May 22 2025

KUBA: But what that teenage boy called Kuba wanted back then is what I can live now, that just as the jumps jumped themselves, life lives itself, and just like ‘I’ would get out of the way just before a big jump being done ‘I’ can get out of the way and allow this moment to happen of it’s own accord.

From the eyes of ‘human wisdom’ it seems utterly foolish and from the eyes of ‘my’ passionate instinctual nature it feels dangerous. Yet looking back each time ‘I’ dared to release the controls and to step back a little more things only got better, and things have only been getting better, in every way going.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You are correct – looking at it sensibly/ apperceptively it is “not such a big ask is it, to finally have a rest from all that.” It is to stop doing what you have been told to do throughout your life – ‘doing it their way’ – and allow ‘doing’ what it happening of its own accord – ‘doing it your way’.

Respondent: What was the difference between you and them?

Richard: I am none too sure there was any difference: I was a normal person; I was born of normal parents; I had normal siblings; I had a normal upbringing; I attended a normal (state) school; I obtained a normal occupation; I had a normal wife; I had normal children ... and so on and so forth.

Respondent: The way you describe it, it wasn’t even that much of a struggle for you (found the secret to life inside the first three months???).

Richard: It was inside the first few weeks, actually, of putting into action what was startlingly evident in the four-hour pure consciousness experience (PCE) which had finally provided the direction my otherwise following-the-herd way of living was singularly lacking (although there was a six-month incubation period between the PCE and the application thereof).

I distinctly recall informing my then-wife at the time that I had ‘done it their way’, for 34 years and to no avail, and that it was high-time I did it my way (and when she asked what way that was I said that I did not know but that it would become progressively apparent with each step I took).

Respondent: So why haven’t millions of others discovered that they can feel excellent by choosing to ...

Richard: Quite possibly – and I am not being facetious here – they were/ are waiting for someone else to do it/ show the way (for, despite many peoples huff-and-puff about leaders, there have always been pioneers, who have blazed the trails others follow, and always will be).

Respondent: ... unless, of course, they can’t ...

Richard: It is not so much a case of they can not but, rather, that they will not. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60g, 30 October 2005b).

Richard: And although one may think and feel that it would be a lonely journey to take on one’s own it is not ... it is the most joyous escapade one can ever enter into.
It is the jaunt of a lifetime. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan-b, 13 December 1999).

It looks like you get well used to and immensely enjoy now doing it your way, step by step.

Cheers Vineeto

May 28 2025

KUBA: So last week I managed to resolve the question ‘I’ had around allowing excellence, yesterday something clicked with regards to expecting excellence from others. This was also a long standing habit of mine and the main reason I would get sour these days. (…)

And it is all rather simple when this is seen, because each individual is left standing on their own two feet, living their life. Then I am not obligated but neither am I expecting things from others. Of course excellence can still flow but without expectation and obligation there is no attempt to change the other, which always fails anyways.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Well said. Recognising the fact that others are fellow human beings is closely linked to being naïve, where you like yourself and like others. As such feeling excellent puts you in the perfect disposition to have no expectations/ no disappointment regarding what others do or not do and equally does away with any feeling of obligation/ responsibility and/or guilt/ shame regarding what you do.

KUBA: I am reminded of Richard’s journal where he explored the “social contract” which everyone is apparently signing by being born into a society. Where I am proceeding now there is no contract either way. How fascinating that it is possible to live in peace and harmony where there is no contract, no blueprint, no obligation or responsibility. It seems this is only possible in a virtual freedom or actual freedom so for now the law, courts, police, army etc are still required. But I do not have to wait for society to change before I unilaterally exit this ‘contract’ or rather realise that the ‘contract’ was never actual.

VINEETO: The ‘social contract’ locks you inside of ‘humanity’ with its wide-ranging consequences, whereas when you recognize/ realise that such ‘contract’ does not exist in actuality, your actual parameters are felicity and benevolence, purity and magnanimity, naiveté and ingenuousness – or, in other words amorality. Then you act according to the facts and pure intent in each situation and your life becomes a playful and very liberating adventure.

Richard: ‘amoral: unconcerned with or outside morality; neither moral nor immoral; being beyond the moral order or a particular code of morals’. ~ (Oxford Dictionary).

[...] to be ‘amoral’ is when a person can totally and reliably be capable of spontaneously interacting in the world of people, things and events, in a way that is neither personally insalubrious nor socially reprehensible, at all times and under any circumstance without exception. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 10a, 25 July 2000).

You might also like this one –

Richard: … there is simply no reason at all why gainful employment need be anything other than fun.

For instance, all my best work (back when supporting both a wife and a family) always happened when I was having the most fun; in fact I have some very blurry black and white ‘home movie’ type footage of myself, circa March 1981, which ends with ‘me’ saying: ‘Do your own thing ... but have fun; if you’re not having fun then, hell, stop doing it, something is wrong; if you’re not having fun, if you have to force yourself to go to work, if you’re unhappy, something is wrong’. Within weeks ‘he’ was carted off to a hospital emergency care unit in a catatonic state and ... and here we are today having this illuminating chat about our fancy dreams.

Who else can be enticed to come out and play – to join me here in this actual world – and live life where all is fun yet where everything which needs to be done does get done (albeit playfully) because of those oh-so-vital adult sensibilities? ‘Tis yours for the asking, so to speak, as no one is stopping you but yourself; no time is the right time to make it all happen as the right time only comes about when you have it happen; it is not a case of being ready for it as being ready only occurs when you have it occur; all you get by waiting is more waiting as now is the moment where it all happens; everything which happens only ever happens now. Actuality is where more than your fancy dreams can come true – much, much more – as life itself, here, is beyond even any of your most absolutely wild fantasies.

This is what is actually better than best. (Richard, List D, No. 4, 14 December 2009).

Cheers Vineeto

May 30 2025

KUBA: So earlier I was wondering how is it that it’s possible to live in peace and harmony without all that ‘tried and true’ stuff, what happens when morality is removed, when there is no contract, blueprint, belief, value etc to guide one’s actions. Essentially it is that “leaf blowing in the wind” furphy, and this has now been obliterated!

Vineeto: Since then I experience myself as what I am, not just this physical body but with particular qualities to the experiencing which to my own surprise I called ‘what I always wanted to be/what I have always been’ even though I have never lived it. For an analogy of how I experience what I am at core I have to go into the Greek mythology where people’s imagination had populated nature with nymphs, inherent/ chthonic to springs or trees or groves. This experience of myself is very light and playful, as if living naked in the wilderness, utterly on my own and undeniably undefined by either people or events. I described it as being innocence personified. Sensuosity, sensuality and sexuality are as much part of what I am just as sexuality and abundance are happening in nature everywhere. (Private correspondence, 29 November 29, 2010). (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Srinath, #spacial).

This is also amorality, this time it is part and parcel of actual innocence. But this amorality is not empty, it is not a “leaf blowing in the wind” etc. There is something wonderful that is at the basis of one’s actions / inclinations when actually free.

And the problem with any morality is that it gets in the way of freely enjoying and appreciating what one is. So I can see now that proceeding in this direction where I am going there is no need at all for morality, and it is this absence of any ‘human’ construct which allows enjoyment and appreciation without any cap, or any kind of restricting influence.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

They are great insights and you managed to gain some more information how life in the actual world would look like from ‘my’ perspective (if pure intent was operating).

I compared it once to a game of chess in a message to Roy on May 1 this year –

Vineeto: It’s like playing chess with yourself – on one side the identity programmed to keep the status quo and on the other side your sincere intent to feel good, feel excellent, be more naïve, more considerate, a friend to yourself and benevolent towards your fellow human beings. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Roy, 1 May 2025).

Having followed your process for a while now, seemingly getting closer to becoming free but never quite, I am reminded more of a poker game where ‘I’ prestidigitatiously manifest one card after another to keep ‘my’ game going. You twigged to it yourself in the next message.

However, no matter how many times each particular objection gets invalidated the ultimate objection (that ‘I’ don’t want to go extinct) still remains intact.

What do you reckon?

Cheers Vineeto

May 30 2025

KUBA: What has come to my attention recently is this habit of ‘mine’ where ‘I’ seek to lay out what is ahead, essentially planning out and scheming how things will happen. And not just concerning self-immolation but even day to day living. It seems lately this habit is being chipped away at, and not even by ‘me’ as much as by the facts of life.

It dawned on me this morning that ‘I’ have woken up thousands of times and planned “how the day is going to go” and not a single time it happened as per the plan/scheme, and yet ‘I’ wake up once again and do the same thing… lol. It is becoming more and more obvious that it is simply impossible for ‘me’ to create a plan/scheme and to have life fit into it. In fact by the time ‘I’ say ‘my’ plan out loud things have already changed enough that it no longer applies, so it is now progressively being seen as completely useless to do this at all, what for? (…)

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

This is what you understood at that time when you considered allowing going out-from-control in July last year –

Kuba: Those ‘last remaining cobwebs’ is exactly how I would describe those remaining dramas, it seems ‘I’ am only holding onto what’s left of them in order to block the momentum that would otherwise follow. This is the tricky part, proceeding without knowing with certainty what the destination is like, it’s stepping into the unknowable. It seems ‘I’ am instead searching for 100% certainty before ‘I’ dare to step out of the cage, which is of course an impossibility as this can only be had upon actual freedom. [Emphasis added]

However, despite knowing that ‘you’ will never know with certainty what the destination is like, because ‘you’ will have to become extinct in order to reach the ultimate destination, ‘you’ still play the game of finding out the impossible, even when you “dispensed with” “all of ‘my’ planning and scheming”. At some point your unequivocal agreement to ‘your’ demise is imperative to reach your destiny.

KUBA: So what I am contemplating is whether all of ‘my’ planning and scheming can be safely dispensed with. (…)

VINEETO: In the meantime, to “safely dispense with” “all of ‘my’ planning and scheming” means allowing the ‘doer’, the ‘controller’, the ‘planer’, the ‘schemer’ to be fully recognized and disappear for good in order for the ‘beer’ (with pure intent) to fully come to the fore. This is exactly what the word naiveté refers to.

KUBA: Of course if Richard needed to go to the shop which closes at 8pm and the drive is 15min then he would understand that he needs to leave before 7:45 and would act accordingly. But is this kind of “planning” the same activity as what ‘I’ am doing when ‘I’ wake up and create a stencil of the day ahead which ‘I’ am then seeking to live out?

VINEETO: Ha, if Richard had followed the advice of ‘your’ planner he would have arrived at the shop exactly at the time it closes. Obviously this kind of “planning” is not “the same activity as what ‘I’ am doing when ‘I’ wake up and create a stencil of the day ahead which ‘I’ am then seeking to live out”.

Joking aside, upon honest contemplation you might see that ‘your’ habit of “planning and scheming” has no role to play in how Richard describes out-from-being-under-control –

Richard: Being out-from-control/ in a different-way-of-being is quite daunting to contemplate as an on-going EE marks the end of the beginning of the end of ‘me’ and the commencement of the actualism process – as distinct from the actualism method – wherein a momentum not of ‘my’ doing takes over and an inevitability sets in; in an on-going EE the actual world has the effect of impelling one towards it – like a moth to a candle as the overarching benignity and benevolence of the actual increasingly operates such as to render ‘my’ felicity/ innocuity increasingly redundant; this is where being the nearest a ‘self’ can be to innocence – the naiveté located betwixt the core of being and the sexual centre (where one is both likeable and liking) – is attached as if with a golden thread or clew to the purity of actual innocence; an on-going EE is, thus, where one becomes acclimatised to benignity and benevolence and the resultant blitheness because the purity of the actual is so powerful that it would ‘blow the fuses’ if one was to venture into this territory ill-prepared. (Richard, List D, No. 12, 9 December 2009a)

Richard: In effect, the actualism process is what ensues when one gets out from being under control, via having given oneself prior permission to have one’s life live itself (i.e., sans the controlling doer), and a different way of being comes about (i.e., where the beer is the operant) – whereupon a thrilling out-from-control momentum takes over and an inevitability sets in – whereafter there is no pulling back (hence the reluctance in having it set in motion) as once begun it is nigh-on unstoppable.
Then one is in for the ride of a lifetime! [Emphasis added] (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 28 January 2016)

Cheers Vineeto

June 2 2025

KUBA: There is certainly inaction in terms of proceeding towards self immolation currently, which is linked to having tried all the doors ‘I’ could find so far. But as you say perhaps ‘I’ am looking for a door which leads to somewhere where ‘I’ continue existing in some obscure manner, perhaps it is because ‘I’ am not looking for the door which leads to ‘my’ extinction.

Which is quite funny to think of it that way, maybe that door isn’t so hard to find after all, it’s more that ‘I’ am not looking for the door marked “extinction”, just the doors that allow ‘me’ to continue ‘being’ a little longer.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

That seems to be a valuable insight (“‘I’ am not looking for the door marked “extinction”.”)

I wish you fun … until you tire of your present interest in opening the doors that lead nowhere.

It will happen when ‘you’ are ready.

Cheers Vineeto

June 2 2025

KUBA: Yes all this talk around naiveté is really something, I especially liked the below which Vineeto wrote to Claudiu :

Vineeto: Ha, the addiction to sudorifically finding one’s way through an imagined jungle of chores and traps is not easy to abandon, hey, but it’s really worthwhile. Make friends with not knowing what’s going to happen next, with experimenting living without plan and scheme, don’t envision you have to ‘tick off’ ‘self’-set tasks. It’s not vigilance you need, it’s a change in attitude towards life itself and towards your fellow human beings. Re-discover how to play and play together. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, 1 June 2025a)

Indeed that is exactly how I experience becoming more naive, it’s a change in attitude towards life itself, it’s a fundamental shift in how ‘I’ experience being alive, and with far reaching consequences. I experience it as if working from the very depths of ‘my’ being and out towards the “outer layers of the onion”, rather than the usual way which is something like tinkering with the outer layers whilst the core of ‘me’ remains unchanged.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Thank you for your lucid understanding – “working from the very depths of ‘my’ being and out towards the “outer layers of the onion”, rather than the usual way which is something like tinkering with the outer layers whilst the core of ‘me’ remains unchanged.”

Cheers Vineeto

June 4 2025

KUBA: I can see that it does require naiveté in buckets, because the controller feels/ believes that ‘he’ is somehow required, apparently for some very serious reason ‘he’ must remain in control. In order for the controller to go into abeyance it is as if ‘I’ have to agree (at the very depths of ‘my’ being) that life is not a serious business, that it is not a vale of tears, it is not a dog eat dog world out there etc. ‘I’ say a big, resounding yes to being alive right now, with no resentment or resistance whatsoever and then the controller can go into abeyance. And when this happens it really is “bester”, that this is what ‘I’ can have as a feeling being.

So it is great that I can see what is possible now, and the reward is immediate. It’s funny because I was so desperate about actual freedom and now seeing what is possible even before it I am thinking if I was to live like that all the time then my life would be already complete, it is that amazing.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I appreciate your description, especially that this is “bester” and “if I was to live like that all the time then my life would be already complete, it is that amazing”. When life becomes so great that you no longer desperately want to become actually free – except knowing that this “bester” is still second best compared to being actually free.

KUBA: But then again I remember living like that as a child, I have many memories of living as if in a wonderland, there was no resentment or looking for more. In Poland there was very little structure in terms of what kids would do after school. I just remember going on various “adventures” with my friends at the time, jumping across the streams and catching frogs and building tree houses etc. I was truly having the time of my life back then. So basically what I lived back then is what is humanly possible i.e. what I can have as a feeling being now.

I remember one occasion where I was visiting my grandparents and my auntie took me with her boyfriend at the time to go mushroom picking – the joy and excitement I experienced at going mushroom picking was off the scale! (…)

VINEETO: It does help a lot to unlock one’s memories of childhood, which confirm and provide confidence that for periods of time one could live in a wonderland without the regular obligation of being serious, ‘responsible’ and controlled.

KUBA: So looking more at all this I can see a little better what has been going on for a while now. Because I have indeed been spending a lot of time enjoying and appreciating in gay abandon, many extraordinary experiences.

So the reason it has not been a constant acceleration forward is because I have had somewhere to return back to. So those “outings” into gay abandon were like little trips that ‘I’ would take to check out the territory, but always I would return back. It’s like flying off into space except it’s one of them Elon Musk rockets that can come back.

VINEETO: Ha, a great metaphor and a perspicuous discovery that one can indeed move even further, from being naïve in gay abandon to being naiveté itself as a state of ‘being’. You will need a new word for what is better than bester!

KUBA: And many of those extraordinary experiences it did seem like ‘I’ could disappear for good at any moment, and yet the fact of having somewhere to return back to ensured that ‘I’ never became extinct. It was always “oh wow ‘I’ could become extinct right now” rather than it being an inevitability due to there being nowhere else to return back to, only the acceleration forward.

I already have a good sense of the direction to travel in and now I can see that proceeding in that direction without anywhere else to return back to is not to do with pushing myself in a sudorific manner, this cannot work. At best ‘I’ will end up getting on a roller-coaster ride that ‘I’ don’t want to be on.  And the ride which ‘I’ don’t want to be on ends up being a return ticket every time.

VINEETO: Finally you understand what I meant when I said to you only five weeks ago “sit back and enjoy the ride” (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba6, 30 April 2025a) – you couldn’t quite believe it at the time.

KUBA: As Srinath wrote :

And so comprehending the above there isn’t the resistance anymore, because before ‘I’ did a lot of pushing, and pushing through some pretty intense feelings, and I just wore ‘myself’ out doing that, I can’t do that again, but also there is no need for it haha.

VINEETO: Well, don’t be so confident that you will have “the kind of thrill” “on the one way ride”. Vineeto didn’t even notice at first when it happened –

Vineeto: I heard myself saying to Richard that ‘We’ve got all the time in the world’ and when I contemplated on the sentence that had just slipped out, time suddenly stood still.

I stopped in mid-sentence and the ensuing silence caught the attention of my two companions.

It was all over, in an instant. (Vineeto, Becoming Free Report)

And no thrill at this moment for Geoffrey either –

Geoffrey: There was the actual world just right there in front of me, obviously existing, pure and perfect, and then there was ‘me’, ‘humanity’. The contrast was simply hilarious. I can’t describe how hilarious this contrast was. What we’ve all been doing forever and ever, on a ridiculous parade of malice and sorrow, with the greatest seriousness.

I realised that I would indeed gladly die right now, gladly give away all I am, all I ever was, all I’ve done and felt since I was born, for peace-on-earth to be apparent (not even for me but) for everybody. For things to be as they are. And that it would be of no importance at all. No ‘weight’, no drama… just the only thing that made sense, the only sensible thing.

I was walking on a dirt path, in the shadows of the trees, a few hundred meters from home, with a big smile on my face, when everything stopped. (Becoming Free Reports, Geoffrey)

In other words, you just can’t plan ahead, or even imagine.

KUBA:

Richard: in fact I have some very blurry black and white ‘home movie’ type footage of myself, circa March 1981, which ends with ‘me’ saying: “Do your own thing … but have fun; if you’re not having fun then, hell, stop doing it, something is wrong; if you’re not having fun, if you have to force yourself to go to work, if you’re unhappy, something is wrong”. (Richard, List D, No. 6, 14 December 2009)

Of course it’s no different with proceeding towards actual freedom. This one way ride that ‘I’ am to get on is to be a jaunt of a lifetime, not something that ‘I’ grind through.

VINEETO: Being on this “wide and wondrous” path (now you know experientially why it is named this way) it is bound to happen when the time is right.

Cheers Vineeto

June 4 2025

KUBA: What seems to be the most obvious way to proceed is to discover how to ‘be’ naiveté itself, I am having some intimations of what that is like and I can see that it is a fundamental change in how ‘I’ experience what it means to be here and doing this business called being alive. It’s not changing this or that bit of programming but something more akin to a paradigm shift for ‘me’. In fact, there isn’t really any “outer bits of the onion” that ‘I’ could be re-shuffling at this point.

If I am here to play, to delight, to enjoy and appreciate then what ‘normal’ place would ‘I’ be looking to return to?

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Ha, once your experience being naiveté for a while, so much so that you take it for granted, then everything you called “’normal’ place will fade from your memory. At least that is how ‘Vineeto’ experienced it in ‘her’ out-from-control period. I like how you defined the peace-on-earth freedom’s meaning of life – ”I am here to play, to delight, to enjoy and to appreciate“.

Well said.

KUBA: So what happens when I walk the wide and wondrous path is that I am going deeper and deeper into enjoyment and appreciation, until this becomes a way of living that reverberates to the very depths of ‘my’ being. This is where those last shreds of normality are cast away and there is no longer anything to return to. As Vineeto wrote a while ago one needs training for life in Terra Actualis.  (…)

VINEETO: Indeed, and the actualism method of enjoying and appreciation is the very training because the means to the end is not different to the end. Here is what Richard said in his journal –

Richard: ‘After living in the condition of virtual freedom for sufficient time to absorb all the ramifications of a blithesome life, it is highly likely that the ultimate condition can happen.

‘I’ do not make it happen, because ‘I’ cannot make it happen. What is more ... ‘I’ am not required to make it happen. An actual freedom happens of itself only when one is fully ready, and not before. One has to become acclimatised to benignity, benevolence and blitheness, because the purity of the actual is so powerful that it would ‘blow the fuses’ if one was to venture into this territory ill-prepared. To precipitously apprehend the vast stillness of infinitude would be too much, too fast, too soon ... one could go mad with the super-abundance of pleasure that pours forth’. [Emphasis added]. (‘Richard’s Journal’ ©1997 The Actual Freedom Trust. Page: 150).

KUBA: Lots of posts about naiveté right now haha, let’s turn the bug into a pandemic!

VINEETO: Yeah, let’s. You’ll be surprised if you ever found out how many people are getting temporarily infected but the benevolence of the universe (pure intent) doesn’t provide any records when active because the ‘record-keeper’, in your case the ‘controller’ is in abeyance.

KUBA: Just a quick one as I am about to go in to do some training. I noticed this specifically before I am about to go and interact with others (like right now for example). There is this fear of remaining naive, it feels tender but to the point of being vulnerable.

I remember that fear is ‘my’ hiding place, and when I consider what specifically it is that ‘I’ am hiding nothing comes to mind. It seems it is more that ‘I’ am afraid to be seen, not anything specifically about ‘me’, rather ‘I’ am afraid to be seen full stop.

VINEETO: Yes, that is exactly it – because when ‘you’ are seen fully ‘you’ have no leg to stand on, so to speak – you have no substance. In the meantime ‘you’ are ‘your’ hiding place.

I remember around 2000 Richard told me about an intense conversation he had with Grace and that at some point he told her “I know your secret”. I puzzled for years what he meant, now I know.

It was ‘me’ in ‘my’ hiding place, being a phantom.

KUBA: This seems to be part of the reason why I would always return to some kind of a ‘normal’ after all those extraordinary experiences. They would be precious but almost too precious to consider bringing them out into the open in my day to day living. So I would return to ‘normal’ which includes some kind of a ‘shield’, this is ‘me’ as the controller.

VINEETO: I notice for example it is even harder to remain naive in the company of other men, due to the conditioning which precludes men from having intimacy with each other. It is quite weird allowing such sweetness with other men, that it is somehow wrong to be this close.

There is a good reason why at first being naïve seems scary, foolish, insecure and men have a certain standard with each other just like women do. One can’t follow that standard and be naïve (on pay lip-service when needed). Surely it will be a fascinating and interesting journey to be yourself, be naked, be naïve in the company of men and intimacy does not necessarily take the form of sweetness. Here is a conversation between Richard and Devika (in italics) from Richard’s journal as an example how intimacy with anyone can unfold –

“Now what about actual intimacy? In intimacy you see the other as they actually are ... ‘warts and all’ is the expression”.
“That is not only better ... it is far more interesting”.
“It does not make you repulsed. One is neither attracted nor repulsed”.
“Exactly”.
“How are you with the other, then?”
“One hundred per cent. They get the all of me”.
“In actual intimacy, when you are with another person one hundred per cent – and there is neither attraction or repulsion – and you see clearly what other people would call attractive or repulsive ... what does that do?”
“Oh, that’s delicious! That’s delicious because that is freedom. Then I’m free from the grip of emotions”.
“So, seeing the other for what they actually are, do you see the ‘Good’ in them? The potential?”
“There is good and bad in everybody. I am aware of what humans call good or bad. I can see them with either eye, as it were; I can see them with intimate eyes or ‘human’ eyes. I am aware of that and I don’t take much notice of the ‘human’ measurement. In actual intimacy this whole moment, everything, is magnificent”.
“In the orthodox way, people who are described as ‘Goody-goodies’, see the good in somebody and try to draw out the good and make them a better person. What do you do, in actual intimacy, when you see both good and bad?”
“I don’t feel like interfering at all. I stay in myself”.
“And you talk from that?”
“I talk from here, yes. I respond according to the circumstance, whereas my identity would react. In intimacy I can respond, taking the whole scenario, the whole situation, into consideration. Whilst the identity goes from identity to identity. In intimacy I can easily sit here ...there is me as I think I am; there is me as I feel I am; there is me as I assert myself and there is me as I actually am. I am this body ... I have given way for the universe to live this body and with that I go anonymous. There are ripples of pleasure going through the body”.
“So you are like that, in virtual freedom there are ripples of pleasure, and being like that, what are you doing with the other person? What do you want, for them?”
“I want the very best. I would wish this upon them”.
“What do you say, then? Seeing the attractive and the repulsive ... and you do not try to draw out the good ...”.
“I’ve stopped doing that ... and I’ve also stopped stopping the bad. I sit with this totality of what is happening in the moment; this moment gives all this and this person is in front of me and there is this strange atmosphere between us and we both are trying – for I see that the other also wants the best – and I want for the other to be also here”.
“Ah! You want for the other to be here, where this moment is happening”.
“Oh yes, of course. What else could I want ... that is the very best I can want”.
“Would you say, then, that you brush aside the potential for good or bad in the other and – simply because they are a human being they have all the qualifications necessary to be here – it does not matter where they come from? They are a physical body and you want them to be here where their body is? You invite them to partake in intimacy. You are able to do it, for everyone has the capacity to be here ... they are just unaware that it exists”.
“Yes, and that is all what I could want, too. Then they can experience it for themselves”.
“Then you can talk directly”.
“Yes. Then we can all have fantastic fun. In intimacy”. (…)
(from pp. 256-259, ‘Richard’s Journal’, 2nd. Ed., in Article 36, ‘There comes a Time when one must Leave the Nest and Fly’).

KUBA: But now I am reminded of a certain game which I stopped playing – how close can we get. No reason not to play this game with other men and confirm experientially whether it is safe or not.

VINEETO: I am pleased you remembered.

Even when you feel you are close, you can always get closer, there are no limits in (actual) intimacy.

Cheers Vineeto

June 5 2025

KUBA: OK a further report of what I can see so far. I woke up feeling quite ‘clean’ compared to how I usually do. However there is still a contrast which I find fascinating. The “contrast” is that the world around I could describe as this crystal clean prism which refracts light into various wonderful colours. And then there is what I would describe as a black/red “blob” :laughing: which is the core of ‘my’ being. (…)

And this core of ‘me’ it sits there like an embryo, the energy it consists of it cannot be reduced or split up, what it can do is shift/ morph in line with the perfection and purity. [Emphasis added].

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Just a quick note so there is no room for misconception – this ‘me’ you describe “as a black/red ‘blob’” cannot and never will “shift/ morph in line with the perfection and purity”. Perfection and purity is perfect and pure, and any aspect of ‘you’ is not.

‘You’ will, with ‘your’ permission, become extinct, ‘blobbed’ out, dead as a dodo, disappear as the phantom of passionate imagination ‘you’ are.

I thought I point this out so you don’t do the same as Claudiu –

Claudiu: “that I had been trying to put myself into actuality, as in I as identity, as a feeling-being”

Cheers Vineeto

VINEETO: There might be something as “the perfect opportunity” for altruism to come to the fore just as in the real world a child would be in danger of drowning first for someone to have the impulse to altruistically step in. But then there is already so much misery and mayhem happening to provide enough reason to make “all the difference for the world” by ‘self’-immolating. Only you can know if/when, in whatever form, you are preventing such opportunity to arise or not.

Ask Geoffrey.

His own description of the event is very lucid, and although every single word is significant, I nevertheless highlighted some of them –

Geoffrey: I realised that I would indeed gladly die right now, gladly give away all I am, all I ever was, all I’ve done and felt since I was born, for peace-on-earth to be apparent (not even for me but) for everybody. For things to be as they are. And that it would be of no importance at all. No ‘weight’, no drama… just the only thing that made sense, the only sensible thing. [Emphases added]. (Geoffrey, Report of Becoming Free).

Cheers Vineeto

June 6 2025

VINEETO: There might be something as “the perfect opportunity” for altruism to come to the fore just as in the real world a child would be in danger of drowning first for someone to have the impulse to altruistically step in. But then there is already so much misery and mischief happening to provide enough reason to make “all the difference for the world” by ‘self’-immolating. Only you can know if/when, in whatever form, you are preventing such opportunity to arise or not.

KUBA: Hmm ok thank you, I am particularly fascinated by what you wrote that ‘I’ am preventing such an opportunity to arise. Whereas before ‘I’ would see it as something that ‘I’ have to generate. But indeed it does seem like if anything ‘I’ am preventing altruism from being activated, as you said there is already enough reasons all around. This does make sense because selfism will be in place all the way until altruism is activated. So ‘I’ will seek to live another day until ‘I’ don’t, that is the end.

Hehe so I see it somewhat now that at the end of the day all ‘I’ can do is put it off a little more. ‘I’ am putting off the enormity of the seeing, of what role ‘I’ play in this mess and the only way of rectifying it.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

What you can do is turning your attention in a different direction.

It also worked well for this identity –

‘Vineeto’: [Richard]: ‘When it is understood that the one is the epitome of the many and that ‘I’ am the ‘many’ and the ‘many’ is ‘me’. (…) What does it mean, when you say ‘I’ am the ‘many’ and the ‘many’ is ‘me’? (…)

Last night serendipity provided the answer to my question to you, which had been going on in my head since I wrote. The experiential answer to ‘I am many and many is me’ presented itself in the form a TV program on International Humanitarian Aid Organizations and their role and accountability. For one and a half hours there was ample footage presented on human suffering and devastation in war, famine, genocide and racial ‘cleansing’ on one side and the helpless, well-intentioned, yet almost useless effort of people in the aid organizations on the other side.

Richard: Basically, most people mean well ... it is just that, for all their best intentions, they are hog-tied. No one is to blame.

‘Vineeto’: The presentation was enough to make it utterly and unquestionably clear to me that there is no difference between me and the hundreds of thousands who have suffered and died and those who have, without success or effective change, tried to help – for ‘umpteen hundreds of thousands of years’. On an overwhelming instinctual level ‘I’ am ‘them’ and ‘I’ have had no solution and never will have a solution.

Richard: There is no cure to be found in the ‘real world’ ... only never-ending ‘band-aid’ solutions.

‘Vineeto’: The devastation is enormous and the only way ‘out’ is ‘self’-sacrific. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Vineeto, 30 September 1999)

Perhaps you can give yourself permission to allow yourself to feel about what your fellow human beings experience, whilst knowing that compassion can never provide the solution. You already know the solution – nothing less than giving up all of ‘you’ will make “all the difference for the world”.

Don’t you find it somewhat ironic that those who are affectively eager to try to help don’t know how to, and those who know what to do are hesitant?

Cheers Vineeto

June 6 2025

KUBA:

Richard: If the impact of pure consciousness experiences (PCE’s) be not sufficiently enticing – an altruistic ‘self’-immolation in toto is not, of course, only for the benefit of other bodies – then maybe a goodly dose of back-pressure may provide the requisite incentive. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan-b, 27 April 2005).

Just to clarify the above, Vineeto, I was surprised when I read over it twice to notice that Richard wrote “an altruistic ‘self’-immolation in toto is not, of course, only for the benefit of other bodies”. Is this to say that just as the benefit for ‘me’ is the ending of ‘my’ burden, the benefit to all those other ‘I’s is bringing closer the ending of ‘their’ burden?

So can ‘I’ who knows the extent of the possible suffering for ‘me’ bring about ‘my’ demise by keenly feeling that the end of ‘my’ burden is also the possibility of the end of ‘their’ burden?

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

No.

Altruism means “behaviour by an animal that is not beneficial to or may be harmful to itself but that benefits others of its species.” (©Merriam-Webster).

You took the quote out of context and separated the words within dashes as if they were a statement in themselves. If you read the sentence without the words in dashes, or parenthesis, so to speak, then you can see that Richard is saying that if the benefits of living in, a what amounts to a 24/7 PCE, are not enough enticement then “a goodly dose of back-pressure” will provide the missing intent, i.e. “seeing – actually seeing – the human condition stripped-naked as it parades itself across the screen for those with the eyes to see … and thus knowing that, essentially, there too goes oneself, no matter how diminished”. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan-b, 27 April 2005).

Just for emphasis, Peter expressed the same sentiment in a different way –

‘Peter’: What I didn’t find at all subtle, and what really got me off my bum, is the fact that each and every human being is not only socially programmed to remain faithful to Humanity but that each and every human being is genetically encoded with the instinctual passions of fear, aggression, nurture and desire. Understanding this was of such significance to me that I put it this way on the very first page of my journal –

• [Peter]: ... ‘Indeed, that has been the innate drive in my life: to make sense of this mad world that I found myself living in. The insanity of endless wars, conflict, arguments, sadness, despair, failed hopes and dreams seems endemic. And worse still, as I gradually forced myself to admit, I was as mad, and as bad, as everyone else.’ (Peter’s Journal, Foreword).

(Actualism, Peter, Actual Freedom List, No. 38a, 21.4.2002)

Cheers Vineeto

June 7 2025

KUBA: Thank you Vineeto, the initial (intellectual) answer which came up was that – “well those suffering others could clean themselves up”, it wouldn’t be an actual freedom but they could be virtually free. This is a demonstration of the kind of mindset which you wrote here:

Vineeto: Don’t you find it somewhat ironic that those who are affectively eager to try to help don’t know how to, and those who know what to do are hesitant? (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba7, 6 June 2025).

So for whatever reason ‘I’ have been able to clean ‘myself’ up enough that life is good (in that “in the meantime” manner) and so ‘I’ am now hesitant to accept full responsibility.

And yet it is back to front because if not for ‘me’ there would be no need for the method in the first place. It wouldn’t be a situation where some “manage to make it” and others don’t. It is clear that at the current state of affairs it takes an unusual person to even consider applying the method, and then to succeed and then to go all the way. But the way out of taking full responsibility for ‘me’ is that – “Oh well ‘I’ cleaned ‘myself’ up, so surely others can too”.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

It seems you have uncovered a major black spot/ oversight in your investigations. I remember you wrote recently –

Kuba: It is more that ‘I’ am afraid to be seen, not anything specifically about ‘me’, rather ‘I’ am afraid to be seen full stop.
This seems to be part of the reason why I would always return to some kind of a ‘normal’ after all those extraordinary experiences. They would be precious but almost too precious to consider bringing them out into the open in my day to day living. So I would return to ‘normal’ which includes some kind of a ‘shield’, this is ‘me’ as the controller.

Can it be that your regular returning to “‘me’ as the controller” is because your naiveté has been missing the aspect of “being a liker” – liking others and caring about them as your fellow human beings, as epitomised by the ‘Theory of Mind’, take also note of the last paragraph)?

KUBA: In short it is as if ‘I’ do not face the urgency of the situation fully because ‘I’ have managed to “do alright”. The one thing that stands out here is wow how incredibly selfish this is.

There is definitely some kind of complacency that I can see here, it’s not urgent for ‘me’, well not urgent enough to sacrifice ‘myself’ for clearly. But even so the entire mindset is wrong to even allow such a thing as sacrificing ‘myself’. For as long as ‘I’ am chilling out on that “alright” rung of the ladder ‘I’ am clearly only concerned with ‘myself’. (…)

VINEETO: It is of not use to blame yourself for being “incredibly selfish” – everyone is selfish, born with fear, aggression, nurture and desire. Now, that you have become aware of it, you can do something about it. I also wonder if your “it’s because ‘I’ was a special ‘I’, that is why ‘I’ am here and ‘they’ are there” is perhaps connected to what you once called the Messiah complex –

Kuba: So I have been having fun investigating self esteem / self worth. I can see this aspect of the human condition is what underpins most of the themes which remain. The archetype which I can narrow the thing down to is one of the ‘messiah’. […]
This desperate need to belong however is a beast that needs to be fed over and over, it never rests. Which means ‘I’ lock ‘myself’ in the never ending pursuit for the next ‘golden nugget’. This archetype of the ‘messiah’ is a tricky one to see for what it is, because this desperate need for a feeling of validation is masked by ‘doing good for others’ or ‘seeking excellence to uplift others’.

It’s like ‘I’ want to be Jesus, bringing light to those below ‘me’ and in doing so solidify ‘my’ place in the group forever, ‘I’ will then be forever needed.

The thing which I always wanted deep down was to be free to be me as I am, to be genuine, to be original and to be authentic. In short to exist completely outside of this structure of the ‘group’, of belonging, of identity etc. […] So ‘I’ have been keen to find that something ultimately precious which ‘I’ will be willing to give up ‘myself’ for. This seems to be in the right direction, the freedom to be me as I am for one and all.

Now that you explained what being a messiah really means, it could well be that “the freedom to be me as I am for one and all” is an entirely different destination to being actually free, as in “the freedom to be ‘me’ as I am for one and all”?

The question is, has this possible re-interpretation of what it means to “be free” distorted/ corrupted pure intent all this while without you noticing it?

KUBA: It seems ‘I’ am chilling in that “alright place”, dissociated from the “dark soil of humanity”, from here any concern about actual freedom is primarily about what it would mean for ‘me’. As such it’s not a pressing matter for ‘me’, in the sense of a fire raging through. So sure ‘I’ will run at some invisible walls from time to time, then do some more cleaning up etc. But in all of this ‘I’ am as if blind to the role that ‘I’ play in this mess, to the fact that a fire is raging through right now.

So I can see that in the past the caring was almost like a means to the end? Something like – “Well ‘I’ want to reach ‘my’ goal and for that ‘I’ have to care”. Whereas it seems like the caring has to come as a first priority, otherwise it is ‘my’ existence that will take priority.

VINEETO: Yes, you can be having a grand time to a certain degree, but you can’t be confident that you are harmless, let alone innocuous, as long as caring about your fellow human beings is barely existent.

KUBA: Also I can see that any pride in ‘my’ success with the actualism method has to be a furphy, fundamentally and at core ‘I’ am no different at all to those other 'I’s. How is it that this particular ‘I’ made some kind of success and others have failed? It wasn’t ‘me’ that was special, ‘I’ am exactly the same as those other 'I’s, the success that ‘I’ am enjoying in this complacent manner is because of the circumstances that ‘I’ found ‘myself’ in. It’s not so different to being born into a rich family with great connections and then making podcasts about hard work leading to success whilst millions starve.

VINEETO: Just think, if you were indeed a ‘messiah’ and everyone followed ‘your’ lead and did what you have done, chill in that “alright place”. People might be less sorrowful but callous nevertheless, and there certainly would be neither equity nor parity (Persistent Social Identity, #04). In other words, as long as you are a feeling being, “this black/red blob” as you perceived it, you are rotten to the core like every other feeling being, as you summed it up above – and that’s the ‘messiah’ would pass on.

Richard: As you are not separate from humanity/ as humanity is not separate from (you are humanity/ humanity is you) do you now see why I have kept on asking if you care about individuals, period?

Simply because blind nature does not care about individuals – essentially blind nature is only concerned with the survival of the species (and any species will do as far as blind nature is concerned) – and simply because only an individual can care about individuals then, unless/ until an individual does dare to care, all the misery and mayhem will go on forever and a day ... just as it has done over the millennia which stretch back into the mists of prehistory.

And to dare to care is to care to dare. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Rick-a, 21 January 2006).

I can recommend to rememorate the flavour of your last outstanding PCE (not the interpretation the ‘controller’ inserted afterwards) and freshly connect to the genuine pure intent. Then daring to care and caring to dare is eminently possible.

Cheers Vineeto

June 7 2025

KUBA: Hi Vineeto,

Thank you for your post, there is a lot to untangle here as it seems I am indeed re-orienting myself, I will probably answer in multiple parts. I will start with the below as this seems potentially very important :

Vineeto: I can recommend to rememorate the flavour of your last outstanding PCE (not the interpretation the ‘controller’ inserted afterwards) and freshly connect to the genuine pure intent. Then daring to care and caring to dare is eminently possible.

So when I wrote the below last evening :

Kuba: What I am experiencing this evening is that the “enticement” which pure intent offers is irresistible, it makes all ‘my’ heroic efforts unnecessary.

I am very very confident that what I was experiencing was genuine pure intent. Because what I experienced matched exactly the description of – “a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe”.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I appreciate your clarification and I am glad that you are confident to genuinely experience pure intent.

My suggestion simply derived from there hardly being any caring for your fellow human beings in your last post, let alone any sign of altruistic intent for the benefit of every body, and I couldn’t understand this lack whilst pure intent is operating.

Perhaps you know?

KUBA: Now I will contrast the above description with Srinath’s explanation on the simple actualism page :

Srinath: If one thinks of the actual universe as a magical, benevolent, alive (but non-sentient), glorious, scintillating and infinite thing – then pure intent is our human experience of all of this: our connection to this radiant dimension of the universe. But as feeling beings we are many times removed from this purity. (Srinath, Simple Actualism, Pure Intent

I remember there was a time on this forum when the words pure intent were replaced with purity. That instead of establishing a connection to pure intent one would connect with purity. I went along with this which I now see as a bastardised version of what pure intent actually is. What I confirmed yesterday is that indeed connecting with “purity” is missing the very key aspect of the “genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity”. I was blown away when I experienced it last night, it was sweet, it was irresistibly enticing, it was impossible not to care, it was something that could easily pull ‘me’ all the way to ‘my’ demise without a shred of resistance.

It seems Claudiu had it from the start around the time of the rift thread, this “sandpit actualism” is not the genuine article as described on the AFT. And what a damaging influence these bastardisations can have!

VINEETO: I do appreciate your elucidating explanation how the word “purity” instead of “pure intent” has temporarily derailed your practice and possibly that of others. Perhaps it’s time that a moderator puts a visible warning notice on “Simple Actualism” or at least on the specific misleading articles. I never read them.

Cheers Vineeto

June 7 2025

Richard: Incidentally, it is considered that autism (and/or Asperger’s Syndrome) is best characterised as ‘mind-blindness’; in other words, autistic individuals generally lack a ‘theory of mind’. (Richard, Abditorium, Theory of Mind)

KUBA: So were you referring to the bit about the AI or the autism/asperger’s syndrome? Or something else altogether? Now I am thinking I am not able to genuinely care enough for others because I have autism  Sonya did say she reckons I am a little special although I certainly seem to have a functioning theory of mind.

Hi Kuba,

I don’t consider you having autism in the medical definition of the word, but perhaps a tendency to be less interested in how people you are not personally connected to are experiencing life in the ‘real’ world. Of course, I am aware that you have a “functioning theory of mind”.

I was pointing to the last paragraph of the article because it might explain to you if/that socializing and caring about the plight of others is a bit more ‘unnatural’ to you and therefore might need specific attentiveness and initialisation from your side more than for others. I am aware, experientially, that it can vary from person to person, and Sonya’s comment you being “a little special” seemed a possible explanation that caring and being able to put yourself in others’ shoes is not as natural and easy as it may be for others.

I had no intention to alarm you.

Cheers Vineeto

June 7 2025

KUBA: Well as you wrote your reply just now Vineeto, I also typed out the below, so perhaps there is something there :

It’s like I could play the game of being normal but I never intuitively felt to be normal, I didn’t believe it. 

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I appreciate your explanation how you felt/feel. It may well have been beneficial that you didn’t fall into the all-to-common trap of universal sorrow and then universal compassion. Now, for your aim of developing the altruistic impulse for self-immolation you can address the initial fear of having been unable to “bond like the other kids did” and move straight to daring to genuinely care (without emotional bonding).

KUBA: Thank you for your replies Vineeto, time to digest it all.

Ps yes I understand you are not hinting at me having autism in a medical sense but perhaps a predisposition that is slightly away from the normal.

VINEETO: I am pleased you understand and am confident you can make use of it.

Cheers Vineeto

June 8 2025

VINEETO: Now that you explained what being a messiah really means, it could well be that “the freedom to be me as I am for one and all” is an entirely different destination to being actually free, as in “the freedom to be ‘me’ as I am for one and all”?

KUBA: Well what I can see now is that to cut a long story short ‘I’ have been aiming at the wrong target. Essentially those attempts at self-immolation were not aimed at benefitting flesh and blood bodies, they were aimed at the various inhabitants of reality. Driving home just now I lol’ed to myself as I remembered the instructions – allow ‘my’ self-immolation for the benefit of this body, that body and every body.

It makes sense that no matter how hard ‘I’ ran or how frantically ‘I’ searched it was always another invisible wall. ‘I’ cannot sacrifice ‘myself’ altruistically unless there is a genuine target. The genuine target is those factually existing flesh and blood humans i.e. my fellow human beings.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

It’s amazing how often ‘I’ manage to deceive ‘myself’, but even more amazing how one can get back on track with attentiveness and refocusing on pure intent and its apperceptive penetrating insight(s).

KUBA: What I realised today very quickly is that I was never afraid of my fellow human beings either, it was the identities that I was afraid of, that I resented etc But it doesn’t matter now whether I can ever bond in a normal way with other identities, because they are not the target of all this.

VINEETO: That is a is a wonderful realisation how to use your propensity and intelligence.

However, being passionate identities, your fellow human being need your altruistic offering and the eventually emerging of personalized pure intent to have demonstrated what is possible. Just look how often you refer to the few actually free people for guidance and encouragement for your own endeavour to become free.

KUBA: I remember in the Q and A’s from Australia there was a quote utilised – “Give to me a fulcrum on which to plant my lever, and I will move the world”. I understand this now because before it was as if the energy which kept ‘me’ in place would not budge even if ‘I’ pushed as hard as ‘I’ possibly could – of course because who is doing the pushing and who is being pushed. 

VINEETO: I always liked that Archimedes’ quote and ‘Vineeto’ thought it was for ‘her’ a perfect expression how to escape from the human condition. The fulcrum being pure intent, of course, outside of ‘me’. The ‘who’ is doing the “pushing” and is “being pushed” is one and the same. As you said yesterday –

Kuba: What I am experiencing this evening is that the “enticement” which pure intent offers is irresistible, it makes all ‘my’ heroic efforts unnecessary. [Emphasis added].

KUBA: Whereas this genuine target, something outside of ‘me’ is what makes it possible. And with seeing the above it sunk in deeply just what happens, in that ‘I’ do indeed sacrifice ‘myself’, it is exactly what it says on the tin.

I can understand what Geoffrey said to Claudiu in that it is not “kid business”, neither is it serious though… but it is very, very sincere.

VINEETO: This is marvellous to read and what a remarkable difference to you previously thinking/saying “well those suffering others could clean themselves up” ! And now you know that what is written “on the tin” (hehe) is spot on.

Cheers Vineeto

June 9 2025

VINEETO to Ian: ‘Vineeto’ was impressed, and at the end of the video ‘she’ said “if she can do it I can do it”. (…)

KUBA: That is wonderful story, so much so for doing anything sudorific to traverse that wall of fear… Actually in this case it might have been : Sudorific – relating to or causing sweating.

So I wonder once ‘Vineeto’ lost ‘her’ inhibitions via naïve unbridled enjoyment of sexuality and sensuality was that the end of feeling like a fraud for ‘her’?
What was it like for ‘Vineeto’ once ‘she’ had stepped out from control to interact with Richard? Did that fear of “what he could discover” disappear?

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

I had to think back and I can’t remember any feeling “like a fraud” after the event described above. I would say it was due to the fact that ‘she’ was already fully committed to ‘her’ demise without any reservations ‘she’ was aware of. ‘She’ was cognisant that as long as ‘she’ was a feeling being ‘she’ was an impostor but that was not a problem as ‘she’ knew ‘she’ was unreservedly heading towards ‘her’ destiny fast. That knowing comes with the experience of being out-from-control.

For instance I remember that day we set off on the journey to our summer holidays in the remote rainforest wilderness, a two-day journey along the main river towards the long and winding tree-framed Bungawalbin Creek, ‘Vineeto’ was sitting on the bow deck while Peter was steering, and her heart was singing all the way because ‘she’ knew with utmost confidence that sometime during those 4-6 weeks of holiday “it” would happen, and every mile travelled brought ‘her’ closer to ‘her’ destiny. It was a glorious day and a wondrous journey, full of joyous anticipation. … And “it” did happen!

KUBA: I wonder if this is the direction of the remaining inhibitions for ‘me’ – that there is this shame or fear of knowing that ‘I’ am a fraud. That somehow ‘I’ am ashamed of ‘being’. ‘I’ am ashamed of ‘my’ fear aggression, nurture and desire.

It’s like as long as this shame is in place ‘I’ cannot ‘be’ naiveté, because ‘I’ have something to hide. And it is weird because it is ‘my’ fear, aggression, nurture and desire which ‘I’ am hiding and yet in the process of it ‘I’ blame the body? I can see this with the repression of sexuality, in that ‘I’ am the only dirty thing about sexuality and yet the body with its delicious functions was blamed.

VINEETO: Look, such existential ‘problems’ are not solved by ruminating about it and dissecting what others have done, only to again busy oneself with ‘my’ shortcomings. You need to live it, do it, and whenever you find a hesitation due to moral and ethical constriction, overcome it instead of habitual hiding or retreating –

Richard: Yes, once altruistically set in motion, a momentum happens of its own accord. One knows, from the perfection of freedom from the human condition as evidenced in the PCE, that it is possible to live the actuality that is already always here. What ‘I’ do is unreservedly allow ‘my’ eventual demise to occur ... pure intent, born out of the connection between one’s inherent naiveté and the perfection of the infinitude of this physical universe, will provide one with the necessary intestinal fortitude. And once embarked upon the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom, you are not on your own: this perfection is with you all the way ... but if you waver, you are indeed doing it on your own. It is a matter of having the courage of your convictions and letting nothing stand in your way; determination and perseverance are the essential prerequisites to ensure success ... coupled with application and diligence. One finds one must – one needs must actually do it – for no one else will do it for you as no one else can do it for you. And although one may think and feel that it would be a lonely journey to take on one’s own it is not ... it is the most joyous escapade one can ever enter into.

It is the jaunt of a lifetime. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan-b, 13 December 1999)

Richard: (…) no one has ‘the necessary intestinal fortitude to proceed’ before they proceed: it comes in sufficient quality, and only as required by the circumstances, as one proceeds. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Alan-b, 28 January 2001)

KUBA: This seems important, because how can ‘I’ self-immolate if ‘I’ am still playing some game of pretence, if ‘I’ am dissociating from ‘my’ roots.

VINEETO: It is naiveté which is the cure for pretence and dissociating. Play as genuinely as you allow yourself to be.

*

KUBA: So now it is like ‘I’ am allowing ‘myself’ to see what it means that ‘I’ am the ‘many’, no matter how diminished ‘I’ may be. To see this without a shred of shame or dissociation it seems a necessary step in order to allow ‘my’ self-immolation. This all seems in the correct direction – of recognising that I am a fellow human being.
I wonder now and I am also excited at what will end this shame for good.

VINEETO: Mmh, the opposite of shame is pride – no pride no shame (or humility).

(It’s a general rule of thumb ‘Vineeto’ found in ‘her’ investigations – if ‘she’ couldn’t shake off a bad feeling it was usually that ‘she’ wanted to keep/ defend its opposite good feeling.)

Come out more and more from your habitual safe place and discover … playmates. How close can you get?

Cheers Vineeto

June 11 2025

KUBA: So things are going swimmingly, naiveté is blossoming more and more. It is such an immediately rewarding way of being alive. It is worth every penny by itself and then there is more! Initially it is the ‘doer’ that steps back and then ‘I’ am ‘being’ ‘my’ way through life, this is already wonderful, but then there is the perfection and purity just “underneath” that, in that direction there is no longer a ‘me’ at all, instead I am the doing of what is happening and only pristine purity and perfection abounds. It’s quite incredible how the better gets bester and then there is still actual perfection and purity to be found.

When I contemplate what it could be like if this way of ‘being’ was simply ‘my’ default, with no ‘normal’ to revert back to – it blows ‘my’ socks off! For then there would be only 1 direction left to travel – only deeper and deeper into that wonderland, and it seems in that direction there is just no cap to the wonder and delight which is possible.

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You described living with/in naiveté in such a delightful way, and are even anticipating the prospect of having “only 1 direction left to travel” with no negative side effects in sight – so what is it that is preventing you from proceeding?

Is it the irrevocability of an actual freedom once it occurred?

Have you ever heard from an actually free person who wanted to revert back to ‘normal’?

Cheers Vineeto

June 12 2025

KUBA: Hi Vineeto,

VINEETO: You described living with/in naiveté in such a delightful way, and are even anticipating the prospect of having “only 1 direction left to travel” with no negative side effects in sight…

KUBA: Yes this glimpse of what it would be like to only have 1 direction left to travel it happened yesterday and it reminded me of a writing from Richard where he compared a PCE to an experience where one travels deeper and deeper into a rainforest, until one comes across this “hushed stillness”. So this is how I saw it, as if I would walk deeper and deeper into that wonderland until the way back to ‘reality’ is lost and there ‘I’ would loose ‘myself’ too. It was very very wonderful and I realise this is what I deeply desire. (…)

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

Is this the one you are referring to?

Richard: Sometimes a PCE is also known as ‘a nature experience’ ... wherein one’s own personal experiencing is likewise the only proof worthy of the name. Being deep in a rain-forest goes some way towards making it all clearer ... or any wilderness, for that matter. As one travels deeper and deeper into this – initially ‘other’ – world of natural delight, one experiences an intensely hushed stillness that is vast and immense ... yet so simply here. I am not referring to a feeling of awe or reverence or great beauty – to have any emotion or passion at all is to miss the actuality of this moment – nor am I referring to any blissful or euphoric state of ‘being’. It is a sensate experience, not an affective state. I am talking about the factual and simple actualness of earthy existence being experienced whilst ambling along or sitting quietly without any particular thought in mind ... yet not being mindless either. And then, when a sparkling intimacy occurs, do not the woods take on a fairy-tale-like quality? Is one not in a paradisiacal environment that envelops yet leaves one free? This is the ambience that I speak of. At this magical moment there is no ‘I’ in the head or ‘me’ in the heart ... there is this apperceptive awareness wherein thought can operate freely without the encumbrance of any feelings whatsoever.

It is not my ambience nor yours ... yet it is here for everyone and anyone for the asking ... for the daring to be here as this body only. One does this by stepping out of the real world into this actual world, as this flesh and blood body, leaving your ‘self’ behind where ‘you’ belong ... because the reality of the real world is an illusion ‘I’ create by ‘my’ very ‘presence’.

This ambience delivers the goods so longed for through aeons. (Richard, List C, No. 4b, #natureexperience).

KUBA: Then I considered whether it is the fear of ‘my’ death, I do notice that often what pushes me out of naive enjoyment and appreciation is something to the effect of what Richard called – grasping at redemptive straws – but I am not sure about that one either.

VINEETO: Mmh, Richard talks about a “redemptive straw” or “one of several doomsday straws” in combination of a deep foreboding –

Richard: I have written about what can happen, regarding that fear so vast as to best be called dread, some years ago. Viz.:

• [Richard]: A deep feeling of dread, the abject intuition of impending doom, is fraught with foreboding, be it a grim, dire, or awful presage, and this intensely apprehensive trepidation is symptomatic of the existential angst (the anguish of the essential insecurity of being a contingent ‘being’) which underpins all suffering.

As such an occasion of profound dread is an opportune moment to plumb the depths of ‘being’ itself (‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being) rather than avoidance through realisation of the portentous event as all manner of phantasmagoria can be manifested by such evasion.
With pure intent one can enable a movement into the existential angst, rather than despairingly grasping at doomsday straws, which movement facilitates the bright light of awareness being shone into the innermost recesses of ‘my’ presence ... which is ‘presence’ itself.
Such an active perspicacity in ‘my’ moment of reckoning will reveal that ‘presence’ itself feeds off ‘my’ fear – it is its very life-blood as it were – and this functional acuity brings an abrupt end to its nourishment.

Whereupon all-of-a-sudden one finds oneself on the other side of the wall (to keep with the ‘cornered’ analogy for now) with the hitherto unseeable doorway to freedom closing behind one and one is walking freely in this actual world where one has already always been living anyway.

All what happened was that upon ‘my’ exposure dissolution occurred and the Land of Lament sank without a trace. (Richard, List B, James3, 21 Nov 2002).

In short: what happened was that the existential angst of discovering how one is nothing but a contingent ‘being’, and how one will cease to ‘be’ unless one of several doomsday straws be grasped, resulted in the redemptive straw being grasped so firmly as to bring about an ASC (which waxed and waned in intensity) which endured for more than just a few weeks.

(Hence her abrupt about-face, as made into public knowledge in both ‘Richard’s Journal’ and on The Actual Freedom Trust website, and her out-of-character blackguarding of actualism and bad-mouthing of me). (Richard, List D, No. 6, 16 November 2009).

I don’t know if this applies.

KUBA: Initially it almost seemed like a “naughty thing” to be doing, to proceed into the wonderland whilst everyone else is ‘back there’ – but I don’t think this is the reason.

KUBA: Hmm actually I wonder if it is this one, I am still worried about what those other identities will make of where I am proceeding. Like I can just hear those identities chattering “what a fool” all the while I am lost in the wonderland.

But at the same time I do remember what I discovered recently, that those identities are not the target of all this, it is the flesh and blood bodies that all this is for.
It seems perhaps ‘I’ am yet to abandon ‘humanity’, to not only be an utter fool in their eyes but also a complete deserter, and to proceed anyway. Because once ‘I’ am lost in that wonderland, with no way back to ‘reality“ then ‘I’ am completely and utterly on ‘my’ own.

VINEETO: It sounds like a wonderful way to ‘get lost’.

KUBA: This being on my own I am not afraid of because in that wonderland there is the perfection and purity with me all the way. It is more that by virtue of even daring to enter the wonderland I am going against the whole thrust of ‘humanity’, every step taken transgresses some rule in ‘reality’. How could I speak to another when we are as if speaking from different worlds?

I realise this is what you are doing right now as you converse with us Vineeto.

VINEETO: Ha … it is very easy to “speak to another”. They don’t know I am in a different world, I am entirely anonymous. Automorphism fills in the gaps. For instance, I am almost daily having coffee and chatting with a lively and mostly cheerful lady about my age who lives a few boats further up the wharf. We talk about life on the river, how lucky we are to live here in this paradise, comparing what we had for lunch/ dinner and what goes on in the world. She has no idea that I am different in that I only meet her as a flesh-and-blood body. She just says she enjoys the calming effect our chats have for her.

It’s only on this forum, set up to discuss actualism and an actual freedom, that I talk about my favourite topic.

So, in actuality it is quite different to your imagination.

Cheers Vineeto

June 12 2025

VINEETO: Mmh, Richard talks about a “redemptive straw” or “one of several doomsday straws” in combination of a deep foreboding…

…I don’t know if this applies.

KUBA: Yes it is interesting that resistance, anxiety, stress, fear, dread etc. all these play little to no role lately, and I got a rather big mouthful of those at one point. 

VINEETO: Hi Kuba,

You reported lots of explorations into strong fear, it is excellent that “all these play little to no role lately”.

KUBA: So driving home just now I realise that this whole problem only exists because ‘I’ still take ‘myself’ to be the epicentre of existence. That ‘I’ am that important for the whole world to notice that ‘I’ disappeared – here comes the messiah again lol.

Looks like there is more to that pride, ‘I’ want to be seen, to be important, and so ‘I’ cement ‘my’ existence.

I can see that it is possible to be anonymous, in fact the world wouldn’t even notice. It is more that ‘I’ have a stake in being “someone in particular”.

‘I’ do not wander off into exile because ‘I’ want to remain a ‘someone’ in relation to ‘others’. Going into the wonderland there is only anonymity.

VINEETO: More than anonymity, you will no longer exist which includes all ‘your’ emotional and imagination-fuelled memories. The anonymity is an aspect of living in the actual world. ‘You’ will not only cease to exist but when I became actually free I knew I had always been here as me, this flesh-and-blood body – it’s a seamless transition.

KUBA: It looks like this is it – ‘I’ am not ready yet to no longer be a ‘someone’.

VINEETO: Ha, I can hear you saying that, over and over. But ‘your’ days are numbered nevertheless.

KUBA: Of course this makes so much sense, ‘I’ need ‘humanity’ to affirm the ‘who’ that ‘I’ am. In that wonderland there is no one to do that anymore.

This is rather silly and yet it seems to be the reason – pride and humility – ‘I’ don’t proceed into exile because ‘I’ want to be a ‘someone’.

VINEETO: Pride and humility are a rich field for investigation, aren’t they.

KUBA: But it seems this is not just about vanity, it is more that ‘my’ very existence requires such a mirror. It is like Richard wrote that – Pride and humility stands in the way of ceasing all self-centred activity. But this self-centred activity of maintaining ‘myself’ is a burden for ‘me’. I am happy that I have managed to get this bugger by the throat now. I noticed that even resolving this whole business around being out from control removed some of this burden, with no label to live up to ‘I’ was freed to be more sincere and more naive.

VINEETO: This is excellently put “with no label to live up” – and you said it well the other day –

Kuba: … it’s more like ‘I’ am speedily loosing all ‘my’ feathers and ‘my’ cap

KUBA: Now I see that it is possible to be anonymous – that choice is freely available.

VINEETO: Maybe it’s just the way you phrased it – ‘your’ future is not to be living in anonymity – upon becoming free ‘you’ will disappear like Santa Claus in ‘your’ world vanished into thin air many years ago. Santa Claus is not “living in anonymity”.

KUBA: Yesterday I had these very fascinating glimpses of what it means to be anonymous, it clarified what the goal is, what actual freedom is like. It is not like what ‘I’ have been imagining at all. It is the end of all self-centred activity, a blessed release into anonymity.

VINEETO: Ha, that’s great – it put an end to ‘your’ future imaginings. Just don’t add any new ones such as “the anonymous messiah”.

KUBA: Whereas as the messiah, actual freedom would be like ‘my’ final form of recognition – of ‘being’ – of course this is the completely wrong direction.

VINEETO: Yes, it would be, the ultimate feather in ‘your’ cap.

• [Richard]: I found out where I had been going wrong for eleven years ... self-aggrandisement is so seductive’. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 16, 8 January 2001).

• [Richard]: ‘I set my sights further than being a mere saviour of humankind, all those years ago when I was determined to be free of the human condition, and I am not likely to fall back into that position now that I have succeeded’. (Richard, List B, No. 34a, 8 June 1999).

• [Richard]: ‘I also say (repeatedly) that I set my sights further than merely being (yet again) another of the long list of failed Messiahs and Masters, Gurus and God-Men, Saints and Sages, Avatars and Saviours and that I am not likely to fall back into that position now that I am free from the human condition’. (Richard, List B, No. 25e, 13 October 1999).

• [Richard]: ‘I set my sights further than being yet another embodiment of that ‘supreme intelligence’ all those years ago, when I first began my journey into ‘my’ psyche (which is the ‘human’ psyche), so I am not likely to fall back into that position now’. (Richard, List B, No. 40, 3 October 1999).

Isn’t it wonderful and confidence-inspiring that actuality is so pure that nothing dirty can get in?

Cheers Vineeto