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Peter’s Correspondence on the Actual Freedom List with Alan
Hi Alan, Well, I am up off the couch again having another writing day. It’s good to get a grasp of Humanity in action, the Human Condition in operation on a global scale – it breaks one out of the ego-centric mould of ‘who’ I am and enables me to see clearly ‘what’ I am. To see that there are 6 billion human beings on the planet fighting for survival. To see that fight is waged psychologically and psychically as well as physically. To see the appalling results of this ‘fight’ continuously beamed into our living rooms makes denial and escape into fantasy no option for the caring. I enjoyed your ‘rave’ the other day. There is no doubt that humanity is doing a much better job of cleaning up the planet and, as you say, is now faced with the task of cleaning itself up. And since Humanity is nothing more than the ‘you’s’ and ‘me’s’ of this world, the ‘task’ befalls you and I. Good Hey. What a thing to do with one’s life. What an incredible adventure ... The environmentalists tend to go a bit over the top here, as evinced by an article I was reading yesterday. A leading scientist and his family have had to be under police protection for years and have had bombs sent, disguised as Xmas presents, cars trashed and a ‘fatwa’ issued against them. This scientist has discovered the cures for many human ailments, including the major cause of blindness in babies and is on the brink of discovering a cure for Alzheimer’s disease. And his ‘crime’ was to use animals for experimental purposes. Admittedly, a great deal of unnecessary suffering was caused in the past for non medical purposes, such as ‘beauty’ products, but today it is very tightly regulated and controlled. And do these environmentalists forego the medicines and treatments discovered as a result of experiments on animals – I think not, they are probably first in the queue to demand their ‘right’ to be treated. We are currently having an extremely violent demonstration of the ‘sickness’ of the human condition, which you have probably seen in the media. Blacks, Asians and gays have so far been targeted – watch out, actualists could be next! Which, of course, could never happen – with no beliefs to defend, there is nothing to attack – and all that is required is to come to one’s senses! Well ... It is pretty certain, given the Human Condition, that, as Actual freedom gains momentum, the ‘shit will hit the fan’ at some stage. Probably the most virulent and vitriolic of objectors will be those who protest at the elimination of feelings, despite the fact that these feelings are sorrow and malice. The cute thing about Actual Freedom is that one becomes anonymous – a nobody – and one does whatever one can to sensibly maintain this anonymity. The Net is ideal for this – we could pass each other on the street and not know that we both are actualist. The checkout girl at the local checkout hasn’t a clue that I am not a part of the ‘real’ world, exactly as my former spiritual friends have not a clue that I am no longer in the ‘spiritual’ world. The anonymity is delicious, and I will do my utmost to sensibly preserve it. Still, I fully expect that the ‘shit will hit the fan’ one day ... ‘Political correctness’ is also rampant here – a leading judge made a joke at a dinner party last week, along the lines of ‘someone made great advances in the legal profession after having three transplant operations – he was given the breasts of a lesbian, the penis of a black man and the buttocks of a gay man’. I thought it quite amusing, but such is the power of the three lobbies he ‘insulted’ that he is likely to lose his job. The military are also engaged in peace keeping operations, which do not amount to ‘war’. If bombing the shit out of someone and firing dozens of cruise missiles (costing in excess of a million dollars each) is not ‘war’, I’d like to know what is. I used to think that there was a solution for Humanity’s ills, that if only ... I would watch TV or participate in the typical male conversations about what was right or wrong with the world, what needed to be done. Now it is apparent that Humanity is terminally ill – finished, kaput, stuffed, going around in circles, revolution after revolution, cycle after cycle, old wound after old wound festering to the surface again. It’s time to abandon ship – to have the courage to stand on one’s own two feet as it were while being sensible enough to keep one’s hands in one’s pockets and one’s ‘opinions’ to oneself. Except if you find someone who is interested in freedom, and then it is hard to stop raving ... Yes, I did nothing to either ‘get into’ my feelings, nor to ‘get rid’ of them. An awareness of what I was feeling, an examination of what was occurring, an investigation into what caused the feeling (usually a belief) led to the particular emotion disappearing without, as you say, ‘me’ being aware of it happening. Do you think it is ridding oneself of beliefs that causes the emotions to vanish? Unlike emotions, I was usually aware of the disappearance of a belief – a ‘getting it’, which I have written of previously. I just wrote to No. 3 on this matter as to how I see belief, feeling and emotion. It might be useful and may address your question – let me know if it doesn’t. I would only add that one doesn’t eliminate feelings totally until the ‘lot’ goes – until the fat lady has sung, so to speak. But the ‘vanishing’ of emotions from one’s daily life such that one has a 99% perfect day, day after day, is the base camp for the final event to happen. So, it’s back to the couch for me, after all, life was meant to be easy. I always thought what a marvellous time it was to be right in the middle of the formation of a religion when in my spiritual days and now I get to see the beginnings (or continuation) of a war on TV. Such fascinating times to be alive – to see the cultural identities we have been imbibed with, to see the religious myths, to see the Human Condition as a totality. Actual Freedom has never been possible before as it was physically impossible to obtain an overview of various social identities and tribal groupings, as well as an overview of the effects of instinctual-driven passions. There has been an explosion of knowledge and information that makes believing in Ancient Wisdom an insult to intelligence. In the past there was always a maybe, always a possibility that someone had a solution somewhere and it was just a matter of finding it. Nowadays you can just log-on or tune-in, and all of Humanity’s wisdom is available for perusal and scrutiny. For the first time in history one has sufficient information to sort out for oneself what is silly and sensible without having to believe what others say. All that is needed is a willingness to find out for oneself what it is to be a human being. It’s about as simple as falling off a log.
Just a note about a few things. I was looking for your new address and came upon a post you sent to Konrad at some stage. It was great to read your comments – right on (or should it be write on) As Richard remarked the other day – at least we know what we will be doing as a hobby for the next 30? years. Trying to seduce people into being happy and harmless! With regards to the ‘falling off a log’ comment I wanted to send you something relevant that I’m sure you will like – but it weighs in at 373 KB’s. Is that Okay? I’m enjoying the mailing list enormously, t’is a wild ride, this freedom business – no limits. Good you’re here.
Hi Alan, Just a note from the far side – When you start to see the death of the self as an illusion you are really starting to lose the plot.
Just a note, a bit of musing. I’ve always been a bit sceptical of the experiences of ego death that have been described to date as we know that an Altered State of Consciousness was the inevitable result – even in Richard’s case in 1981. It was some 11 years before he experienced the second-stage – a soul-death, if you like. In all cases to date the experience of psychological death have been passionate experiences of Love, Divinity, Timelessness, Unity, Oneness and Bliss. The sole evidence of psychic death was accompanied by a sense of dread as this imaginary alter-ego, or super ego crumbled. What we are aiming for is neither passionate calenture leading to awe, Eternal Union and Heaven, nor psychological despair leading to dread, Eternal Oblivion and Hell. The aim of psychological and psychic death is to come to the actual – here and now. As such, the experience of this death of me will be, or should I say, I assume will be, a sensate experience – physically orgasmic in nature, exactly as physical death will be as the senses close down. The connection between sex and death is very strong and many of my PCEs have resulted from the very physical sex act and the resulting orgasmic experiences bringing me right here to the actual world of the senses. ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ is dangerously effective in relentlessly bringing one to one’s senses as both the cerebral and affective perceptions – ‘my’ perceptions as a social identity and instinctual being – fade into insignificance. Not only do they fade but they are experienced in everyday life of virtual freedom as illusionary, i.e. experienced not intellectually dismissed as in the spiritual deceit of ‘I am already perfect, all I have to do is realise it!’. My answer to these people is – ‘do you, in your imagined perfection, live in peace and harmony with another person?’ ‘Do you get sad, melancholic, peeved, irritated, upset, bored, etc.?’ One is constantly confronted with the experiential fact that the actual is far more extraordinary and magical than anything felt in feelings or imagined in thought – it is, after all, actual and all happening this very moment. This very actual-ness – as in experienced by the senses i.e. physical, and not merely passive, as in happening this very moment – will be the death of ‘me’. And the death of ‘me’ will be a sensate experience accompanied by the last of the cerebral and affective ‘flame-outs’. Well, since starting this mail I have had an interesting experience of feeling devastated at being a total failure after another experience of standing on the ‘edge’ of the death of ‘me’ and ‘it’ not happening – yet again. It was as though I became ‘me’ again totally and gathered all ‘my’ passionate energy together for an assault on the mountain. Upon reflection it is as though I was trying to evince a passionate end of ‘me’ – feeling ‘my’ way to freedom. Experience has shown that I cannot think my way to freedom, nor feel my way to freedom but I guess I was testing out what I have written above. What is obvious from the experiment is that while sex is a door to being here – i.e. it is a wonderful way to induce a PCE – it is not by itself a door to freedom from the Human Condition. The whole exercise has served to reinforce my experience that the door to freedom is in the doing of it – is in the living of a virtual freedom to maximum possible – a continual lifting of the bar. To imagine either cerebrally or by feeling a ‘death of me’ is not the way, as I see it – the imagining requires a looking backward, a certain put-up job, a rehearsal if you like. Not that the experience in itself is not valuable – it is certainly most interesting as to what is still possible to ‘conjure up’, but it can ruin your day a bit. It’s such a weird thing to do by both normal and spiritual world standards but, as I drop back to my normal standard of Virtual Freedom, it leaves no ‘scars’, has no emotional memories and the only evidence is a bit of physical strain in the body from the emotional excesses – not to mention the sexual excesses. Ah, what weird stuff that goes on in the head and the heart on this journey of ours. Still, that is where the weird stuff is, so it has to play out its game. Meanwhile – toast, Rose’s lime marmalade and fresh brewed coffee await me.
Well, things are hotting up over there in all departments by the sound of it. I spent much of yesterday reading various bits of Richard’s correspondence and contemplating on why ‘I’ should give up ‘my’ precious existence to achieve something which ‘I’ desperately want to achieve. So, in bed, early this morning ‘I’ dreamt that ‘I’ was going to do it – it was so simple – all that was necessary was to ‘go with it’. Not think my way, nor feel my way but just do it. I am unsure as to whether the events that followed were dreaming or awake or, more likely, drifting in between. There was a ‘rush’, like going along with a river current, then a 100,000 volt shock through the body resulting in a spasm/seizure which lasted for seconds?, minutes? And during this a thought?, voice? of ‘just go with it’. I cannot accurately describe the physical sensations which occurred/followed. Later, fully awake, the realisation that ‘I’ cannot think, feel or dream ‘my’self into being here and all that is necessary is to let go, go with it – the only way to be here is to be here. It is just a matter of stepping through a curtain – out of the real world and into the actual world, leaving ‘my’self behind, as Richard put it – almost, almost. Now it is cold sweats and nausea/physical sickness – of course it could be something I ate! Curiously enough, two nights ago I have had a very similar experience to the one you described. I had had my ‘devastating’ experience about a week before and had decided that the only way to become free was to do it – to continuously and relentlessly be here as much as possible – expunging all doubt, impatience, waiting, disappointment, hesitation, etc. The focus on being here in the actual world took my mind off the event to come – stopped me thinking about it and also stopped the feelings about it as well. I remember saying to Vineeto – ‘I’m just going to do it, not that I can do it, and the doing of it will be the end of ‘me’.’ I’m not meaning to be at all esoteric about this, and I can relate it to other incidents in my life when the deciding to do something was the end of the deciding phase and all its thinking and feeling and the start of the doing of it. Then one is so involved in the doing that one forgets the earlier ‘fuss’ and bother. So, I had what I would describe as a normal week and went to bed one night and lay back after a romp with Vineeto, well contented with life. I didn’t go to sleep and lay for a long while, not thinking about anything in particular, when a tremendous rush of fear welled up. It was as though I was in great physical danger – which I was not at all. It was the kind of fear that overwhelms one in a life-threatening situation. It was not induced by ‘me’ thinking or feeling about death – quite the contrary. I remember thinking – ‘This is the fear when it comes and its here now.’ There was a ‘what to do now’, a touch of hesitancy, and the thought occurred that the only way I would go into that fear was as an act of self-sacrifice. I began to think of people who I knew and who I wished well of, and in that the fear subsided and I slipped off the intensity of the fear. But it left me with the confident surety that the key to the door is that it is ultimately an act of self-sacrifice in that moment. The decision to go forward, the impetus, can not be for ‘me’ as it is the ending of me. The only way I can see to over-ride the survival fear is to use another instinctual drive – the willingness to sacrifice myself for others. Again this is not a passionate, put up affair. No heroism, no imagination – just a common sense ‘everybody wins’ situation. I get what I want and another human is free of the Human Condition. I say this because I know and have experienced the instinctual wiring to sacrifice myself for others. It was when I was told that my son had died, and in the initial few moments of intense grief the thought occurred ‘Why him and not me?’ I would have gladly and willingly given my life for his in that moment. If Mr. God have had boomed down from his white cloud – ‘Do you mean it?’ the answer would have been an unhesitating ‘Yes!’. It was his death that got me into a passionate search for freedom in the first place, and I see that the self-sacrifice is the key to the door to freedom. Why else would you do it? The Enlightened Ones do it knowing full well that they are going to Bliss, Eternal Life and a good deal of Adulation. Theirs is not a ‘death’ but an Altered State of Consciousness – they die into the Glory to ‘become’ the Glory, surviving to wreak havoc with the hearts and minds of others. ‘Feet of clay’ is a good description. I see this self-sacrifice as a down-to-earth practical use of one instinctual drive to overcome another. It’s simply a using of the tools available at the appropriate time. In the past year of living in Virtual Freedom, since I finished my Journal, I have become increasingly attuned not only with the operation of ‘me’ as a psychological and psychic entity, but also of the havoc and mayhem of the Human Condition in operation globally. To finally realise that there is no solution to the Human Condition other than its eventual extinction and the superseding by a new species – actually freed from instinctually-sourced emotions and feelings. The ending of ‘me’ will be another, not insignificant, step in that inevitable process. As a footnote, I would add that this clarity about the Human Condition has happened not by retreating or retiring from the world of people, things and events but by being fully involved and vitally interested in the fact of being a mortal, flesh and blood human being – here and now. Here – as in the actual world as perceived by the senses; and now – as in this very moment. In this way, one’s Virtual Freedom is ‘tested’ by full involvement, not falsely ‘sustained’ by avoidance or denial. It is this very ‘boots and all’ involvement in the actual world that makes the act of self-sacrifice – as I see it and have experienced it – a sensible, obvious and necessary step. I don’t say this lightly. I am usually very cautious about writing of ‘experiences’ as they can have an individual bent, vary in intensity or importance from one to another, but this issue of the ending of ‘me’ is useful to write of. I probably would have waited for more evidence but given that you have raised the issue, Alan, I was moved to write. In talking to Richard, we kicked around the word ‘altruism’ for this self-sacrifice and, while I usually dislike ‘isms’, I think it fits. However, I know that Vineeto is not keen on its other emotional connotations and I would prefer to stick to self-sacrifice – as an instinctual program – to describe the ‘key to the door’. Well, if I keep going the footnote will be bigger than the post itself. This is such a fascinating subject – and experience! I am sure we will write more about it. I know Mark is vitally interested in this very issue. So finish and get this away on the copper. Bloody excellent, Hey.
So, to continue our discussion about ‘the wide and wondrous path to Actual freedom’. I keep thinking of the appropriateness of Richard’s phrase as we enter this stage of looking at, and experiencing, the rudimentary animal self ‘at work’ so to speak. What an amazing thing to be able to dig so deep into one’s own psyche that one can get to the core of the programming in the brain – beyond the programming in the ‘Modern Brain’ and into the primitive brain and the genetically implanted instinctual self. No doubt, you read of the work of LeDoux in investigating the pivotal role of the Primitive Brain – the Amygdala – in inducing fear, and we have put together a schematic diagram showing the central role of the Amygdala in producing instinctually-sourced emotional responses. It is the first of the posts – it’s a bit big at the moment to send in this post but it’s worthwhile clicking it open as it forms the scientific neuro-biological basis of what it is we are doing ‘live’ at the moment. It is indeed serendipitous that LeDoux is mapping the effects of the Amygdala at this very time and that it coincides both with Richard’s experiences and writings and our discoveries as well. I do like the factual and actual – the path to freedom from the Human Condition gets wider and wider, more blatantly obvious, easier and better mapped with every passing day. If you will indulge me a bit, Alan, I want to write about the schematic diagram for a bit. LeDoux empirically investigated the pivotal role of the amygdala in producing the feeling of fear, in particular the relationship between the thalamus (relay centre), the amygdala and the neo-cortex (modern brain).
That the Amygdala is quicker than cognitive awareness is easily experienced in driving a car and very suddenly encountering a dangerous situation. The foot is on the brake before we are consciously aware there has been any danger. With the awareness of danger comes an emotional response induced by the Amygdala along the stronger pathway to the brain. Even when the danger has ceased it can take a while to calm down – the pathway back to the Amygdala being ‘considerably weaker’. These investigations also substantiate the fact that no matter what degree of control is exercised by the neo-cortex in terms of morals, ethics, good intentions, etc., when ‘push comes to shove’ we revert to type – and reverting to type means animal-instinctual. This is clearly verified by the being ‘overcome’ by rage, fear or sadness and being unable to stop it. The other discovery of LeDoux is that the Amygdala has its own separate memory system – an unconscious, emotional memory of traumatic events. To quote from the web-site –
On reading this, I am reminded of the Steve Martin movie – ‘The Man with two Brains’ – if I have got the title right. Again the example of being overcome by rage, fear or sadness is a good one, for often the source of these emotional reactions is seemingly unconscious to the thinking brain – the neo-cortex. No doubt the childhood trauma therapists will use this as a justification for their work but, as we know, the problem lies not with the emotional memory but with the dominant position and influence that the instinctually-sourced emotions have in our lives. The quick, dirty and hard to control Amygdala, or primitive brain, forever condemns humans to animal behaviour. That the most significant human activity over the millennia has been – and still is – the waging of war is testament to the dominance of the primitive instinctual brain. Back to the diagram and we will see that our area of concern is the psychological self in the neo-cortex and the instinctual self in the Amygdala. ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ causes the neo-cortex to focus its attention on the activities of the psychological self that has been instilled since birth. This focussing allows us to see the over-arching role that emotions have in causing us to be malicious and sorrowful, and we find that we can reduce their influence in our lives with pure intent. The other area this awareness operates on is demolishing the social identity – the morals, ethics, values, beliefs and psittacisms instilled to keep the instincts ‘under control’. This is a crucial step on the path to Actual Freedom as it is both a radical and iconoclastic step. This step can only be undertaken with a memory of a Pure Consciousness Experience – an experience of self-lessness that gives one the confidence to venture beyond what is considered safe, sensible and sane. This memory of the PCE gives one the Pure Intent to ‘venture into the unknown’, or to be more prosaic, become aware of the raw instinctual emotions of the Amygdala – to look at one’s animal heritage. These two facets – reducing the influence of feelings and emotions – both the supposed ‘good’ and ‘bad – and demolishing the social identity, the ‘guardian at the gate’ ultimately brings one’s bare awareness to focus on the Amygdala and its instinctual programming. The focus is then on the instincts in operation both in the body and in the brain – with minimal psychological and emotional effects. This would explain your current experiences – ‘The sensations I am experiencing have no affective element – as I said in my last mail, it is ‘fear’, without being frightening.’ I can’t emphasise enough the fact that this deep sea diving into the depths of one’s instinctual being can only be undertaken with the removal of the social identity and this can only be done with the pure intent borne out of the PCE – i.e. one needs to know where one is going and have the confidence that it is safe to do so. The only thing that could go wrong is that one will instinctually grab for safety – the good emotions – and Enlightenment will result. I know this is not the case with you, Alan, but it’s interesting to note how the survival mechanism kicks in, and one’s identity does a life-saving grab. I actually experienced this as an instinctual grab in one of my ‘death experiences’. So, I think I’ve finished with the schematic diagram but we are working on expanding it to look at the brain(s)’ development and programming at and after birth, and what happens on the wide and wondrous path to Actual Freedom. It’s all experiential, and the diagrams should only be treated as schematic, but I do like them – maybe it’s the architectural training. I think I can get on to your post now that the rave is raved-out I suspect I have discovered the basic instinct of fear. In my last mail I said that the heart palpitations had gone, not to return – I was wrong. Any time I sit down and think about what is actually happening, off it starts again (like now). When I do something physical the symptoms disappear. I suspect that what is causing the heart palpitations is adrenaline, triggered by the basic fear instinct – it would be interesting to have a blood test! I used to be a bit of an adrenaline addict, so it is not pure conjecture. The sensations I am experiencing have no affective element – as I said in my last mail, it is ‘fear’, without being frightening. What I am now attempting to do now is to ‘go into’ that fear – the ‘stark terror’ – to just go with it and go through the ‘door with fear written on it’, as you put it. And as I do, the palpitations increase to such an extent that it appears physical death may be inevitable. Perhaps it is necessary to accept that physical death may result, before one can summon the necessary courage to proceed – and the ‘acceptance’ of the possibility of physical death has to be actual (‘real’ to ‘me’), not just a ‘put up job’. I realise I used the words ‘go into that fear’ in the following context –
It was probably a loose use of words, as I meant it in terms of not backing away and letting the process happen. I have had experiences of attempting to go into the fear when I was imagining and thinking about death and found it a dead-end, if you will excuse the pun. One time I went into the fear and induced a state of dread that was heart-wrenching as though I was in a devilish hellish pit and unable to retreat. I wrote of it at the time –
So, my choice and use of words was a bit sloppy. But I would emphasise that this is only my own experience and I would not want to discourage anyone else’s investigations. We are still investigating and discovering and ‘it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.’ I may well be wrong in the sense I make of things but I see the core instincts as no different to the psychological feelings in the neo-cortex, and the ending of them was neither by expressing nor repressing, ‘going into’ or avoiding. The other point I would make is that I can’t find anywhere that I have written the words ‘door with fear written on it’. The ‘door’ has Actual Freedom written on it and fear will be the initial emotion experienced in passing through the door, but fear is a side issue to the stepping through. Personally, my focus is on ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ and my intent is focussed on the memory of my initial substantial peak experience or PCE – the other side of the door – if you like, my destiny. Again, just to make sure, this is only how I see it at the moment – nothing set in concrete – no wisdom or the like. It’s just that this method is what has got me to where I am now, and I figure I’ll stick with what has worked to date. I am well aware that Richard used the fear to turn it into thrill and away he went. Maybe I’m a plodder – we will see. What extra-ordinary times – the path to Actual freedom ‘live’. Sure beats sitting in a corner with your eyes closed, finding God! The cute thing is, I’m back architecting at the moment, being as sensible and level-headed as can be yet inside my head the Amygdala’s days of influence are numbered. What an adventure...
Thanks for your post and for your observation which I will attempt to answer. ‘One observation I would make, from what you wrote – are you concerned that you are responsible for what others do, because of what you have written? Could be completely off track – if not, may be of some assistance. And you are absolutely correct – ‘it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.’ And we are each doing different things to make that fat lady perform. Between us, we are mapping out the ‘easy’ route to actual freedom and this discovery and comparing notes on the ‘voyage’ is such a delight.’ I gave the matter some thought and wondered when I last felt responsible for what others do? The nearest thing I came to is when I decided I would write my journal. I remember at the time thinking I want to write my story about how easy it is to become free of the Human Condition – to tell others that they need no longer suffer nor inflict suffering on others. That there is a way out and that it works. To map the simple steps to virtual freedom, which is living way beyond normal human expectations – carefree, simple and delightful. I wanted to write to tell my friends who were still suffering on the spiritual path or who had simply given up searching. I wrote it with passion and enthusiasm, as enticingly as possible, and sent off copies to all my friends. Zero response! One did venture to tell me it was good that I seemed to be ‘getting’ what Rajneesh had been saying but I didn’t seem to be grateful to Him! Curiously, many of the books I gave away have gone unread. It was a good exercise as it plainly showed that there is no way I can ‘pull’ anyone on to the path to Actual Freedom. They have to do it of their own volition, they have to be desperately willing and vitally interested, they have to be dissatisfied enough with second-rate living, be it normal life or spiritual escapism. At first there was a disappointment at the response for they were my friends – we had been on the ‘search’ together – but slowly the perfection of this path to Actual Freedom dawned on me. There is no power, there is no responsibility, there is no saving others, there is no Guru-itis. It is entirely up to each person how they choose to live their life. Once people know there is a third alternative, I do consider it very odd that they would choose for sorrow and malice rather than happy and harmless, but then again, its their choice entirely. So the writing of my journal began out of a sense of responsibility and that exercise is now complete, and the lessons are learnt. I also wrote the journal for myself as a way of making sense of the Human Condition and its operation in me, and in that it was invaluable. What ‘floats around’ in one’s head requires a next level of making sense when put to paper. Now I write with the same enthusiasm to make sense of things for me and with the knowledge that it is being read by others. Hence, if anything, I veer on the side of caution for I have to be able to stand by what I write – it has to be factual and as accurate as possible, both for myself and for others reading it. At first, this required effort and caused a few wobbles – as in ‘can I say that?’ – but it has become more and more easy as the method works increasingly, the path becomes easier and more thrilling, and what is actual becomes more sensately and obviously pure, perfect and peace-full. So, responsible, as in able to stand by what I write – Yes. Responsible for what others do – No. Another thing worth mentioning about writing is that the way Actual Freedom is made freely available, passed on harmlessly and openly, is by words. This mailing list has people on it from all over the world and only four people have physically met each other. No ‘energy’, no vibes, no meetings, no doctrine, no rules, no restrictions. Utter and complete freedom for each to make of the words what they will, when they will. Read, think, contemplate, explore, reject, yawn, delete, unsubscribe ... whatever. The path to perfection is perfect. The path to freedom is free and freely available to all. As a last point, it has also become obvious as to the futility of offering advice to others. Present facts, relate experiences, swap stories, state clearly what I have found works or doesn’t work and why, maybe drop a hint, but I am wary of giving advice to others. Firstly, it can be an interference and secondly, people rarely follow it anyway. And with advice comes responsibility for others and that only gets messy, quite frankly. We have been having such fun lately playing with these schematic diagrams and noted how good it is that they represent the freedom process in another ‘language’ – no spiritual terms or esoteric concepts are involved. Simply a matter-of-fact look at the circuitry and programming that has formed and sustained the Human Condition for tens of thousands of years. It occurs to me that we have been having such a good time with the instincts lately, and the diagrams do well to explain the pivotal role that the primitive ‘animal’ brain has in human behaviour. But we should also not lose sight of the fact that we have a psychological entity as well – that little man, or woman, in the head who thinks they are running the show. Who we ‘think’ we are as distinct from who we ‘feel’ we are. Both have to go, both usurp the throne, both have to expire. This was bought home to me, yet again, today when Richard came up with another visual description that particularly struck me. We have been writing a lot about the survival instinct lately, and it can be seen as the body’s defence mechanism – ‘fight or flight’ in the face of danger. Humans also have, in the neo-cortex, a well developed psychological and psychic defence system – evident in psychological fear such as worry and anxiety, and psychic fear such as ‘feeling something out’, as in intuition, gut-feelings or sensing the ‘vibes’. People have a constant ‘ring’ of defence around themselves, protecting what is inside the ‘ring’. Some people do groups, therapies or have ‘sharings’ in order to be vulnerable and open to temporarily breach the defensive ‘wall’ or shell. But, in fact, there is nothing to defend. There is nothing in the centre of the circle. We imagine ‘ourselves’ to be something solid, tangible – a solid ring like a coin – but, in fact, there is nothing inside. ‘We’ are nothing more than the defensive outer ring. The most astounding thing about a PCE is the total lack of any ‘self’ whatsoever. There is emptiness inside, no sense of ‘I’ or feeling of a ‘me’. Nothing ‘inside’. Just this sensate body only, firmly located in time – right now – in an actual, pure and perfect paradise – right here. An earthly, earth paradise that is perfect – how could it be otherwise? How could this physical universe be anything but perfect, anything but pure? There is no good or evil in a cloud, in the sky, in a breeze, in a keyboard, in this finger, in this very flesh. Richard’s visual representation of who ‘I’ am and the fact that there is no core of ‘me’ – as in a being, an entity, a Peter inside this body – sat me on my seat for a while. It’s ‘old’ territory, the subject of more than a few realizations, more than a few words from this very keyboard, but again it struck me as fresh and obvious. I had written a post to you a while ago where I had experienced myself as nothing more than an illusion but I didn’t send it as it seemed a bit trite and could be misconstrued in spiritual terms. The buggers have used, and abused, most words so I erred to caution. My experience this afternoon after hearing Richard’s description was that not only am ‘I’ an illusion but the very ‘one’ who is in the way of experiencing the PCE as a constant on-going state. I am busy defending ‘nothing’, and have been doing so for a long time now. There is nothing to defend. There is nothing inside. And the memory of the Pure Consciousness Experience is the factual evidence that this is so. So Alan, as you can see, I am having a good time. It’s a process of clunk, clunk, yes, yes. Wearing out millennia of programming, breaking free of a vast morass of sorrow and malice. And life is excellent! I am back to being an architect again which is opportune as I am currently buying a new 19’ monitor. This one is fish-bowling – the text sort of bends into the screen to the right and gets narrower and narrower. And Office 2000 is on the shopping list as well. Winter sunny days are upon us here and they have a crystal-like quality, with a welcoming warmth to the sun. What a joy. The Guru season has finished in town – they are all off playing the northern hemisphere circuit, no doubt. I’ve come to see them as bliss-dispensers – you pay your money and you get your ‘fix’, you pay your money and you get your ‘fix’. Good business but the market here is very crowded in the season. I thought of running a Guru Booking business – venue booking, accommodation, advertising etc. but they tend to have their lackeys do it for free. The other thought was a Guru Finishing School as some of them could do with a bit of help in presentation, image, aura-polishing, ‘energy’ transmission and the like... with quantity has come a marked decline in quality. Well, enough for now. Time for a last coffee and to send this off.
Thanks for your rainy day note. I remember England well for rainy days – a constant drizzle that could stretch out for hours. Being here in the sub-tropics, we sometimes have in an hour what would be a week of English rain. And I do remember well the long twilight evenings – such an amazing variety of climate and seasonal changes in various parts of the planet, from being chilled to the bone to being fried on the skin. We have just returned from an evening walk down through town to the ocean and the wind was a warm wind for a winters evening. The pubs were on their last costumers and the shops all closed save the bakery across from the pub that does a good trade with the late night street urchins. To continue on our chat – As a last point, it has also become obvious as to the futility of offering advice to others. Present facts, relate experiences, swap stories, state clearly what I have found works or doesn’t work and why, maybe drop a hint, but I am wary of giving advice to others. Firstly, it can be an interference and secondly, people rarely follow it anyway. And with advice comes responsibility for others and that only gets messy, quite frankly. Are you suggesting I was attempting to give advice? If so, I will have to give it further consideration, as I completely agree with your observations on advice. Not at all, Alan. I was attempting to not offer you advice, but rather to ‘present facts, relate experiences, swap stories, state clearly what I have found works or doesn’t work and why, maybe drop a hint’. I liked your question – it gave me a chance to think and then to write, something that only serves to make thoughts clearer. Certainly being a male, responsibility is a considerable issue to look at and make sense of. All of these imposed values, morals and ethics need questioning in order firstly to see that they don’t work, secondly to see that they only contribute to the morass of the Human Condition, and thirdly to test the waters to see the effect of living without them. Once one experiences with pure intent in operation that one can operate freely and happily without them for sufficient period of time, living a virtual freedom from the Human Condition, one is then ready for one’s redundancy payout – Actual Freedom. I have already speculated a bit in my mail to Vineeto – here is a bit more. We have been engaged, over the last months, in examining and eliminating the beliefs and conditioning labelled as the ‘human constitution’, by asking ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ As a result of the elimination of this human constitution I no longer (or only very, very occasionally) experience any feelings whatsoever. The necessary disconnections and reconnections in neural patterns have been made in the neo-cortex and the software program has been un-installed. Now we are tackling the more difficult job of erasing the hard disc (and the recycle bin) – of severing the link with the amygdala – the basic instincts, the primal self. I suspect that all one can do is allow that ‘link’ to wither away through disuse and, when sufficient brain cells have died (or neural pathways been disconnected), then this primal self will finally expire. My favourite description of the process that happens to the old pathways that have been forged since birth, and reinforced constantly since then, is that when new paths are forged with common sense – sometimes painstakingly – the old ones simply atrophy. This is easily attested by the observation – ‘Did I really believe in that once upon a time?’ One can initially feel a fool but it gets really delicious when one cannot remember ‘who’ it was who believed such a nonsense and why. One starts to realize that one is becoming free to such an extent that one is fresh again every moment and that the very act of believing is disappearing. With belief goes imagination, and only that which is actual becomes apparent and obvious. One thing I cannot explain is why I have not had a PCE for some time. My life now is, continuously, very close to a PCE, in that there is no (or very little) ‘self’ in existence. I experience my life as being 99% perfect. Every activity is a pleasure. What is missing is that extra sparkle and vivacity – the 360 degree awareness. Can one little connection in the brain make all that difference? Do you still experience PCEs? Following on from what I was saying above, I found a curious thing happening in the last 12 months. At first the path to freedom was packed with wild and wonderful adventures, realizations, yippees and wows as a lifetime of beliefs were challenged and dismantled. With the realizations came moments of clarity – Pure Consciousness Experiences of both clarity of the brain and of the physical senses. Given the contrast to my ‘normal’ dull, or ‘spiritual’ head in the clouds states of being, the PCEs had an intensity and excitement of new discovery attached to them. As I more and more lived a virtual freedom wherein my days were 99% perfect the stunningness of PCEs dwindled, as did their numbers. At times I missed them and their excitement but I could not deny that everyday life was getting better all the time, and I came to see that these experiences too would have to go. I would often feel a frustration and missing in the beginning and was wary of returning to a stark normalness. At one point all did seem stark in a ‘normal’ world stripped of feelings, meaning and excitement but that soon passed. I just figured that what I wanted was to be actually free of malice and sorrow in the world-as-it-is, with people as they are, as this flesh and blood body only – if that meant what often felt like crossing a desert, being bored, or losing excitement, then so be it. It became obvious that when the dust settled only that which is actual would be left and, as such, my attention and focus became increasingly on that which is actual – that which is sensately experienced as opposed to that which is merely cerebral or affective. What has replaced the PCE lately is a growing sense of normalness. Not ‘normal’ as I was 2 years ago, but an utter contentment and delight at the normal things of life – food, a walk, a bit of drawing, a TV-show with my feet up on the couch, a chat with Vineeto, wheeling the trolley around the supermarket trying to invent new things to eat. The things people usually see as boring, futile, spacing out, uncreative, unexciting, chores, duty, work, unproductive, etc. An ease has pervaded all, a perfection that is palpable, down-to-earth and increasingly rock-solid. When the mundane becomes magic you know that freedom is your destiny. So, Alan, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your life ‘now is, continuously, very close to a PCE, in that there is no (or very little) self in existence.’ Always a pleasure to chat with you and to swap stories.
Peter’s Text © The Actual Freedom Trust |
