May 19 2026

HENRY: I have had a bit of a breakthrough in my actualism process.

Any comments or concerns are welcome!

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

This is great – discovering how you had complicated returning to feeling good in the past and seeing that there is no need to “watch” the bad feeling. A simple attentiveness to the cause of diminished enjoyment and appreciation restores feeling happy & harmless.

Regarding the next step – apart from the “commitment to feeling happy & harmless each moment again” – is indeed finding out “what happened to waylay” you so that does not need to waylay you again.

Just curious, on 30 November 2024 (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Henry, 30 November 2024) we discussed to put everything on a preference basis – did that work out for you as intended? I remember that it over time it made a big difference for feeling being ‘Vineeto’ in that there were far less reasons to get upset about if things didn’t turn out as ‘she’ originally wanted them to. Here is a favourite quote of mine which encapsulates the whole aim of putting everything on an ‘it-doesn’t-matter basis –

Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004).

Also, when you grow more and more accustomed as a habit to initiating an affective awareness to how you experience this moment of being alive each moment again, you will become aware of ever-finer nuances where feeling good diminishes, and then you can correct course before your enjoyment and appreciation changes to feeling listless or bad. As such, maintaining feeling happy and harmless becomes easier and more continuous.

Richard: This perpetual enjoyment and appreciation is facilitated by feeling as happy and as harmless as is humanly possible. And this (affective) felicity/ innocuity is potently enabled via minimisation of both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ feelings. An affective awareness is the key to maximising felicity and innocuity over all those alternate feelings inasmuch the slightest diminishment of enjoyment and appreciation automatically activates attentiveness. (Richard, This Moment of Being Alive).

Lastly, here is a reminder that it’s important to recognize the ‘good’ feelings as being as much of a hindrance to feeling happy and harmless as the bad feelings –

Richard: One can free the heart and mind of hurts and slights ... and from succour and compliments as well. This is important, for the positive is as insidious as the negative when it comes to holding on to whatever from the past and the future. There must be an attainment of freedom from the past and the future in whatever form it takes, for ‘I’ am these hurts and compliments ... it is, in part, what ‘I’ am made up of. ‘I’ have a vested interest in taking offence, for it endorses the very nature of ‘me’ as soul. ‘I’ also thrive on receiving praise for it feeds what ‘I’ am as an ego. Both hurts and compliments give both ‘I’ and ‘me’ the nourishment ‘I’ need for ‘my’ survival. By not taking offence or receiving praise, ‘I’ have made a good start in undoing ‘me’. Thus the past and the future become less and less real as the sense of identity, as an enduring entity continuing over time, is dependent upon an emotion-backed memory and passionate imagination fuelling the fires of malice and sorrow. ‘I’ am a product of the emotional and passionate ‘real-world’ affective time-span. (Richard, This Moment of Being Alive).

Cheers Vineeto

May 20 2026

VINEETO: Just curious, on 30 November 2024 (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Henry, 30 November 2024) we discussed to put everything on a preference basis – did that work out for you as intended? I remember that it over time it made a big difference for feeling being ‘Vineeto’ in that there were far less reasons to get upset about if things didn’t turn out as ‘she’ originally wanted them to. Here is a favourite quote of mine which encapsulates the whole aim of putting everything on an ‘it-doesn’t-matter’ basis –

Richard: A general rule of thumb is: if it is a preference it is a self-less inclination; if it is an urge it is a self-centred desire. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, 25d, 14 January 2004)

HENRY: Hi Vineeto!

Yes, I have been finding that helpful, though this reminder was timely as well! It’s remarkable how many things ‘everything’ applies to.

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

Indeed. When you commit to being happy and harmless, simply because it makes sense, you discover that more and more of the little unnecessary niggles which cause a diminishing of feeling good will easily disappear, when whatever “self-centred desire” has caused them gets changed into “a self-less inclination”. That means the more ‘my’ demands and ‘my’ desires, or ‘my’ complaints and resentments stop dominating one’s life, being felicitous and innocuous becomes more and more unconditional. It becomes an enjoyment and appreciation of being just here, at this place in infinite space, right now, at this moment in eternal time, as this particular form which perdurable matter (mass/ energy) has taken shape as. And when nothing really matters naiveté can flourish and seriousness goes out the window.

Here is what Chrono observed when becoming more and more naïve –

Chrono: Thus in an overall manner to having more fun consistently the thing that sticks out to me the most is what I can only describe as a persona that’s bent on being sophisticated. A sophisticate. Making things complicated. Setting up an “image” of myself. Being serious. Even the visceral manoeuvring in my thinking and feeling. I found immediate relief in this noticing because only in this way I finally don’t have to be a “someone”. Interestingly, it was one of my major qualms with work that I noticed a while back. It’s not that work itself is majorly difficult, it’s that I have to be a “someone” at work. But it’s actually enjoyable when I don’t. Being a “someone” is a serious business. And this extends to pretty much every aspect of my life. (Chrono3, 6 Nov 2025).

(…)

VINEETO: Lastly, here is a reminder that it’s important to recognize the ‘good’ feelings as being as much of a hindrance to feeling happy and harmless as the bad feelings –

Richard: One can free the heart and mind of hurts and slights ... and from succour and compliments as well. This is important, for the positive is as insidious as the negative when it comes to holding on to whatever from the past and the future. There must be an attainment of freedom from the past and the future in whatever form it takes, for ‘I’ am these hurts and compliments ... it is, in part, what ‘I’ am made up of. ‘I’ have a vested interest in taking offence, for it endorses the very nature of ‘me’ as soul. ‘I’ also thrive on receiving praise for it feeds what ‘I’ am as an ego. Both hurts and compliments give both ‘I’ and ‘me’ the nourishment ‘I’ need for ‘my’ survival. By not taking offence or receiving praise, ‘I’ have made a good start in undoing ‘me’. Thus the past and the future become less and less real as the sense of identity, as an enduring entity continuing over time, is dependent upon an emotion-backed memory and passionate imagination fuelling the fires of malice and sorrow. ‘I’ am a product of the emotional and passionate ‘real-world’ affective time-span. (Richard, This Moment of Being Alive).

HENRY: I am giving this more thought, I think it’s something I have rather shirked over the years… after all, good feelings feel so good! But I see how they are connected, a la rubber-banded, to the bad.

VINEETO: Perhaps less rational thought and more an affective awareness will do the trick. Here is a definition for orientation so you don’t confuse actualism with hedonism –

Richard: The words ‘good feelings’ – which refer to the affectionate and desirable emotions and passions (those that are loving and trusting) – and the words ‘bad feelings’ – which refer to the hostile and invidious emotions and passions (those that are hateful and fearful) – are but a way of describing the effect of those feelings both on oneself and others.

Sometimes they are called the positive and negative feelings. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 44e, 1 October 2003a).

So far, you set out to diminish only the bad feelings – malice and sorrows – but keep the ‘good’ feelings more of less intact? It’s certainly worth activating affective awareness to all ‘good’ and bad feelings because every ‘good’ feeling not only strengthens ‘me’ but has strings attached which will eventually interfere with feeling good and certainly with being happy and harmless. For instance, love is intimately connected with jealousy, possessiveness and worry about reciprocity, not to mention yearning for oneness. I can recommend Richard’s extensive message to James on List D, 8 Aug 2015.

Regarding compassion and its associated feelings this correspondence might give you something to ponder –

Respondent: Are you saying this [taking care of other people and things] only happens in a selfish sort of way? That all feeling caring is selfish – therefore not really caring at all?

Richard: I would rather say ‘self’-centred than ‘selfish’ ... when someone is touched by another’s suffering, as in being moved sufficiently to stimulate caring action, it is their own suffering which is being kindled and quickened. Thus feelings are being aroused, which motivate the activity of caring, and taking care of the other works to assuage the aroused feelings (as well as working to help the other of course). Shall I put it this way? They are missing-out on experiencing the actuality of the caring action, the helpful activity itself, which is taking place.

Respondent: OK, so ‘self’-centred caring (feeling caring) actually works to eliminate one’s own suffering?

Richard: Not ‘eliminate’ ... mitigate, alleviate, lessen, diminish.

Respondent: Even so, the other person suffering is getting cared for.

Richard: Aye ... the other person does get physically taken care of but both persons miss out on the direct experience of the caring action, the helpful activity itself, which is taking place.

Respondent: So properly caring for the other person is a prerequisite for ‘assuaging’ one’s own aroused feelings.

Richard: Yes ... else there be feelings of guilt, compunction, shame, ignominy and so on. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27d, 6 December 2002).

As for desire – to list just three of major positive feelings – it should be quite obvious that with conditional feeling good you aim for by being guided by the urge of “self-centred desires”. Not only would there be frustration or even fear when one can’t get what one wants, one also tends to treat others as a commodity to achieve one’s goals – in other words it is neither conducive to being happy nor being harmless.

Of course you may find more of those ‘good’ feelings which are directly “connected, a la rubber-banded”, when you start paying attention – there is perhaps a holding on to being ‘special’, feeling superior, feeling pride in material success or social popularity, a dearly held belief, or a yet uncovered dream/ hope.

‘Vineeto’ found that behind every obstinate negative feeling, which could not be nipped in the bud, there was an equally obstinate ‘good’ feeling which needed unearthing and being looked at.

Lastly, to emphasize that diminishing the ‘good’ feelings is as important for becoming actually free as diminishing the bad feelings, here is what Richard discovered when investigating the various ‘good’ feelings during ‘his’ enlightenment –

Richard: In my tenth year I tentatively approached one of the last bastions of spiritual enlightenment: pacifism. Almost all of the other attributes of what I called an ‘Absolute Freedom’ had been stripped away and if I was to undo what is called ‘ahimsa’ in the east – non-violence – then there would not be much left of my precious ‘Peace On Earth’ that I was charged to bring. I found a strong resistance within myself to contemplate letting go of the scriptural adage: ‘Turn the other cheek’ ... even though I intellectually considered it to be nonsense. If an entire country held such a belief it would be akin to hanging out a sign saying: ‘Please feel free to invade, we will not fight back’. Also, I personally relied upon the police to protect me and mine from any personal attack or robbery – what if they adopted this principle?

By the time I had worked my way through this philosophical dilemma I had to turn my sights upon the last thing that stood between me and an actual freedom. I would have to let go of the deeply ingrained concept of ‘The Good’. For this to happen I would have to eliminate ‘The Bad’ in me, or else I would be likely to go off the rails and run amok. Little did I realise that it was ‘The Good’ that kept ‘The Bad’ in place. I was soon to find this out. [Emphases added]. (Richard, List B, No. 31, 7 March 2000).

Cheers Vineeto

May 23 2026

VINEETO: Perhaps less rational thought and more of affective awareness will do the trick. Here is a definition for orientation so you don’t confuse actualism with hedonism –

HENRY: Hi Vineeto,

Thank you for this! On affective reflection the gap between good feelings and the PCE-imitating feeling good is more clear to me. Rememoration of the PCE provides the breath of fresh air which reminds me to open a window.

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

“Rememoration of the PCE” certainly does “open a window” – and also the opportunity to forge a connection to pure intent. Then it becomes clear that ‘good feelings’ are a pale imitation to the wonder and appreciation of being here, in this moment in time, the only moment you are actively alive.

*

VINEETO: It’s certainly worth activating affective awareness to all ‘good’ and bad feelings because every ‘good’ feeling not only strengthens ‘me’ but also has strings attached which will eventually interfere with feeling good and certainly with being happy and harmless. For instance, love is intimately connected with jealousy, possessiveness and worry about reciprocity, not to mention yearning for oneness.

HENRY: I have been finding this to be true. There is a girl I am interested in lately and I can feel the strings of possessiveness that I extend making both myself and her uncomfortable. I have been frequently recalling your advice to focus on prioritizing having fun, which has been very helpful as a lodestar.

Thanks!
Henry

VINEETO: It will serve you well to pay close affective attention to the seductive feeling of love, whenever it inserts itself into any intimacy which might develop in your association with said “girl”. Love is a great spoiler of intimacy “where the instinctual tendency/ temptation was to veer off in the direction of love”. The gradations of Grace’s scale can give you some hints, particularly her observations on the point of this looming/ manifesting bifurcation into love where “a conscious choice [is] being required”.

Richard: The gradations of ‘her’ scale were, basically, good, very good, great, excellent, and perfect – whereby, in regards to intimacy, ‘good’ related to togetherness (which pertains to being and acting in concert with another); ‘very good’ related to closeness (where personal boundaries expand to include the other); ‘great’ related to sweetness (delighting in the pervasive proximity, or immanence, of the other); ‘excellent’ related to richness (a near-absence of agency; with the doer abeyant, and the beer ascendant, being the experiencing is inherently cornucopian); and ‘perfect’ related to magicality (neither beer nor doer extant; pristine purity abounds and immaculate perfection prevails) – all of which correlate to the range of naïveness from being sincere to becoming naïve and all the way through being naïveté itselfto an actual innocence. (Richard, List D, Claudiu4, 28 January 2016).

Richard: What did not get included in those second and third paragraphs, regarding feeling-being ‘Grace’ and her rigorous gradations, was ‘her’ oft-repeated observation—regarding the onset of the third stage, on that range of naïveness, where ‘her’ gradation of ‘great’ related to sweetness [depicted parenthetically as “delighting in the pervasive proximity, or immanence, of the other”] —about a bifurcation manifesting where the instinctual tendency/ temptation was to veer off in the direction of love and its affectuous intimacy (due to a self-centric attractiveness towards feeling affectionate) as contrasted to a conscious choice being required so as to somehow have that sweetness then segue into a naïve intimacy via what ‘she’ described as ‘richness’ [depicted parenthetically as “a near-absence of agency; with the [sophisticate] doer abeyant, and the [naïve] beer ascendant, being the experiencing is inherently cornucopian”] and graded as ‘excellent’. (Richard, List D, Martin, 6 March 2016).

Many more details in Richard’s selected correspondence on intimacy.

Cheers Vineeto