Peter’s Correspondence to Mailing List C

19.11.1998

Hi Here-Now,

‘There are two worlds. One is on the outside, the other is on the inside.

It is nothing compared to the journey that Jesus made or Buddha made. They are real adventurers.’

I disagree, so thought I would butt in on your poetry and give you another definition of here-now for your consideration. It’s a bit radical admittedly but it could be worth considering for someone who is vitally interested in here-now and how to get to being here permanently. The first bit is the dictionary definition –

here – In this place or position. In this world; in this life; on earth.

• A reasonably explicit definition but unfortunately the dictionary writers overlooked the fact that there are three distinct versions of the word here:

  1. normally here – A state wherein humans attempt to be here but are constantly prevented by the fact that who they think and feel they are is a lost, lonely, frightened and very cunning entity inside everybody. Inside the head a little man frantically tries to control everything and in the heart one desperately tries to ‘connect’ with other lost souls. One is inside the body, looking out through the eyes, one hears with the ears from inside, one smells, touches and feels what is outside and foreign. One is both cerebrally and emotionally fearful of being here and the world is perceived as being a grim place to be. The equivalent of wearing grey-coloured glasses.
  2. spiritually here – usually achieved by meditative practice, the spirit-ual people manage to live in an imaginary inner world – a state of denial and renunciation of the real world they so desperately seek to escape. Being here, as a soul in a flesh-and-blood body, on earth, is seen as a trial; one is but a temporary visitor, and the sooner you are out of here the better. Meditation and ‘going in’ is the practice and cultivation of a state of getting ‘out-of-here’. This other-world, the spiritual world, is given credence and substance by the emotional imagination of a soul seeking salvation and immortality, and by thousands of years of fear-ridden superstition and fervent belief. Thus to feel spiritually ‘here’ is 180 degrees opposite to actually being here. This is the equivalent of wearing rose-coloured glasses.
  3. actually here – given the absolute dominance of the psychological entity over the body’s senses, humans usually have only rare, fleeting, glimpses of actually being here in this physical universe. Often shock or drug-induced, but certainly not always, these peak-experiences or pure consciousness experiences (PCE) are often quickly forgotten or interpreted as a spiritual altered state of consciousness, or satori, according to one’s particular beliefs. To be actually here is to be here in this moment of time, which is the only moment one can experience anyway. To be actually here is to be in this place which is no-where in particular in the infinitude of the physical universe. Coming from no-where and having no-where to go we find ourselves here in this moment in time in this place in space. To be here is to be the universe experiencing itself as a human being. To be actually here is a ‘self’-less state, either fleetingly experienced in a PCE, virtually experienced in Virtual Freedom, or permanently experienced in Actual Freedom. AF Glossary

Maybe this is of interest to you ... ... if not, click ‘delete’.

No 1:

Quoted Osho, Peter. If you had been more present and not so eager to show-off you might have noticed that.

I disagree ...

How can you disagree with an invitation to explore? If you have explored and found you might just say Amen. If you haven’t what is the point of talking. It is like disagreeing with a recipe for chocolate cake.

... so thought I would butt in on your poetry ...

The poetry is from and for all of us ...

... and give you another definition of here-now for your consideration. It’s a bit radical admittedly but it could be worth considering for someone who is vitally interested in here-now and how to get to being here permanently.

How can one be permanently in the here and now when the here and now is fleeting and evanescent?

21.11.1998

To Correspondents No’s 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and Here-now:

Well I did butt in on your list, and I subscribed because I was told there was some discussion on the list a while about a book I have written about my years as a Sannyasin of Osho. I have watched for some 2 months of mailings, but the quoted Osho poetry the other day inspired me to write a comment.

I was a Rajneeshee for some 15 years full on, living in various communes, giving money, countless hours of worship, meditation, Satsang, white robe, discourses, etc. – so I have well experienced the world of Osho.

When I first became a Rajneeshee, I was attracted by two things –

• The promise at what I would call peace of mind, the permanent cessation the endless self-centred churning thoughts and emotions in me.
• The promise of peace on earth, the emergence of a ‘new man’, such as would bring an end to war, pollution, poverty, repression, violence and sorrow on this fair planet.

I turned my back on the normal world and, falling in love with the Master, launched myself into this new adventure. I was particularly taken by his wisdom about Religions and the problems they cause and the fact that most wars and persecutions are the result of blindly following some particular Religious doctrine and defending or attacking others of differing belief.

The first 4 years were glorious, with the aim of a utopia in America, a city to show the world how to live. The heady days came crashing down with the internal corruptions and the external pressures from the local communities who felt threatened by the anti-Christian Devil and his followers in their midst. The threat of violence was diffused when Rajneesh left and the dream was shattered.

Then came Pune 2, and delicious years of worship in the Ashram, architect/builder for the Samadhi, meditation and groups, and then He died. I continued on devotionally for some 2 years, but found myself following a dead Master – something that was at odds with my understanding that when a Master dies the formation of a Religion is the inevitable result. Sure enough, one night in White Robe it hit me like a ton of bricks as I was shouting ‘YA–HOO’ to an empty chair. Is this what it had all come to? This was undoubtedly religious practice, church if you like, the organization with its own rules, ethics and morals was a Religion, the Ashram was Mecca, the Samadhi a holy shrine, and Sannyas a world wide religious-social club.

Such was my pride and loyalty that it took another year or two before I finally began to look for something fresh and new in the spiritual world and tried out a few other scenes. None was satisfactory, but I did begin to gain a broader vision of the spiritual world. Finally, I realized that the Spiritual is nothing more than Eastern Religion, that in fact I had only traded believing in Western Religion for believing in an Eastern Religion. And all of it merely ‘that Old-time Religion’, to quote from the song.

Why was it that that Spirituality seems to promise so much and has delivered so little? The East is a chaos of poverty, pollution, overpopulation, repression for women, multitudinous worship of gods and ancient spirits, rigid class structures, theocracies, technological underdevelopment, sexual repression, corruption, etc. And yet we look to their religions as the solution to both personal, and global, peace and harmony?

The other issue for me was that I saw, despite the centuries of devotion, meditation, spiritual practice and surrender, that so few had achieved the prized goal of Enlightenment. I saw recently that a Buddhist claimed, with some pride, that only about a thousand Enlightened ones had emerged from 2,500 years of devout effort by millions of monks. This meant a success rate of 0.0001% – pretty bad odds, and confirmed in my personal experience in Sannyas and amongst Osho followers.

In the end I had to admit that Spirituality was a failure for me and was as inherently flawed as all other religious pursuits.

Up until now there have only been two alternatives on offer for a human being, either to be normal and accept the world as it is, or be spiritual/religious. The only difference between the last two is that religion promises paradise in an after-life and spiritual (eastern religion) offers a glimpse of it while ‘in the body’ and a ‘final’ release into a glorious after-life (Nirvana, etc.)

Now there is a third alternative – a new, non-spiritual, down-to-earth, actual freedom.

A freedom from the Human Condition of sorrow and malice – the freedom to be happy and harmless.

I’ll quote a bit from the introduction of my journal (being a bit lazy), that may describe this freedom a bit:

‘Broadly, what emerged that I could relate to was that I, as a human being, had been programmed since birth with a set of beliefs, which formed my identity, and that by identifying, challenging and investigating these beliefs they could be eliminated. Further, I had come into the world pre-programmed with a set of instincts, and these instincts too could be similarly eliminated. The ‘I’ that I think I am and that I feel I am, that troublesome psychological and psychic entity, was actually nothing more than the sum total of these beliefs and instincts! And the whole package could be got rid of! Not transcended as in the spiritual world, but actually annihilated. It sounded good to me ... if a touch scary.

The essential method was to undertake a total investigation into anything that was preventing me from being happy now – after all, the point of living is to be happy now, not at some time in the future, or at some time in the past. The question to ask myself was, ‘How do I experience this moment of being alive?’ Now is, after all, the only time I can experience being happy. Any emotion such as anger, frustration or boredom that is preventing my happiness now, has to be traced back to its cause – the exact incident, thought, expectation or disappointment. At the root of this emotion is inevitably found a belief or an instinct. The ruthless challenging, exposing and understanding of these beliefs and instincts actually weakens their influence on my thoughts and behaviour. The process, if followed diligently and obsessively, will ultimately cause them to disappear completely. The idea, of course, being to eliminate the cause of my unhappiness, so that I can experience life at the optimum, here, now.

It soon presents success incrementally, as freedom from these beliefs and instincts is indeed an actual freedom that results in increased peace and harmony for myself and in my relating with those around me. The method does bring up fear and resistance, because one is dismantling one’s very ‘self’, those very beliefs one holds so dearly.

It sounds so simple, but most people who had talked to Richard were not even willing to take a small step along the way. Most people would seemingly like their life to be better, but faced with the prospect of actually having to do something themselves, or having to change the way they are, they soon turned away, only to re-run the ‘tried and failed’ methods. Of course, the major fear is that it will work and the ‘self’ will go! For me, I just figured that I had ‘nothing left to lose’, it was either a slow, miserable, painful, death-like life or a quick death of what I saw as the problem – the ‘self’ or ‘psychological and psychic entity’ within.

I remember one story that Richard told where he compared coming into the world to joining the army. You stand in a line, naked, and you are given, one by one, the various items you need for army life – underwear, shirts, trousers, helmet, shoes, bag, shaving gear, toothbrush and so on, and you emerge the other end ‘equipped’ for duty. Similarly, my parents, teachers and others had equipped me – as a new recruit to the human race – with the beliefs, values, morals and ethics necessary to join and play my part in the human race.

This made sense to me, and I was soon immensely fascinated in uncovering, discussing and investigating each one of these beliefs. I was challenged to investigate the validity of each of them and to determine for myself the facts – what was sensible and what was silly? Had any of these beliefs and values worked, and if not, why not?

As human animals we also come into the world already equipped with the basic instincts of fear, aggression, nurture and desire, pre-wired into the brain. These instincts have been instilled by ‘Blind’ Nature to ensure the survival of the species and it is common wisdom that ‘you can’t change Human Nature’. ‘Of course you can – why not?’ said Richard, and I liked that. Why not indeed?

The other thing that quickly emerged from these early discussions was the essential reference point of the ‘peak experience’, or Pure Consciousness Experience. It is an actual experience in one’s life when, for a brief period of time, one has an experience when the ‘self’ is temporarily in abeyance and everything is experienced as perfect and pure, magical and delightful. It took me a while to remember one, and I was sceptical at first, because it was an experience I had had after having taken the drug ecstasy. It had happened some twelve years ago. I had arranged with my partner at the time to take the drug by the foreshore of a large salt-water lake, opposite a holiday house where we were staying for the weekend. We arranged a comfortable picnic spot by the lake and popped a tablet each.

As the effect came on, I remember walking in the shallow water marvelling at my magical fairy-tale-like surroundings. A vast blue sky overhead with an ever-changing array of wispy white clouds.

The sun glistens on the tiny ripples of water washing gently over my feet. The feel of the mud oozing between my toes as they sink into the muddy beach. Huge pelicans glide overhead and I liken them to the jumbo jets of the bird world as they come in to land on the water some distance out. The sun on my skin warming me through and through, the breeze ruffling my hair and tingling my forearms, and the water cooling on my feet. It is so good to be alive, senses bristling as if on stalks and everything is perfect. Absolutely no objections to being here – pure delight!

After a while I turn to my partner who is sitting in the shade beneath a wonderfully gnarled and ancient tree on the lake’s edge. There sits a fellow human being to whom I have no ‘relationship’. Any past or future disappears; she and I are simply here together, experiencing these perfect moments. The past five years that I have known her, with all the memories of good and bad times, simply do not exist. It is just delightful that she is here with me, and I do not even have any thoughts of ‘our’ future. In short, everything is perfect, always has been, and always will be. It is an experience of actual freedom where I, as this flesh and blood body only, am able to experience with my physical senses the perfection and purity of the universe, totally free of any psychological or psychic entity within. I am also free of the delusion that this is all the work of some mythical maker to whom I owe gratitude for ‘my’ being here, and there are no heartfelt delusions of grandeur or Oneness. So totally involving is this sensate experience that the feelings and emotions of a ‘self’ or ‘Self’ have no place in the magical paradise of this actual world that is abundantly apparent. I am actually here, in the physical universe and enjoying a direct and unfettered involvement, every moment.

As I racked my memory in the weeks after meeting Richard and Devika, this was the ‘pure consciousness experience’, the PCE, that stood out – this was how I wanted to experience life permanently, twenty-four hours a day, and this now became my intention. To replicate that ‘self’-less experience, as this mortal flesh and blood body, permanently, effortlessly, without drugs, became my intent in life and, very soon, my total obsession.

I was fascinated to learn that Richard had been Enlightened and had now found a state that he said was vastly superior to Enlightenment. Given the doubts I was beginning to acknowledge to myself about the ‘tried and true’ methods of Religion and Spirituality, I became intrigued that here was something that was new and totally different. The other attractive part was that Richard and Devika had investigated together all the conditioning and beliefs that prevented men and women from living together harmoniously. I decided – after my fifteen years of failed attempts to find any sensible meaning in life on the spiritual path – to give this particular way my total effort.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Introduction’

But I don’t want to go on.

My only reason for writing is to let people know there is now another alternative, offering an actual freedom so that, if they so desire, they can see if it makes sense to them.

And I get to write about my favourite subject – ‘what a delight it is to be a human being’.

So if you haven’t pressed delete by now and are interested to explore further, a couple of web-sites –

Richard – http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard
Peter and Vineeto – http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/actualism

Some are already adopting what they have read as a ‘clip-on’ to their spiritual beliefs, throwing in words like actual, entirely missing the chance to be free of all beliefs. But such is the all-enveloping power of the Human Condition.

So that’s about it guys, just a note in case there is anyone out there who is still searching for freedom and who is not stuck on the tried and true methods.

25.11.1998

Hi everyone,

Just a note to say I’m butting out now. Some on the list have asked a few questions amongst the objections so I have answered some in an attachment for any interested. This is so as to not offend and allow the ‘delete’ to be pressed now.

*

No. 3:

Few questions for Peter:

* first of all, how did you find the way to this mailing list? Just looking for radical ‘vitally interested’ idiots? well, wrong place I’m afraid.

Point taken, I’m butting out.

* second of all, although it’s hard to believe you didn’t read what you are ‘responding’ to – a quote from the book: ‘Osho, A Must for Morning Contemplation’ (a collection of extracts from talks by Osho), it seems to be the case. So just tell me, you are joking, it’s a joke, no? Just curious to see who is going to take it seriously, ha? In other words you must be joking?

It is no joke, just an offer of an alternative to the words of Ancient Wisdom.

* third of all, (in case I’m wrong, and you are serious about it) what is it actually you disagree about? The e-mail name ‘Here-now’ or something from the excerpt of Osho talk?

The whole of Ancient Wisdom.

If the last is the case, could you be more clear, as to specify which part exactly? I’m very eager to hear!!

The whole of Ancient Wisdom.

* fourth of all, don’t you feel that your ‘PCE’ is just another pair of coloured glasses?

No, because I have experienced the spiritual bliss of Enlightenment and the PCE is far superior.

* and fifth of none, where do you read all this rubbish?

I gave two web-site addresses.

It’s a sad story Peter, and I feel sorry for you.

Seems such a waste, feeling pity and sorrow. It is certainly wasted on me.

*

The letter contained more answers to Respondents No 1, No 4, No 5, No 6,  No 7, No 8, No 9 and No 10 which can be found in the respective correspondence files by clicking on above links.

25.11.1998

I have responded in detail to some of the questions but will stop now. I wanted to give you a taste of what it is to question and examine beliefs but this is your job to do – should you so desire. But just to leave you with a thought: (first a dictionary definition and then a comment):

thought – The action or process of thinking; mental activity; formation and arrangement of ideas in the mind. Also, the capacity for this. An act or product of thinking; something that one thinks or has thought; an idea, a notion; spec. one suggested or recalled to the mind, a reflection, a consideration. Oxford Dictionary

The human brain is the most sophisticated development of this extraordinary universe. Not only does it see, hear, smell, taste and touch with its nerve tentacles or sense stalks, but it can think, cognitize, reflect and communicate, and be aware of itself doing all these things. It also comes in a pretty neat body-packaging, able to move freely and easily and perform an amazing amount of dexterous activities. The prime activity of human animals that sets them apart from other animals is their ability to think and reflect. Unfortunately this same faculty is the source of so much suffering and angst given the insidious influence of animal instinctual passions sourced in the primitive reptilian section of the human brain.

Given our genetically inherited instinctual self is overlaid with an instilled social identity, so much of our thinking is self-centred producing a relentless avalanche of neurosis. These thoughts are most often backed up by emotional memories of past hurts, fears, doubts, aggression, etc. which produce chemical responses in the body, giving rise to deep feelings and passions which only further add to our confusion. This self-centred neurosis is identified in the East as the problem with humans but they attempt to eradicate only half of the problem. Eastern religions aim to eradicate the ego (who we think we are), while ignoring the soul (who we feel we are). The resultant attack on, or repression of, all thoughts and thinking (not just the self-centred neurosis) results in the complete denial of intelligent thought such as can be readily seen by the East’s lack of technological progress, appalling poverty, repression of women, theocratic empires, etc.

This attack on sensible thought is a traditional, ancient, spirit-ridden approach to what is essentially a neuro-biological problem. The spiritual search is a search for one’s roots and one’s original self which involves identifying with one’s primitive ‘self’ sourced in the amygdala – one’s soul or essential on-going instinctual genetic heritage. Having found, and become identified with, this ‘source’, one has found and identified with the ‘source of all’ – or God, by any other name. This backward-looking primitive approach is to favour, enhance and indulge in the instinctual passions, giving full reign to nurture and desire and translating them into the imaginary passions of Divine Love, Divine Compassion and Immortality. One transcends fear and aggression by regarding them as Evil or a ‘necessary’ temporal period of earthly suffering from which one is only ultimately freed after physical death. Having found, and become identified with, this ‘source’, one has found and identified with the ‘source of all’ – or God, by any other name.

This flight into myth and fantasy is but a discovery and cultivating of an ‘inner’ imaginary hiding place as a desperate attempt to escape from being factually aware of earthly human malice and sorrow that arises from the instinctual passions. It equates well with the childhood trick of huddling under the blankets and creating one’s own imaginary world, the only difference being the adult spiritualist’s ‘safe world’ exists solely in their heads and hearts – it has no place in actuality.

We now know that the instinctual passions of fear, aggression, nurture and desire are sourced in the primitive brain and are but the component parts of the single-pointed genetic programming instilled by blind nature purely in order to ensure the survival of the species. To continue to seek solace and succour in the ‘good’ half of the feelings arising from these animal passions while denying and transcending the other ‘bad’ half is to both deny intelligent thinking and modern empirical scientific research.

Given that God is but the figment of passionate imagination (a radical thought) then human beings’ only possibility of living in peace and harmony is intelligent, sensible, non-spirit-ridden, down-to-earth apperceptive thought (another radical thought). To date most people have trouble even considering one radical non-populist thought, let alone two in a row – still it’s early days. AF Glossary

For anyone who is interested in further discussions I am willing to continue, but I prefer to do it either on the Actual Freedom mailing list or privately. You can subscribe to the mailing list by clicking the mailing list button on our website (closed as of 7.9.2006).

5.12.1998

Hi everybody,

Well, as the subject said I’m sitting back and taking stock of things. It has been a couple of weeks now, of what often seems an endless list of objections to what I am saying.

I mused back to the time I first came across Richard and tried to remember what my reactions were at the time. I am looking for some yardstick in order to compare and maybe offer some words to anyone who is interested. When I first met Richard I was full on in the Spiritual world looking for freedom from the ‘shackles’ I felt that stopped me living fully. I naturally assumed that what he was talking about was spiritual in nature and as I had a chance to talk to him personally of his experiences of Enlightenment, I leapt at the chance.

Then the shit began to hit the fan as I realised he was not talking of Enlightenment but of something far more radical – the total annihilation of the ‘self’. I remember at one stage it dawned on me what I was in for – the end of ‘me’. I thought, what happens if this thing works? The end of ‘me’! But I had vowed to find a way to free myself of the ‘shackles’, I had determined some 10 years previously to find the ‘meaning of life’ as I stood by the coffin of my 13 year old son. So the offer to become happy and harmless was too good to pass up whatever the cost. And I had decided that the whole spiritual game and spiritual world was increasingly weird. But it took a good deal of bloody-mindedness and intent to get out of the meta-physical world and to even consider that there was an actual world, a world outside of imagination.

When I propositioned Vineeto about investigating the possibility of living together in peace and harmony, she was still firmly in Sannyas and for some 6 months we agreed not to talk about the ‘war’, as we put it. But seeing the success of ruthlessly questioning all beliefs around gender, sex, relationships, love, etc., she eventually became interested and was able to question her spiritual beliefs, love and loyalty, surrender and trust.

So I do appreciate that it is difficult – such is the all-encompassing belief in a Something or Someone Else, and all I am saying is, to anyone who has any doubts that the spiritual path might not be delivering the goods for you – my experience is this works. It is radically, 180 degrees in the other direction, in the physical world there is no God, guru, Energy, Existence, Truth, Absolute, Intelligence, Spirit, Mother Nature, Afterlife, Karma, Reincarnation or whatever. I wrote in my journal of my battle with God and this is a bit from the end of that chapter.

... ‘The case for the defence was definitely not looking good, but I still found myself defending at least something of the spiritual and hanging on grimly. Surely there was a ‘Something’ else? Was it possible that I, and everyone else on earth up until now, had got it wrong and that only Richard was right? I had been reading widely throughout this time to check out the facts of what Richard was saying and what I found was astounding. I found that the whole of philosophy, psychology, sociology, anthropology, astronomy, physics, indeed all of man’s knowledge, and wisdom is based on an underlying assumption of a ‘something more’ than the physical universe. A belief in the meta-physical permeates all human thinking and wisdom. If one eliminated this assumption or belief the whole lot comes crashing down like those card stacks I used to make as a kid. Then it all started to make sense to me, to fit the facts – everyone has got it 180 degrees wrong – everyone! There has been no actual evidence or facts after thousands of years to support the belief that there is a God or a Something else. The cry in the churches, temples, ashrams and Satsang halls is still one of trust, faith and hope to maintain the belief in a Something else. It was as though I was able to begin to see through the whole charade and fantasy of the spirit-ual world – to be able to see things from another perspective. It was like a mist or a veil clearing. It was then that I realized that Richard was the only atheist I had met and seemingly the only one that has ever been.

I was obviously in the company of a mad man and a super-megalomaniac to boot. But then again, the wise men in the other camp were calling themselves God or at least ‘one with God’, and this seemed totally insane to me! I reached a stage when I thought I was going mad, but then again the whole world was mad anyway. I only had to watch TV, read history, or listen to the next-door neighbours fighting to know I lived in a mad house ... and here I was worrying about going mad!! In particular I remember one day on the building site when one of the subcontractors said to me that he was having a bad morning and that he felt he should meditate, and did I mind. Given he was a straight sort of guy I thought he was joking until I saw him ten minutes later in full lotus position sitting right in the middle of the noise and chaos. And it was just at the time that I was thinking I was going mad!

In the end I ruled the mad bit out of court as I somehow knew all this was just going on in my head anyway, a sort of a last defence battle of the psyche, refusing to let go of a rather cherished belief in the face of facts. Further, it was not only my belief, it was insidiously permeating every human brain – it was wired-in, instinctual, genetic if you like. Stubbornness drove me on – I was, after all, in this to find out the meaning of it all; to make sense of being a human being on this planet.

Fear welled up in me as I realized I no longer believed in the Spiritual – it was obviously just the religion of the East, and religion had obviously failed in the East as it had in the West. After thousands of years, nowhere is there peace on earth or happiness. But I knew I could not just believe Richard either. The enormity of it all was beginning to dawn on me. Nobody could help me.

I could only rely on the facts, my own intelligence and experience. But the facts were undeniable.

And a fact is a fact, whereas a belief is only a belief. In short it meant everybody else has got it wrong and I have got it right. I knew that would place me as a heretic – the very people who are persecuted and burnt at the stake! Besides, what about all those years of belief and faith – how could I have been such a fool!

Pride reared its ugly head, but I recognized it as the same pride that had bound me to the spiritual path in the first place and had given me a feeling of superiority. I then realized the connection between pride and humility, so subtly hidden beneath the ‘good-ness’ of the spiritual world. In the end I came to realize that I would be a greater fool to continue pursuing something that didn’t work, simply because everybody else was! It was useful to see Vineeto also struggling with exactly this same pride, as I often saw something in someone else that was relevant to turn in on myself. In the end I realized it was my life, and to why about what other people thought is not to be free – and freedom was the very thing that I was after.

About this time I started to come to grips with an undercurrent of feelings that had been welling up in me as I got further along this path to freedom. As I began to increasingly understand the full extent of what Richard had discovered, I had begun quite cunningly to plot my role in the Movement that would sweep the world. Images of money and fame began to subtly occur – and sometimes not so subtly. I would see myself travelling and talking to halls full of people, spreading the message! Yes, it was good old power and authority again – the attraction of the Glamour, Glory and Glitz. No wonder the Enlightened Ones are seduced and then trapped by it! It seemed to me an instinctual grab for power by my psyche, which rightly felt threatened with elimination. I also had to admit to myself that power and authority was a definite attraction in my desire for Enlightenment – a sort of spiritual version of ‘Money for nothing and your chicks for free’.

It was further brought home to me in my situation with Vineeto, as I would try to tell her where she was wrong and ram it down her throat. Finally I saw that it was up to her to do what she wanted to do with her life, and that I had no power over her. Now I would not want it any other way; it would not be perfect otherwise. A similar thing happened with friends when I tried to inspire them; they usually felt attacked and no wonder – this path is anathema to the ‘self’. To see power and authority in myself and to have seen them in the Enlightened Ones was to prove the critical point in the process of eliminating them in me.

No longer would I be seduced down that spiritual path towards power and glory. I had reached the point where the spiritual path and the path to actual freedom radically diverge and go 180 degrees in opposite directions. There is an apparent similarity at first glance in that both identify the ‘self’ as the problem. One, the traditional, goes to God, glory, power and authority; the other goes to actual freedom, which I had glimpsed in peak experiences and which was becoming more and more obvious and apparent in my life. In my experience the other difference is crucial–one works, the other doesn’t. I was becoming increasingly happy and harmless, and therefore different from other people, who remained firmly entrenched in sorrow or were still trying the traditional paths as a remedy. They were still searching while I was busy arriving.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘God’

Hope this explains something.

8.12.1998

No 10:

Hi dears,

2 days later: Hello everyone, I just wondering if there is anyone on this list who is attracted to Peter and Vineeto? What is it you admire about their writing?

No 3:

In no way I’m attracted to Peter and Vineeto. Actually what they are doing is quite violent. That, again, just proves how bogus the philosophy behind their words is.

Thank you for the opportunity to ask all the people from the list, who actually enjoys this one-way chat, to continue on their private e-mail address. Let’s create some breathing space here. However, if you guys all enjoy it, please let me know...

No 4:

They have a peculiar way of expressing experiences which I can share and recognize. What I wonder about, is what they call fact. And I must ask you, Peter, what is a fact, when that which is a fact to you is not a fact to me?

No 13:

I have valued conversation with people who are not afraid to say what they think and to discuss everything openly without any inhibitions and dogmas or clinging to a party-line. Usually people hide behind something (I am very sorry to say that but many people hide behind Osho quotes even here on this list) and are not willing to risk being ridiculed. I have made it a point to say things when I feel like it and to accept what other people have to say. So this is why I like talking to these guys openly hoping to learn something new.

No 16:

What Peter and Vineeto are saying, their willingness to look at facts no matter about what or how painful for the ego, should be the first step for anybody on the road to freedom. The first step and the last, as good old J. Krishnamurti would say.

I wonder why they don’t just talk about their joyful experiencing of the body and nature, and leave it at that. As a bonus they could explain how to reach this state of happiness, by all means, but to call it the only true alternative in the same breath, the only true alternative that will work at last, as if it’s another washing powder with some new powerful enzymes, washing whiter than other powders... give me a break.

I doubt it that their ‘way’ will prove to be the final answer to the ‘human condition’, that it will accomplish what until now no other teaching has been able to achieve. If it were truly the only answer, then surely Richard would actually, factually be the only real saviour, the only Messiah, whether he likes it or not. He would be, if not the only son of god, very close to God’s image.

By the by, it’s very good that Vineeto and Peter challenge lazy, sleepy Sannyasins, their views, belief systems. For a while that is... Or I should rather say that it’s No. 10’s question that challenged me. Well, never mind...

No 17:

I have enjoyed their writings and subscribed to their mailing list. They have talked with confidence. I like any kind of confidence.

10.12.1998

Well, looks like it is one of those days when it’s a letter to everyone ...

Vineeto is typing one as well besides me now, so there will be a lot of words from the ‘Peter and Vineeto show’...

I do like writing to people personally, and answering questions or objections, but occasionally I like to tell a bit of my story as well, and get it out of the personal arena. The thing, of course, is that this is not anything personal that we are saying. We are talking about an actual freedom from the Human Condition, a condition that afflicts all humans This freedom is available for everyone although it is clear that not everyone will want to take it on. I wanted to give you the motive, the ignition point by telling you about the time when I really decided I would make the search for freedom the most important thing in my life. It is the first chapter in my journal for those who don’t mind a bit of reading ... who can spare the time. (see below)

The other thing I have been musing over is the curious reaction from Sannyasins to my Journal. I liked Sannyas and Sannyasins, particularly in the early days. There was a sense of pioneering, challenging the norm, giving it a boots and all approach. Now I get many people telling me ‘I’m all right’, ‘I’m watching my self’, ‘I’m happy’, ‘Life goes on and I’m going with the flow’, ‘I am already That, all I have to do is realize it’ ‘There is nothing I can do – it is all in God’s hand’s’ etc. etc. Acceptance was always an acceptance of me as I was, whereas if I was honest with myself, I wasn’t the best I could be – I wasn’t free.

That’s all – I want to keep it short, but I just wanted to say this is nothing personal, humans are all inflicted with the same disease. The scientists are starting to isolate the genes, or software, that triggers the instinctual behaviour patterns relating to fear, aggression, nurture and desire – so it is a fact. But now there is a chance to do something about it, in you.

Serendipity is operating for who-ever is reading these words ... the ‘train’ is passing by.

All you get by waiting to live fully ... is more waiting.

So, another little tickle from the keyboard ... it is such an amazing thing to do with your life – to become happy and harmless. Beats becoming God by a country mile!

The following is a bit of writing from the Death-Chapter,

‘As I begin to put into words the sense I have made of life, I am reminded of the time I stood beside my 13-year-old son’s coffin. It was indeed a shocking experience to be confronted by the sight of the dead body of someone so young and so close. Shocking to my very core. It was then that I really determined to find out how to remove the ‘shackles’ that I felt had always bound me, and to experience life free of them before I died! I had been, at this time, some ten years on the spiritual path, but this experience was to prove for me a seminal point – the beginning really. ...

... ‘Acceptance is praised in the spiritual world as understanding that the world, the body and, indeed, even death itself, are an illusion! The most insidious teaching that now seems to be emerging from the East is a form of ‘it doesn’t matter what you do – it is all an illusion anyway’. For me, my son’s death ruled out the option of accepting that ‘this was all there was to life’. I wanted to be sure I got the most out of my life – to actually live the promised freedom, right here, right now, as this flesh and blood body.

What I have found is that all of the religious and spiritual doctrines and concepts about death are simply intricate fairy-tales retold and reinforced for millennia. They require constant injections of Faith, Hope, Trust, Devotion and Surrender to effectively maintain the belief in an afterlife – all to keep the underlying fear of death at bay. I remember when Rajneesh died we selected a piece of marble and had an Indian stonemason chisel on it: ‘Never Born, Never Died, Only Visited This Planet...’ as the epitaph on his tomb. Rajneesh had dictated this to his secretary some months before his death.

It seemed curious to me at the time, because I thought I had understood that the whole point of the spiritual search was the dissolution of the ‘self’ – in other words ‘peace of mind’, or freedom, for me, on earth. And here was Rajneesh proclaiming that he was only a visitor here anyway, and even hinting that maybe he went somewhere else in the physical universe. There arose in me more questions than answers, but at the time I took it as was merely ‘par for the course’ given the inconsistency of his teachings. Now, of course, I am able to clearly see that the denial of living as this body, on this earth, at this moment of time, of all the spiritual teachers is both legendary and well documented – if one bothers to investigate.

In some of those people around me who are religious or spiritual I see an increasing devotion and fanaticism as the physical fact of death comes closer. For others, ‘sitting silently, doing nothing’, the mid-life crisis, old age, and finally death come by themselves. Some adopt a ‘sit on the fence’ attitude of ‘maybe, maybe not’ to the idea of an after-life – an indifference that actively precludes them from a full-blooded commitment to life on earth, as a flesh and blood body only.

Acknowledging the fact of death has also had a curious effect on how I experience time. Knowing that death will come, it will just be another event to respond to the moment it occurs. It simply makes no sense to fear a fact – it is how it is, it is a fact. This frees me from the fear that I am running out of time – that I am in a hurry to fit everything in. This is not to be confused with the feeling of intensity that people falsely call ‘being here, being really alive’, a feeling which is really fuelled by the fear of death. For some people this intensity is induced by a near-death experience, when they see life as ‘precious’ and not to be wasted on ‘petty things’.

Nor am I talking about the spiritual concept of ‘being here’. I remember being visited recently by a friend who has spent years vigilantly on the spiritual path, and he talked about ‘being here’. It was very strange, as I experienced him as being ‘somewhere else’, as though stoned. It was then that I fully understood that Enlightenment is actually an ‘Altered State of Consciousness’, a ‘getting out of it’, and an attempt, by a fanciful flight of imagination, to defy the actuality of death by denying or transcending the fact of mortal earthly life

Being free of the belief in an after-life, I am now free to actually be here, fully acknowledging the fact that before the sperm hit the egg I wasn’t here, and when this body dies, I die, since I am this body. What else could I be? A walk-in, like Rajneesh? Having no belief in a past or future life enabled me to tackle the issue of my behaviour, my actions, my feelings and emotions, and, of course, my happiness, right now. I have no second-chances at living, this is it, so I have to be the best I can be now. This understanding was crucial in order to be able to fully embrace the responsibility I had to free myself of the psychological and psychic entity and the ensuing malice and sorrow that was shackling my enjoyment of life. It didn’t allow me any room for denial, bargaining or accepting a second-rate life. I simply could no longer postpone or avoid. It made the question of ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ so vitally intense to me and meant that the process of becoming free was guaranteed of success.

Success in being free means, essentially, a life led without the fear of death. No psychological or psychic fear of death, no feeling of running out of time, no spiritual belief in an after-life or ‘other-world’, distract me from fully living this moment of time. With no ‘sense of continuity’ – as Vineeto calls it – each moment is fresh, and I am doing what I am doing for the first time. This does not deny the fact that what I do is largely repetitive. I get up in the morning, have breakfast and do whatever I do and then go to bed at night-time – exactly as I have done every day for forty-nine years. Frankly, the idea of immortality appals me – I think the present arrangement is perfect and I see the attempts of human beings to alter it, or to try to ‘cheat’ it, as plain silly. I desire no ‘remote control’ to fast-forward time, slow it down, replay it, or ‘change channels’. I am firmly and safely located in time, in this moment, the only moment I can experience, doing whatever is happening now.

I am finally free to be an autonomous human being, happy and harmless, delighting in being alive. I simply wasn’t here before I was born. And I simply won’t be here (or anywhere else) after I die. I will be like the parrot in John Cleese’s sketch: ‘dead, extinct, finito, kaput, stuffed, no more, finished, obliterated’.

Exactly as my father, my son, my mother, Rajneesh, Krishnamurti, Jesus, Buddha, and all the billions who have been on this earth before me. I had lived in fear of death and tried to avoid death and the suffering of life by ‘getting out of it’ spiritually. But in the end, by fully acknowledging the fact of death, and rejecting belief – finding out the facts for myself – I am now free of the psychological fear of death, actually free.

To acknowledge the fact of death is an essential prerequisite to begin the journey to becoming free of the Human Condition of malice and sorrow. It meant that I could no longer turn away from the facts of my mortal life in this actual physical world.

A genuine freedom from the Human Condition has to be an actual freedom, easily and readily liveable by anyone, in the world as-it-is, with people as-they-are, and not some imaginary escape or transcendence into a ‘spiritual world’ peopled with ‘higher-evolved’ ethereal beings.

Actual Freedom is, per definition, both non-spiritual and down-to-earth, and as such, is both a freedom from the need to believe in an after-life and an authentic freedom from the fear of death.’ Peter’s Journal, ‘Death’

12.12.1998

Hi Everybody,

You seem to be having some fun with all this, I certainly am.

I always wanted to be able to discuss these matters in my spirit-ual years, to get down to the bare bones of things. To be able to question absolutely everything and anything, the lot, without fear of getting my head snapped off, being sent to Coventry, or told I was being ‘negative’. To be able to ask, scrutinize and get a straight answer.

And to be able to look at things without the typical straight-jacket of ... ‘right or wrong’, ...’good or bad’. To sort fact from fiction. To really find out what it is to be a human being. To be able to fully live as a human being on this paradisiacal planet ... free of malice and sorrow, happy and harmless, innocent and pure.

As you can probably tell I am enjoying this discussion immensely. This is pioneering stuff and it’s happening right now as I type these words. Nothing is more thrilling than this ... being here, doing what is happening. To be actually typing these words and not knowing what I am going to say next...

By the way, is this new format of writing okay? I would welcome some feedback. It is easier for us, but is it clear your end?

For those who are interested I want to tell one of my stories. So,

... ‘I remember going sailing once. A wealthy businessman I knew, a Rajneesh disciple, had a luxurious 26 metre long wooden cruising yacht built to sail the world. Well, he got as far as Sri Lanka, left it there, and then got back into the business world. A friend took on the job of bringing it back home, and asked me if I would crew. We flew out to find a tired looking boat that had been mouldering in the tropics for a year. After a bit of maintenance, and stocking up of some vegetables and a few dead chickens from the local market we headed off – and straight into a storm. ‘What the hell am I doing here?’ I asked myself as the boat heeled at seemingly impossible angles while crashing and shuddering through the waves. The curry I had eaten the night before disappeared overboard and over me, and I found myself looking for that ‘fast-forward’ button again. But within a day or two the storm was a thing of the past and we were cruising.

A few days after that we ran out of wind as we hit the Doldrums – that area in the tropics where there often is no wind for weeks. Like all sailors before us we all went a bit mad as we drifted aimlessly in a flat mirror-like ocean beneath a baking cloudless sky. The only point of orientation was a faint horizon line separating two almost identical shades of blue – the sky and the sea. Our diesel fuel, unbeknown to us, had been contaminated in the tropics, and we had no alternative but to sit it out and wait for a wind, day after day.

I would deliberately take the midnight-to-dawn watch, alone on deck at the helm, while the others slept below. The sky was velvet black, carelessly strewn with diamond stars, the moonlight dancing on the dark ocean. The sky was intense, endless in depth; the ocean fluid, also seemingly endless in depth, and I and the boat I was on, insignificant in size and location. The nights were superb; it was a constant pleasure and delight just to be alive – just to be here! These were nights when I understood the vast endlessness of the physical universe and there was no question of a god or an ‘energy’ or a ‘creator’ of any sort. It was all actually sensational – purely of the senses. The warm feel of the tropical air, the salty smell of the ocean, the movement of the boat, the sound of the water on the hull, the delightful feast to the eyes – the vast stillness and purity of it all. I was no-where in particular, a mere speck on the globe of the earth, hanging somewhere in an infinite black space. The days had no names, the hours no numbers, so time had no reference, I was simply here. Night after night of peak experiences – doing nothing but being thrilled at being a part of the physical universe. Not at ‘one’ with it, but the bit of it that was able to go ‘Wow – how amazing!’ To delight and contemplate on the wonder of the physical universe.

Of course the experiences I had on the boat wore off when the journey finished. But they stayed tucked in my memory as an experience of the actuality of the physical universe. I was a human being sitting on a boat located no-where in particular in the majesty of the universe. On reflection, those nights and other similar experiences, have had an accumulative effect on me. A year or two later, when I did intensive meditation sessions, it was always a little strange to me that the meaning of life should be to sit rigidly for hours on end with my eyes shut trying to get somewhere else. How come the meaning of life was to either deny life or hide from it?

This last year’s journey of discovery into my psyche, to eliminate my ‘self’ – that accumulation of beliefs and instincts that I erroneously believed to be me – has provided the answer. The answer is, of course, not to deviously shift my ego or identity into the realm of the Spirits, but to journey 180 degrees in the other direction, into the realm of the senses – not to the ‘spiritual Universe’, but to the actual physical universe of people, events and things.

Recently someone said of Richard’s writings: ‘Why is he talking of everyday things?’ Well, when I lived in the world of emotions, feelings, energies and spirits, it was a full-time neurosis, and I couldn’t savour the delights of food, sex, conversation, doing ‘nothing’, playing FreeCell, reading a book, walking, sitting and watching the sky (or the ceiling). Now I do. Having nothing meaningful or useful or significant or urgent or exciting to do, day after day: and yet experiencing every day, each moment as perfect. Everyday life, everyday things. It has to be lived to be fully understood.

We have a small flat, television, video, a couple of computers, two couches, a balcony with another couch and a couple of comfortable chairs, and a kitchen stocked with our favourite foods. In short, there is everything I need in life, and I live life in this flat as I did on the yacht those nights, many years ago. The physical ordinary things of life in this house are as actual, as extraordinary, as the wonders of nature. The universe has done a wonderful job in providing me with all the comforts I require for a delightful life, and I only need to work a little to earn sufficient money to pay the bills.

I remember about twenty years ago there was a lot of talk about the future, when automation and computers would reduce the amount of boring, repetitive and dangerous work humans did. And that then we would all work less and have increased leisure time. Well, that time has come, and suddenly we are calling it unemployment and a crisis! A few years ago I took on a young lad on the building site and he has turned out to be a good carpenter, so I figure he can take my place in the workforce – I’ll take the leisure time. And as for ‘Sustainable’ communities and ecology, I see them as nothing else but sustainable already – they already exist! And in constant change of course, as that is the nature of things. That the universe exists involves no effort on my part. I can do nothing to change it. When I get up in the morning it is here and doing well again. After all, there is no one in charge – there is no-one running this show – it is actually self-sustaining.

The physical universe is infinite and perfect – the ‘stuff’ of the universe being defined as animal, vegetable and mineral. The ‘energies’ of the universe are purely the physical forces of the universe, regulating the ‘stuff’ of the universe. And I, as a human being, am made of the same stuff as the universe. Undeniably, I am the product of the meeting between a sperm and an egg. I remember once looking at my hand and it was obviously the claw of an animal, and a sexual one at that. I was not here before birth and I will not be here after death. There is nothing ‘inside’ me as this body or separate from me, to continue after I die. As a physical animal in the physical universe I have made it my aim to be happy and harmless, and the universe did its’ ‘universe thing’ to aid in the creation of the best possible.

I remember pondering this one day while walking along a country road and seeing a tree that had seeded beneath a log. It had bent around the log and then grown out at a steep angle towards the light. It only grew limbs on one side of the trunk so as to maintain its balance and strength. To say there is a God who looks after every tree, giving instructions, is plainly ridiculous. It is a life-force, if you like, but the tree was growing in the best way possible.

Another image that struck me was a showing the beginning of the formation of a human foetus. It showed the growth in the first days when the main activity is the fervent multiplication and creation of new cells. The cells lined up to form an ever-thickening line which was to be the child’s backbone. As the cells began to form the beginnings of limbs and a head, a sack formed in the chest area, and a pulsing motion could be seen. All in the first few days! Astounding to see, and so extraordinary, that to put a God or anything else in the way was to entirely miss seeing the physical universe in operation. To call life ‘sacred’ is to completely miss the point. Removing God, energies, emotions and feelings is seeing and experiencing the actual world free of a skin or film layered over the top. That I, as this body, am a collection of intelligent cells that forms a whole, which is sensate, mobile, able to think, reflect and communicate with others, and that this whole bundle eventually wears out and dies is so extraordinary, so amazing!

What I have now discovered is a constant, permanent experiencing as I had experienced on the yacht – the perfection and purity of the physical universe. I, as part of this universe, made of the same ‘stuff’, am able to see and reflect on the universe. I am the universe experiencing itself as a human being. The difference in me is that when there is no ‘self’ – no malice and sorrow – I am able to not only see but experience the innate purity and perfection. And that malicious and sorrowful person I used to be, did it – cute hey! Perfect and delightful, simple and obvious.

The answer to the mystery of life is in the actual world, here, now, not in some physicist’s ‘parallel universe’ or on some spiritualist’s ‘other dimension’. It’s definitely not a feeling of ‘oneness’ – a sort of ‘the universe and I are one’ scenario, produced by the delusion of the ‘Self’. On my computer I have a photo of the earth taken from the moon, with the rock surface of the moon in the foreground. In the distance, hanging in black space, is the huge ball of the earth – white spirals of clouds against a blue ocean background with tips of green and brown land showing. Just hanging there somehow! Most of the astronauts who went to space came back as changed men, typically to declare it was all God’s work!

‘But what if it wasn’t?’ was the question I had constantly run in my head, which provided me with the answer. What if the physical universe is ‘it’, the whole story, actually infinite, no parallel bits, no ethereal other-worlds, no heaven, no hell? I remember pondering on that for a while, and realizing that there was no evidence to support the belief that the universe is anything else but infinite. The scientists have all their theories, and are increasingly saying that it’s all God’s work. And the world still waits in hope for Buddha or Jesus or the Spirits to either come back and sort out the mess, or whisk us away to somewhere better.

The answer lies in experiencing the infinitude and perfection of the physical universe. Perfect, except for human beings, but of course even that will change now, for whoever wants it

It’s just so good not to have missed the bus to freedom, and to be arriving in the actual world.

It was the certainly the ride of a lifetime...’ Peter’s Journal, ‘The Universe’

10.1.1999

Hi everybody,

This is a little story I told a while ago to someone who was having difficulty with the spiritual concept of ‘watching’ your feelings, moods, emotions, sadness, etc. and on the other hand wanting to ‘do something’ about them. The problem that the meditator has, particularly when confronted with the ‘real’ world again after a retreat or sustained period in the spiritual world .

‘So, imagine you are a doctor and on safari and come across a tribe who have a disease that causes them to have fits of madness whereby, often for no apparent reason, they fall into rages of anger or fits of depression. And despite the fact that they are well-fed, well-housed and have no predatory animals or danger in their lives, they live their lives in constant fear.

They see all this as ‘normal’ as they have had this disease in the tribe for as long as they can remember. When you point out that it is a genetic disease, they refuse to acknowledge that they even have a disease, for in fact, they know of nothing else.

When a tribe member comes down with the affliction, family members or friends rally around and supports the tribe member until he/she recovers enough to resume his tribal role or, in particularly bad cases, they have a special area for those who are too seriously afflicted. Strict control, morals and ethics are instilled in all from birth, backed up by severe punishment meted out to the others, to keep everyone from at least physically hurting other members of the tribe.

The Witchdoctor offers the advice that the disease is caused by ‘bad spirits’ that had overcome them and that they shouldn’t be too concerned about it, just ‘keep a watchful eye’, and ignore it. Sitting down with eyes closed until a feeling of well-being is induced was also recommended. Although the witchdoctor also had the disease he managed to cover it up by a more or less permanent trance-like state he induced in himself with similar methods. He even proclaimed there was a ‘better world’ awaiting tribe members after death, that he knew this as a fact and, as such, was worshipped by all for his magic powers.

The Healer of the tribe offered some herbal or energy potions and they all the tribe prayed to their particular God in the added hope the disease would, one day, magically disappear. If this did not happen, for it had not happened after thousands of years of praying, at least there was the ‘better world’ awaiting after death.

As a doctor, and seeing all this, you got out your lap-top and scooted around the Net for information but only came up with treatments that all offered temporary and spasmodic relief for the symptoms only, but none offered a cure for the genetic disease itself. Then you found someone who was claiming success in completely curing the condition.

Would you tell them to keep doing what they were doing, just ‘watching’ or praying, or would you tell them about this new cure, and maybe suggest that, as all else hadn’t worked, it might be worth a try? If you were a member of this tribe would you stick with the tried and failed methods and beliefs, or would you consider trying something new – even if it meant that you had to completely abandon the other methods, the comfort and support of the tribe and risk the wrath of the Witchdoctor and God?

It always would seem to me, in that situation, they would have ‘nothing left to lose’ – as everything else was merely ‘coping with the symptoms’. As an architect I would often come across problems in old buildings like leaky roofs, structural cracks etc. I always knew the best job was not to just patch it up but to get in and eliminate the cause of the problem. Otherwise the symptoms just keep coming back again.

We Humans all suffer from a disease called the Human Condition and one man has found a cure, and it has worked for others who have actually tried it. That people seem to want to stick with the ‘tried and failed’ methods (‘accepting’ the disease, ‘watching’ the symptoms, and ‘imagining’ a cure), without even considering this alternative, I find most curious.

For me, I liked the medicine, although tough at first – a bitter pill to swallow – but it soon became increasingly delightful and an actual, tangible elimination of the Human Condition results. – it sure worked for me.

That’s what I liked about Richard when I met him – ‘you mean I can actually do something myself to cure myself of malice and sorrow? Well it’s not what everyone else says, but then again, what everyone else says, doesn’t work’.

Just thought I’d give you a practical example of the difference between ‘watching’ a problem or doing something about it. I know I get confused when I get too much into the theory of it all – too many ‘I’s’ ‘me’s, souls, egos, consciousnesses, to make sense of some times, particularly when talking with the witchdoctors.’ Peter, List AF, No 2, 3.11.1998

Needless to say the person I was writing to disappeared over the hill (or is it the cyber-hill), presumably to re-run the old methods that we humans, here on earth, have tried in order to free ourselves of the Human Condition of malice and sorrow. Still it’s early years ... and I got to write a good story.

So it’s goodnight from me ... maybe this story is of use as a way of seeing the bigger picture of the ‘real’ world and the ‘spiritual’ worlds that we have been born into ...

26.1.1999

Well, ... just who is this Richard anyway?

In response to your question – from 2 years ago...

... ‘My housemate then heard of another ‘Enlightened’ man, this time a local, and invited him and his partner to dinner. The world is full of Enlightened beings, I thought, and where I live they are particularly thick on the ground. I was definitely having trouble making any sense whatever of the spiritual world. It was an interesting evening and we got down to some real talking after dinner, outside in the warm night air. The talk, as I remember it, was mostly about Enlightenment, and Richard spoke freely, unhesitatingly answering any questions. He said he had been Enlightened but had now got to a state he said was beyond Enlightenment. This was certainly something I had not heard described before and I began to notice that what he was saying was different, even though I did not understand much of it! In particular I remember him saying, ‘everyone has got it 180 degrees wrong.’ It was a statement that rang in my head like a huge bell at the time. The evening ended about 3 am, and so confusing was the conversation that I thought little of it afterwards: but I had liked their company. The conversation was easy and wide-ranging – it is a rare pleasure to talk of such things as life, the universe and what sense we make of it.

About a week later, the woman I stayed with announced she was going over to visit them and would I like to come. ‘Sure,’ I said and off I went to start what were soon to become daily visits. The extraordinary thing was that, here I was, involved in easy conversation with a man who had been Enlightened, in his living room, just down the road from where I lived. At last I had found someone I could really talk to about Enlightenment and spiritual matters – what about thinking, what about sex, what is the meaning of life, what is Enlightenment like? To uncover the mystery, to talk matter-of-fact-ly about the meaning of it all. Not to mention the ‘ordinary’ – where do you buy that coffee and did you see that new show on TV? But the thing that really got to me was that he was talking about men and women living together and the pleasure of sex; how unlike the Enlightened Ones! – in fact 180 degrees opposite. It was obvious I was involved in something radically different here, and given that all else had produced no tangible results, I decided to give this one hundred percent. I just thought I had nothing left to lose; all else had failed. So why not?

Richard had got himself Enlightened some seventeen years before by an intensive method aimed at finding the state he had experienced some time earlier in a ‘peak experience’. He achieved an altered state of consciousness complete with feelings of Oneness and Timelessness, Love for all, Compassion, and a drive to spread his Message. What, in fact, he had been aiming for was what he had experienced previously – a direct experience of the purity and perfection of the physical universe, but what he had attained he eventually called ‘Absolute Freedom’ – an extraordinary state of bliss and self-aggrandisement. He became at one with God or the ‘Absolute’, as he named it. As he began to talk to people they told him that what he was saying was very like what the spiritual Masters were saying, and he then discovered that he was in a state known in the East as Enlightenment. Despite the extraordinary wonderful feelings, a few doubts remained simmering beneath the surface: why was this state different to what he had aimed for, why was he driven to save mankind, why did he feel timeless when the clock still ticked away?

He travelled to the East seeking answers but came back even more troubled. Over a period of twelve years he was to question all of the sacred tenets of the Enlightened Ones – the massive delusion as he puts it – and emerged some six years ago into what he now calls ‘Actual Freedom’. The man I sat talking with for hours and hours in his suburban living room had actually forsaken the Glamour, the Glory and the Glitz of Enlightenment! In Eastern Spiritual terms, he had eliminated not only the ‘self’ but the ‘Self’ as well, not only the ego but the soul.

I thought his credentials were impeccable, and he was willing and able to talk clearly about his experiences and discoveries. He had had a female companion for the last eleven years and together they have investigated what is called the ‘Human Condition’ – that set of beliefs, conditioning and instincts that is the program by which human beings have operated ever since they emerged from the caves or trees. Further, they had developed a method for actually ridding oneself of malice and sorrow, the very core of the Human Condition.

To become happy and harmless was the term I liked. It seemed to me an eminently sensible aim in life!’ Peter’s Journal, ‘God’

P.S. If you are further interested in Richard try his ‘brief personal history’ .

20.1.1999

To the list-owner:

Thanks for your note.

Yes, we are rather going beyond the limits and are actually beginning to question not only the Sacred teachings of Eastern spirituality but even getting to question the Gurus themselves.

The Actual Freedom Trust does indeed have its on mailing list. I am on the Sannyas mailing list as I simply responded to a statement about there being two worlds and I posted a post pointing out that there are three worlds. From responses to my post the discussion has come to the point it is now. There is some agreement about something, some questioning and discussion and a ‘quite a number of people who are upset’. Is this what you call ‘the fairly pointless discussion?’ I always see that for those who see the discussion as pointless or upsetting they should exercise the delete button – one of the handy little features on computers.

I always saw this discussion on the Sannyas list as a bit like coming across a group outside the temple gates and sitting down and chatting about the temple and what was said inside and about the actual world. Those that wanted to stay and listen did – if they could stand the shouting and the ‘stone’ throwers. Since nowadays it all happens on the Net – it stays good harmless fun. But I guess it is your patch of ground, outside the temple gates, we are talking on...

I am thoroughly enjoying myself and having the time of my life talking about these things. Finally, to have an uncensored, freewheeling conversation and discussion about life, the universe and what it is to be a human being. To question and challenge Ancient Wisdom, the ‘tried and true’, all that has been passed down to us as the Truth.

So, since you ask what I think, I would definitely prefer to stay and continue the discussion. As for ‘do I agree to go away’ , my standard response to this has been to point any who are offended to the delete button.

I assume you have this option – to delete us from the list – after all, it is your list and your right to do so.

PS: If you do delete us, could you give us a warning so we can deliver a ‘last post’ before we disappear over the cyber-hill?

22.1.1999

To the list-owner:

Thanks for your reply –

You did state a few other things in your post, but in the interests of brevity, we would like to take up the offer outlined in your statement above. We would suggest that the other list members be informed of this as well.

We suggest that our private interchange of e-mails on this subject be posted to the list for clarity and ‘openness’ – but that is, of course, your prerogative.

1.2.1999

To the list-owner:

Thanks for making things clear –

For a while now, the sannyas-list has become the Peter + Vineeto list, and I’ve been getting more and more complaints on, and off, the list about it.

Mostly people would like a SANNYAS list, not a list about some other path.

Good to see at least someone can see we are talking about another path, and I do understand the complaints about us being on a Sannyas list.

Sannyas is a traditional Hindi word and ‘a sannyasin is one who has renounced the world in search of God Realisation and has been formally initiated by a guru who is himself a sannyasin . In Sanskrit the word ‘sannyasa’ literally means ‘to throw down’ or ‘to abandon.’ Thus, sannyasa is the giving up or abandonment of the world, and the sannyasin is one who has so renounced. True sannyasa is not a denial of life but life’s highest fulfilment. It is the relinquishment of the transient and illusory in favour of a permanent Reality, the eschewing of a worldly life that one may, by gradual stages of purification, draw inward toward God as Parasiva, Truth Absolute. It is a break with the mundane and a binding unto the Divine.’ Encyclopaedia Britannica

It is obvious we are talking of a path going in totally the other direction – to the actual world and an actual freedom.

We just thought others might be interested in something new.

It turns out that P+V have their own e-mail list anyway, the ‘Actual Freedom’ list, so I’ve asked them to take the bulk of the discussion of their philosophy over there – so that the list can go back to being the Sannyas-list again. I should stress, that they are NOT being banned from the list, unlike another couple that many of us remember. Whatever you think of their beliefs you can’t fault their behaviour on the list, and they are still welcome to post any time they want as long as prolonged discussion is drawn over to their own list.

So, we will continue to respond to any questions that are posted to us and to any related comments. If the posts are brief and concise we will attempt to respond in kind.

Peter, Vineeto, perhaps you could post the instructions for how people subscribe to your list.

Easy, subscription to the Actual Freedom mailing list*) is available on the following web-sites – Richard or Peter and Vineeto.

Cheers ... ... Peter and Vineeto ... (the terrible twins)

*)(closed as of 7.9.2006)

16.2.1999

To the list-owner:

We have received no mail from the Sannyas list for a day, and then received an e-mail from No 12 –

No 12:

Seems that (list-owner) is having a change of heart. Mail me your list info, or you can mail me directly.

We then checked on the list details and saw that we had been cyber-executed for traitorous deeds. I guess calling Rajneesh a failure was a bit too much, hey.

So, we wonder if it is possible, as a ‘last’ post – although the deleterous deed has already happened – for you to post the following information for us, just in case anyone wants to contact us or the Web-sites.

A New Down-to-Earth, Non-Spiritual, Actual Freedom

Peter’s and Vineeto’s Web-site – http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/actualism/

Richard’s Web-site – http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/richard/

Actual Freedom Mailing List –  access via either web-site (closed as of 7.9.2006).

Both Richard’s Journal and Peter’s Journal are available in paperback.

So Ciao, Sannyas mailing list – it’s been great fun, we enjoyed every bit of it.

As you may have guessed – after our deletecution we have duly gone to cyber-hell ... and it’s a blast!!

Cheers ... ... Vineeto and Peter.

*

And cheers to you (list-owner), have fun in Pune ... ... Vineeto and Peter.

PS Maybe we have a chuckle about it all at a cup of coffee in Byron Bay one day ...

Actualism Homepage

Freedom from the Human Condition – Happy and Harmless

Peter’s Text © The Actual Freedom Trust