Vineeto’s Report of Becoming Newly Actually Free
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When I returned, after a short leave of absence to the two moored rafted-up houseboats that provided our present convivium, I found myself in the company of not one, as expected, but two actually free men. Peter had become actually free in the days of my absence!
Those last few days of Vineeto, the identity, were filled with playfulness and laughter and thus provided me with a carefree environment for the last explorations of just what were my remaining obstacles and inhibitions to joining my fellow convivialists in the actual world.
During those days I found myself living in an utterly safe but nevertheless vivacious and sparkling ambience, which was all the more enhanced by the magic and innocuity of the rainforest wilderness that surrounded our mooring place. In this ambience I grew more and more confident that 1) this actual world actually exists (and was experienced more often than not as being right under my very nose) and that 2) the actual world is an utterly safe place, free of any kind of psychic influences or normal-world emotional conflicts.
A few times I got to experience the actual man Richard, unconcealed by my projections that I usually pasted over his person as an image but each time I came close I pulled back – scared to take the final irreversible step to join him forever in the actual world.
In those days I also experienced the sweet intimacy of living with 2 actually free people for whom intimacy is a 24-hour everyday experience, unconditional and unrestricted, a by-product of being free of any identity whatsoever. Chatting, joking, playing, swimming, boating, doing maintenance, washing the dishes, cooking, wining and dining – all those activities I was able to experience in this ambience of utter safety and playfulness.
I had known this sweetness from previous occasions – one such experience happened during the video-shoot of the ‘Out-from-Control’ DVD we present on the website. This sweetness always accompanied an experience of closeness, barely any separation to the other person (usually Richard), but also an experience that I was close to my destiny and an awareness that what I am doing/ longing for is not merely for my ‘peace of mind’, but that it is for everybody, for every single man, woman and child on the planet – for peace on earth.
This sweet longing has always propelled me forward to go all the way, to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles and fears and now I had the privilege to experience this sweet intimacy day after day, morning to night.
This experience of ongoing intimacy was so much better than any PCE I ever had, and of course better than any excellence experience I enjoyed because it was dynamic and effervescent, moving closer and closer to my destiny, encouraging me to take the decision to allow the last, final and irrevocable step to happen.
On Monday evening the fourth of January 2010, I knew I was running out of time. We expected a guest for the next day and I didn’t want to wait until we three were on our own again. I consequently sat on the toilet taking a few minutes longer than usual to gather any scattered bits of intent that were missing to make up the 100% I needed – I pulled out all the stops. When I returned to the living room a dynamic and quite frivolous interaction developed and in that uninhibited hilarious atmosphere I blew the last remaining cobwebs of seriousness, cautiousness and social correctness out of the corners of my psyche. It was all very casual, jovial and funny, unrehearsed and spontaneous and I became confident that this is how I wanted to live my life forever.
I heard myself saying to Richard that ‘We’ve got all the time in the world’ and when I contemplated on the sentence that had just slipped out, time suddenly stood still.
I stopped in mid-sentence and the ensuing silence caught the attention of my two companions.
There was no fear, no experience of death, no physical phenomena or changes, just the realization that I have always been here in this eternal moment in time, in this luminous magical world, more naked than I was born and utterly safe.
The stillness in my head was palpable (and has remained so ever since). Richard asked me a few test-questions to confirm what just had happened. We exchanged a few notes of how it is to live in this actual world and we found that our experiences matched.
For instance I noted that sentences were now coming out of me as if from nowhere – there was no causal sequence of thoughts preceding a conclusion (such as because A there is B and therefore C) but my thoughts/words were rather emerging from a surprising overall all-encompassing awareness that then voiced results out of a reservoir of my accumulated knowledge and experience on a particular topic.
The next morning was the real test – I half-expected that I had reverted back to normal but the world was just as brilliant, beneficial and wunderbar as I had experienced it the night before. I am still surprised how easy it all turned out to be in the end.
Make no mistake in thinking that it needs a personal contact with Richard in order to take the last step to becoming actually free. What it needs is the unwavering and undiminished intent (100%) to bridge the separation that stands in the way of an actual intimacy with another human being – any human being – and secondly the awareness and intent that what one is doing is not for oneself but for everybody in order for the self-less purity to unfold its magic.
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