software package
designed to give one a start in life and to ensure the survival of the species. We are relentlessly driven, despite our good intentions and
moral codes, to act instinctually in each and every situation in our lives and this is the cause of most of our angst and confusion.
However, the actual changing of both instinctual behaviour and societal
conditioning required my total self-obsession in order to see what I was doing or feeling at every moment. In this case it would be – what
is it that is in me, which is in the road between us? Why am I upset? Why am I annoyed or moody? Why am I withdrawn? What is it now, this
very moment, that is preventing my experiencing peace and harmony? I was totally interested in what it was in me. If Vineeto had an issue
she wanted to talk about, fine, and if she was willing and we could look together at something, even better, but it was my being peaceful
and harmonious in living with her that I was interested in and focused upon. And she was interested in her being peaceful and harmonious. We
were then each responsible for our own feelings and actions and for doing whatever was necessary to clean ourselves up – to question all
and everything. Our immediate aim was always peace and harmony now, not off in the future, or dwelling in the past.
Given our intent to clean ourselves up, we delighted in the opportunity to
mutually look into any aspect of the Human Condition that was currently an issue with either of us. The success of this approach brought
instant, tangible results in our living together peacefully and harmoniously – so much so that an eagerness to bring all our ‘dark
secrets’ out of the closet rapidly overtook our inherent fear of exposure.
At last I had found a ‘best mate’, someone I could talk to about absolutely
everything – without holding back; without any men’s or women’s private stuff. I am able to be naked and honest with her – and why
shouldn’t I be? I am able to say anything about myself without that classic fear that it will be used against me later in some future
battle – forgiveness never works.
This has led us to a level of intimacy that far exceeds anything that is
possible when one attempts to bridge the gap between the warring camps with the notoriously unreliable and temporary emotion of love. It is
indeed extraordinary! It is so easy, so right, so effortless and so direct... There is absolutely nothing in the way between us: no feeling
of separateness – an actual intimacy became evident, not one falsely contrived or synthetically maintained.
Vineeto and I have discovered that, given a relentless obsession to rid oneself
of all the conditionings, beliefs and instincts that entomb men and women in separate camps, it is possible to live together in total peace,
harmony and equity. Further, an actual permanent intimacy is now apparent between us that far outstrips the fickleness, dependency and
emotional bonding that I used to know.
I thoroughly recommend liberation from being either a man or woman rather than blindly
perpetuating the battle of the sexes.
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