Selected Writings from Peter’s Journal

on Virtual Freedom

There is far, far more magic in actually being here in this physical world than I have discovered in any imaginary spiritual world – the so-called meta-physical. This discovery of being I able to live together in perfect peace and harmony with a woman was not the result from some Divine grace or ineffable energy. It was the direct result of a deliberate, intentional and total commitment of both parties to eliminate the insidious sabotaging of the psychological and psychic entity which prevents an actual intimacy between human beings. The ‘self’, is after all, a lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning alien entity. The only path to an actual intimacy is to eliminate this entity, the root cause of the feelings of alienation and separation.

I now enjoy an actual intimacy, a direct experience and knowledge of another human being with whom I have shared this amazing, tangible unravelling of myths, beliefs and instincts. Here is a woman with whom I not only bared my dark side – I eliminated it, together with the ‘good’ side as well. Not the emotions and feelings merely paraded out in some sort of superficial ‘sharing’ but an honest and thorough investigation to root out the source of all that stood in the way of our living together in peace, harmony and equity Deep sea diving, if you like. Boots and all, no holds barred, the full Monty, all the way. Together we systematically removed all that was in the road between us – the whole lot!

And the rewards are extraordinary – l have complete freedom to be ‘me as I am’, and for Vineeto it is likewise. No expectations, no bonds, no wanting to change the other – why should we? She is perfect; she has made herself that way by ‘cleaning herself up’. And what a delight to meet equal intelligence, equal common sense and an equally sexual being! We experience equity as two human beings and delight in the physical differences, as those differences allow us to enjoy delicious, lusty sex! The hours and hours of talking, discussing and dissecting the Human Condition; the ‘What it is to be a man or a woman’; the ‘What’s going on for me’; the ‘Oh! That’s how you see it?’ – the fascination of discovery! It is astounding to actually meet another human being, naked of pretence and defence. It leaves temporary fickleness of love for dead! Peter’s Journal, ‘Living Together’

A lot of magic happens on this wide and wondrous path to freedom!

During this time, I remember driving up the escarpment that encircles the lush semi-tropical coastal plain where I live. I stopped and looked out at the edge of the greenery, where a seemingly endless ribbon of white sand neatly bordered it from the azure ocean. Overhead great mounds of fluffy white clouds sailed by in the blue of the sky. Right in the foreground stood a group of majestic pines towering some thirty meters tall. I was struck by the vastness, the stillness and the perfection of this planet, the extraordinariness of it all, but ... and the ‘but’ are human beings! Human beings who persist in fighting and killing each other and can’t live together in peace and harmony.

It was one of those moments that forced me to do something about myself, for I was one of those 5.8 billion people. It was exactly one of those moments that forced me to do something about being able to live with a woman in peace and harmony. To prove it was possible.

No longer was it then sensible to relentlessly pursue that which has failed for billions of people for thousands of years. Hope, faith and trust, when they fail, turn inevitably to despair, doubt and suspicion. I put my stock in confidence, certainty and a good deal of bloody-mindedness to try something different and the results are beyond my wildest dreams! First, I made it the most important task in my life. Second, I realised that nobody could do it but me. Then I simply had to ride out the fear that arose from changing my behaviour – from actually eradicating part of myself. To live without the emotions and feelings of love defies all that we hold dear, but the facts are that love always fails, always ends in misery and suffering, or at best in compromise and bondage. Love is, after all, a well-meaning but doomed attempt to cover up the maliciousness and sorrow that is at the core of the Human Condition. Peter’s Journal, ‘Love’

The elimination of the sexual instincts meant that each of us had to give up all that we thought was essential and set in concrete. It was to give up all that we regarded as her very femaleness and my very maleness.

The results of this investigation are indeed quite interesting. We have discovered a heightened sensual pleasure in sex. We have stripped away all the emotions, fears, blockages, hesitancies, guilt, and any withholding that occurs around sex. It is simply a matter of when to comfortably fit it in to the day, as the resulting sensations can last for hours. It’s that ‘Wow’ or ‘Hmmm’ that we can get at the coffee shop later on that is so good. It is usually obvious when it is a good time to jump into bed, and not being driven takes all the ‘will we – won’t we’ nonsense away.

It simply happens whenever it suits us both. Without the sex drive operating we are able to enjoy the whole of the sexual act; it is not just a blind rush to orgasm. We enjoy the heightened physical pleasures of touch, smell, sight and sound, the senses building and building to become purely sexual.

The point is that the whole act is so delicious, and orgasm is just a part of it, but to prolong an orgasm or ride on the edge of one is to ride a wave of pleasure ... teetering ... right on the edge ... Yes! And then another wave comes along and off we go again ... it sure beats surfing! And each time it is a totally different journey – going wherever it goes! Pure physical pleasure!

And how good to find a fully sexual woman – freed of inhibitions – who equally enjoys a ‘romp’. The cells of the body afterwards tingling as though a fine electric charge is surging through – like a total cell re-charge. That feeling of toes curled up, utter relaxation in the body, and an extraordinary intimacy with this woman who has pleasured me, as I have pleasured her. Freely given and received, actual and physical, and any emotional ‘goo’ out of the way. We often would lie in bed as this physical delight emerged more and more, and say that the path to freedom would be worth it just for the sex alone! Peter’s Journal, ‘Sex’

You could regard this book as the log of my journey. At the time of writing there is a handful of others involved, Vineeto included, making their own escape, but everyone has to do it for themselves. I thought a personal account of my journey could be useful to anyone else who wanted to ‘escape’ from malice and sorrow and allow the delights of the actual physical world to become apparent. It is a thrilling journey. Nothing I have done in my life even remotely compares with this adventure, and I am doing it for myself. My experiencing ‘of the wondrous physical universe of people, events and things’, as Richard puts it, daily intensifies as the journey into myself continues. It works on the way, and I experience this in my daily life – after all, the point of it is to become happy and harmless now. The goal is always immediate, the results actual in this moment, and the question continuously running is, ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive,’ here, now!

It was amazing that this entire journey was just occurring inside my head. It was a journey into my psyche, dismantling the ‘who’ that I thought I was – my very ‘self’. This brings me back to the point of the ‘log book’. I found it necessary to spend a great deal of time with my investigations into the Human Condition, removing the belief in ‘spirits’ and ‘gods’, as they have such a tenacious hold on the human psyche. The elimination of the belief in any gods then clearly leaves me responsible for me – right now and at every moment.

One of the essential first steps that I spent a lot of time talking about, thinking about and reading about was what exactly is wrong – what exactly is the nature of the beast I am to tackle? The first obvious thing was that the problem lay in my mind. I called it the neurosis – that constant delving into past events and suffering them over and over again, and that continual rehearsal and fear of future events. Some people seem to not even get to this stage of recognising that the problem is inside themselves and not elsewhere. I had always assumed that anyone on the spiritual search had this basic understanding, and that was why they were searching. I am astounded at the number of seekers who still blame other people or events for their own unhappiness. So the first thing was to recognise that I suffered from an ailment, a dis-ease, called the Human Condition – the core of which is malice and sorrow. Peter’s Journal, ‘Intelligence’

When this psychological and psychic entity fades a veritable smorgasbord of sensual delight becomes available: the air on my skin, the sounds around, food, coffee, sex, walking, thinking, talking – the whole lot. So then even trying to mimic the peak experience ceased at some point as I naturally became aware that I was residing more and more in the actual world, here and now, and not in the world of fear and imagination. At this point I really knew that to be free was my destiny; even if I wanted to go ‘back’ I couldn’t – and why would I want to anyway? I saw it as a matter of de-hypnotising oneself, of establishing a confidence in a new way of living as a human being, outside of ‘humanity’. Of getting used to the fact that in freedom there are no limits – I can even become an author if I want to! And what a wide and wondrous path dissolving this entity has been.

The process of getting there involves devoting as much time as possible to lazing around in comfortable positions talking with someone about what it is to be a human being – making sense of it all. I only say with someone, because that is my experience – it is just good fun to do it with a ‘mate’. It is delightful comparing notes, delving into things, no matter how outrageous, how embarrassing or how fearful. It is like flexing the brain muscle, using it more than I have ever done before. Initially it can sometimes be quite tiring and bewildering, as the psychological and psychic entity screams for survival. But this fades into insignificance as the sheer exhilaration of finding things out for myself gripped me. Nobody told me there could be days like these. This path is definitely not about suffering – it is about being happy and harmless.

Soon a daring, then an obsession takes over, as it becomes the most incredible thing to do – to actually fix yourself up. Just as the body repairs itself, so can the brain be re-wired. As it becomes re-wired – free of the primitive brain and its instinctual fear and aggression – a vast and actual freedom becomes increasingly apparent. The brain is the tool: I apply liberal doses of common sense to the affected areas and watch the beliefs fade away. Facts replace beliefs. It is so simple – and it works. Peter’s Journal, ‘Intelligence’

One of the major things that happened to me in this journey into the Human Condition was that my attitude to people underwent a major change. I think it is a good time to talk a bit about people, because in the previous I have given human beings rather a hard time. I was trying to explain some of the things that motivated me to ‘clean myself up’. Richard put it well the other day when he said that people put on rose-coloured glasses so they do not see the awful world. Seeing that people have grey coloured glasses on in the first place, it is all a bit silly anyway and it does not work!

His remedy is to take both glasses off – and what a wonderful, delightful, actual world is revealed when one takes the risk of eliminating that lost, lonely, frightened and very, very cunning entity that resides within. Of course perfection and purity is here all the time – only now I am able to experience the actuality of it. It is amazing that I now get up in the morning and take it for granted that I will again have a perfect day. Peter’s Journal, ‘People’

By living in the actual world I now associate with people in an entirely new way. Gone is the need for ‘friends’ to share my sorrow with. Gone is the need to be part of a ‘group’ as a protection from imaginary fears, or for the sharing of common beliefs. Gone is the need for someone to look after me, someone to care and support me. I have no need for love as a temporary bridge to overcome the feelings of loneliness and separation.

I have actually always been on my own and looked after myself very well in my life, and people have simply come and gone, for varying periods of time and involvement. It’s only that now I don’t have any pretences or bargains, where I do something for someone only in return for their helping me. Now if someone does something for me it is an unexpected bonus and if I do something for someone else it is a pleasure, freely given.

I am, for the first time, living my own life, not someone else’s. The bargains, bonds, deals, clinging and neediness have simply disappeared. I now regard allowing freedom, as far superior to giving love, with its accompanying needs, demands and expectations. To allow anyone I meet to be free of me, as I am free of them. A free association. I am now able to enjoy and delight in the company of my fellow human beings for as long as is appropriate. It may be rather constantly with Vineeto, or briefly with the check-out girl at the local supermarket. However, I am under no illusion, and know that the essential nature of people is malicious and sorrowful; in fact, now it is even more obvious to me, so well do I know the Human Condition. I am now free to take people as I find them, without investment or expectation, suspicion or competition, attack or defence. Consequently my interactions are invariably delightful and interesting – but then again so am I, so why not? I harbour no hidden suspicions or doubts, fears, secrets or ulterior motives – those feelings we usually label as ‘intuition’. What you see is sincerely what you get. It is such a relief not to run an identity or a ‘self’, and to have to battle it out or herd together with others in order to ‘survive’.

What I have found is that this is the only game to play in town, and it’s called actually becoming happy and harmless, not just pretending or avoiding. I become free instantly, incrementally, as each belief is replaced with the facts. If something pops up that is preventing my happiness right now then I have something else to look at. And I simply work my way through the list... Then the day comes when being happy and harmless is my very nature, rather than being malicious and sorrowful, as is Human Nature. Then it is effortless – once the work is done. Peter’s Journal, ‘People’

It is indeed a wide and wondrous path to freedom.

Recently someone said of Richard’s writings: ‘Why is he talking of everyday things?’ Well, when I lived in the world of emotions, feelings, energies and spirits, it was a full-time neurosis, and I couldn’t savour the delights of food, sex, conversation, doing ‘nothing’, playing FreeCell, reading a book, walking, sitting and watching the sky (or the ceiling). Now I do. Having nothing meaningful or useful or significant or urgent or exciting to do, day after day: and yet experiencing every day, each moment as perfect. Everyday life, everyday things. It has to be lived to be fully understood.

We have a small flat, television, video, a couple of computers, two couches, a balcony with another couch and a couple of comfortable chairs, and a kitchen stocked with our favourite foods. In short, there is everything I need in life, and I live life in this flat as I did on the yacht those nights, many years ago. The physical ordinary things of life in this house are as actual, as extraordinary, as the wonders of nature. The universe has done a wonderful job in providing me with all the comforts I require for a delightful life, and I only need to work a little to earn sufficient money to pay the bills. I remember about twenty years ago there was a lot of talk about the future, when automation and computers would reduce the amount of boring, repetitive and dangerous work humans did. And that then we would all work less and have increased leisure time.

Well, that time has come, and suddenly we are calling it unemployment and a crisis! A few years ago I took on a young lad on the building site and he has turned out to be a good carpenter, so I figure he can take my place in the workforce – I’ll take the leisure time. And as for ‘Sustainable’ communities and ecology, I see them as nothing else but sustainable already – they already exist! And in constant change of course, as that is the nature of things. That the universe exists involves no effort on my part. I can do nothing to change it. When I get up in the morning it is here and doing well again. After all, there is no one in charge – there is no-one running this show – it is actually self-sustaining. Peter’s Journal, ‘The universe’

But then the day came when, on waking up in the morning, I knew that I would have a perfect day, and that this perfection required no effort from my side. Perfection is the very nature of things, the milieu of it all in the actual world. The perfect days kept coming until I knew with confidence that this was how it was to be from then on. And then I knew ‘I’ was redundant, no longer required, obsolete, a nuisance, with my bleatings, objections and doubts. It was time to finish, to retire and die, but with a sense of a life well lived. This confidence also led me to want to write, to sort out the sense I had made of life, while it was opportune. Photograph courtesy of NASA

So my retirement in the last twelve months was really a retirement from life, the act of living, with all its effort, emotions and worries. A retirement from ‘being’, from having a purpose and a continuity, from having a psychological and psychic entity in me that is malicious and sorrowful. Then I, this body, is simply doing what is happening, which right now happens to be typing these words. I know that at some time today Vineeto will go off to work, I will eat, type whatever words come, laze around and eventually go to bed. I know that later on, if I’m still alive, I soon will have to work to earn some money, but beyond that there are no plans, no desires, no expectations, except knowing that whatever happens will be perfect. Of course, I have preferences and also practical things to do, but I will simply be doing them when I’m doing them; they require little, if any, planning.

This has nothing to do with the spiritual ‘being in the moment’ or ‘being here’, which is an attempt to hold on to an inner state of bliss, which in turn involves practising a constant detachment from the physical world, the body and the emotions. To attempt to bring one’s meditation into the marketplace is to attempt the impossible. As I know from my experience meditation is an artificially contrived, imaginary state of bliss that is notoriously fickle and temporary. Only very rarely does it lead to a more or less permanent altered state of consciousness, but then the real trouble begins as one begins to lose all touch with the actual, sensual world. Peter’s Journal, ‘Time’

In my life I simply exchange a bit of time, working for someone else, for some tokens called money, which I then exchange to rent a comfortable flat, for food, clothes, and the surprising little else I actually need to enjoy life. My hunting and harvesting is done with a trolley in the local air-conditioned supermarket and takes me thirty minutes a week. Humans, at least where I live, have organised an amazingly effective administrative, legal and commercial system that, combined with my sensible actions, serves to provide a safe and wonderfully comfortable life for me. Every pleasure I need in life is located in this flat or within walking distance.

So much pleasure there is that Vineeto and I sometimes have to run a little schedule to decide which pleasure next – sex, food, play on the computer, watch some TV, a walk...? One has to be wary of ‘pleasure stress’ when this actual world of delight and physical pleasure is revealed. Hedonism really – and the word has such a bad press in the real world of suffering! This is not to deny that I could be confronted with danger or indeed ill health at some time, but then I will just respond appropriately at the time. It is truly amazing that I now actually experience the planet as a safe and delightful place in which to live, while all around live in fear and aggression. Peter’s Journal, ‘Evolution’

© The Actual Freedom Trust