Others ~ Selected Correspondence

Virtual Freedom

Just be blunt… are you virtually free?

Bluntly speaking, yes. But to expand a bit on the theme, and not give way to any feelings of hypocrisy (a predominant element ‘I’ am composed of), here is something relevant to point out –

Vineeto: (…) to be virtually free from malice and sorrow means to increasingly enjoy being alive to the point that only very rarely something occurs that prevents you from feeling excellent.

A more accurate diagnosis of my condition would be- (…) to be virtually free from malice and sorrow means to increasingly enjoy being alive to the point that only rarely something occurs that prevents you from feeling excellent or at the very least good.

Note that the key phrase here is ‘to be virtually free from malice and sorrow means to increasingly enjoy being alive’… that statement, as is, completely applies to me. Especially this last month or so; I have seen a permanent difference in quality of happiness and harmlessness on a weakly/ daily basis (sometimes in a matter of seconds) – in contrast to a monthly/ yearly basis. This is the most exciting and fundamental thing that has ever happened to me.

To expand a bit more, there are striking similarities between now and when I was a child. I feel fear but it does not stay with me (as in neurosis), I enjoy very simple things/events (like time), I do not easily get offended when harshly talked to (that can actually be quite funny, which is not for the other to know) and a ‘PCE’ is on the brim of happening. The main difference is that I was often also very selfish and aggressive as a lad; two characteristics almost absent today but that when present are so weakened as to usually go unnoticed (by others) – except my girlfriend (there is no fooling her).

Never in my whole life have I been so consistent with goodwill (without exclusion) and appreciative of good times (all the time) … which would not be possible without an increasingly actual ‘pure intent’. But, unlike Peter and Vineeto, I seem to have an innate talent for putting things on hold… I still enjoy/experience distractions from the/of the ‘psyche’ :o)

Maybe someone could answer the following:

Is it that one is first ‘virtually free’ from the ‘human constitution’ (ego) followed by a ‘virtual freedom’ from the ‘human condition’ (soul)?

Because I can still, if provoked sufficiently, act incredibly silly… more passionately, instinctive-animal like, then emotionally superficial*).

*) For example, the other day I saw a concerned person affectionately holding another who was obviously suffering… I felt so foreign and useless to that experience that a tumultuous three-hour episode ensued; deeply and chaotically feeling myself ‘worthless’ (to humanity). No 47 to No 66, 29.5.2005

There is something about what you write (identification/ recognition)

that incites me to write back. I have had quite a few private correspondents on hold for the past several weeks mainly because I find that I don’t have the necessary confidence, and knowledge, to speak surely about a freedom from the human constitution – much less condition –  as I have yet to be virtually/actually free of either… which is entirely ‘my’ choice (more on this later). But I also find that I’ve been using this as one of ‘my’ clever excuses to ignore my forte, which is ‘freeing’ myself from human conditioning – I’m still just a baby actualist :o)-, and have thus avoided potential conflict with others by not sharing my experiences (both on and off this list). So here is a little something from someone who has been a believer, a disbeliever and an unbeliever of the actualism process.

With regards to the reason/s for your (impending) departure, that you have shared with us, I am sure you are being sincere to the best of your knowledge and experience; but I also think it’s quite possible that you are inadvertently limiting that same knowledge and experience, particularly with the actualism method, to the limited and frustrating results you have obtained so far. Results, or lacks thereof, that are shockingly similar to those ‘I’ had, or didn’t have, when ‘I’ was solely ‘me’ figuring it all out. Of course, ‘I’ am still ‘me’ – a more benign and cooperative ‘me’ –  but ‘I’ am nowhere to be found when a major breakthrough comes.

I get the impression that, in practice, you decided to do this all by yourself – not that you should have done it with somebody else. I mean, frustration trying to end frustration on the one hand; and (affective)

happiness trying to increase happiness on the other (‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’). So the motivating factor in both these cases is solely ‘me’. And I know that you’re a big guy Jack, but no one is big enough to take ‘me’ on. So where is that force which is far beyond ‘me’ – pure intent – for am ‘I’ enough to free myself from ‘me’? Will ‘I’ ever succeed with little or no help? Has anyone ever succeeded this way? My experience: ‘I’ neither could nor ever would.

Ring any bells or am I way off?

My conflict with actualism for some time now, completely different from my past conflict with it, has been not that it doesn’t work but that it works too well. So much so that ‘I’ no longer just feel that ‘I’ am being a hypocrite, and then realize it is only an emotional thought, and then get back to feeling good… I now see the fact of ‘my’ hypocrisy, ‘an expression of agreement that is not supported by real conviction’, and remain feeling good despite it.

Usually, every moment ‘I’ have two options: to do something about this, or not. There is no longer any guilt if I decide not to do anything about it and this can sometimes lead to a reverse incentive with regards to the actualism method – as there is no longer any ‘stick’ to punish ‘me’. The only consequence of not doing something is a loss of dignity, which can easily be replaced by pride, which in turn leads to a procrastination wherein attentiveness ends; this pretty much wipes out happiness and harmlessness, the infamous actualist question thus becomes useless, and of course futility begets frustration.

Once frustrated, ‘I’ am left option-less but with a seemingly effective reaction to end and further avoid frustration of this type by temporarily abandoning the actualism method. This does work; however, I have yet to have an emotional ‘reaction’ ultimately worth having… but if you have a different take on this, then you very well maybe better off not trying to practice actualism.

Back to ‘my’ hypocrisy, it’s not just any hypocrisy, it’s of the most perverted type wherein I factually know of a solution to end suffering yet capriciously forsake it for egocentric/soul-centric trips. Or, the naysayer may better understand me if I rephrase it as: wherein I factually think I know of a solution to end suffering yet capriciously forsake it for egocentric/soul-centric trips. Either way, not much dignity is there?

It used to be that ‘I’ was afraid of hypocrisy getting the better of ‘me’; now I see that ‘I’ am no different from it. Who would willingly perpetuate unnecessary suffering? Who could care less about radical change but spend most of their time, and effort, rearranging the furniture on the titanic to a spectacular degree... ‘me’, of course.

So even if I wanted to I could not lay the blame, of ‘my’ failure, on the method. For it is, as I previously wrote above, entirely of my choice to be where ‘I’ am now at. And this is not the same as when I used to believe in Religion/Spirituality and lay the blame on anything but Religion/Spirituality… for then ‘I’ knew no better. ‘I’ had no choice on the matter and could not compete with a 2000+ year old knowledge, improved and refined to fit modern day thinking, born and kept alive by a 1,000,000+ old feeling.

The friction ‘I’ now have with actualism is:

• I am so comfy where ‘I’ am now at that I am finally enjoying life in a way I thought I never could.

• This joy can no longer increase, nor stabilize, without ‘me’ leaving the scene… except affectively.

So ‘I’ am hanging by a thread (connection) here and if I don’t turn my back on actualism soon (in any way or form) I don’t know how much longer ‘I’ can remain a normal feeling ‘being’ (and a significant part of ‘me’ still wants this); or, if ‘I’ and ‘my’ passions get the last word in, plunge into a full time job of ‘Being’ feelings. Will I ultimately abandon a ‘Virtual/Actual Freedom’ for a Freedom ‘I’ can keep enjoying?

For a Freedom from trying to be free? Absolute Freedom?

If the horror ‘I’ sometimes experience these days is anything to go by… it is tempting. I don’t know if ‘I’ will use this fear as a means to end it, surrender to its opposite, or ignore it – like most people do–  with something/s special to keep it at bay (family, in ‘my’ case). I don’t know if ‘I’ will be able, because of a lack of wanting, to completely eradicate this seemingly new fear, which actually feels very very old.

I, as of yet, have no solid intentions of abandoning actualism… but if I do one day, since sincerity and intelligence are now currently in operation, I am exposing exactly why I would do such a thing. And if ever the day comes when I start objecting to actualism, I expect someone to quote this against me (not kidding). Even though I know that the chances of regaining common sense, once it’s gone, are very slim… but possible.

*

This post is getting quite long and I do hope you don’t become bored by it. So if you start reading:

‘blah blah… success blah …’me’ and ‘you’ wrong actualism right…[yaaaaaaawn]… blah blah…’ then I would recommend you nip this post in the bud. As I know all this would be awfully boring to someone no longer interested in actualism.

But I’m having my fun, so here goes anyways  ‘I’ almost don’t know/feel who ‘I’ am anymore; ‘almost’ because ‘I’ can still relate to a couple of people and they to ‘me’ (‘I’ verify them and they verify ‘me’). But, for example, habits and manners of ‘being’ (‘speaking/reacting/relating’) that used to be so common place in ‘me’ are no longer present. In a way, this sensation is similar to my years while in depression (when ‘I’ was completely lost) but without the negative feelings/passions or the apathetic/nihilistic view on life.

One of the principal reasons why I know ‘I’ remain as strong as an Ox, but as thin as a pin, is because of ‘my’ relating to others. Even though ‘I’ve lost most of ‘my’ friends and acquaintances, a relatively new and satisfying relationship has developed with ‘my’ family (which, in Mexico, is everything). For the past year, as a result of practicing actualism, I’ve had a unique type of harmony with them that was near to impossible when I was normal and/or spiritual… way easier going and mostly conflict free (very different from how it used to be).

However, ‘I’ have somewhat unenthusiastically discovered that this mutual relationship ‘I’ have with ‘my’ family, however pleasing, is directly the cause of ‘my’ procrastination and ‘my’ silent panic of leaving *everything* behind. This is why ‘I’ have (subtly but voluntarily) been avoiding a ‘Virtual Freedom’.

‘I’, like you, have also blamed the actualism method before for not working; all the while subconsciously staying as far away from it as ‘I’ could. Obviously, it’s up to you to find out (unless you already have)

if you are doing the same as ‘I’ was, or not – or if you want the task at all (I can understand your reluctance if you don’t/or tried, failed and gave up).

Honestly, ‘I’ am not ready to go any further, as ‘I’ don’t yet want to be ready, as ‘I’ am all ‘I’ have left and all ‘I’ have left is ‘my’ family. In other words, ‘I’ am ‘my’ family, my family is valuable to ‘me’, hence ‘I’ am valuable and therefore (as with all other things important) ‘I’ am serious about ‘me’ and even more so about ending ‘me’; and seriousness, as you must know, precludes happiness. Shucks… see what I mean?

[Initiating tongue in cheek mode] What do you think my chances are of talking Richard into allowing my family to be a part of Actuality? If you help me do this I promise to help you convince him to let you keep, and use, your imagination too. [Finalizing tongue in cheek mode] The main questions that now haunt me everyday are:

• Why am ‘I’ able to deceive myself, and others, when ‘family’ is ‘my’ motivating factor?

• Why am ‘I’ unable to deceive myself, and others, when ‘Pure Intent’ is ‘my’ motivating factor?

• If ‘I’ had no family *what* would be of ‘me’?

• What am ‘I’ in relation to these people?

• Could ‘I’ really exist without them?

• Is ‘my’ family more important to ‘me’ than other families?

The thought out answers which I continually get everyday, which I sometimes think are so carefully thought out so as to avoid an experiential answer, go something like this (notice that after the ‘-but’ is ‘hard core’ sincerity in action) :

• Fact 1: Actualism is by far the most important thing in my life – but there is still room in ‘my’ life for a few other things.

which leads to –

• Fact 2: I want to (psychologically/psychically) not exist as I know that is where the big enchilada is – but ‘I’ obviously still want to remain in existence.

and taking into account the previous two facts– 

• Fact 3: I have rather incredibly benefited from actualism without achieving a stable ‘Virtual Freedom’– but ‘I’ have yet to actually practice all of actualism without modifying or leaving out a thing or two.

So why have I yet to reach a ‘Virtual Freedom’?

• Fact 4: Well, ahem, the answer is now quite obvious to me… it’s because of that ‘thing or two’ you see.

And ‘I’ used to think others had contradictions! ‘I’ am like a living breathing contradiction, a contra-‘being’, but ‘my’ discrepancies have been identified and will be dealt with due diligence… ohm, someday ;-)

Going back to one of ‘my’ favourite inconsistencies….

‘I’ also know that ‘my’ family doesn’t belong to ‘me’… it belongs to humanity, as do ‘I’. War also belongs to humanity, it is a part of it, so ‘I’ can relate to war; and when push comes to a much uncivilized shove, ‘I’ can and will create war. Where there is just ‘pushing’, ‘I’ just create normal conflict, but where there is shoving and that shoving is relevant or in someway related to you, ‘I’ have the potential to cause havoc/physical death on you and your loved ones.

This fact was made all the more obvious to me at a time when I was socializing with the not so economically fortunate people of this country… more than a few times I heard about, and experienced second hand, how very nice, loving and affectionate people would do the unthinkable (to other very nice, loving and affectionate people) when emotional conflicts became passionate ones. And I see that ‘me’ and ‘my’ family have this same potential for harm, if it comes down to it.

I am also writing all of this because I have decided to further expose my frequent loss of dignity and the reason that the actualism method hasn’t virtually freed me or, by other/other’s standards, worked for me.

The more ‘I’ procrastinate the more I will, at best, have no potential to be of use to others in regards to freedom and, at worst, cause them harm.

I well understand why Richard wrote that he could not look at himself in the mirror when he had done less than he could to free himself from the human condition; and I well understand why I have also sometimes chosen to ignore this particular statement of his.

That is why I have decided to blow the whistle (I hope this is the correct expression) on why the actualism method hasn’t *completely*

worked for me. This unsophisticated method is doing exactly what it is purported to do… and ‘I’ am just acting or reacting accordingly).

Farewell dear No 60 if you decide to leave… ‘Ahoy!’ if you decide to stay. No 47 to No 60, 18.5.2005

Hi No 32 and No 60,

No 32 to No 60: There were many instances in my life when I didn’t feel something, i.e. at the death of a close relative I was in the mood for playing, but due to the fact that I should have felt something and all the others were expecting that, I started to behave as if I was sorry.

I understand what you mean by this No 32. I can think of a couple of examples from my life, which were identical in quality to a ‘Virtual Freedom’, that were later corrupted ‘due to the fact that I should have felt something and all the others were expecting that’:

• Holding hands with my first girlfriend thinking to myself how everything is just right – perfect! Later interpreted as I have found the perfect girl for me and must not loose her.

• After my first kiss, when there was just no need to think at the time as only a pure sensation of wonder and enjoyment spread through me and my entire surroundings. Later interpreted as love was in the air and must not let the girl replicate this experience with anyone else.

• My earliest memories as a child on the beach/on a mountain or in the jungle/in the swimming pool, which were simply delightful experiences. Later interpreted as I need a vacation.

• The security of knowing that a human being didn’t wish me any harm and, as a result, the joy of interacting without any defences. Later interpreted as my mother is precious to me because other people hurt me more and value me less. No 47 to No 60, 25.5.2005

Something I read made me think: virtual freedom saves one from ‘all or nothing’ (also called black and white thinking in cognitive therapy) type thinking that is in spiritualism; I asked myself if I can settle for virtual freedom – and I found some resistance; if one is really interested in being happy and harmless, virtual freedom is a great solution. So why resistance? I think the answer is that I may not be really interested in peace... I just shoot for the impossible to block myself from progressing that is typical of all or nothing thinking; actual freedom has a curious requirement; but virtual freedom is in one’s hands I realize. No 75 Virtual Freedom, 20.5.2005

Yes, by attentiveness or ‘self’-awareness, the human brain is capable of changing radically ... and changing decisively, forever. While reading the Actual Freedom writings is helpful, it is no substitute for the hands-on, practical experience gained by application of attentiveness to one’s affairs. My personal experience is that, over time, it becomes easy to keep attentiveness running constantly, even during sleep. When I get off course, it is a relatively easy matter to get back to being happy and harmless.

I like the word ‘straightforward’ here. There is nothing mysterious about it at all. The process is no longer daunting to me either. While this process ebbs and flows, being happy and harmless seems like the simplest thing in the world. While many things may be complicated, for instance a particular vexing human dilemma at work, or a mechanical problem to solve, complications mainly seem to arise in the emotional domain. When emotions and feelings are minimized, life is so simple it is amazing. The freedom that comes from this is unparalleled. Gary to Peter

Well, I think I can see better now why you say ‘taken for granted’. I had wondered before in the past why the first PCE had been so sudden and so ... well, portentous is a word that occurs here. Subsequent experiences, although dazzling, have not been so intense as that first one. And I think you provided the clue in what you wrote this time ... it becomes more and more natural to live without malice and sorrow, and one’s investigations and demolition work usher in a period of increasing ease and comfort in just being alive and being here. Being here is so incredibly simple that it buggers description. The ease in one’s life that results from doing the demolition work can be ‘taken for granted’ in the sense that you use that phrase because the absence of this state becomes more and more rare and unusual than it’s presence.

In my case, it was well to heed the risk before embarking on the course that would lead to PCEs. Now I find that there are many such periods in the course of a day, and it has become difficult to discern where they start and where they end off. I simply delight in being alive and being here more than ever before, and it is so incredibly simple. It staggers me to reflect how complicated ‘I’ made my life those many years ago. Gary to Peter

This pleasant anonymity is delightful. It is release from obligations, affiliations, and identifications. I come and go with complete ease, whether about town, in the food store, at work, or in the neighbourhood, freed from anxieties about who I am going to meet, what they might think of me, etc. I am ‘another Bozo on the bus’ so to speak, a phrase used by Albert Ellis.

With identity effectively diminished, although not eliminated in entirety, there is not that evaluation and comparison with others that stems from the social identity. Gary to Vineeto

Since being involved in Actualism, I have found going back and visiting old friends and family members has led to very clear perceptions of the depth of change that has taken place. What were once troubled and painful relationships filled with bittersweet memories from the past have taken on a new ease and a surprising conviviality. With the drastic ‘self’-reduction plan I entered into since becoming involved in Actualism, affective extensions have largely dried up, replaced by a common sense, down-to-earth approach. This is not to say that there is no on-going investigation into ‘my’ relationships with others, but as I continue to do so, I notice an increasing confidence with being, as you say... ‘here, as what I am...’

Yes, the world as-it-is is indeed a wondrous fairy-tale play land beckoning each moment again and again. There is no place that I would rather be than right here, right now. Complaining about being bored and unhappy, and squandering the precious moments being alive, activities which are endemic to the Human Condition, ... these are not something I want to participate in.

It is indeed marvellous being alive, and if I am bored, restless, distracted, asking myself the ‘How am I ...’ question gives me a jump-start to being here and getting back to the present moment. Could anything possibly be more important than that? Gary to Vineeto

Yes, and that radical change is taking place with each moment one is being here in this actual place. The experience of actuality is in such sharp contrast to the ‘normal’, feeling-fed, affective experiencing of the world that it is easy to discern. However, it takes practice in my own personal experience. Each time I am aware that I am day-dreaming, emoting, wandering, fleeing, withdrawing, etc, etc, an alert attentiveness returns me to this precious and delectable moment and the actual, tangible world as experienced through the senses comes rushing back in. The vibrant, lustrous quality of sensory experience is, to me, the chief hallmark of actuality. The finely articulated, pristine quality of awareness in which, as I have said before, the most mundane objects become fascinating in their own right, is the excellent quality of being here. This excellent quality of actuality, this unbridled experience of sensuality, triggers a momentous change in the brain. With each repeated experience like this, a radical change is taking place. This is no superficial re-arranging of the deck chairs on the Titanic, so to speak. I am not radically changing because I now appreciate Italian opera besides the German. There is a complete and total break with that which is near and dear to ‘me’.

I cannot say that I ‘take for granted’ this freedom. Perhaps I still feel like a relative newcomer to this ... after all, you have been at this much longer than I have. There seems to be nothing ‘granted’ about it ... it has occurred with much hard work, and I feel I am reaping the rewards. Maybe I am not understanding your meaning here. Gary to Peter

Yes, I think it has never been done before but now it is and I want to be in on it in a front seat. It means the end of ‘me’ and nothing but experiencing the 24hour a day perfection and purity of this physical universe, all while doing what one usually does, whether it be working, driving, tending a garden, going to meetings, whatever. The virtually free state or the PCE is at once an extraordinary and ordinary experience ... I don’t know if you know what I mean about ‘ordinary’. I don’t mean ordinary in the sense of dull or mundane, it is certainly not that. But I mean ordinary in comparison to the ecstatic Altered States of Consciousness. As it is a purely sensory experience, completely devoid of emotional content, it can be part and parcel of one’s ordinary sensory experiencing of life in general. It is something that everyone has experienced before and may be potentially experiencing as soon as they focus their awareness on attention and sensuousness. It is indeed something that is right here and right now.

One needn’t go off to some monastery or trooping off to Byron Bay to make a pilgrimage to visit Richard to begin to experience this pure sensuous quality of life. It is right here right now. One becomes progressively more and more practiced in identifying what it is that is standing in the way of experiencing this perfection all the time, 24 hours a day. Gary to Peter

I don’t know if it is a PCE, but I have certainly been feeling very, very happy lately.

Yesterday I had a dentist’s appointment. I was sitting in the chair, just grinning and beaming at the dentist when he walked in and he asked me, rather glumly I thought, ‘What are you laughing about?’ I responded mirthfully that I was just feeling happy and, after all, there was no law against that that I was aware of. He then warmed up a bit.

It may not be a PCE but it certainly is an excellence experience, this mirth, gaiety, cheerfulness, friendliness, etc. The complete absence of malice at those moments.

I had a strange experience today. It seems like a number of the clients I serve complained to my Supervisor that they do not ‘like’ me. One of the complaints is that I do not show any compassion or feelings (funny, as I do not believe in Compassion and I see feelings as a gross liability). In any event, it was suggested that I could not go on in a ‘Business as Usual’ mode today, and it was suggested that I take the day off with pay (delighted of course). I am wondering naturally what is to become of all of this, ie. whether I am to be tarred and feathered and driven out of town, asked to resign, laid off, etc. And I have been wondering if I just want to cut my losses and get another job. But this is actually a splendid opportunity to lay on the line what I have been learning in actualism and ‘face the music’ so to speak and listen to what people have to say about ‘me’ (only a ‘me’ could get defensive right?). Why should I turn tail and run?

Interestingly, none of the people who levelled these charges at me wish to speak to me about it. It’s so much easier to complain to someone else about it. And the hypocrisy of it all is that they were just lecturing one another about the destructiveness of gossip. I am actually feeling kind of curiously detached from my feelings about the whole thing. I was aware of some feelings coming up about it but not a whole lot. It feels like the emotions are running out of steam now. And I am certainly not going to let this get me down. Perhaps more later when I get a better sense of which way the wind is blowing in this situation... Gary to Peter

I agree with what you are writing here – that one can write with integrity and expertise about Actual Freedom even while one is not actually free ... as long as one is cognizant of the limitation in that one is not actually free as a continuous and on-going experience.

My only frame of reference for understanding Actual Freedom as an ongoing and continuous state are the pure consciousness experiences which, by definition, are transient experiences. But nevertheless, the pure consciousness experiences themselves are so superb, so completely matchless in their purity and clarity, that they form a valid basis for talking about what an Actual Freedom from the Human Condition is and what it is like. Without the clear memory of a pure consciousness experience as a guide, one is essentially running about in circles trying to describe Actual Freedom.

With the memory of this experience(s), one not only knows experientially that it is possible to experience the physical world with a bare sensuousness, bereft of an interfering ‘self’, but one can describe it accurately to others. With the pure consciousness experience as one’s guide, one is essentially standing in two worlds: one has the best that life offers, the PCE, on the one hand as a comparison point, and on the other hand, one is still living by varying degrees in ‘normal’ everyday reality, doing the process of actualism and experiencing the incremental improvements and successes as a result of the practice. Gary to Peter

I seem to be in the stage right now where I am reaping the rewards of practicing the method of actualism. Yesterday, for instance, I did experience first some irritation and then some anger. It was a rather uncomfortable experience. But the interesting thing is that I realized how seldom and how rare it is for me to experience this uncomfortable emotional state. I was interested to learn when this had all started, what had triggered it, and why I was apparently so down on myself. I made a rather stupid error at work, but actually the feeling of irritation had started some time before that. The ego kind of takes over first, and I start pouring responsibilities on myself, expecting myself to be perfect, and then KAPOW! ... irritation and anger. It is fascinating and interesting to see this process at work and it tells me where I get off track and what I can do about it. And, yes, the advice to ‘keep one’s hands in one’s pockets’ is invaluable, as the feeling of anger and irritation is so malignant and so deadly it is apt to spill over in interactions with other people if one is not careful of it. Also, I wanted to say that any kind of off-colour emotional experience of this sort is evidence of ‘me’ – all traceable to the sense of identity. One can find one’s identity writ large across any emotional experiences of this type. What I have found is that any emotions all boil down to one’s identity. It’s like Vineeto said in another post recently: ‘ What’s all the fuss about? ’ If there is any fuss, it is always about ‘me’ – that I am this type of person, or I must be treated this way by others, so on and so forth. Richard’s discovery that the Human Condition is typified by being an identity is a major groundbreaking discovery. I’ve never run across anyone anywhere saying it in quite this way with such radical implications. Eliminate the identity in toto and there is no more pain, no more suffering, no more malice and sorrow, and no more need to go off half-cocked into delusory spiritual and metaphysical realms.

One is freed to be here now as this flesh-and-blood body only, enjoying the most ordinary things. The most ordinary, everyday experiences are like a king’s ransom. The fact that I am not quite there yet does not invalidate the whole method. The fact is that it works and one can see it working in one’s daily life. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak. Through practizing the method, one becomes incrementally more and more free from debilitating emotions and passions. I am increasingly unable to fathom why most people I see are so attached to remaining passionate and emotional beings.

I am skipping around a bit in your post, not necessarily in chronological order, so bear with me. I think you are right that ‘challenging’ fear by facing the object of one’s fear is an egocentric exercise in ‘self-assertion’ and ‘self-expression’ and does little if anything to actually eliminate the fear. I think what has actually happened for me is that, by eliminating fears, it has left me free to put myself in new situations and take on things that I would have hitherto not gone into. For instance, and case in point, during my recent spate of unemployment, back in January, I was faced again with the question ‘What do I want to be when I grow up’. I had to make a decision about what I wanted to do for work. All my day-dreaming aside, the most curious thing I found and very interesting, was that I decided I wanted to work with children in a school setting, something I had always kind of dreaded. So I went out and got a job working in a day-treatment and school setting where my ‘clients’ range in age from 7 to about 16. In the past, constantly rehashing my ‘traumas’ and childhood hurts had left me resentful, angry, and unable to function in the kind of setting where I am now. I now feel sufficiently released from the childhood hurts to be able to put myself into a situation that is ideal for someone with my training and experience. So, what I am trying to say is that eliminating the fears, first of all, led to the happy situation that I could put myself into a situation that I always in the past felt ill at ease about. Young children are fascinating to work with and to watch and it is an entirely new experience for me. It is also fascinating to see, through the agency of socialization and conditioning, the Human Condition at work. Perhaps in future posts I could summarize some of the things I see going on.

Well, I am going to wrap it up for now. Interesting to talk again. Enjoy your autumn. Gary to Peter

1.) My ‘impression’ because intellectually you have a very good understanding of actualism; but what is that worth when, apparently, behind the scenes it’s another story.

2.) I write ‘wanting’ because there is a very precious flipside to this ‘fear’, hence, ‘my’ unwillingness to let go, and I write ‘seemingly new’ because of its intensity.

3.) I still sporadically associate/relate with a few old friends. It’s really fun, sometimes they remind me of who ‘I’ am, or who ‘I’ am not, and at other times I remind them of what they are, or what they are not.

4.) ‘my’ affectionately caring and convenient family… ‘I’ feel that all ‘I’ could ever ask for, materially and emotionally, ‘my’ family can give ‘me’.

5.) ‘acting’ on instinctive ‘Altruism’ and/or ‘Pure Intent’ on my better days (and I have seen a difference between the two, when either is a main motivating factor in my life; as ‘Pure Intent’ does not exclude instinctive ‘Altruism’ but instinctive ‘Altruism’ can exclude ‘Pure Intent’) or ‘reacting’ when ‘my’ desire is other than (literally) the best – which is recognized only by the remembrance of a PCE and/or of its existence–  or a forgetfulness of same.

6.) I have been working, almost daily, three consecutive part-time jobs for these last few weeks and ‘I’ sometimes let myself forget about attentiveness –which is usually, but not always, activated by the ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive’ question–  and thus confuse/forsake the ‘best’ for the mere ‘better’.

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