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Vineeto’s Correspondence on the Actual Freedom List Correspondent No 3
Hi cyber Vineeto: Yes, what exactly are we trying to communicate here. Is it that you are trying to coach me and I am saying I know already. So, you think there may be a coaching contract with cyber-Vineeto. I don’t remember signing such a contract and I certainly wouldn’t want to, nor does my alter ego of cyber-Vineeto. I don’t even know what you want to achieve, how could I possibly coach you? Freedom is something everyone has to do for themselves. But you are welcome to pick my brain if you want to know about living in virtual freedom. Peter and I are certainly experts on the ongoing experience of it and the way to reach it. We have both followed the path to actual freedom for two years with overwhelming and obvious success and enjoy a continuous virtual freedom from sorrow and malice. I am certainly interested in giving information if anyone wants to be as happy and harmless as I am. As Peter has stated in his letter to Alan, and it is my experience as well, Virtual Freedom is an essential prerequisite for Actual Freedom. Actual Freedom does not happen over night. It is the result of whittling away all the layers of emotions, feelings, beliefs and instincts that one comes across in daily life until there is hardly any disturbance happening and hardly anything left of what used to be the ‘self’. Virtual Freedom can be described as perfect days, day-in, day-out, and heightened senses delivering ongoing pleasure and delight – be it a cup of coffee, the saxophone playing next door, the whistle of a chain-saw, the twitter of the birds, the soft breeze of the fan in may back. Virtual freedom is when the ‘feeling’ of time has disappeared, when the days have no names and the hours have no numbers – I am simply here living in this perfect moment each moment again. It does not matter if I go to work or stay at home, if it is day or night, rainy or hot, if I am meeting people, on my own or with Peter at home, I simply have a perfect time. If you are saying you ‘know alread’ , then that is just marvellous. Or is it that I am still trying to nut something out and I am trying to verify what you are saying by playing it back in different words? Is it? Are you? And is the verification successful? Or are you playing poker with the cards close to your chest? * When an emotion is happening, for instance anger, it is harmful in two ways. Firstly I am not happy because I am angry and second I am angry at someone else and may cause harm to that person, be it by snide remarks, withdrawal or any other action. Of course I don’t want to be angry. If the aim is to be happy and harmless then I no longer tolerate anger in my life. One does everything possible to eliminate it and not merely watches its rising and falling in the mind or heart. But the only way to successfully get rid of anger is to examine the root cause of me getting angry in that particular situation, find the expectation, the frustration, the ‘self’ in operation. Once I found the root cause and ‘got it’ – as Alan says – it is immensely rewarding, a great relief and a joy to have dismantled yet another obstacle to being free. Yes, the ‘I got it’ though does not always mean the emotion is finished within its entirety, but that in that particular circumstance it is finished with. The fact that one has released that it must go is what assures its eventual end. The realization for me is not that ‘it must go’. Actual freedom has been an understanding, evidenced by various peak experiences, that ‘I’, the psychological and psychic entity within this body, inhibit the experience of the already existent perfection and purity of the physical universe. So ‘I’ decide to self-immolate, ‘self’-sacrifice for the perfection to become apparent in this life, on this planet. The growing comprehensive realization of what this ‘I’ consists of, all my emotions, feelings, beliefs and instincts has been an ongoing discovery and understanding. Elimination happens when I fully comprehend the passionate imaginative nature of an emotion as opposed to the delight of direct intimacy. The same applies when I understand the collective imagination of a belief as opposed to the actuality of facts. Then there is only the obvious to do, then there is no choice at all.
* Your ‘permanent solution’ of ‘no objection at all’ sounds a pretty dry experience to me. Freedom from the churning emotions, feelings, beliefs and instincts, which is freedom from ‘me’, results in a delicious, sensuous continuous enjoyment moment after moment, fresh each time, rich and magnificent, crisp and perfect. An ongoing delight to be alive. My ‘permanent solution’ is not a final statement as such it is just that I realised that any revealing investigation will not proceed when there is an objecting ‘I’. So that is a prerequisite. It has been one of the spiritual and new-age therapy devices to split up the ‘I’ into various parts – the male and female side, the child, the angry ‘me’, the vulnerable ‘me’, the indifferent ‘me’, observer, the judge, the loving ‘me’ etc. ad nauseam. The outcome is utter confusion and merely rearranging the furniture on the Titanic in endless variations. Whereas the path to actual freedom is characterized by determination and pure intent born out of one’s peak-experience which drives one to simply get on with the business of eliminating malice and sorrow because one wants to get rid of malice and sorrow. No psychologising needed. Once it became clear that ‘I’ am in the road of experiencing the already existent perfection and purity of the physical universe it became also obvious that it is the whole of ‘me’ that would have to disappear, the objecting, the feeling, the believing and the instinctually driven ‘me’, the whole bucket. It is all so devastatingly simply, obvious and apparent.
It has been one of the spiritual and new-age therapy devices to split up the ‘I’ into various parts – the male and female side, the child, the angry ‘me’, the vulnerable ‘me’, the indifferent ‘me’, observer, the judge, the loving ‘me’ etc. ad nauseam. The outcome is utter confusion and merely rearranging the furniture on the Titanic in endless variations. Whereas the path to actual freedom is characterised by determination and pure intent born out of one’s peak-experience which drives one to simply get on with the business of eliminating malice and sorrow because one wants to get rid of malice and sorrow. No psychologising needed. Once it became clear that ‘I’ am in the road of experiencing the already existent perfection and purity of the physical universe it became also obvious that it is the whole of ‘me’ that would have to disappear, the objecting, the feeling, the believing and the instinctually driven ‘me’, the whole bucket. It is all so devastatingly simply, obvious and apparent. Hmm, if there is objection there is denial which amounts to omission from awareness in the ongoing moment. There is obviously a supporting argument to the objection which is always without actual up to the moment factual basis. If objection is allowed to act unchecked then that is the wall which is the obstacle to awareness of present content of reality. Would you mind to translate the above for me into maybe a practical example of how this understanding happens in daily life or how it plays out in emotions and feelings. Honestly, I have no idea what you are trying to say, although I am really interested to follow your description. I guess the above is an intellectual interpretation of feelings and belief – for me it would be easier to understand them as such, feelings and beliefs. Looking forward to your response.
What a pleasure and what a surprise to get your response. So I am not writing on a ghost-list after all. Firstly, just for the fun of it, I want to let you in on the latest joke, that took me a full day to comprehend – so don’t give up too quickly ... You may have noticed Richard’s latest correspondence with someone on mailing list C that I found highly entertaining, informative and hilarious. The joke that cracked me tonight was this bit:
If you look up the word * The fascinating question is how to facilitate this shift of attention? It doesn’t happen through thinking but it can be stimulated by contemplation. But most of all it is a memory job, experientially, sensately remembering to not believe the emotion and to step out. I had found another piece in the puzzle of how to move from ‘to be or not to be’. It just occurred to me that immolation, the final ‘stepping out’, will happen out of a situation of a distinctly felt emotion when the ‘self’ in action is clearly experienced. It won’t be a soft glide from happy to more happy but a deliberate tearing away from the grip of the instinctual entity. I will have to be experiencing at the time exactly what it is that I am stepping out of. Bloody excellent. What a nice trinket. I have been wondering myself about whether my rejection of emotional behaviour was lacking rational analysis. At times I have found it difficult to displace my emotional state by working through it rationally, i.e. couldn’t find any more information and found that the direct approach of discarding is more effective. I am fascinated by your expression of ‘rejection of emotional behaviour’. Do you literally mean ‘rejection’ as in repressing it and not letting it come to the surface, or ‘rejection’ as in not giving it any attention, or ‘rejection’ as in sitting it out without much ado about it? Does ‘rational analysis’ mean you ‘reject’ the emotion or does ‘rational analysis’ include investigating the upcoming emotion? I am curious to learn what works best for you. And then, how does ‘the direct approach of discarding’ actually work? Again, I am not sure if ‘discard’ means throwing it away – and does it stay away? Or is it more a ‘disregard’ because you already know everything about this particular emotion and it just keeps coming back as a bad habit? For instance, I have found my ‘sticky self-doubt’ coming back again and again despite extensive investigation until I realised that is consisted of nothing more than a bad habit. * It just occurred to me that immolation, the final ‘stepping out’, will happen out of a situation of a distinctly felt emotion when the ‘self’ in action is clearly experienced. It won’t be a soft glide from happy to more happy but a deliberate tearing away from the grip of the instinctual entity. I will have to be experiencing at the time exactly what it is that I am stepping out of. Your last two sentences are of particular interest. This does indeed seems to be the case as I feel I have achieved less when just being happy than when I can pull myself out of a dramatic state, to be confronted by immediate sensate perception. In this particular post I was talking about my deduction of what would be needed to do the final step to extinction, the last ‘stepping out’. I don’t know if it is going to happen this way or any other way, but I am sure obsessed with ‘my’ extinction – which is one of the prerequisites for it to happen – so that’s taken care of. Vis:
But I can relate when you say ‘I feel I have achieved less when just being happy’. The self-doubt I had described arose mainly out of the situation that I was happy almost all of the time and it seemed as ordinary and normal as anything. The nagging feeling that there is something more to Actual Freedom than ‘just’ being happy – and there is, of course – sent me diving into worry and doubt to see if I had missed the track. But no, this apparent feeling of ‘non-achievement’ is par for the course, it is the very experiencing of becoming less of a ‘who I am’ and more of a ‘what I am’. The doubt just served to introduce ‘who I am’ back into the picture. So, I am still busy shifting the meaning of the term ‘achievement’ into meaning ‘becoming less’, less of a drama queen and less of an identity. Besides, a little look at the ‘land of lament’ or the ‘land of denial’ will quickly show what we have already achieved. Being happy and harmless is sure neither ‘normal’ nor ‘sane’ according to the real world’s definitions. And yes, I know the feeling of achievement when I have been completely in the grip of the ‘self’ engulfing me with a particular mood – usual fear for fear’s sake – and then ‘immediate sensate perception’ enabled me to step out of the ‘self’ into the actual world of people, things and events. More thrilling than solving a murder mystery! It’s good fun to talk to you.
What a nice trinket. I have been wondering myself about whether my rejection of emotional behaviour was lacking rational analysis. At times I have found it difficult to displace my emotional state by working through it rationally i.e. couldn’t find any more information and found that the direct approach of discarding it more effective. I am fascinated by your expression of ‘rejection of emotional behaviour’. Do you literally mean ‘rejection’ as in repressing it and not letting it come to the surface, or ‘rejection’ as in not giving it any attention, or ‘rejection’ as in sitting it out without much ado about it? Does ‘rational analysis’ mean you ‘reject’ the emotion or does ‘rational analysis’ include investigating the upcoming emotion? I am curious to learn what works best for you. You mean I get to choose A, B or C. C sounds pretty good. Rational analysis means working through any supporting arguments for keeping an emotion and evaluating the supposedly factual content which usually turns out to be based on more emotions. No, I didn’t mean that you ‘get to choose A, B or C’. I was asking what you meant by the phrase ‘rejection of emotional behaviour’ and suggested three possibilities. Are you saying that your method is ‘sitting it out without much ado about it’? Of course you can choose any method, the question is which one works. Does method ‘C’ work for you in that the emotion does not come back or are you sometimes faced with the same emotion (over the same cause) again and again? After rational analysis of the situation, the next step for me was to investigate further into the cause and deeper into the nature of the particular emotion happening at the time. In order to determine the underlying cause of the emotion I would search to uncover the next layer, the ‘deeper’ reason for my upset, the belief and passion underneath the apparent first disturbance. Often I would detect a fear much more far-reaching than the first apparent reason, for example, a general feeling of insecurity or an atavistic feeling of fear that seems to have no obvious or rational cause. To discover a deeper layer underneath the first apparent reason is a more daring exercise but immensely rewarding because it helps to uncover the basic passions that constitute the Human Condition. By experiencing the emotion on a deeper layer I could then begin to understand the intricate web of human behaviour in general and my repeated feelings and behaviour in particular and this very experiential understanding was another nail in the coffin of ‘me’, the lost, lonely, frightened and very cunning entity inside. Bringing the emotion at its core out in the open, seeing it for what it is, invariably diminishes and successively eliminates its influence on my life and thus reduces the oh so convincing power of the passionate ‘self’. * And then, how does ‘the direct approach of discarding it’ actually work? Again, I am not sure if ‘discard’ means throwing it away – and does it stay away? Or is it more a ‘disregard’ because you already know everything about this particular emotion and it just keeps coming back as a bad habit? For instance, I have found my ‘sticky self-doubt’ coming back again and again despite extensive investigation until I realised that is consisted of nothing more than a bad habit. It seems that the support for the keeping of emotions in general has diminished to the point that I have no argument for keeping them. Even Love and Compassion have a sweet but painful attachment to bad emotions about them. When one arises an automatic check is made to see if there is any reason for keeping it, if no but it persists then it is regarded as a bad habit. It just occurs to me that I have not looked into what exactly constitutes a bad habit as opposed to a belief habit. Is it only a bad habit when it is found to have no supporting belief or are there other identifiable qualities? It is a great start when investigating affective feelings and emotions to know that there is no practical reason or sensible argument for keeping them. This understanding surely helps to explore the emotions on a deeper level in order to become permanently happy and harmless. However, having emotions is not just a ‘bad habit’ that one could reject like an unwanted behaviour pattern. Emotions have their roots in the instinctual passions that constitute our very being, the one ‘who we feel we are’, the core of our identity by whatever name. Therefore a mere ‘rejection’ on the basis of ‘rational analysis’ is helpful in reducing and removing the top-layer of emotional disturbances and irritations as well as the unwanted habitual behaviour patterns that one has accumulated since earliest childhood. Yet a deeper exploration is needed in order to uncover and experientially understand the underlying instinctual passions. I had a simple rule of thumb – those emotions and feelings that didn’t go away by rational reasoning and sensible practicality surely had their root in social conditioning, atavistic fears, the need to belong or other basic survival instincts. Those emotions needed repeated exploration, talking, reading, inner search-and-destroy missions and clarifying insights. I found such exploration beyond my former surface snorkelling of spiritual practice and therapy such a fascinating and exhilarating enterprise! * For example in my repair work I have this fear of jobs being returned; the feeling is one of personal failure and even after carefully looking at this I realized I could not control what people thought and that much of the time what they thought was grossly misinformed. This was helping with understanding but not the fear. You see, the fear was about their actual response the expression on their faces etc, the put down at that moment. What I really objected to was their deliberate put down, but my conditioning, based on punishment, disallowed any defence of my position. Hmm, I don’t know if I have come any closer to determining what a bad habit is. Lets see... if someone uses punishment to condition you, it does not constitute on your behalf a belief. It is just that you have learned, ‘Do this or else’. A good example. One can never change or control what people think, so one might as well stop trying and tackle one’s own feelings about their thoughts. The practical situation is that when I sell my time, I am dependant that people like what I sell in order to make money. The other, usually bigger, part of the situation is the fear that I won’t be liked, that I will be rejected by the group, that I won’t belong – and this fear is a totally different ballgame. When I started on the path to Actual Freedom I noticed that my own value standards as to what I wanted to achieve became vastly superior to the general accepted version of ‘good’ and ‘right’ – because my standards are derived from the pure consciousness experience when the perfection and purity of the universe becomes overwhelmingly apparent. Now I don’t want to be ‘good’ or do it ‘right’ in other people’s eyes, I want to remove the obstacle, my very ‘self’, that stands in the way of the purity and perfection of the actual world. Out of this intent, I do the best I can in everything I do, I actively care about my fellow human beings and thus I become more happy and harmless. This change has given me a confidence that made it then comparatively easy to leave the world of morals and ethics behind and to regard other people’s opinions as what they are – opinions of people who are unavoidably, and through no fault of theirs, afflicted with the common disease of the Human Condition. The only difference between me and the people I meet and interact with is that I serendipitously came across someone who had managed to free himself of malice and sorrow ... and I took up the challenge. Since I know that I investigate my own malice and sorrow in order to eliminate it, other people’s put-down reveals simply their affliction by the Human Condition and is therefore not my problem. So I only take care of my own malice and sorrow and investigate why I insist on wanting other’s approval. It is a fascinating journey to explore the need to please, the need for approval, the need to belong to a group – however lose or undefined that group may be. In short, I get rid of the ‘me’ who feels offended and who needs to belong. Being in the world as it is with people as they are gives ample opportunity to examine my very instincts until the complete understanding causes them to wither away – and with it one’s very identity. What remains is superb confidence, overweening optimism, genuine caring and ever-increasing delight. It’s good fun writing to you, I like to swap notes about the sense we make of life.
Did you enjoy your Easter holidays with some time of leisure and pleasure? The last two days I have been ‘under the bonnet’ of my computer, as I had a new, bigger hard drive installed – 13 gig, really big, really quick – and so I was busy re-installing all the various programs and idly tiddly bits that make the computer my own, like icons, shortcuts personal colours and general set-up. It is amazing how variable the software programs are and how much computer-knowledge I have picked up in the last two years. Still there is always some information missing, something more to learn, mistakes to make and a few things for the too hard basket... But now it is up and running again and my favourite toy is brimming in its sparkling newness. * I was asking what you meant by the phrase ‘rejection of emotional behaviour’ and suggested three possibilities. Are you saying that your method is ‘sitting it out without much ado about it’? Of course you can choose any method, the question is which one works. Does method ‘C’ work for you in that the emotion does not come back or are you sometimes faced with the same emotion (over the same cause) again and again? In some cases bad habits etc, yes. My rejection of emotional behaviour means that I do not get drawn into the drama of it all. I recognize the spell that emotions have, so I do not treat them as essential to my operating. There is though still the occasional reluctance to explore so I am sometimes unwittingly caught in their spell. I found that to effectively explore emotions to the point of eliminating them I had to experience them fully. Only by neither repressing, nor expressing, nor in any way rationally twisting the emotional experience could I meticulously observe, become fully aware of and sensibly contemplate on what is happening in my head, heart and guts and thus investigate the root cause of that particular emotion. Knowing that every emotion is part of the Human Condition relieved me from blaming myself or being resentful for having an emotion in the first place. In order to eliminate the particular emotion such that it would not return again and again, it was essential to explore it deeply at its core and to understand experientially how each emotion originated in my social identity and/or in my very sense of ‘being’. Once having seen the emotion in operation and understood its ramifications to their full extent there was no way I could feel the same way about a particular issue or situation – by having understood this specific piece of my identity it had been extinguished. Needless to say, this method has not the slightest thing to do with plain rationalization or spiritual dis-identification – proven by the very fact that it works, that it gets rid of the emotion permanently while increasingly allowing the sensual sensuousness and the pure delight of being alive. I know well the ‘occasional reluctance to explore’, yet the frustration of obviously going round in silly circles has always given me courage to stop wasting my time, to face the fear and ‘reluctance’ and do whatever was necessary to return to being happy and harmless. * After rational analysis of the situation, the next step for me was to investigate further into the cause and deeper into the nature of the particular emotion happening at the time. In order to determine the underlying cause of the emotion I would search to uncover the next layer, the ‘deeper’ reason for my upset, the belief and passion underneath the apparent first disturbance. Often I would detect a fear much more far-reaching than the first apparent reason, for example, a general feeling of insecurity or an atavistic feeling of fear that seems to have no obvious or rational cause. To discover a deeper layer underneath the first apparent reason is a more daring exercise but immensely rewarding because it helps to uncover the basic passions that constitute the Human Condition. By experiencing the emotion on a deeper layer I could then begin to understand the intricate web of human behaviour in general and my repeated feelings and behaviour in particular and this very experiential understanding was another nail in the coffin of ‘me’, the lost, lonely, frightened and very cunning entity inside. Bringing the emotion at its core out in the open, seeing it for what it is, invariably diminishes and successively eliminates its influence on my life and thus reduces the oh so convincing power of the passionate ‘self’. This brings up a dilemma in my mind. One of influence and existence. Sometimes I seem happy just to have removed an emotion’s substantial influence without trying to get to the core of it. I find it difficult going into emotions when I'm working so I guess that is why I only attempt to draw on what I have discovered about them to stay out of the spell of any arising emotions. I’m sure there is more to it than that though. For example I think self-doubt needs more investigating as I find sometimes that considering another’s point of view, the basis of some confusion. Fair enough, you only go as far as you want as fast as you want. As long as you ‘seem happy’ then that seems to work. I simply suggested a way to explore further in case the option to ‘stay out of the spell of any arising emotion’ is not enough for you. As for ‘self-doubt’ and ‘considering another’s point of view’ being ‘the basis of some confusion’ – that issue may be enough of a back pressure to investigate further, whenever the issue re-occurs. Just as some food of thought – although it might not have any relevance for your situation – I am posting you something I wrote at the time when I discovered the root cause for my continuous problems with authority and my fear to stand up for myself...
Did you enjoy your Easter holidays with some time of leisure and pleasure? No, not much time for leisure which is usually when I do my best digging into ‘me’. I can’t complain though, my life style is probably far better than most, considering that I work from home and all. And what about you, does your routine change in the holidays? My ‘routine’ changes – if I have any, apart from getting up some time in the day and going to bed at some time in the night, having a meal and paying my rent. But change of routine has not much to do with public holidays as I only work occasionally. I am working from home as well as going out to assist people sorting their financial business, and thus I can work sometimes at weekends or do nothing in the week, whatever seems best and whatever happens next. Having set out to do nothing really well I decided to keep my expenses as low as is sensible and only work as much as I need to meet those basic needs. This gives me free time to explore and enjoy, laze around and investigate the Human Condition or write and play on the ever-growing website. But going out for work is always a great opportunity to see if I am without malice and sorrow in every situation as much as at home. And increasingly I hardly find any qualitative difference between spending my time working for people or playing at home. * I found that to effectively explore emotions to the point of eliminating them I had to experience them fully. Only by neither repressing, nor expressing, nor in any way rationally twisting the emotional experience could I meticulously observe, become fully aware of and sensibly contemplate on what is happening in my head, heart and guts and thus investigate the root cause of that particular emotion. Knowing that every emotion is part of the Human Condition relieved me from blaming myself or being resentful for having an emotion in the first place. In order to eliminate the particular emotion such that it would not return again and again, it was essential to explore it deeply at its core and to understand experientially how each emotion originated in my social identity and/or in my very sense of ‘being’. Once having seen the emotion in operation and understood its ramifications to their full extent there was no way I could feel the same way about a particular issue or situation – by having understood this specific piece of my identity it had been extinguished. Needless to say, this method has not the slightest thing to do with plain rationalization or spiritual dis-identification – proven by the very fact that it works, that it gets rid of the emotion permanently while increasingly allowing the sensual sensuousness and the pure delight of being alive. I know well the ‘occasional reluctance to explore’, yet the frustration of obviously going round in silly circles has always given me courage to stop wasting my time, to face the fear and ‘reluctance’ and do whatever was necessary to return to being happy and harmless. This brings up a dilemma in my mind. One of influence and existence. Sometimes I seem happy just to have removed an emotion’s substantial influence without trying to get to the core of it. I find it difficult going into emotions when I’m working so I guess that is why I only attempt to draw on what I have discovered about them to stay out of the spell of any arising emotions. I’m sure there is more to it than that though. For example I think self-doubt needs more investigating as I find sometimes that considering another’s point of view, the basis of some confusion. Fair enough, you only go as far as you want as fast as you want. As long as you ‘seem happy’ then that seems to work. I simply suggested a way to explore further in case the option to ‘stay out of the spell of any arising emotion’ is not enough for you. Actually it is not really good enough and I keep persisting even after many failed attempts to get at the root of an emotion. Being free to use bare awareness and not be caught by the emotions is I feel an important step and one which I seem to be gradually, getting the knack of. Yes, ‘to use bare awareness and not be caught by the emotions’ is absolutely essential for becoming actually free from the Human Condition. Emotions, feelings and beliefs (passionate convictions) are how one sees one’s instinctual passions in operation. They form the layer of our social conditioning which needs to be explored and removed – both for a happy and harmless life in Virtual Freedom and for an experiential understanding of the raw instinctual passions at our very core. And you probably have experienced the instant gratifications when a belief disappears, an emotion doesn’t turn up anymore, a snide remark from someone else falls flat and as being alive becomes gradually a play and a pleasure. Although, the suggested method of trying to recall a PCE to get out of stuckness only helped in that it brought the obstacle into focus. This is great success, don’t you think? To have ‘brought the obstacle into focus’ and to know what the obstacle is about which keeps you in ‘stuckness’ is an excellent starting position for investigation. Now this obstacle can be identified, labelled and experientially explored, using apperceptiveness to detect its reasons, connections, source and implications. This has nothing to do with the Buddhist method (Vipassana) of labelling a feeling and then dis-identifying from it. 180 degrees opposite again. An actualist labels the feeling to get the bugger by the throat, to explore it as a scientist, to check out its silliness or sensibility, to determine how it is part of the Human Condition and then, when all is said and done, to permanently step out of having that emotion. This final stepping out often results in a pure consciousness experience. Last night I was contemplating about Alan’s description of his ‘reflective contemplations’, ‘practising the actual’ and arriving here in the actual world and how this records with my experience. Further Alan says:
Recalling step by step my own process into a PCE last night I found that contemplation serves to focus on the direction – being happy, dismantling the self, comprehending enough of the real world in order to see the self in operation and to step out of it. Contemplation always helps to focus on and remove obstacles and then, with no feeling or belief interfering I can build up the sensuous awareness of this moment of being alive. The wind on the skin, the sounds around, the wiggling of my toe, visual delights, tastes and smells ... Increasing sensuousness tips over into gay abandon, the self as both the controller and the feeler are abandoned and bingo ... I am experiencing what I had previously only reflectively contemplated about – this moment of being alive as a flesh and blood body only. The gay abandon can, of course, also happen without the reflective part, as a nature experience, in sex or any time when sensual pleasure is sensuous enough to tip over into the self-less experience of being alive as a flesh and blood body only. Many times I find that an emotion withers away before I get a good look at it. It’s almost as if it is avoiding a detailed look. Up to now I’ve been unable to find a reason for this and guess that all that is required is more attempts and that it will eventually become clear. Emotions are a slippery lot. They build the basis for our identity, which is as cunning as all get out. Yet the actualism method can be applied to discover every trick – whatever the feeling or emotion that keeps me from being happy here, now, needs to be examined and understood and then, presto, I go back to being happy again. I find that emotions can wither for different reasons. Either I understand that it is silly to be emotional and make a deliberate choice to move on and ‘smell the coffee’ instead. Or the emotion has been investigated in detail and is just a leftover bad habit to be thrown out and then I can go back to enjoying the moment. If I have avoided an emotion it will for sure come back in a similar situation and thus give me another opportunity to notice it, feel it, face it, label it, explore it, understand it and step out of it. Sometimes I experience a quick deep understanding which is gone in a flash and I don’t even remember what I understood. What I do notice is that certain reactions don’t occur any more. These moments of a ‘quick deep understanding which is gone in a flash’ might well be the flash of a pure consciousness experience and are as such worth extending or recalling. The fact that ‘certain reactions don’t occur any more’ points to that possibility. What do you think?
Just a P.S. from me that might be useful. I found writing is an excellent way of holding on to or not losing those ‘flashes’ . The action of writing, labelling, a bit of subsequent contemplation and exploring, can build on and deepen those important flashes, very often into life-altering realizations. I ran a personal jotting notebook which I found most useful and I would have it by my side when contemplating. It is also an invaluable companion while you are having a PCE as you can glean much information which may fade with memory of the PCE afterwards. This way, afterwards you can read back and see what it was that you realized while free of it all. I also found reading Richard’s journal to be excellent – just a passage or two and then a stretch back for a bit of a muse about what was written, a jot in the note book and who knows what might happen? What I am suggesting is a little game plan – maybe settle for one particular issue that you want to crack through – and you’ll probably know which one – and then establish a method that suits you and that enables you to comfortably abandon caution and slip a little deeper. Supplement your investigations with writing, observing, reading other viewpoints, etc – do anything necessary to focus your attention on the issue at hand. What I found was once I had success with one issue the next one would come swanning along by itself. The other comment I would make is about working. During most of the time when I was investigating and digging deep into emotions I was working supervising a building site. I found it a rich field in which to observe and label feelings and emotions as they arose and I focussed on several consecutive major issues that arose at work and found that I was able to eliminate them to the point that both my enjoyment level and efficiency level increased. There is a lot to be said for testing oneself out in the market place for the immediate aim is to be happy and harmless in the world as it is with people as they are. Good to hear from you. You seem to be having great fun. Cheers ... ... Peter. Vineeto’s Text © The Actual Freedom Trust |
