Actual Freedom ~ Frequently Asked Questions

Do you know how to end that fear? How would you do that?

When Richard advises people to ‘minimise’ the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings and activate the felicitous feelings what does he really mean by ‘minimise’? Feelings can be ‘minimised’ by brute force, e.g. repression, denial, avoidance and distraction but what is the sensible way to do it? I have tried to eliminate fear. I have repeatedly felt the fear, investigated its causes, identified the associated aspects of my social identity and instincts, understood the silliness of spoiling this one and only moment of being alive in such a way and so on. Unfortunately I cannot see any changes occurring. The whole process happens on a level that is too superficial. It does not penetrate deeply enough to pull up the roots of fear. ... Who can vouch for this method with 100% sincerity?

If I see that fear is at the base of everything then do I really need to know anything else? Don’t I just need to understand the fear?

A feeling of fear has emerged now. ‘I’ feel cornered. I don’t want to do it for ‘me’ because ‘me’ is in control now and ‘me’ is not having any of ending ‘me’. ‘I’ am telling myself that ‘I’ don’t really want to do it because that will be the end of ‘me’. I have desired oblivion but not now. Fear has taken over and ‘I’ want to hide from this inquiry. ‘I’ feel cornered and want to back out. ‘I’ am looking for a way out so I can stick to the known and keep surviving. ‘I’ am afraid of losing the known. ... The fear of ‘me’ not surviving is keeping me from doing it now. Fear is holding ‘me’ in place. ‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’. Fear of not surviving is making ‘me’ addicted to being ‘me’. There is a feeling of dread now. I feel stuck and unable to proceed. There is nothing thrilling about it.

To be honest, actualism still scares me a lot of the time (even after a year). From a normal perspective, some aspects of it really are scary, no two ways about it. But sometimes a momentary glimpse of what lies beyond the human (animal) condition makes those fears and reservations seem quite laughable.

As in every PCE, everything was immediately clear and obvious, life was perfect, amazing and full of wonder. Then, intense pressure at the base of the skull – like nothing I have ever experienced before. A flash of dread. A knowledge that this was to be the death of ‘me’. A realisation that this was the moment and there was nothing to fear as it was only ‘me’ feeling fear and fear did not actually exist. I let go of the controls!!! Shaking so much I can hardly write. Fear and excitement. Riding the wave. What an adventure. And Richard is correct – altruism is necessary. ‘I’ cannot do this thing or rather ‘I’ cannot will this thing. It has to be ‘my’ sacrifice for the whole of humanity. It is the only thing ‘I’ can do. ‘I have no choice. The seeing that ‘I’ am ‘my’ instincts and therefore responsible for all of the suffering is too, too much for ‘me’ to bear. And then ... ‘I’ copped out. Obviously ‘I’ want to remain in existence a bit longer!

In any case – before this ego death finally happened, I literally went through hell that got increasingly worse during the course of about 4 years. Before that, you could say I was more or less high for several years (not on any drugs, but on altered states, so to speak). But then I went through the metaphysical dread and horror and anxiety and the anguish of feeling your inner ‘self’ dying. I could really relate to your description of the ‘feeling of being a traitor to humanity’ when being on this road at the same time, even if it’s really the other way around. Anyway – the point is – to be honest, the thought of my ‘soul’, i.e. what I’m identifying with at the moment after the ‘ego death’, having to go too, scares the hell out of me. I can imagine it being even worse, maybe a lot worse than what I’ve already gone through, and that was, to say the least, no fun. But I believe it’s going to happen whether I want it to or not – since I did push the button, and the process is running it’s course – I can feel it. And, as you describe too, another part of me or feeling about it all is rather ecstatic. But there’s horror as well.

What daring does it need to exist as the body only? The frightening thing is existence itself when there is no respite from pain for the body from its birth to its death. It is this fear that possesses the body.

Commonly Raised Objections – Index

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Frequently Asked Questions – Index