Richard’s Selected Writings

When ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul psychologically and psychically self-immolate – which is the end of ‘being’ itself – then the answer to the ‘Mystery Of Life’ becomes evident as an on-going existential experiencing; I am this physical universe experiencing itself as a reflective, sensate human being; as me, the universe is intelligent (there is no anthropomorphic ‘Intelligence’ that is creating or running existence).

There is a wide and wondrous path to actual freedom: One asks oneself, each moment again, ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive’? This gives rise to apperception. Apperception is the outcome of the exclusive attention paid to being alive right here and now. Apperception is to be the senses as a bare awareness, a pure consciousness experience (PCE) of the world as-it-is, which happens when the mind becomes aware of itself. Apperception is an awareness of consciousness. It is not ‘I’ being aware of ‘me’ being conscious; it is the mind’s awareness of itself.

The day finally dawns when something irrevocable happens inside the skull. In an ecstatic moment of being present, ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul expire. ‘I’ as ego and ‘me’ as soul ceases to exist, permanently. There is a sensation inside the top of the brain-stem that is experienced as a physical ‘turning over’ of some kind ... something that can never, ever, turn back. Something irrevocable happens and everything is different, somehow, although everything stays the same physically ... with the outstanding exception of a perfection and purity permeating all and everything. Something has changed, although it is as if nothing has happened ... except that the entire world is a magical fairy-tale-like playground full of incredible joy and delight that is never-ending. ‘My’ demise was as fictitious as ‘my’ apparent presence. I have always been here, I realise, it was that ‘I’ only imagined that ‘I’ existed. It was all an emotional play in a fertile imagination ... which was, however, fuelled by an actual hormonal substance triggered off from within the brain-stem because of the instinctual passions bestowed by blind nature. Thus the psyche – the entire affective faculty born of the instincts itself – is wiped out forever and one is finally what one actually is: this thinking and reflective flesh-and-blood body simply brimming with sense organs, delighting in this very sensual world of actual experience.

Thus the search for meaning amidst the debris of the much-vaunted human hopes and dreams and schemes has come to its timely end. With the end of both ‘I’ and ‘me’, the distance or separation between both ‘I’ and ‘me’ and these sense organs – and thus the external world – disappears. To be living as the senses is to live a clear and clean awareness – apperception – a pure consciousness experience of the world as-it-is.

Because there is no ‘I’ as a thinker (a little person inside one’s head) or a ‘me’ as a feeler (a little person in one’s heart) – to have sensations happen to them, I am the sensations. The entire affective faculty vanishes ... blind nature’s software package of instinctual passions is deleted. There is nothing except the series of sensations which happen ... not happening to an ‘I’ or a ‘me’ but just happening ... moment by moment ... one after another. To live life as these sensations, as distinct from having them, engenders the most astonishing sense of freedom and magic. Consequently, I am living in peace and tranquillity; a meaningful peace and tranquillity. Life is intrinsically purposeful, the reason for existence lies openly all around. Being in this very air I live in, I am constantly aware of it; I breathe it in and out; I see it, I hear it, I taste it, I smell it, I touch it, all of the time. It never goes away – nor has it ever been away – it was just that ‘I’/‘me’ was standing in the way of the meaning of life being apparent.

Life is not a vale of tears.

As I sit here now, I am well-pleased. I see that extracting myself from the Altered State Of Consciousness and finding out an alternative way of living, outside of any psychic consciousness at all, is the optimal choice, a freely selected way to live. I am experiencing myself as being very wise to do so – it is an act of clear intelligence. I am utterly confident; it is the confidence which easily helped ‘me’ in those moments of guilt and panic about having wanted to dissolve the Altered State Of Consciousness. I am experiencing myself as being a totally fascinated person, someone who could be extremely interesting to be with. I do not feel like the traitor I may appear to be in those other people’s eyes for no longer agreeing with their borrowed ‘wisdom’. This actual freedom is what is of the utmost importance. What a great privilege I have given myself to go this way ... it is all so self-evidently excellent.

And I have the sure knowledge that my companion wants me to be like this as much as I want to.

Being me is not to be confused with any Religious, Spiritual and Mystical State Of Being or any other Altered State Of Consciousness ... always spelled with a capital to denote Divinity. To become ‘Me’, the Divine Being, one must surrender; be it to a God, a Supreme, an Absolute or Whatever. This surrender is epitomised in the scriptural injunction ‘Not my will but Thy Will’. One surrenders one’s will and permits Divinity, in whatever form, to take responsibility for one’s life. Nobody seems to realise that this is a second surrender, because one is currently already in a state of surrender – it is called being normal, being human. One has to take one’s will back from the decrees of the real world, to which one has already surrendered, not surrender it yet again! The guiding principle to bear in mind is never, ever surrender. Not to anyone or anything at any time or anywhere. The ego and soul can disappear, never to reappear again, but this is not achieved through surrender. It is achieved through seeing just exactly what I am and just who ‘I’ is. Then will, no longer ego-driven or soul-driven can operate freely. The operation of will, freed of the encumbrance of identity and self, is called intelligence. To be me is to be intelligent. It is not necessary to have a high I.Q. to be intelligent ... simply be me.

The moment I saw the imprisonment, the aloneness, the corruption and the perversion within ‘myself’ and within every group ‘I’ have belonged to – and the price ‘I’ had paid in keeping all that is actual of me secret – the choice to remain an identity or a self was no longer an option. I dissolved the Altered State Of Consciousness I was living in ... I came to my senses. Of course I was going to be me.

Being me is to be my destiny.

‘Humanity’, which gave birth to ‘me’, was being sustained by ‘me’ remaining as a ‘being’. ‘I’ am forever fettered by the Human Condition. The species known as ‘humanity’ has searched for an Ultimate Fulfilment within the arena of the Human Condition for all of history. Such a search is endless and futile, for it is a search within an illusion. Only further illusions – further states of ‘being’ – can be found there ... or delusions. Becoming Divine is a delusion – a state of ‘Being’ that is an insult to intelligence. ‘I’ will never find the ultimate fulfilment for ‘I’ am standing in the way of the ‘Mystery of Life’ being revealed. There is no way out, ‘I’ am doomed. ‘I’ must, inevitably, cease to ‘be’. Instead of bemoaning ‘my’ fate and vainly searching for an escape, ‘I’ can see ‘myself’ for what ‘I’ am. This seeing is the beginning of the ending of ‘me’. The extinction of ‘me’ is the ultimate sacrifice ‘I’ can make to ensure the possibility of peace-on-earth for not only me but for all humankind.

I find myself here, in the world as-it-is. A vast stillness lies all around, abounding with purity. Beneficence, an active kindness, overflows in all directions, imbuing everything with unimaginable fairytale-like quality. For me to be able to be here at all was a blessing that only ‘I’ could grant, because nobody else could do it for me. I am full of admiration for the ‘me’ that dared to do such a thing. I owe all that I experience now to ‘me’. I salute ‘my’ audacity. And what an adventure it was ... and still is. These are the wondrous workings of the exquisite quality of life – who would have it any other way?

Ultimate fulfilment lies beyond extinction.

With no evil in existence, I do not have to believe in and muster all my energies in order to be good. ‘Good’ is a psychic force created to combat the psychic force known as ‘Evil’. Similarly, in monotheistic cultures, a ‘God’ is invented to engage in an endless battle with a ‘Devil’. In polytheistic cultures Gods are opposed to Demons. Then there are ‘Heavens’, ‘Hells’, ‘Sin’, ‘Karma’, ‘Resurrection’, ‘Reincarnation’ ... the list goes on. Where is intelligence in all this? Are humans worthy of the title ‘Mature Adults’? This is worse than puerile – this is primitive in the extreme. It all leads to such appalling brutality and unbearable suffering that it is a wonder that such nonsense can still be soberly entertained as even approximating truth. It is not only bizarre; this is insanity.

All this is so patently obvious that I am astounded at the reactions I meet when I talk about such matters to others. It all does not work. These ‘truths’ have been rigorously applied by diligent peoples for thousands of years, to no avail. How long must humans keep on trying something that just simply does not work – and never will? Why take umbrage at something entirely new, something that has never been before, something that delivers what it proposes? Are humans so perverse as to turn their backs, again and again, on the fact that the ‘tried and true’ methods do not work? So much for the supposed ‘innate curiosity’ and the inherent ‘spirit of exploration and discovery’ that is said to be the hall-mark of being human. Humans rather spend billions on searching for life in outer space instead of examining their own mores. Does humanity hope to find an alien race near some distant star who have the secret to life? And if they did find such creatures, who on earth would listen? Who would apply their wisdom? Obviously, what would happen, is that a phalanx of sociologists, anthropologists, biologists, psychologists, theologians and philosophers would swing into action to ‘study their culture’. Massed armies would be put on the alert and the inter-galactic wars, so beloved of the science-fiction writers, would inevitably erupt.

Such is the unyielding fate of a benighted humanity.

The reward for going to the very end of illusion and delusion is to emerge, unscathed, as the actual. The benefits of doing so are beyond price; to remove oneself from the invidious position of being betwixt sycophants and traducers, being one among many. The immediate bestowal of universal peace upon oneself is the benefit most worthy of acknowledgment. Yet, rewards and benefits notwithstanding, to have reached one’s destiny is to be of the ultimate service possible – the universe has been able to fulfil itself in me, a human being. Finally there is an intelligence operating unimpeded ... blind nature is being superseded. There is, most assuredly, not an Intelligence behind the universe, as is commonly supposed. To entertain such a notion is to commit the vulgar error of anthropomorphism. Intelligence abides only in humans – and the free operation of this intelligence is constantly being thwarted by the parasitical psychological entity known as ‘me’. ‘I’ am an entity, a ‘being’, a ‘presence’ that interferes with the smooth running of life.

‘I’ create reality – and it is a grim business to live in reality, with only scant moments of reprieve.

Knowing myself – and the others – is not only a matter of time. Knowledge accrued over time can make one somewhat wiser, but time is not the progenitor of actual wisdom. Knowledge is irrelevant to the actual knowing. The moment that ‘I’ – the identity and self – cease to exist, then the distance between ‘me’ and the real world vanishes ... that psychological space created by the identity and self. Then I am me. This actual knowing is an experiential matter and only from the actual can total wisdom flow. An identity and self is always ignorant of actual knowing – the actual can not be arrived at by thought. It is a lived experience each moment again. Only when I am me can I say that I know the actual.

‘I’ as the social identity am a creation. ‘I’ was created in relation to the peoples around ‘me’; that is, the group that ‘I’ belong to ... and the groups ‘I’ can not identify with. It was deemed a necessary training insofar as to be able to operate and function in the world as it was when one first arrived. So vital is this social identity considered to be, that it is thought that without it one could perish – unless one would have someone to look after one, in all respects, like a baby. The Masters, who have ‘lost their egos’ and insist it to be the only way to live the Absolute Truth or the Supreme Reality, are often a good example of this. Very few of them are looking after themselves; making their own cup of tea, doing their own washing, their shopping, their cooking and cleaning. They do not consider the functions, skills and abilities of the body as a free-flowing dignity.

Instead they express a contempt for this amazing physical body.

To unilaterally relinquish one’s esteemed identity is to go in the face of all received wisdom. Any psychiatrist would readily advise against such a foolish move – they will state that one would fall into a condition of mental and emotional ill-health. They would diagnose that one is likely to suffer from a severe mental disorder – probably ‘Depersonalisation’ – with its accompanying anxiety and panic attacks, resulting in the prescribing of anti-psychotropic medication and prolonged psychological counselling. To ‘lose one’s identity’ is considered a very serious psychiatric illness indeed. So one must proceed carefully – with the indispensable aid of pure intent – in order to dismantle, step by step, one’s accrued identity. It is important to examine all the beliefs – masquerading as ‘truths’ – that one has accumulated since birth. These beliefs support and encourage the emergence of the much-prized psychological entity inhabiting the psyche of all human beings. This apparent disembowelment is initially resisted, for not only has it never been contemplated before, it also goes against the egocentric, ethnocentric and anthropocentric mind-sets that all humans have been endowed with since time immemorial. It is a radical break with the past ... something akin to an evolutionary mutation, so personally seditious is its revolutionary opening gambit.

In order to mutate from the self-centred licentiousness to a self-less sensualism, one must have confidence in the ultimate beneficence of the universe. This confidence – this surety – can be gained from a peak experience, wherein ‘I’, the psychological entity, temporarily ceases to exist. Life is briefly seen to be already perfect and innocent ... it is a life-changing experience. One is physically experiencing first-hand, albeit momentarily, this actual world – a spontaneously benevolent world – that antedates the ‘normal’ world. The ‘normal’ world is commonly known as ‘the real world’ or ‘reality’. Repeated peak experiences can be brought about on virtually a daily basis with constant application of pure contemplation. In pure contemplation, ‘I’ cease seeing and seeing takes place of its own accord. Then this actual world – this benign world – that the ‘real world’ was superimposed over, becomes apparent ... except that ‘I’ am not here to experience it.

‘I’ can never be here in this actual world for ‘I’ am an interloper, an alien in psychic possession of the body. ‘I’ do not belong here. All this is impossible to imagine which is why it is essential to be confident that the actual world does exist. This confidence is born out of knowing, which is derived from the peak experience, and is an essential ingredient to ensure success. One does not have to generate confidence oneself – as the religions require of one with regard to their blind faith – the purity of the actual world bestows this confidence upon one. The experience of purity is a benefaction. Out of this blessing comes pure intent, which will consistently guide one through the travails of daily life, gently ushering in an increasing ease and generosity of character. With this growing magnanimity, one becomes more and more anonymous, more and more self-less. With this expanding altruism one becomes less and less self-centred, less and less egocentric. Eventually the moment comes wherein something definitive happens, physically, inside the brain and ‘I’ am nevermore.

‘Being’ ceases – it was only a psychic apparition anyway – and war is over, forever, in one human being.

Apperception is the mind’s perception of itself – it is a bare awareness. Normally the mind perceives through the senses and sorts the data received according to its predilection; but the mind itself remains unperceived ... it is taken to be unknowable. Apperception happens when the ‘who’ inside abdicates its throne and a pure awareness occurs. This is called a peak experience. The experience is as if I have eyes in the back of my head; there is a three hundred and sixty degree awareness and all is self-evidently clear. This is knowing by direct experience, unmediated by any ‘who’ whatsoever. I am able to see that the ‘who’ of me has been standing in the way of the perfection and purity that is the essential character of myself becoming apparent. Here a solid and irrefutable intelligence can operate freely; by negating the ‘thinker’ and the ‘feeler’. I am the universe’s experience of itself as a human being ... after all, the very stuff this body is made of is the very stuff of the universe.

There is no ‘outside’ to the perfection of the universe to come from; I only thought and felt that I was a separate identity and self.

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The Third Alternative

(Peace On Earth In This Life Time As This Flesh And Blood Body)

Here is an actual freedom from the Human Condition, surpassing Spiritual Enlightenment and any other Altered State Of Consciousness, and challenging all philosophy, psychiatry, metaphysics (including quantum physics with its mystic cosmogony), anthropology, sociology ... and any religion along with its paranormal theology. Discarding all of the beliefs that have held humankind in thralldom for aeons, the way has now been discovered that cuts through the ‘Tried and True’ and enables anyone to be, for the first time, a fully free and autonomous individual living in utter peace and tranquillity, beholden to no-one.

Richard’s Text ©The Actual Freedom Trust 1997