Actual Freedom – Mailing List ‘D’ Correspondence

June 15 2013

Re: Question to Richard

RESPONDENT: If the essence of who I am is formless as you say on your website, then how can you see it and describe it as a beautiful rosy pearl nestled coyly amidst the delicate fleshy tissue of its host in its shimmering nacreous shell?

RICHARD: G’day No. 11, You are obviously referring to an email exchange of ours, on this forum, over 2 & 1/2 years ago. Purely for the sake of clarity in communication I will re-present it in full.

Vis.:

#7620
From: richard.actualfreedom
Date: Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:47 pm
Subject: Re: Richard I have a question

• [Respondent]: G’day Richard, How do I learn and discover the essence of who ‘I’ am? Thank you, No.11.

• [Richard]: G’day No. 11, In a word: intuitively (aka feeling yourself out subjectively).

Also, much use can be made of what is known as hypnagogic (pre-dormient) and hypnopompic (post-dormient) states which occur, respectively, in the drowsiness stage of intermediate consciousness preceding sleep or in the semiconscious state of transitional consciousness preceding waking ... of the two the identity inhabiting this flesh and blood body all those years ago found the pre-dormient state the easier to manifest.

However, as it was the hypnopompic state which revealed the essence of who ‘I’ am – the precise nature of ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being (which is ‘being’ itself) – an anecdote from that period may throw some light on the matter.

I was on a coastal sea voyage, making a northerly passage under sail in a trimaran I then owned, off the north-eastern seaboard of Australia when a storm came up from the south late in the day.

Rather than make a run for the port I was heading for under a storm jib alone (with all that entails) I chose to anchor overnight in the lee of a nearby island until the storm blew itself out. A perusal of the appropriate chart showed a narrow bay, between two jagged coral reefs, with a tiny beach at its head and the notation ‘fair-weather anchorage’. I figured, were the worst to come about, I could beach my yacht (an advantage multihull yachts have over monohull yachts) and weather the storm out thataway.

I negotiated the two jagged coral reefs, dropped anchor several boat-lengths short of what was actually a miniscule beach, and retired below for the evening. I slept soundly, despite the storm howling all about and the yacht pitching and tossing at anchor, only to emerge from deep sleep into a crystal-clear fully-lucid hypnopompic state just after midnight.

(Please note that it was, of course, the ‘I’ who was hypnopompic).

In that crystal-clear fully-lucid hypnopompic state ‘I’ was able to penetrate deeply into ‘myself’ at the core of ‘my’ being (which is ‘being’ itself) – or, rather, the penetration took place via ‘my’ full acquiescence – and there, in the centre of all the feelings swirling around, the essence of who ‘I’ am lay gorgeously exposed ... not all that unlike a beautiful rosy pearl, nestled coyly amidst the delicate fleshy tissue of its host, in its shimmering nacreous shell.

Except that the essence of who ‘I’ am was a void (and not a ‘thing’ like a pearl is) so the analogy of the void at the centre of whirlpool of water – which is the whirling water in motion – is more apt (albeit not conveying the ethereal radiant beauty of the rosy pearl analogy).

Or, in other words, the essence of who ‘I’ am is akin to the calm, still centre of a swirling cyclone/ hurricane/ typhoon.

The swirling air/whirling water is, of course, all the feelings – all of the emotions/ passions – which ‘I’ am comprised of (as in ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’).

*

At that point, as the storm howled even louder and the yacht lurched sluggishly at anchor, I was fully awake in an instant; sitting up and swinging my legs to the edge of the bunk I stood up ... knee-deep in seawater!

Now, when something like that happens in a house one can quickly discern that one’s home is being flooded; on a ship at sea, however, it can mean only one thing ... to wit: one’s home is sinking.

But, all the while I was starting the auxiliary engine (mostly underwater) and hauling in the anchor (getting thoroughly soaked) and somehow driving the waterlogged trimaran up onto the miniscule beach (unseeable in the pitch black night) without dashing to pieces on the enclosing jagged reefs, that penetration into the essence of who ‘I’ am became indelibly etched into the memory banks.

And, as ‘I’ knew exactly who ‘I’ was, that very knowledge was in itself empowering (to use the jargon) and thus contributed enormously to ‘my’ eventual demise.

Ain’t life grand!

Regards, Richard.

And, again for reasons of clarity in communication, in a follow-up email I expanded somewhat upon that which lay so gorgeously exposed, completely unprotected, a little after the witching-hour on that revelatory and empowering (to again utilise the jargon) night in mid-1987.

Vis.:

#7641
From: richard.actualfreedom
Date: Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:13 pm
Subject: Re: Richard I have a question

• [Richard]: [...]. So as to put it into perspective: it [#7620] was a response to being asked how to learn and discover the essence of who ‘I’ am, and not who ‘I’ am in general (social-self + ego-self + soul/spirit-self), and my anecdotal reply refers to what took place the sixth year (1987) of spiritual enlightenment/ mystical awakenment.

[...] what lay exposed (as in completely unprotected) was the essence of ‘me’ in all ‘my’ glory ... beautiful, radiant, resplendent and unquestionably worthy of the utmost adoration, worship and veneration. (Hence my lustrous pearl analogy; the eddy analogy is for void, in contrast to thing, as the essence of who ‘I’ am is formless).

Kings and Emperors and Sages and Seers alike tremble at the rare honour bestowed only on a graced few, to prostrate before that sacred effulgence, upon choice revelation of its almighty presence.

For instance:

• [Ms. Pupul Jayakar]: ‘... the feeling of presence was overpowering, and soon my voice stopped. Krishnaji turned to me, ‘Do you feel It? I could prostrate to It?’ His body was trembling as he spoke of the presence that listened. ‘Yes, I can prostrate to this, that is here’.

Suddenly he turned and left us, walking alone to his room’. (page 364; Jayakar, Pupul: ‘Krishnamurti – A Biography’; Harper & Row; San Francisco; 1986).

Regards, Richard.

Now, back to your question (about how can that which is essentially formless be seen and described as a beautiful rosy pearl and etcetera): first and foremost, the seeing is neither a retinal percipience – as in, the seer –> the retinae –> the seen – nor a dichotomous ‘inner’ perception (as in, the seer –> the seen) as the seer *is* the seen ... or, rather, there is only the seen (‘There is only That’).

(In short, ‘seeing’, in my above words ‘the seeing is ...’, is being used in its figurative sense).

Second, as that which is formless (as in, timeless and spaceless, ethereal and supernal, immaterial and incorporeal and so on) is not only neither existent nor non-existent, but is not neither existent nor non-existent either, then my lustrous pearl analogy serves to convey the ethereal radiant beauty of that which is devoid of any personality whatsoever – utterly non-egoic in any way, means or manner (aka, void) – and, thus, totally ‘other’, resplendently supreme, sacred and absolute.

(In short, ‘seen’, in my further above words ‘... there is only the seen’, is also being used in its figurative sense).

Lastly, as all my words and writings are informed by the post-parinirvana/ mahasamadhi condition known as an actual freedom from the human condition, it must be stressed that the ongoing experiencing, night and day, for the eleven years 1981-to-1992 was *not* of being a (capitalised) ‘Self’ or ‘Being’ – ‘God’ or ‘The Creator’ by whatever name – but of having gone behind that, in the first few weeks or so, into that which all such gods and goddesses arise out of or are grounded in.

(In short, that whence all avatars and buddhas emanate).

Vis.:

*

I am also stressing this so as to address the mis-information/ dis-information bruited abroad by a pretermitting whippersnapper whose main function in life is, it would seem, to be a mouthpiece for a once-failed Singapore businessman he publicly identifies as Mr. John Tan (he may as well have said ‘John Smith’ or ‘Joe Citizen’).

Ha ... this is all such fun!

Regards, Richard.

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