PETER: To be only interested in the actualism writings per se is to merely have an academic or philosophical (or theosophical) interest in a freedom from the human condition whereas actually becoming free of the human condition requires the hands-on application of the actualism method, or as you put it – ‘the hands-on, practical experience gained by application of attentiveness to one’s affairs’. Once one is firmly launched on the path, the writings then serve as a useful source of information, a map or help menu if you like, written by those who have trod the path before.

RESPONDENT No. 28: Maybe it’s time for that poll? Come on out lurkers... tell us how this works for you? Esp. long term... anyone can fool themselves into ‘feeling’ happy for a few months. No. 27 – you’ve been at this a while. How many PCEs have you had?

RESPONDENT No. 27: None that I am absolutely certain of. But I have had quite a few experiences where the world has taken on a magical, fairy tale like quality that tells me I am pointed in the right direction.

RESPONDENT No. 28: Are you happier?

RESPONDENT No. 27: Yes and no.

Yes, in the sense that my ‘search’ for truth has ended – and that is quite a relief. Also, my ‘relationships’ and dealings with people are virtually free of emotional entanglement, so they are much, much smoother.

No, in the sense that actualism and the recognition of the human condition has brought some unanticipated downsides that I am still working through. Briefly, the downside I am referring to could be summarized like this: ‘I’ resent being here, and ‘I’ know it.

So, I cannot definitively say that I am happier overall.

RESPONDENT No. 28: Is it clearly attributable to actualism, and not to something that could be accomplished with the garden variety behaviour modification techs?

RESPONDENT No. 27: The fact that my ‘search’ has ended and dealings with people have improved is clearly attributable to actualism. The unanticipated downsides have had to do with the fact that for most of the last two years, I have practiced actualism incorrectly. I have mostly looked at the human condition and my experience by trying to think through them and understand them. Unfortunately, though that approach gave me an intellectual understanding of the human condition, it has not allowed me to eradicate it in myself. I’ve only recently been able to discern the difference experientially, which has to do with examining emotions with attentiveness rather than attempting to analyze them intellectually. There is a big difference that can only be discerned experientially, and from what I can see, the trick is to remain with attentiveness rather than intellectualizing. Also, an important note – I’ve have long understood (intellectually) that there is a difference, but one has to understand this experientially.

There have been a lot of misunderstandings about the phrase ‘How am I experiencing this moment of being alive’. I’ve tried to focus on ‘what’ I am experiencing – a sort of passive awareness, ‘what’ I am sensing – passive awareness – ‘what’ I am feeling – passive awareness – and other variations on the ‘what’ theme. It is only with the recent distinction between ‘what’ and ‘how’ that I see the question is specifically designed to be a simple test of the quality of experience in whatever form. ‘How’ is the important part in that it puts attention on the quality of experience – the emotions and feelings underlying thoughts so that one understands them experientially with attentiveness, not intellectually.

RESPONDENT No. 28: Will you ever live in virtual or actual freedom?

RESPONDENT No. 27: That is still to be determined. 8.5.2004

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