18.12.2005

Welcome to the Actual Freedom Mailing list.

I do have a question that prompted me to post. It is a pressing question for me, so I hope that someone will be prompt in answering it. I’m kind of stuck at the moment. (I REALLY hope that Peter or Vineeto or someone who has been at this a while might reply.)

I find that, at work, it ‘pays’ to be a self. It pays to love and be loved. What I mean is that everyone seems to be the most lenient and beneficent when we are all the most ‘nurturing’ toward one another. There is a certain kind of ‘group resonance’ in that. And I have the feeling that in order to really pursue this goal of Actual Freedom, I’d be necessary to become irritating to my co-workers – simply because I wouldn’t be going with the loving and super-friendly program that everyone prefers.

When I applied the actualism method – being attentive to how I experience each moment of being alive with the intent of being happy and considerate towards others – one of the first obstacles I discovered was my basic resentment of being here as in ‘I wasn’t asked to be born’ and ‘the world is not how I want it to be’ and ‘people don’t behave as I want them to behave’. This basic resentment was like a bad habit that continuously spoiled my enjoyment of whatever I was doing and interfered with my being in harmony with whomever I met and interacted with – both at work and at home.

Once I recognized the silliness of this bad habit it was fairly easy to prevent it from reoccurring by applying an ongoing attentiveness as to how I was feeling each moment again. By doing so, I discovered that this basic resentment towards being here had various branches – one of them was that in most cases people, including me, have to work for their livelihood. Once I stopped resenting the fact that I have to trade some of my time and expertise in exchange for tokens, which I then use for buying food, clothes, shelter and toys, my whole attitude towards and experience of work began to change. Not only is food a requisite, it is also a pleasure, not only are clothes a requisite, they provide warmth and comfort, not only is shelter a requisite, it provides comfort, cosiness and convenience and any money left over after purchasing necessities can purchase what toys I find interesting from the increasingly inexpensive and ever-widening array of adult toys.

With the intent of being as happy and harmless as humanly possible the nature of the task at hand became obvious – work, i.e. the time and expertise sold in exchange for tokens, not only needs to benefit those I offer it to but it also needs to be enjoyable for me in order to achieve a win-win situation for all participants in the game.

I don’t need to be ‘nurturing’ towards others, as you describe it, because I no longer need to rely on such fickle feelings to cover up or bandage over the underlying resentment I used to feel towards others – on the contrary I am in an excellent mood every day and I actually care for the wellbeing of those for whom I work and for those I work with and almost always enjoy their company while we work together. I don’t need to love them because I am not hostile or resentful towards them nor do I need to be loved by them because I am not down on myself, I enjoy what I do and I care that they get the best for the amount of time they bought. They are above all – not after all – my fellow human beings.

To put it succinctly – the basic feeling of resentment is replaced by joie the vivre and fellowship regard feelings of ‘nurturing’ or caring are replaced by actual caring for one’s fellow human beings.

The other benefit of actualism in regards to work was that I began to be able to sensibly assess my needs rather than be driven by senseless desires in order to be able to sell less time for livelihood and toys and have more free time to do with as I choose.

I guess a more basic question would be: is it possible to live in the ordinary world (hold a job, be married, raise children, etc.) while pursuing Actual Freedom?

Oh, yes, certainly. Actualism enables you to be happy and harmless in the world-as-it-is with people-as-they-are. As an actualist I am not setting out to change the world or to change other people but my sole intent is to change the only person I can change and need to change – myself.

And to respond, simply, that it is an individual matter – that it all depends upon me – is a little too vague for application. In what way does it depend upon me? I’m hoping for a more direct answer.

It all depends on my attitude – if I am not happy then there is something to look at in me … and to change in me. If I am not equanimous in the company of other people, i.e. if I am irritated, annoyed, demanding, greedy, resentful, accusatory or frightened, then again, there is something to look at in me … and to change in me.

And miraculously, that is all that is needed for being happy and for living in peace.

I fail to see that this is ‘vague’ in any way – nothing could be more clear and succinct, so much so that it is the major up-front point made in the ‘Virtual Freedom’ video.

My basic concern is that I am going to break up what stability exists in my social relationships in order to become ‘happy and harmless’!

I am looking forward to a reply.

Ha, that is very well possible but not for the reasons you outlined above. After all, when you change from a particular social identity to a carefree and harmonious fellow human being your social relationships are bound to change. Maybe the links on this library page can provide you with some answers.

Actualism Homepage

Freedom from the Human Condition – Happy and Harmless

Vineeto’s Text © The Actual Freedom Trust