VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

CHRONO: I am finding all the writing as of late very inspiring! The emphasis on appreciation is very much a game changer. Like some others, I wasn’t paying attention to that word and how much up-levelling it can do to feeling good. All the way to feeling the sweetness! There was an experience that I had while trying it out. An experience that I only had once before when I was reading a particular story that Richard wrote.

Firstly, it was Claudiu’s very clear post some time ago on trying it out for yourself that made it happen. So thanks for the effort you put into your writing. I was actually feeling bad while reading that post. But I wanted to try it out. So I set aside the reason for just a minute and felt good. Then I started thinking about how it feels good to just feel good. I got a sense of ‘this is precious’. I continued thinking on it and it turned into a ‘wow it’s amazing to be alive’. I’m not able to quite convey it with words, but it was so amazing to just be alive that I thought ‘everyone deserves this’. It really made me think ‘could I really live like this forever’? Then it occurred to me that this experience is actually a moment away at anytime I want. In fact I can do it right now as I write this. And I know this may sound crazy, but instead of going fully into it, I have been thinking every day if I should because of some objections that keep coming up.

VINEETO: This is an excellent experiential report how the actualism can work in practice instantly. All that you needed was “I wanted to try it out” with the intent to succeed. And you discovered that “in fact I can do it right now”. So now you know experientially how to feel good “all the way to feeling the sweetness!”

It is that from this vantage point of experiencing this moment that you can look in a dispassionate way at whatever objection is at the forefront of your mind preventing you to continue the feeling the sweetness.

CHRONO: My feeling bad stemmed from how I become in relationships. I’m not sure if it’s trauma or if it is how I am but I always become very insecure and afraid my partner will abandon me. It’s an all pervasive feeling and I can only describe it as hell. The worst feeling in the world. I’m currently in a relationship and it’s at that point despite my partner not having done anything for me to feel this way. My main objection then is that I will lose my partner if I feel good all the time. It’s like I have to be ever-vigilant. How will I have a relationship? The only thing that doesn’t send me spiralling into it is that I have this sense that I can feel good anytime I want to that’s stayed with me. All of this sounds insane as I write it actually. I’ll have to think on it more.

VINEETO: What you are describing here is love. Naming the issue is the first step to be able to successfully contemplate it. Being in love invariable comes with both pining and possessiveness, to name but two, resulting in “an all pervasive feeling and I can only describe it as hell”.

[Richard re Devika/Irene]: “[…] the power of love surging through the bloodstream is too strong to deny ... the body can be persuaded to produce quite an array of chemicals; a veritable cocktail is available to the insidious entity that has a psychological and psychic residence within ...”. (from pp. 235-239, ‘Richard’s Journal’, 1st. Ed. (pp. 256-259, 2nd. Ed.), in Article 36, ‘There comes a Time when one must Leave the Nest and Fly’).

Here he also describes how love inevitably fails –

[Richard re S.U.R.B.H.I.]: “[…] namely: love and its failure to deliver the goods (with its resultant blaming of the ‘love-object’, in lieu of facing the fact that love itself failed, along with its attendant resentment/ hatred and/or jealousy/ envy and/or bitterness/ vindictiveness and so on and so forth). [...].” (Richard, List D, No. 15, 24 June 2013)

And here is Richard’s collected description about both ‘Peter’s’ and ‘Vineeto’s’ experiences and investigative realisations during their time of being in love, which can give you some ideas how to contemplate and investigate your own situation – (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Love).

Of course, you don’t have to talk it through with your partner unless she is willing, you can have the necessary realisations and actualizations unilaterally. After all, you said that “despite my partner not having done anything for me to feel this way”. The important thing is that you recognize that the sweet feeling of love and the “all pervasive feeling” of hell are not two different issues, they are the two sides of the same coin.

When love is gone (which it inevitably will once you stop feeding it) the way is clear for recognizing your partner as a fellow human being and allow the resultant naivete and an exquisite intimacy to flourish.

Cheers Vineeto

August 1 2024

Let me insert a vital step before your “square one” – getting back to feeling good once you discover that your enjoyment and appreciation has diminished. Unless you are at least feeling good any thinking about/ investigation into your emotions will go round in circles.

Richard: What the identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years ago would do is first get back to feeling good and then, and only then, suss out where, when, how, why – and what for – feeling bad happened as experience had shown ‘him’ that it was counter-productive to do otherwise.

What ‘he’ always did however, as it was often tempting to just get on with life then, was to examine what it was all about within half-an-hour of getting back to feeling good (while the memory was still fresh) even if it meant sometimes falling back into feeling bad by doing so ... else it would crop up again sooner or later.
Nothing, but nothing, can be swept under the carpet. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 68c, 31 May 2005).

CHRONO: Yet I would still feel this literal discomfort in my head. Some deep tendency makes me almost tend towards splitting myself and trying to “work” on ‘myself’ this way. (…)

VINEETO: Your “literal discomfort” and “deep tendency” “towards splitting myself” would be because, unless getting back to feeling good, ‘I’ am (automatically) dissociating from my feelings in order “to ‘work’ on ‘myself’ this way”.

CHRONO: Be friends with myself. Be gentle with myself. This will also be reflected onto others. If I am friends with myself and gentle with myself, then I can be so with others. (…)

VINEETO: Even though Richard used the word ‘gentle’ in the Audio-Taped Dialogues, Silly or Sensible–

Richard: This is a lot easier than that new-age one about not being judgemental. ‘I shouldn’t be judgemental!’ or ‘I’m always evaluating, judging everything and everyone’. This is a much more gentle way of being with oneself. Be kind to yourself – one needs all the help one can get and who is the best person to help you if not you yourself? [Emphasis added].

– he did not suggest that you “be gentle with” yourself. On the contrary, in many of his correspondences he emphasises that sincerity is the key to naiveté and sincerity requires that one be ruthlessly honest with oneself.

RESPONDENT: The Actualists have trained themselves in the art of ‘entity hunting’ in which they ‘ruthlessly’ undo that which stands between them and their freedom. [snip] You might be able to whittle an identity down far enough to enjoy an actual freedom or something very delightful indeed but I wonder about the nature of the residue. I’d class the ‘residue’ as clever enough to evade simple adversarial probing and ‘ruthless’ exposure. I’d say it would be canny enough to call itself an Actualist and step aside far enough for a lovely virtual or actual freedom. [snip] The quality and character of self observation is as important as the subject of the observation. To pursue matters ‘ruthlessly’ may ‘do the trick’ but I think it produces a fanatic. [snip] In my personal experience I was taught by a therapist (who happened to be a Buddhist) to use the same method. Each session was spent reporting the results of my observations and exploring material as it emerged from my body in this moment. I learnt that every feeling I had could be observed in my body. We experimented with different ‘probes’ or intents if you will and turned up some primal material at times. I’d say that I explored some instinctual material but I don’t really know how to tell the difference from other material. My therapist recommended a gentle approach to observation. I used to get frustrated and want to ‘cut to the chase’ but I saw the results of my hard-headedness in a few interesting sessions. My gentle minded therapist was able to coax a trapped and extremely scared ‘child’ from the depths of my guts. The child was terrified of me and would only emerge when the therapist was around. Why was that? Because at the time I was a cold hearted brute to myself and my observational capacity was limited by that. My therapist believed that the quality and character of observation was as important as the content of the observation. There may well be a ‘cunning alien entity’ hijacking your bodily resources in a parasitical manner but it’s probably good to be aware that while you can smash the entity ruthlessly on the head, your goolies may be caught in its mandibles. :-) Ruthlessness is a good way to send material underground.

RICHARD: Here is what the word ‘ruthless’ means to me:

• ruthless [from ruth + -less.]: having no pity or compassion; pitiless, merciless. (Oxford Dictionary).

Where a Buddhist therapist recommends a ‘gentle approach to observation’ they would, more than likely, be advocating ‘metta’ (Pali for ‘loving-kindness’) and ‘karuna’ (Pali for ‘pity-compassion’) else they would not be in accord with the four fundamental Buddhist principles known as ‘brahma-vihara’ (divine-abidings) – the other two are ‘mudita’ (‘gladness at others’ success’) and ‘upekkha’ (‘onlooking equanimity’) – and needless is it to say that metta and/or karuna are as good a way as any for the cunning alien entity (an affective entity at root) to escape detection and survive to live yet another day in which to wreak its havoc in the world at large?

And in a similar vein here is what the words ‘pitiless’, ‘merciless’, and ‘relentless’ mean to me:

• pitiless [from pity + -less]: without compassion; showing no pity; merciless. (Oxford Dictionary).
• merciless [from mercy + -less]: without mercy; showing no mercy; pitiless, unrelenting. (Oxford Dictionary).
• relentless [from relent + -less]: incapable of relenting; pitiless; insistent and uncompromising. (Oxford Dictionary).

Anyone who asks themself, each moment again, how they are experiencing this moment of being alive – the only moment one is ever alive – whilst under the influence of ruth (compassion, pity; the feeling of sorrow for another) and/or pity (compassion, sympathy; clemency aroused by the suffering or misfortune of another) and/or mercy (disposition to forgive or show compassion) and/or relent (yield; give up a previous determination or obstinacy; become merciful/lenient, show mercy/pity; abate; slacken, relinquish, abandon) is surely just wasting their time ... frittering away the opportunity of a lifetime on but more of the ‘Tried and Failed’ in yet another guise.

‘Tis not for nothing that the alien entity is described as ‘cunning’. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 56a, 10 January 2004a)

To be friends with yourself and abandon the habit of putting yourself down for any or all feelings and cunning ways of the identity you discover is vital – pat yourself on the back and appreciate what your dared to discover and acknowledge – but the words “be gentle” indicate hesitancy, guardedness, caution, yielding and treading lightly in the process of uncovering any aspect of the human condition in yourself (just like the Buddhistic therapist in the above correspondence).

CHRONO: The only way to do that was to stay with the feeling. The instinctual tendency perhaps is to do one or the other and go back and forth. Then as I tried to do neither, I started to get inklings of an answer. I see-sawed back and forth between being this feeling and then the seeing that it was ‘me’ in my entirety that was standing in the way of complete peace and harmony. This seeing has such a vast understanding and implication to it that my mind seems like it’s being turned upside down. One take away was also the seeing why it was all not so easy. Something I didn’t think perhaps I had but I have to ashamedly admit that I had been holding this entire time. Basically, I had been harboring the basic resentment of being alive this entire time. This seeing took the edge off the underlying feeling.

The actualism method is epitomised by “the minimisation of both the malicious/ sorrowful feelings (the ‘bad’ feelings) and their antidotal loving/ compassionate feelings (the ‘good’ feelings) in concert with the maximisation of the felicitous/ innocuous feelings”, the only reason “to stay with the feeling” is when you have difficulty to comprehend “that to be living this moment – the only moment you are ever alive – by feeling bad is to be frittering away a vital opportunity to be fully alive …” (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 79, 21 June 2005)

Now that you discovered that basic resentment is the reason that your feeling bad persisted you can begin to appreciate being here –

Richard: But one has to want to be here on this planet ... most people resent being here and wish to escape. This method will bring one into being more fully here than anyone has ever been before. (Richard, List B, No. 19, 17 March 1998).

CHRONO: So I started reading up Richard’s correspondence on Resentment. I reflected on this initial question: “Can I emotionally accept that which is intellectually unacceptable?”. I actually don’t understand how something can be “intellectually unacceptable” or how it’s being used in this question. Is the lack of peace-on-earth intellectually unacceptable? I always saw it as emotionally unacceptable. But Richard writes:

Richard: Speaking personally, as a preliminary step twenty-odd years ago, I started to embrace each situation that life provided by emotionally welcoming, readily consenting to, receiving fully and unabashedly acknowledging every circumstance so as to find out, once and for all, just what was going on … and just what intelligence actually was. (Richard, List B, James2, 20 August 2001).

So that is what I will try and maintain.

VINEETO: For instance, murder is intellectually unacceptable, as are wars, domestic violence, child abuse and many other behaviours of feeling beings, and to intellectually accept those would be to insult/ compromise/ cripple one’s intelligence. Whereas, when one emotionally accepts that which is intellectually unacceptable then intelligence becomes apparent, is no longer being obscured by one’s feelings in the given situation.

The other hint ‘Vineeto’ found very useful was to put everything on a preference basis – ‘I’ preferred to be a situation or preferred a thing to be in a particular way but if it did not happen/ be that way it didn’t matter. It made unconditional enjoyment so much easier.

CHRONO: I continued the fascinated attention to the discomfort over the course of the week. Over time I started noticing that I was feeling more and more upset with the smallest of things that people did or how they behaved. Yesterday it went up to a crescendo of deep bitterness and encompassed everything. Every little thing people did (even unrelated to me) felt like a coil around my being. I experienced it as I wrote in my journal above as a “conditioning of resentment and bitterness that is coiled around naivete”. Then at the end of the day it just automatically eased up and that same discomfort was greatly diminished. The same night I experienced an elevated sensuousness. I was not even trying to do it, it just happened on its own.

VINEETO: Ha … I wonder if the “fascinated attention to the discomfort” – in the name of practicing the actualism method – contributed to the maintaining and continuing of the discomfort, when you could instead have gone back to feeling good before enquiring into the nature/ reason of your discomfort. Something to try next time.

I am pleased to hear that this period of discomfort eased up and you are able to experience “an elevated sensuousness” now, after you discovered its cause of the basic resentment to being here.

You may also find the following correspondence relevant, a discovery regarding a basic seriousness which stands in the way of enjoyment and naiveté –

Respondent: I came to this when I realized that I wasn’t steering directly for felicity a lot of the time; and that when I was steering for it, there was a limit to how much I could find. While looking for more of it, I became increasingly aware that seriousness and aching seemed to characterize a good deal of my experience. I had read many of your statements about being serious, such as how seriousness ‘actively works against peace-on-earth’ – and thought I was applying them, but I didn’t realize how much seriousness was there(*).

RICHARD: As the process of becoming serious occurs during puberty – when the biological imperative kicks in big-time – it thus runs very deep and is fundamental to the make-up of ‘my’ adulthood.

RESPONDENT: Looking closer, it seemed that the very thing that I’d been looking-for-felicity-with was that seriousness, aching, and desperateness. At that point, for the first time it looked to me as if I was those feelings (among others yet unseen). It was as if a big burden was lifted – I wasn’t being those feelings, and I was more felicitous than I could ever remember being. It seemed I was in a little bit deeper place in myself – that I had been unaware of. It started out as being filled with sadness that wasn’t about anything specific. Then it felt like sorrow (maybe universal). Again, it seemed clearly to be me rather than ‘my’ feelings. It was a wonderful experience because it wasn’t a new sorrow, but rather seemed to be the revealing of something big that had been there all along. I got excited and grasping, and the experience ended.

RICHARD: If it were universal sorrow then in all probability the ‘something big’ may very well have been universal compassion (out of which comes universal love).

RESPONDENT: It seemed clear that there is also more beneath sorrow.

RICHARD: Aye ... in a word: doom (as in ‘doom and gloom’).

RESPONDENT: After that, I ended up being seriousness, etc. again to some degree, and am easing (backing?) out of being it as I notice it. I’m enjoying things more than ever! Apparently there is only so much felicity you can have in desperateness! Go figure!

(*) I am beside myself in astonishment right now because I just saw that all seriousness, no matter how plain and regular it seems, is really, all-the-while, pure full-on desperateness in operation in a kind of translated(?) form. Is that correct?

RICHARD: Yes ... inasmuch there is no escaping the fact that ‘I’ am doomed to die (to cease to exist).

RESPONDENT: It sure seems to be. Also, it seems that this kind of seeing can take me all the way through the rest of what I am. It’s almost unbelievable to see this because it looks like all of a person’s feeling, all-of-the-time, is really full-on suffering – which is a burden that is fully felt all-of-the-time, yet totally unrecognized as such – and is in fact, continuously sought after and perpetuated! Wow! I wonder if this is correct?

RICHARD: It is indeed correct. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 82 , 3 January 2006)

Cheers Vineeto

June 2 2025

VINEETO: Let me insert a vital step before your “square one” – getting back to feeling good once you discover that your enjoyment and appreciation has diminished. Unless you are at least feeling good any thinking about/ investigation into your emotions will go round in circles.

CHRONO: Ah! I actually did need that reminder. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. Perhaps I have a tendency to more easily give weight and importance to negative feelings than felicitous feelings.

They seem to have a more urgent feeling to them and perhaps even more ‘truth’ to them. It’s like once I am feeling good, then there’s really nothing to think about. There was really no reason to feel bad. It was all a self-fulfilling prophecy. I simply had indulged in them and perhaps the underlying resentment and seriousness gives rise to an obsessive urge or tendency to do something about it. And that in turn sustains the resentment and seriousness. The way I went about it though was misguided.

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

I am pleased that getting back to feeling good before any investigation worked for you.

*

VINEETO: – he did not suggest that you “be gentle with” yourself. On the contrary, in many of his correspondences he emphasises that sincerity is the key to naiveté and sincerity requires that one be ruthlessly honest with oneself.

CHRONO: In this instance I was using the phrase “gentle with myself” to mean not telling myself off for not feeling good (which was counterproductive). I still maintain being insistent and uncompromising with myself albeit that quality was misplaced/ misdirected.

VINEETO: To be friends with yourself and abandon the habit of putting yourself down for any or all feelings and cunning ways of the identity you discover is vital – pat yourself on the back and appreciate what your dared to discover and acknowledge – but the words “be gentle” indicate hesitancy, guardedness, caution, yielding and treading lightly in the process of uncovering any aspect of the human condition in yourself (just like the Buddhistic therapist in the above correspondence).

CHRONO: I’d say it was because I had been going in circles feeling bad that I used the words “be gentle”. Since I hadn’t been making progress (due to not feeling good first and splitting myself instead), I thought perhaps it’s because I am just putting myself down too much. Of course all of that was not doing the actualism method and I had forgotten the vital step of getting back to feeling good first. I certainly see the ‘cunning’ part of the identity more now.

VINEETO: Thank you for the clarification. Most likely you have, like most feeling beings, been brought up to put yourself down, blame yourself first when something unexpected happens and then “splitting myself instead”. It is vital to recognize such habitual reaction and decline it each time it inveigles itself again. Nothing which affective attentiveness cannot fix when replaced with a more fortuitous and fruitful habit of patting yourself on the back for noticing it each time you catch it (a habit is best replaced with something better when you want to extract yourself from a destructive habit).

*

VINEETO: The actualism method is epitomised by “the minimisation of both the malicious/ sorrowful feelings (the ‘bad’ feelings) and their antidotal loving/ compassionate feelings (the ‘good’ feelings) in concert with the maximisation of the felicitous/ innocuous feelings”, the only reason “to stay with the feeling” is when you have difficulty to comprehend “that to be living this moment – the only moment you are ever alive – by feeling bad is to be frittering away a vital opportunity to be fully alive …” (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 79, 21 June 2005)

CHRONO: Then definitely the “fascinated attention to the discomfort” – in the name of practicing the actualism method – contributed to the maintaining and continuing of the discomfort. The only thing I would say is that this is extremely persistent, so much so that if I do return to feeling good and try to look into it, I fall back into the same feeling pattern.

VINEETO: Indeed! The identity can be soo tricky when wanting to sell bad feelings as something virtuous, isn’t it.

Here I found an interesting snippet of conversation where Richard points out that the topic of tracking the feeling can change (without being noticed) –

Gary: I gave some thought as to whether I am ‘tracking’ the waking entity, and I think I am. I seem to go over the same emotions over and over again and the same repetitive thoughts until I give up the chase and relax, often to but take up the tracking the next day.

Richard: If it be not fun to track oneself in all of one’s doings then one might as well ‘give up the chase and relax’ ... however what you describe as a modus operandi does not make sense to me (‘go over the same emotions over and over again and the same repetitive thoughts until I give up the chase and relax’).

To need to (and to be able to) ‘relax’ means there must be tension in the first place to relax from ... thus the tracking down has changed from tracking down the ‘same emotions’ or the ‘same repetitive thoughts’ to tracking down the tension ... and you did not notice that the game had changed horses in mid-stream. The need to ‘relax’ is a flashing red light that the game-play has changed: ‘when did this tension start?’; how did this tension begin?’; ‘what was the event that initiated this tension?’; ‘what were the feelings at the time?’; ‘what was the thought associated with that feeling?’ ... and so on. Usually one has only to track back a few minutes or a few hours ... yesterday afternoon at the most. Then one is free from both the tension and the ‘Tried and True’ cure of ‘relax’.

Speaking personally, I never relaxed in all those years of application and diligence, patience and perseverance ... upon exposure to the bright light of awareness the tension always disappeared. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, Gary, 28 January 2001).

*

VINEETO: You may also find the following correspondence relevant, a discovery regarding a basic seriousness which stands in the way of enjoyment and naiveté – (snipped: Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 82, 3 January 2006)

CHRONO: Thinking on this basic seriousness led me to another layer connected to it that perhaps I hadn’t noticed before but it makes more sense now. It is this “Need to Belong”. Much of my malice and sorrow revolves around this and could be placed under this header. For example, with my partner and with many others, it feels as if I must feel bad when they feel bad or else I am not caring. It feels like there’s something very important here. I can feel the push and pull from this in all of my interactions. The relating with others is a shared malice and sorrow. If I don’t go along with this then it feels like I will be ostracized and alone. This feels like the source of my doubt in just being happy and harmless forever and feels like it is sourced in pure sorrow and loneliness. It’s like if this pull wasn’t there, then I could just enjoy life without any effort. As it’s from this direction there’s either seriousness or in the other direction which is naiveté. Now here it really feels like that to pick naiveté fully is to be completely foolish and this feeling is very strong. The pull of seriousness has all the backing of everyone I know and have ever known.

Maybe right now the only thing I can do is to keep returning to feeling good and come back to it again. Actually I just re-read my previous post and it looks like I am going in circles. It seems that this “debilitating doubt” and seriousness has come back full force.

VINEETO: I remember ‘Vineeto’ in her first year of actualism noticed a similar pattern in her socializing – whenever ‘she’ had conversations with ‘her’ then-friends they were complaining about life and the world and looking for sympathy and confirmation. ‘Vineeto’ soon reduced and finally abandoned those ‘friendships’ because there was simply no enjoyment to be gained in their company. At times you cannot have it both ways, leaving the real world and be accepted/ applauded by its denizen.

However what Kuba said in this recent post to you is also possible on some occasions. It requires that, by liking yourself and the way of life you have chosen – persistently feeling good or better and being harmless – that you decline believing their set of social standards and hierarchical values and thus decline to give them the power to doubt yourself because of it. It’s in your hands, not theirs how you choose to live your life.

Richard: It was inside the first few weeks, actually, of putting into action what was startlingly evident in the four-hour pure consciousness experience (PCE) which had finally provided the direction my otherwise following-the-herd way of living was singularly lacking (although there was a six-month incubation period between the PCE and the application thereof).

I distinctly recall informing my then-wife at the time that I had ‘done it their way’, for 34 years and to no avail, and that it was high-time I did it my way (and when she asked what way that was I said that I did not know but that it would become progressively apparent with each step I took). [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60g, 30 October 2005b).

Cheers Vineeto

June 18 2025

CHRONO: I’ve asked myself couldn’t I just commit to feeling good forever (effortlessly)? I’m curious as to what would come up or what stands in the way. It caused another bout of discomfort, but this time bearing in mind that ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings so that I stopped fighting myself. The awareness of it is the feeling of it. There was actually a feeling answer to this.

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

What a wonderful question to ask!

And what a wide-ranging and fruitfully informative investigation and experience arose out of that simple courageous question.

CHRONO: It eventually turned into another resentment, but at ‘others’. ‘Others’ don’t accept me as I am so ‘I’ cannot feel good continuously. This feeling feels very angry and if left in place I can see it turning into bitterness. Resentment and bitterness because I am waiting for ‘others’ to give me permission to feel good by accepting me. It’s the immediate objection that comes up. But are ‘others’ really standing in the way of me feeling good? Can others actually change how I feel? That’s the conditioning that if I feel good then ‘others’ will beat it out of me.

The resentment and anger when questioned, persisted. So I stopped questioning and backed off. Then completely on its own and with no prior sign, an immediate sensuousness ensued. As if an eraser was used to wipe away that feeling that seemed to be at the center from which I operated. Like this whole suite of feelings from my chest all the way down to my navel were just wiped out. Like I had some locality before but now I did not. It was like suddenly being brought “forward” and I noticed that I’m just here stunningly alive. An interesting thing I noted in this rather felicitous moment was in the nature of the way it happened. It happened in a way I could never imagine or could do it. I wish it lasted longer though. It’s always like this, somehow I seem to get myself to this point of experiencing this and then afterwards maybe I try too hard and I can’t get back to it.

VINEETO: It is nevertheless fortunate and wonderful that it happened and when you allow it, it will happen again and again. ‘Vineeto’ often had such excellence experiences or PCEs following a insightful break-through of one of ‘her’ beliefs or attitude or similar life-changing insights.

CHRONO: The feelings then returned but the resentment then had morphed from being pointed towards others to me. Anger that I went along with others. There’s also this “realization” in the periphery of disbelief that then I would have to face the fact that life is indeed easy and that’s an entirely new direction. I had been listening to ‘others’ so gullibly and dutifully self-castigated. This feeling has now eased off and there’s a sort of “simmering” happening. If this is the case what vested interested is there in harbouring these feelings? Or why would I want to be these feelings?

VINEETO: Ha, that’s a good one, realising that doing it the hard way was a waste of time, and who would be willing to abandon the hard work of years of one’s life just because something easier and more fun came along!

I am confident that this won’t stop you, though it’s still “simmering” …

CHRONO: Another very interesting thing that I’ve noted in my reflection is how I had not been taking into account of what it means to be harmless. In this correspondence (Richard, List D, Martin), Richard explains that how to be harmless also includes oneself. So if I’m being angry or resentful, then I am harming myself as well. It’s also interesting that while I read thru this that I am in some way unwittingly operating from a ‘put others before oneself’ type of philosophy because when I consider including myself in what it means to be harmless, then I get a reaction of ‘oh I’m being selfish’ if I also include myself. So in some way, the laws of the ‘real world’ are such that to be happy and harmless is to be selfish. The laws of the ‘real world’ require one to suffer. How perverse! I’m seeing a more clear picture as I go along of this inauthentic persona that has been constructed and psychically impressed. Almost like there’s two of ‘me’. The ‘me’ that’s born of the world and another more authentic and naive ‘me’ that’s possible.

VINEETO: Indeed, this is an excellent find. This doctrine of “‘put others before oneself’ type” is all pervasive, and a harmful flow-on effect from all the unliveable religious teachings – be it the Eastern ‘ahimsa’/ pacifism or the Christian “turn the other cheek”. It is truly a dogma to be rid of as soon as possible. Interestingly enough, it was the last of the pillars of enlightenment which Richard dismantled on his journey to an actual freedom –

Richard: In my tenth year I tentatively approached one of the last bastions of spiritual enlightenment: pacifism. Almost all of the other attributes of what I called an ‘Absolute Freedom’ had been stripped away and if I was to undo what is called ‘ahimsa’ in the east – non-violence – then there would not be much left of my precious ‘Peace On Earth’ that I was charged to bring. I found a strong resistance within myself to contemplate letting go of the scriptural adage: ‘Turn the other cheek’ ... even though I intellectually considered it to be nonsense. If an entire country held such a belief it would be akin to hanging out a sign saying: ‘Please feel free to invade, we will not fight back’. Also, I personally relied upon the police to protect me and mine from any personal attack or robbery – what if they adopted this principle? By the time I had worked my way through this philosophical dilemma I had to turn my sights upon the last thing that stood between me and an actual freedom. I would have to let go of the deeply ingrained concept of ‘The Good’. For this to happen I would have to eliminate ‘The Bad’ in me, or else I would be likely to go off the rails and run amok. Little did I realise that it was ‘The Good’ that kept ‘The Bad’ in place. I was soon to find this out.

The Altered State of Consciousness – in particular, spiritual enlightenment – needs to be talked about and exposed for what it is so that nobody need venture up that blind alley ever again. There is another way and another goal. The main trouble with the enlightenment is that whilst the ego dissolves, the identity as a soul remains intact. No longer identifying as a personal ego-bound identity, one then identifies as an impersonal soul-bound identity – ‘I am That’, ‘I am God’, ‘I am The Supreme’, ‘I am The Absolute’ and so on. This is the delusion, the mirage, the deception ... and it is extremely difficult to see it for oneself, for one is in an august state. This second identity – the second ‘I’ of Mr. Venkataraman Aiyer (aka Ramana) fame – is a difficult one to shake, maybe more difficult than the first; for who is brave enough to voluntarily give up fame and fortune, reverence and worship, status and security? One has to be scrupulously honest with oneself to go all the way and no longer be a someone, a somebody of importance. One faces extinction; ‘I’ will cease to be, there will be no ‘being’ whatsoever, no ‘presence’ at all. It is impossible to imagine, not only the complete and utter cessation of ‘me’ in ‘my’ entirety, but the end of any ‘Ultimate Being’ or ‘Absolute Presence’ in any way, shape or form. It means that no one or no thing is in charge of the universe ... that there is no ‘Ultimate Authority’. It means that all values are but human values, with no absolute values at all to fall back upon. It is impossible for ‘me’ to conceive that without a wayward ‘me’ there is no need for any values whatsoever ... or an ‘Ultimate Authority’.

Thus I find myself here, in the world as-it-is. A vast stillness lies all around, a perfection that is abounding with purity. Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. For me to be able to be here at all is a blessing that only ‘I’ could grant, because nobody else could do it for me. I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity. And what an adventure it was ... and still is. (Richard, List B, No. 31, 7 March 2000)

Cheers Vineeto

June 27 2025

CHRONO: Continuing on from my reflection, the initial feeling of this ‘put others before oneself’ type of operating seems to be guilt. I experienced it first as an anxiety and a ‘scan’ of how others view me. I sometimes experience a glimpse of what’s underneath it. This fits in with harmlessness and how I want others to accept me before I will feel good continuously. My experience is that it’s actually very easy to feel good once this is out of the picture. This feeling of guilt and anxiety I experience creates a helplessness (victim). By being this victim, I am wanting the other to antidotally respond with loving or compassionate feelings. With that, I will feel accepted and thus let myself feel good. To contemplate feeling good forever without the permission of ‘others’ feels callous. Another interesting related aspect that I’ve noted is that when you’re in love, you automatically put the other before yourself. It’s the nature of love so now it makes sense why it’s advocated by the enlightened people.

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

This is an excellent reporting of the various aspects of ‘me’ standing in the way of feeling good.

Yesterday I watched the ‘Virtual Freedom’ video again and Peter reminded me of something I had almost forgotten – how hard it was at first to allow himself to be happy and harmless. What was one of the two main objections that he would have to go against the whole thrust of human ‘wisdom’, that one is not allowed to be happy.

I suspect at least part of your “feeling of guilt and anxiety” is arising out of that overall stipulation to not fall ‘out of line’, generated by everyone’s vibes and psychic currents. Hence your reaction so far has been to dutifully feel “guilt and anxiety” and the various consequential feelings, if you aim for “feeling good forever without the permission”. Fortunately, even though it sometimes feels like an unsurmountable barrier, the facts are that

1. you can change yourself unilaterally (and only pay lip service when necessary) – in other words, you neither need permission nor allies in this game how happy and harmless can I feel, and

2. the affective felicitous and innocuous vibes are contagious (just like the malicious and sorrowful vibes are), and they are more contagious the more you confidently allow yourself to be that way.

CHRONO: Once I saw that all it was, was guilt, I had an experience and seeing of what’s underneath. Underneath the guilt and resentment is unbridled aggression. I wrote above about how I feel angry at others for not accepting me and in turn to feel good. But this made me more aware of the anger underneath in myself. I usually am considered a ‘chill guy’ but all of that anger and aggression is right there. I started thinking up all of the times that I do feel it and it’s actually quite a bit. It’s all under the guise of “Righteous” anger or indignation. Anger that’s acceptable by society. You can be angry when something unfair happens. One example that people may overlook but surely experience is when you are driving. There are many incidents of road rage that happen, but often people only see those people as out of control and not themselves as well. I also get angry at other drivers (e.g. if someone is going very slow). This is all considered okay because the other driver choosing to go slow or doing whatever is “not okay” (unacceptable). Often driving in traffic, you can see these aspects of yourself. This aggression felt like a huge beast waiting inside a cave. It’s only the fear of the ‘many’ which keeps it in check. Weirdly, when someone does end up acting out their aggression, it’s an unmentioned expectation that they feel guilty about it. So I must be pre-emptively feeling it so that it never happens. But as I looked around, this same beast was in everyone. It was no different. This burden was being carried by everyone.

VINEETO: Indeed, wanting to be happy when everyone else prefers to follow the dictum to be sad or bad is not the only reason for feeling guilty. And as you found out, blaming others for feeling angry or not liked is pointless and only aggravates feeling bad. Everyone is inflicted by the same instinctual passions, hence no need to feel either guilty or resentful. The very fact that you have the sincere intent to do something about your aggression, and know a way to do that effectively, is already a eminent position to appreciate.

Here is how feeling being ‘Vineeto’ described ‘her’ own discoveries –

‘Vineeto’: ‘As I am the one who on my own accord is investigating my own fraudulent existence, nobody else can expose me more than I am already doing so myself! And I am not only admitting that ‘I’ am a fraud, ‘I’ am also ready and willing to take the cure – ‘self’-immolation.

Once this commitment to eliminate my own aggression and my own taking offence is taken fully on board, then aggressive arrows of others simple fall flat on the ground. The aggression of others can only trigger fear and anger in me as long as I nourish malice in myself. When I start examining my own anger and maliciousness with the sincere intent to eradicate it source, ‘me’, then I can be confident that there is no glint of malice in what I say and write and therefore other people’s accusations simply look silly.

As I am the one who on my own accord is investigating my own fraudulent existence, nobody else can expose me more than I am already doing so myself! And I am not only admitting that ‘I’ am a fraud, ‘I’ am also ready and willing to take the cure – ‘self’-immolation.

When I revisited this post that I had written four years ago, I could see my process of learning to think in action. I remember that each paragraph was the end product of mulling over topics, of sincere investigation into my emotions and of honest questioning of my beliefs. I remembered how I had enjoyed the process of discovery and the act of describing it to someone else. One thing, however, was always top priority in my writing – I needed to be 100% sure that I was in no way malicious, grumpy, resentful, spiteful, revengeful or aggressive in what I said. This means sticking to the facts and being aware of the slightest emotional reaction that I might have while making good use of it for investigative purposes each time it happens. (Actualism, Vineeto, Actual Freedom List, Gary-d, 24.6.2001)

CHRONO: There were only superficial differences and no one was special. Not even a ‘chill guy’ like me . I feel this aggression more intensely when I think about the ‘unfairness’ in the world. When I watch the news, it does not make sense and I just play out a scenario in my head of how whoever I think is responsible (usually the “upper” class) gets punished severely. It’s truly a never-ending cycle. But now I experienced myself as responsible as well. Seeing all this makes it easier to sift through the facts as that pull towards how I should think or approach life based on if it feels ‘Right’ or ‘Wrong’ has greatly lessened. But even further to that, my intent to feel good come what may now can stand on its own. Because when I saw that others were also keeping at bay this same unbridled aggression, it became more clear that no one actually knows what they are doing. Previously I wrote that others seem to know something that I don’t. Now there’s no reason to go along with that feeling as it seems silly. It’s very fascinating how all of these feelings come together and feed each other. Many of them also seem to be weaker now. Especially the negative ones that I was feeling with my partner where I felt like I had to be anxiously grasping. I’m able to allow her more to be in her own space and I meet her from where I am if that makes any sense.

VINEETO: It is really amazing how dealing with one issue, anger, and aiming to be harmless, has such beneficial results on being able to play together rather than the automatic hide, defence and attack-mode. It is quite magically and remarkably enjoyable and buoyant.

CHRONO: I’m reflecting on time now as I inevitably always come back to this and it seems very related to feeling good. The words that ‘this moment is the only moment of being alive’ seem to really stand out more. There’s an automatic sensuousness and feeling good that accompanies this seeing. It’s like how could I forget that this is my only moment of being alive?! Sometimes when I see it, it’s like waking up from a dream from everything prior. Everything prior doesn’t exist. There’s a great significance to this occurrence. Maybe I can rephrase my question then to ‘how can I fully enjoy and appreciate this moment of being alive forever?’ . I think ‘oh yes everyone knows this’, but I am seeing more nowadays that everyone does not see that this is the only moment of being alive. When I tell my partner or friends something like ‘isn’t it interesting that it’s always this moment?’, they often almost dismiss it and not realize the full import of it. Just the other day I was noticing this moment more and more and ‘pushed the envelope’ a little further. It’s so wonderful that this is the only moment of being alive, so precious, that I simply don’t know how to describe it. I had to take a step back from this further seeing after that because I had tears in my eyes. What would take me to ‘push the envelope’ more?

VINEETO: Ha, and once you are back to feeling good and understood more of which dominant feeling was the trigger and how you tick, then there is room for sensuousness and remembering to appreciate this moment of being alive … and to be like that forever no longer seems impossible.

What would it take to ‘push the envelope’ more? – more of the same, looking sincerely at the obstacles and then enjoy more and appreciate more being alive, in this only moment you can experience, now.

CHRONO: Ah! Something else I was reflecting about and I forgot to write down. To be happy and harmless seems to be related to caring. This in turn is related to vibes and psychic currents. Stay tuned!

VINEETO: It’s wonderful to hear you say this.

This sentence from Richard from many years ago may sound familiar to you –

Richard: Now that you indubitably know what apperception is – as per your ‘It was undoubtedly an experience of apperception’ sentence – and how to evoke it (as in your ‘Then as I stuck with that seeing that it was this moment of being alive I was pulled towards it. The pull itself was exhilarating and thrilling’ sentences) you may very well come to look back upon this day as being the turning-point of your life, eh? (Richard, List D, No. 44, 2 January 2014).

Cheers Vineeto

June 28 2025

CHRONO: Thanks for your reply and pointers Vineeto!

VINEETO: Yesterday I watched the ‘Virtual Freedom’ video again and Peter reminded me of something I had almost forgotten – how hard it was at first to allow himself to be happy and harmless. What was one of the two main objections that he would have to go against the whole thrust of human ‘wisdom’, that one is not allowed to be happy.

CHRONO: I just watched this video for the first time right now and my experience very much matches with what Peter is saying. Something Richard said also gave me some confidence, which is that (paraphrasing) suggestion that it is intelligence which makes it safe to look inside at the instinctual passions and then chooses the felicitous feelings with the pure intent to live it.

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

I am pleased you found some things which match your experience in Peter’s video. Yes, intelligence certainly makes is fairly safe to experience one’s own strong feelings, especially when coupled with the sincere/ pure intent to become “happy and harmless”, “blithesome and benign”, “carefree and considerate”, “gay and benevolent”, as Richard laid it out in detail in the above copied correspondence to No. 13, 21 May 2009. (Actualism, Actualvineeto, AdamH, 24 June 2025).

You will have observed that the less you object to/ fight/ reject the (unwanted) feelings you experience and subsequently channel them into felicitous feelings, the better and cleaner your intelligence can operate, freed from a lot of confusing, intoxicating debris of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings.

To put it another way, you can loosen the controls on keeping unpleasant feelings under wrap (without expressing or suppressing) and let some more naiveté slip out, which is a safe way to slowly, almost surreptitiously, to escape the ‘common call to unhappiness’. The less you have to hide, from yourself and others, the more playful you can be.

CHRONO: I’d say it’s a counter to the doubtful vibes and currents which suggest that I will go out of control or go crazy if I don’t go along with the herd. It highlights this sort of confusion deep inside of what I am. There’s an intelligence operating despite the instinctual passions.

VINEETO: There is indeed an intelligence operating, which will eventually reveal that all those dire predictions (go out of control or go crazy for instance) are just bluff of your own ‘being’ intending to keep you enthralled. It’s your own home-made fear which makes them appear so powerful. Think about it – you can clothe yourself, feed yourself, hold down a job to earn a livelihood … and can do a lot of other things. And the universe is keeping you alive by doing the breathing and digesting and sleeping etc for you. Just contemplate on it all when you are feeling good – it is simply marvellous.

*

VINEETO: 1 you can change yourself unilaterally (and only pay lip service when necessary) – in other words, you neither need permission nor allies in this game how happy and harmless can I feel

CHRONO: As I reflect on this being unilateral, I realize that there’s a certain dare in trying to be happy and harmless. I REALLY want to be happy and harmless forever, but doing so goes against the fold and invokes a great fear. This gives rise to weirdly wanting to tell someone about what I am trying to do instead of just choosing to feel good without hoping for their approval.

VINEETO: You just did and have my full approval. :)

*

VINEETO: Here is how feeling being ‘Vineeto’ described ‘her’ own discoveries – (snip quote re: commitment to eliminate my own aggression)

CHRONO: When I reflect on this, I feel like I’ll be ridiculed for being felicitous and innocuous. But the difference this time unlike before is that I see that others don’t actually know something that I don’t (by their choosing to be malicious and sorrowful). This I think definitely comes from the ‘don’t fall out of line’ vibes and currents.

VINEETO: Most of what you feel others would be thinking and feeling is what you feel about “being felicitous and innocuous”. Most people are so busy with their own lives that they hardly take any notice of what you do, let alone how you feel. And the more you own your own fear (as a human being inflicted by no fault of your own with instinctual passions) the more you become autonomous, affectively independent of what you feel others would want you to be.

That’s when life becomes fun.

CHRONO: The popular wisdom is that it’s ‘good’ and a caring thing to do to suffer along with another (or to feel compassionate). So is being happy and harmless when someone else suffers uncaring? There was one point a long time ago where I had a continuous bout of feeling good. One of my friends was feeling bad about something and I had chosen to feel good despite that. They accused me of being disconnected from reality. This actually shocked me and the memory still stays with me. It’s only now I am returning to re-evaluate this. Even now I wonder if perhaps I was being callous. Maybe I wasn’t being harmless in some way. I had given her whatever advice I thought was sensible at the time (while feeling good), but perhaps what she wanted was for me to feel bad along with her. I realize that this is what is considered caring in the real world.

VINEETO: I can understand that. The only thing you can do is check out if you were indeed callous in that situation, perhaps by trying to avoid feeling a ‘good’ feeling, for instance, or hiding a ‘bad’ feeling. If that was not the case and you were genuinely benevolent and harmless then you are not responsible for fulfilling the other’s expectations for your affective sympathy (i.e. feel bad because she felt bad).

Richard: My second wife would oft-times say to others how it was not always easy to live with me as ‘she’ was totally ignored (in ‘her’ view) by me. (Please note it is an impossibility to ignore anything at all which has no existence in actuality and how I do pay lip-service, just as I am now, to the apparent existence of any identity feeling itself to be real). What my second wife was really referring to is the total absence of any supportive identity rapport/ affective connection. (Richard, List D, No. 15, 12 November 2009).

CHRONO: So I ask what would be actually caring?

VINEETO: The simplest way of putting it is this way –

Richard: I like my fellow human being and prefer that their self-imposed suffering come to an end, forever, sooner rather than later“. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 74f, 2 February 2006).

For a feeling being there will always be an affective aspect in their caring. The closest you can get to actual caring is having the intent to be benevolent and benign, i.e. wishing the best for your fellow human being (as well as yourself) and doing whatever is necessary in the situation to help bringing this about.

Here is what Vineeto had meant by “a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” –

Vineeto to James: Peter and I compared notes about our respective processes of becoming free and, making sense about it in hindsight, have determined what makes the process replicable for everyone.

The key component for both of us had been caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. (…)

The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind.

And that’s what happened. (Direct Route, James, 17 January 2010)

And here is a detailed correspondence Richard had with Srinath explaining “close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” as compared to the non-empathy in the helping profession. It’s well worth a read – (Richard, List D, Srinath2).

In the meantime enjoy and appreciate as much as possible and thus naively like yourself and others as fellow human beings – play together.\

*

VINEETO: This sentence from Richard from many years ago may sound familiar to you –

Richard: Now that you indubitably know what apperception is – as per your ‘It was undoubtedly an experience of apperception’ sentence – and how to evoke it (as in your ‘Then as I stuck with that seeing that it was this moment of being alive I was pulled towards it. The pull itself was exhilarating and thrilling’ sentences) you may very well come to look back upon this day as being the turning-point of your life, eh? (Richard, List D, No. 44, 2 January 2014).

CHRONO: Ah yes I do remember this. It’s pretty much why I keep coming back to it being this moment of being alive. I found it difficult to ‘go all the way’ or ‘stick with the seeing’ since then. There’s this ‘mountain of fear’ that didn’t seem to be there at that time.

VINEETO: Mmh, that “mountain of fear” possibly has to do with you fighting the feeling and thus adding affective energy to it. See if you can loosen the control a bit, allowing the fear to just be there and you will notice how it diminishes simply by not objecting to it. From there is only a hop and a jump to feeling ok/feeling good, and then you can explore what it is made of. It’s the automatic habit of rejection which makes it appear like a mountain. Here is ‘Vineeto’s’ account of such an experience –

‘Vineeto’: It reminds me of a weird and fascinating experience I had just two nights ago. I had had a light smoke, when I suddenly started to feel nauseous and very dizzy in the head. The physical symptoms came along with an acute fear to throw up, to black out, in short, to lose control over my body and my life.

While Peter kept inquiring if there maybe was also some fear involved, not just a physical reaction, I was desperately trying to obtain control over my body. At the same time I was, of course, suspicious that it was all a play up of the ‘self’ trying to survive, but didn’t know how to deal with it.

When I finally laid down on the floor and ‘surrendered’ to the option of being unconscious and was actually getting interested and thrilled by the possibility of observing the experience, it very quickly disappeared like a ghost. It left me astounded about the power of ‘reality’, the vividness of the experience that fear created with all the ingredients of a ‘serious’ disease, becoming unconscious.

Only by accepting it as an adventure and at the same time doubting its actuality it lost its power over me, leaving me battered but proud like after a victorious, well-fought battle. The next night it happened again but was all much less dramatic, the temptation was there to delve into the fear, the physical symptoms were ready to emerge again, but this time I didn’t believe in the actual danger and it quickly went. (Actualism, Vineeto, AF List, Alan-a, 28.7.1998)

CHRONO: With all that said, I am right now able to choose feeling good more easily. To go with the dare with my REALLY wanting to be happy and harmless. I’ll try this sticking with the seeing that it is this moment again.

VINEETO: This is excellent.

Cheers Vineeto

July 2 2025

CHRONO: Continuing on from my reflection, the initial feeling of this ‘put others before oneself’ type of operating seems to be guilt. I experienced it first as an anxiety and a ‘scan’ of how others view me. I sometimes experience a glimpse of what’s underneath it. This fits in with harmlessness and how I want others to accept me before I will feel good continuously. My experience is that it’s actually very easy to feel good once this is out of the picture. This feeling of guilt and anxiety I experience creates a helplessness (victim). By being this victim, I am wanting the other to antidotally respond with loving or compassionate feelings. With that, I will feel accepted and thus let myself feel good. To contemplate feeling good forever without the permission of ‘others’ feels callous. Another interesting related aspect that I’ve noted is that when you’re in love, you automatically put the other before yourself. It’s the nature of love so now it makes sense why it’s advocated by the enlightened people.

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

I am coming back to your reflections from 21 June 2025 because I just reread Richard’s article 20 from his Journal which addresses more comprehensively the origin of the guilt you feel/felt in regards to the imperative “‘put others before oneself’ type”. When you understand what Richard is saying here, the whole system of this communal imperative can come crashing down –

Richard: (…) All what is required is to see-through the whole sick-and-sorry system and, thus, cease believing in it. (Richard, List D, Claudiu2, 28 May 2015).

*

Richard: (...). I am passing through a crowd of people thronging the area encompassed by boutiques and cafés and the like ... and I am wondering if they are fully aware of the psychological implications of having morally ‘signed’ that invisible social contract.

I think not. No one I have spoken to yet, or read about in the many articles available, has been able to profoundly understand what is implied when an individual is accused, by the community, of being selfish. The community itself is beyond reproach in regards to its own self-centredness. The survival of the community depends upon its absolute selfishness. Although professing to hold the interests of the individual to heart, when push comes to shove, the individual is unhesitatingly sacrificed without compunction ... even though there is an official wringing of hands, a lamenting of the necessity, a praising of the patriotic duty so willingly performed ... and so on. The basic premise lying behind the legality of the existence of ‘the community’ is its designated role of acting ‘for the good of the whole’. Instinctually believing one’s well-being to be assured, nobody calls the community to account. Has anyone fully realised that the community does not exist for the good of the individual?

*

The phrase ‘good of the whole’ seems to imply this, but closer examination reveals that ‘the whole’ exists only in bombast and blather ... it is a concept, an ideology. Only an individual person – a flesh-and-blood body – actually exists. Where people have no integrity – which is the case in order for the ‘whole’ to exist – they have no genuine individuality. They are invisible ... as if a non-person, a statistic, a number. They may complain about the ‘dehumanisation’ process, little realising that they are but a social identity ... a fictitious entity having only psychological existence. This social identity has taken up residence in the body and rules the roost in an autocratic manner. Nevertheless, it is itself subject to the commands of the community, for it is a loyal member, having been created by the community – the ‘whole’ – in the first place. This loyalty thrives on the moral investment that the social identity has made in the community; one’s very ‘well-being’ depends upon receiving a continuous supply of moral dividends.

One’s psychological existence is so precarious that one needs constant endorsement, so as to feel that ‘I’ am alive, that ‘I’ still exist. When the ‘whole’ accuses one of being selfish – which it relentlessly does by extolling the virtues of duty, obligation and responsibility – one can then chastise oneself, thus maintaining one’s sense of being a social identity. With suitable remorse, one has then been coerced, cajoled and shamed into having one’s usefulness to the community restored ... and one feels needed again. Nonetheless, one is actually crazy to chastise oneself because ‘I’ am selfish by ‘my’ very created nature ... and ‘I’ will always be self-centred. Self-castigation only serves to crystallise ‘me’. It is essential to the community’s ‘well-being’ that ‘I’ remain selfish. Because the ‘whole’, having created ‘me’ so as to perpetuate its own existence – and being utterly selfish itself – desperately needs self-centred members. ‘I’ readily invest, morally, in the community for there one recognises one’s ilk ... ‘I’ am a lonely soul and it is essential that ‘I’ have a sense of belonging to the like-minded ‘whole’. It is an illusion of togetherness designed to assuage the feeling of aloneness that both oneself and the community experiences ... ‘I’ and ‘humanity’ feel lost and lonely in what is perceived to be the vast reaches of space and time that make up an empty universe. The search for extra-terrestrial life is but one outcome of this feeling of separation.

This desolate coping-mechanism also has the unfortunate result of creating resentful citizens. The ‘whole’, being bigger and more selfish than ‘me’, has its own – perceived to be serious – communal needs that take precedence over ‘my’ – perceived to be insignificant – personal needs. Because of a continuous supply of citizens, the ‘whole’ does not need ‘me’ as much as ‘I’ need it. Thus the community always has the upper hand and can do with ‘me’, virtually, whatever it wants. There is a constant power-battle going on between ‘me’ and the ‘whole’ ... which one must invariably lose, in order to cultivate and nurture one’s invisible Spirit. The community dangerously wants one to have a Spirit, for it requires a consistent reserve of supplicating selves prepared to sacrifice themselves in the name of the ‘Good of the whole’. The community coopts the word ‘we’ and turns it back into the ‘whole’ to serve its own nefarious purposes.

*

Not surprisingly none of these shenanigans, deemed necessary by everyone, are essential when ‘I’ realise who ‘we’ actually are ... and then see what I am. I am this body only; bereft of any identity as Spirit ... of any entity at all. There is no-one inside of this body to be lost, lonely, frightened or cunning. There is an innate purity in being me as-I-am, for this universe is already always perfect. There is a magnanimity and a beneficence everywhere all at once and I find that I am benign in character. It therefore follows that all my thoughts and deeds are automatically benevolent and beneficial – I do not do it, it happens of itself – and communal service is no longer a duty, an obligation, a responsibility. I can readily enjoy a free association with other – flesh and blood – individuals to form a loose-knit affiliation that acts for the good of each individual ... for when ‘I’ expire, the ‘whole’ also ceases to exist. The ‘whole’, which created ‘me’, was being re-affirmed and perpetuated by one’s very ‘being’.

All human beings are born into an already existing community which takes itself as being real, as being a ‘whole’. Each baby is born with a biological ‘instinct for survival’ which the ‘whole’ transforms into a psychological ‘will to survive’ ... to survive as a social identity. This newest recruit to ‘humanity’ at large submits, rather unwillingly, to the demands of the ‘whole’, for it is mesmerised into thinking and feeling that its own needs will be best met by subsuming itself into the ‘whole’. Since one is selfish by one’s created nature, ‘I’ will sustain the community – the ‘whole’ – which is more selfish than ‘me’, in conjunction with all the other similarly afflicted bodies. This process is inevitable so long as ‘I’ exist. Consequently, the conundrum which all citizens are faced with is dissolved with ‘my’ demise. Astonishingly, I find that *social change is unnecessary*; I can live freely in the community as-it-is. I do not subscribe to that ridiculous hyperbole that the community acts ‘for the good of the whole’ for I see directly and with clarity. I know that there is no ‘whole’ outside of passionate ‘human’ imagination. The community actually exists for the good of me – and for the good of all other individuals – without ever realising it. [emphasis added].

A good example of this is the social welfare system. Because of the Agrarian Revolution, the Industrial Revolution and the more recent Technological Revolution, people can no longer pursue a subsistence life-style as hunter-gatherers. The land is no longer free-range; it is all either publicly or privately owned. As this situation prevailed when one was born, it is incumbent upon the community at large to provide one with the means to obtain the necessities of life. The predominating system has been the provision of money – acquired by working – with which to buy food, clothing, shelter, etcetera. If the community cannot sustain full employment, it must provide an alternate means for one to purchase one’s goods. A social welfare system is not a luxury supplied by an affluent society; it is an essential requisite that the community must readily furnish. This is not a moral issue – as the ‘whole’ smugly feels it to be – for welfare is not charity. Because, regardless of the ‘whole’s self-endowed compassionate nature, the disenfranchised must be fed and housed. If the community did not do this, there would be a rebellion from the hungry and homeless millions. The preservation of the orderly fabric of society is the guiding principle at play here, not moral duty, obligation and responsibility on the part of the community.

*

Accordingly, in the actual world the community is never selfish. It acts for the good of the individual – which is why it exists – and in doing so it preserves itself in order to serve the individual. Only in the real world is it self-centred, acting ‘for the good of the whole’ and preserving itself – at the expense of the individual – for the sake of preserving itself. A person who sees all this clearly and completely, who understands all this deeply and comprehensively, who knows all this actually and absolutely, will never make the mistake of thinking and feeling that one must ‘die for one’s country’ as a moral duty, obligation and responsibility. The choice to risk one’s life – or not – to repel an invasion is a freely made decision; it is not the result of coercion, cajolery or shame. The same applies for conscription – that abominable forced induction into military service – for one will not succumb to a situation where one is compelled to kill or be killed. One realises that conscription is a ‘crime against humanity’ and that a country will decide whether to allow itself to be invaded or not by ‘voting with its feet’. If voluntary enlistment is not sufficient to counter the attack, then the country has democratically voted for surrender. (Richard’s Journal, from Article 20; The Survival Of The Community Depends Upon Its Absolute Selfishness)

There is more in this correspondence about ‘peasant mentality’ with Claudiu which lies at the heart of your guilt – (Richard, List D, Claudiu2, 18 May 2015).

Cheers Vineeto

July 10 2025

VINEETO: Most of what you feel others would be thinking and feeling is what you feel about “being felicitous and innocuous”. (…)

CHRONO: This is actually a point I’ve glossed over but now it’s obvious. How I view how others feel about being happy and harmless may actually be what I feel. They could be one and the same. There’s an illusion of uniqueness. Now I can come to a more clear choice.

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

It makes finding out what is affectively happening so much easier when one can do away with any projection / automorphism which at first happens almost automatically. Only then one can get on with the job at hand, changing oneself, the only person one can actually change.

*

VINEETO: Mmh, that “mountain of fear” possibly has to do with you fighting the feeling and thus adding affective energy to it. See if you can loosen the control a bit, allowing the fear to just be there and you will notice how it diminishes simply by not objecting to it. From there is only a hop and a jump to feeling ok/ feeling good, and then you can explore what it is made of. It’s the automatic habit of rejection which makes it appear like a mountain.

CHRONO: Yes I think that perhaps is what it is. I allowed myself to feel it and it seemed overwhelming. But it seems I had been afraid of being afraid. Just feeling it gets rid of that sitting on a ‘mountain of fear’ sensation. I allowed it to first wander where it would on its own, it veered towards cynicism and seriousness. An expectation of the worst. But what you wrote in the following quote helped me:

‘Vineeto’: (…) Only by accepting it as an adventure and at the same time doubting its actuality it lost its power over me, leaving me battered but proud like after a victorious, well-fought battle. (…) [Emphasis by Chrono]. (Actualism, Vineeto, AF List, Alan-a, 28.7.1998)

I had not approached it like that before. I wouldn’t doubt its actuality because it felt so true. So I had inadvertently been taking this ‘mountain of fear’ as truth. So the opposite thing I had been trying to do was allowing the fear to be there but I felt like I had to do something about it. So that would also feed it and it would mount in intensity. In the middle is a strange belief of something like ‘if I am feeling it, then that is what it is’. The feeling has the final say in the matter. But with this approach, I do not have to be afraid of the fear. I think the loosening the controls a bit is what I need to do right now.

VINEETO: Ha, yes, all strong feelings are generally perceived as “truths” – that’s the very nature of feelings. So in order to find out what is really going on you first need to take a step back (=get back to feeling good) before you can contemplate what’s happening … or when the feeling is too strong, then sit with the feeling, neither repressing or expressing it until the third alternative hoves into view. In case of fear that may be the thrill to discover what’s behind it all.

Respondent: When I feel fear, fear seems to reinforce itself and stays put.

Richard: It is not all that uncommon to feel fear feeding off itself, as it were, and mounting in intensity almost exponentially – as in a panic attack for instance – yet closer inspection reveals that it is none other than ‘me’, a fearful ‘me’, who is fuelling/ refuelling the fear (‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’) with ‘my’ own affective energy.

Respondent: When I think of any belief about the fear trigger, the fear seems to reinforce the belief.

Richard: Oh, indeed so ... that is a phenomenon well-known by many a draconian.

Respondent: Each fear is a self perpetuating.

Richard: The key to success lies in realising that fear does not go anywhere (meaning that nothing ever happens except more fear). (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 79, 21 June 2005)

Peter created a schematic in the Actual Freedom Library showing that in the perceptive process feelings demonstrably come before thought. Hence feelings always appear as ‘the truth’ before thought even questions them. That’s why diligent attentiveness is required to notice when feeling good diminishes.

Richard: … that is how it operates naturally (as is borne out by laboratory testing): sensate perception is primary; affective perception is secondary; cognitive perception is tertiary.

The sensate signal, a loud sound for example, takes 12-14 milliseconds to reach the affective faculty and 24-25 milliseconds to reach the cognitive faculty: thus by the time reasoned cognition can take place the instinctual passions are pumping freeze-fight-flee chemicals throughout the body thus agitating cognitive appraisal ... and whilst there is a narrowband circuit from the cognitive centre to the affective centre (through which reason can dampen-down and stop the reactive response) the circuitry from the affective faculty to the cognitive faculty is broadband (which is why it takes some time to calm down after an emotional reaction).

Not that I knew anything of these laboratory tests all those years ago ... but it is always pleasing when science proves what one has already sussed out for oneself. (Richard, List B, No. 12r, 11 January 2003).

CHRONO: I applied this the week prior when my partner and I had a disagreement of sorts. Basically she was upset that I had not drove her home in the morning. I woke up and asked her (admittedly reluctantly) if she wanted me to drive her but I was too hesitant in just getting up and taking her due to my tiredness. Afterwards when I asked her if something was wrong she would say no (all the while the vibe was that something was wrong). After a few days she finally explained it after some prompting. There was the usual fear within me of where even with these disagreements I start to feel ‘oh so this is the end of the relationship’. She wanted me to reciprocate or do something for her in some way to show her that I am sorry (despite me already apologizing). I immediately thought that may be what she wanted was for me to suffer as well. But I declined going down that road. I asked for her part to communicate if she was feeling less than good and say if she doesn’t feel like talking about it at the time. She first said that she felt a little better just expressing her upset. Then after some eating, she was able to reason out that I had already helped her with her move to her new apartment and that she couldn’t ask for more. Throughout this I had the temptation to feel bad along with her because it seemed callous otherwise. I did end up falling into a bout of it but I was able to clearly see its workings while it was happening. It was rather insightful when I told her that I felt like I needed to suffer and she responded with ‘I’m not sure what I can do about that’. Some part of me feels that to suffer for another is caring. Another way that this ‘put others before oneself’ manifests. It’s a deceitful tactic to being more self-absorbed. Actually I am finding that relationship itself or perhaps this “connection” with another person hinges on this way of operating. Because when I contemplate feeling good come what may in this kind of scenario, a fear of the end of the relationship comes up. But I continually find that my partner much more enjoys when I feel good.

VINEETO: A fascinating process – especially as you described that “throughout this I had the temptation to feel bad along with her because it seemed callous otherwise”. You could see that “relationship itself or perhaps this “connection” with another person hinges on this way of operating”.

The alternative to “relationship” and “connection” with their unwritten implicit implications is being as sincere and naïve as you can allow yourself to be. As Richard describes it in a long correspondence with Martin –

Richard: So, bearing in mind the distinction betwixt the near-innocent intimacy of naïveté and the affectional intimacy of romance lore and legend, as clearly demarcated in the two preceding email exchanges, plus the footnoted account regarding feeling-being ‘Grace’s oft-repeated observation (about a bifurcation manifesting upon the onset of the third stage), then ... yes, steadfastly being as true to an imitation of the actual as is feasible (i.e., staying as faithful as is imitatively doable to actuality) and thus unwaveringly liking one’s fellow human creature/ one’s fellow human creatures – despite that instinctual urge, drive, impulse, or any other similarly blind appetitive craving/ longing/ desiring for an affective-psychic coupling or bonding form of consummation (i.e., merging, blending, fusing, uniting, or any other state of integration, unification, oneness, nonduality, and etcetera) – is a significant feature in the enabling of the IE’s delineated in the first of the two preceding email exchanges. (…)

Put succinctly: as all what blind nature is concerned about (so to speak) is the survival of the species – and even then any species will do as far as blind nature is concerned – then it is patent that blind nature cares not a whit about any such finesse of focus being articulated here. (Richard, List D, Martin, 6 March 2016)

The whole correspondence is a fount of information on the third alternative to suffering together and callousness.

*

VINEETO: When you understand what Richard is saying here, the whole system of this communal imperative can come crashing down –

CHRONO: I have been observing the past couple of weeks how all-encompassing this way of being is. It’s evident in many interactions (and even while being on my own) with many supporting beliefs around it. I re-read this article after many years now and I can see it more in a comprehensive way that I could not before. Before it seemed only intellectual. The part that sticks out for me is where Richard asks “Has anyone fully realised that the community does not exist for the good of the individual?”. I can see the chastising in myself. I can see the coercion and shaming. Also I am wondering if ‘the whole’ and ‘the other’ are the same. If my identity is a product of all of this, then ‘the other’ to whom I am trying to relate to must be the same? It seems to scale from ‘the whole’ to ‘the other’.

VINEETO: When you can recognize the ‘other’ as a fellow human being, afflicted with the same genetic and social programming then you can also see that ‘the whole’ is made up of many other fellow human beings.

CHRONO: Anyways, I have a recurring experience these past few days of an increased autonomy. It is completely my choice how I feel and I can feel good no matter what anyone says. It does not matter what anyone says either. These feelings of reproach in regards to this are nothing but paper tigers. The seeing is that nobody really knows what they are doing. I am wondering though, is feeling happy and harmless unconditionally the best thing that I can do for others and myself?

VINEETO: Yes, being happy and harmless is the best you can do for yourself and for others … apart from becoming actually free.

CHRONO: Also perhaps relatedly I am noting that underneath this is a deep feeling of angst that comes more and more to the fore. Sometimes experienced as meaninglessness and sometimes as agitation. It feels like the fabric of my reality and is not of my choosing.

VINEETO: Indeed fear is at the core of your ‘being’ – ‘I’ am fear and fear is ‘me’. These quotes might shed some light on it –

Richard: Usually the frightening aspect dominates and obscures the thrilling aspect: shifting one’s attention to the thrilling aspect (I often said jokingly that it is down at the bottom left-hand side) will increase the thrill and decrease the fright as the energy of fear shifts its focus and changes into a higher gear ... and, as courage is sourced in the thrilling part of fear, the daring to proceed will intensify of its own accord.

But stay with the thrill, by being the thrill, else the fright takes over, daring dissipates, and back out of the corner you come. (Richard, List B, James3, 7 November 2002).

And:

Richard: As for the distinction between the frightening aspect of fear and the thrilling aspect of fear: generally speaking one is paralysing and the other is galvanising; one is animating and the other is immobilising; one is incapacitating and the other is stimulating; one is vitalising and the other is debilitating; one is disabling and the other is enabling; one is energising and the other is crippling; one is discouraging and the other is encouraging ... and so on.

I will leave it up to you to feel which one is which ... and which one to choose to be. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27e, 3 April 2003).

CHRONO: There’s more and more to read that comes up and seems relevant to what I am feeling. I may need to just take a few days off to read intently . I have now been reading the correspondence on caring and benevolence. Richard writes that there is:

Richard: ... a vast gulf betwixt feeling benevolent (with feelings such as pity, sympathy, empathy, compassion and so on) and actually being benevolent (free of malice). (Richard, Selected Correspondence, Benevolence).

VINEETO: Remember, or better rememorate and presentiate, your PCE and the difference will instantly become clear to you. The affective feelings of “pity, sympathy, empathy, compassion and so on” create a bond, whereas benevolence does not.

(see Richard, Audio-Taped Dialogues, Compassion Perpetuates Sorrow and Compassion Gained through Forgiveness Binds).

CHRONO: I am trying to see what this vast gulf is. I see after all of the above reflection that caring also includes myself (which is a huge step for me). But I am finding a bit of conflict between a near actual caring being an acutely empathic caring and feeling good come what may. How can it be both?

VINEETO: Caring about yourself, i.e. becoming a friend to yourself, is indeed important, else how can you genuinely care for another fellow human being.

In the correspondence with Srinath Richard first explains the difference between empathetic caring, “vicariously sharing another person’s feeling”, and the non-empathic caring, i.e. “warmth and understanding” drawn from impressions based upon verbal and visual cues alone, promulgated by Assist. Prof. Jamil Zaki for care-professionals to prevent empathy burnout. Richard then makes it clear that neither alternative is salubrious and facilitates to end suffering forever.

Nowhere could I find the term “acutely empathetic caring” so let me know where you got it from. It is certainly in conflict with a near-actual-caring or feeling good come what may.

[Editor’s note: Correction: Richard likened “acutely empathetic caring” to near-actual-caring. Viz.:

Richard: Now, as the identity inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago was in an out-from-control virtual freedom for something like five months – although not named as such back then, of course, nor thought of in those terms – I can readily report how ‘he’ was more empathetic during that period than ‘he’ ever had been in all ‘his’ 34 years of existence. So much so, in fact, that I would be inclined to characterise a near-actual caring as an acutely-empathic caring. (List D, Srinath2, 13 August 2016)

end editor’s note].

Regarding near actual caring –

Richard: Thus Vineeto is emphatic that unless this “near-actual caring” term refers to “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” with a marked-action effect, such as is illustrated above, it is to no avail to utilise such terminology. (List D, Srinath2, 6 August 2016).

In other words, it only occurs during an excellence experience or an ongoing EE (being out-from-control).

Maybe you need to revisit that correspondence because it has packed a lot of information in it.

CHRONO: Or also to put another way, how can I emotionally accept the suffering of humanity (I am assuming this is what is meant in the ‘how can I emotionally accept that which is intellectually unacceptable?’)? Or am I mis-understanding something? Perhaps I am taking it out of context.

VINEETO: Emotionally accepting means to give up resenting that it’s happening or blaming others for it happening when/ if you can acknowledge that everyone (of no fault of their own) is inflicted with the same instinctual passions as you are.

Cheers Vineeto

July 11 2025

VINEETO: Nowhere could I find the term “acutely empathetic caring” so let me know where you got it from. It is certainly in conflict with a near-actual-caring or feeling good come what may.

CHRONO: I am still reading over the reply and correspondence, but this is what I find in that correspondence. He says “acutely-empathic caring” rather than acutely-empathetic caring. Maybe I am misunderstanding something. Relevant quote:

Richard: Now, as the identity inhabiting this flesh-and-blood body all those years ago was in an out-from-control virtual freedom for something like five months – although not named as such back then, of course, nor thought of in those terms – I can readily report how ‘he’ was more empathetic during that period than ‘he’ ever had been in all ‘his’ 34 years of existence. So much so, in fact, that I would be inclined to characterise a near-actual caring as an acutely-empathic caring. (List D, Srinath2, 13 August 2016)

VINEETO: Hi Chrono,

Thank you very much for helping me find the quote. I omitted the hyphen between “acutely” and “empathic” in the search command and therefore could not find it. I should have persisted because the world “acutely” is only used twice on that page. You did not misunderstand. What I said above in my last message was incorrect. Being “acutely-empathic caring” is not in conflict with “near-actual-caring”, in fact Richard characterised them as equivalent.

CHRONO: EDIT: Actually he explains it in the same correspondence :

Srinath: Q3) I take that it would not be possible for someone who has a high degree of agency – say when they are feeling good or great to experience a near actual caring?

Richard: As the term ‘agency’ of necessity implies an agent (i.e., a doer) when used in reference to human beings then it is the presence or absence of that agent (i.e., that doer) which determines whether or not a near-actual caring occurs and not some “degree of agency” (be it higher or lower; greater or lesser; larger or smaller) by which you presumably mean the degree of involvement of the agent (i.e., the doer) on some scale, as is your wont, ranging from passive to active. (Richard, List D, Srinath2, 13 August 2016)

CHRONO: EDIT 2: I’m still trying to wrap my head around this entirely.

VINEETO: Perhaps if I put it this way – to be able to be “acutely-empathic caring” one is necessarily aware of and sensitive to (not closed off from) one’s own and other people’s feelings.

In the below quote Richard used the word “acutely“ in a related context –

Richard: It is initially difficult to comprehend living life sans feelings ... as a child, a youth and as a young man I was particularly sensitive in comparison with my then peers – I felt everything keenly, acutely – and always preferred the company of females to males anytime. I was easily hurt by others and had difficulty hurting anyone or anything – boys pulling wings off flies at grade school sickened me to the stomach – and all the killing I did as a farmer’s son was quick and efficient in that I ensured it was as painless as is possible (I have no objection to killing per se). The rough and tumble of typical manly pursuits such as competitive sports did not interest me at all ... and I felt like a fish out of water during my six years in the military. I felt life deeply, passionately and it is no wonder I fell for the summum bonum of human feelings: the altered state of consciousness known as ‘Spiritual Enlightenment’. After my break-through into actual freedom I went through thirty months of mental anguish thinking that I had lost the plot completely (although physically everything was perfect). (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 7, 14 June 2000).

When this “acutely-empathic caring” is combined with the naïve/ pure intent to bring an end to all the suffering and mayhem within the human condition (which had certainly been the case for ‘Richard’ in the period he described in his above correspondence, then this deeply felt empathic caring results in action. Viz.:

Richard: First, a select quote:

June 19 1999:
• Richard: I have no intuitive or imaginative faculties whatsoever ... that all disappeared in 1992. I am incapable of the activity of believing ... let alone believing in something.
• Co-Respondent: You are not a machine (computer) are you? Do you have a heart?
• Richard: A physical heart that pumps blood, yes ... a ‘bleeding heart’ as in piteous sentimentality, no. You see, I actually care about my fellow human being ... not merely feel that I care.
• Co-Respondent: By heart I did not mean a physical heart nor a ‘bleeding heart’ (which, by the way, is an image you have).
• Richard: Yet it is not “an image that I have” (...) but an expression of a factual reality for 6.0 billion peoples. They feel that they care about all the misery and mayhem instead of actually caring. If they actually cared there would be action ... and that action would not be of ‘my’ doing.
It would be the ending of ‘me’ and all ‘my’ subterfuge and trickery. (Richard, List B, No. 25a, 19 June 1999).

Hence it came to pass one fine evening that feeling-being ‘Vineeto’ realised, with a profound visceral impact, how ‘she’ had never actually cared – although ‘she’ certainly felt caring (in fact ‘she’ had a deeply-ingrained and ongoing feeling of caring about all the misery and mayhem) – and upon that realisation transforming itself into an actualisation (as per the intimacy-yearning process detailed in the ‘Direct Route Mail-Out № 05 email part-quoted[1] at the top of this page) it activated “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” and there was indeed action which was not of ‘her’ doing ... to wit: the ending of ‘her’ and all ‘her’ subterfuge and trickery (just to stay in keeping with the above wording purely for effect).

Thus Vineeto is emphatic that unless this “near-actual caring” term refers to “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” with a marked-action effect, such as is illustrated above, it is to no avail to utilise such terminology.

The other example provided (at the top of this page) similarly instances a marked-action effect of “a caring which is as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster” inasmuch ‘she’ was sitting amongst a group of people, as one of many, wherein ‘her’ sole interest was that everyone present, including ‘herself’ as one of those present, enjoyed themselves and obtained the maximum benefit from their meeting due to an abeyance of the ‘doer’ and the ascendancy of the ‘beer’ (i.e., an out-from-control/ different-way-of-being virtual freedom).

Needless is it to add that instances such as these are beyond the ken of social behaviourist-type therapists and counsellors (and especially those who slyly avoid ‘empathy burnout’ via shedding the very empathy their patients thrive on)? (List D, Srinath2, 6 August 2016)

Footnote [1]: 5. Since a near-actual caring is, of course, epitomised by a vital interest in the suffering of all human beings coming to an end, forever, as a number one priority, then ‘her’ single-minded focus was essentially centred upon the most immediate way of ensuring this long-awaited global event could begin to take effect the soonest ... to wit: bringing ‘her’ own inevitable demise, at physical death, forward into a liminal imminence.

6. Because the means ‘she’ elected to utilise towards these ends was the near-actual intimacy which goes hand-in-hand with a near-actual caring (per favour that afore-mentioned absence of self-centredness/ self-centricity which typifies being out-from-control) it is apposite to defer to what Vineeto herself wrote on the 20th of January 2010, only fifteen days after her pivotal moment/ definitive event, as its refreshingly simple directness speaks for itself.
Viz.:

• [Vineeto]: “(...). Further it was obvious for me that it would be Richard who would facilitate and trigger my transition into an actual freedom because he was the most obvious person with whom a near-actual intimacy would change into an actual intimacy – simply because Richard had been my guide and mentor for the last 13 years and particularly so for the period since I stepped out-from-control.
As I have written to James recently –

‘The final clue was again about caring, a caring as close to an actual caring as an identity can muster. Only when I cared enough to give all of ‘me’ to another person, to give them what they want most, was I then ready to give it to the one I cared for most, the one I was closest to, and then I was able to leave all remnant concerns and inhibitions of my identity behind.

And that’s what happened“. (Direct Route, James, 17 January 2010).

(Direct Route, No. 20, 20 January 2010).

Perhaps this information may also be explanatory –

• [Richard]: “1. When feeling-being ‘Vineeto’s everyday feeling of caring first shifted into what has since become known as a near-actual caring the qualitative difference was so marked in its effect ‘she’ initially mistook it to be an actual caring (as per ‘her’ memories of PCE’s)”.

Cheers Vineeto