Others ~ Selected Correspondence

Pure Consciousness Experience

Anyway, my point is basically this – there is no point in trying to argue one way or the other (on this list) based upon evidence that doesn’t take the PCE into account – since what is actually in question is what the PCE supposedly reveals.

There is no point in arguing one way or the other. The universe will be what it is and we will always have questions about it. Maybe a PCE will put all questions aside but I think it’s important to know that Richard comes to conclusions that are very different to mainstream science and that Richard’s scientific expertise is lacking.

Yes, his statements are very different from mainstream science. He is a layperson, but he is not ignorant of science at all and how it works. He never claimed to be a scientist – and doesn’t need to so far as I can tell – to state his case.

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So, I suppose it boils down to whether one wants to experience whatever the evidence of the PCE is for oneself. As I see it, your only viable moves at this point are:

1. Dismiss the PCE and agree with the majority of scientists, but know that you won’t convince Richard or those willing to take into account the PCE.
2. Suspend judgement and pursue the PCE yourself.
3. Suspend judgement and forget about actualism.

For now anyway, I’ll take #2.

In light of the fact that No 60 has only had a few run-ins with what may turn out later to not have been PCEs at all, and that Richard says he has lived the PCE for the past some 12 years or so – it’s surprising to me that in this case anyway, you are taking the neophyte’s word for it over the expert. I’m not suggesting you take Richard’s word for it – only pointing out that you may be missing something by ‘accepting’ someone’s judgment which may be fallible. If you were to go with the ‘majority’ in this case – Richard, Peter, and Vineeto would win hands down 3 to 1 – or if you want to count up their years of experience with PCEs 20 to 1 or so. Only answer to this I can see personally is to throw out trust and faith – period. No 37 to No 59

A PCE indeed. Walked out of the IMAX 3D theatre showing the space station project (What power the rocket has when it propels itself into the space!!!! Great is the human invention!) and our fellow human beings assembling the space station chatting with us in the space just above us… 250 miles I believe… could see Africa… or was it North America? And with the absolute clarity of the IMAX 3D picture, I was wondering… why isn’t that when I walk out of the theatre the life is not like this? What is different? Apart from the picture quality and some technical enhancements that make this quality possible, is there anything in ‘me’ that disallows me to enjoy my everyday life like in a IMAX 3D? After all, the IMAX picture is not a fantasy… it is a recording of this universe.

Then I saw the thin layer of ‘me’ reluctant to go away… Yes all is perfect when I walked out… the orange sky with jet planes leaving a trail… the glass windows of multi-storied buildings partially lit to reveal the interior decor… the city traffic buzzing in wide road with broad sidewalks…. Human beings smiling with their eyes… the diminishing dusk light that contains the story of the darkness to fill soon…Wonderful architectural beauty all around… but… But…. To admit this perfection fully is to end ‘me’…. the ‘me’ wants to partake this yet causing the spoil at the same time. ‘me’ is dirty indeed made of glum spoiling the perfection by its very existence. The ‘me’ has to donate itself to this perfection. The donation is made by seeing the superior quality… perfection is the word… and magnificent is the physical world. Seeing that no amount of ‘me’’ can ever produce such quality, never can simulate the already existing wonder, ‘me’ quits the scene. Judi is right in saying that ‘me’ can never get here (if she means the physical world sans affect by ‘here’), but this is not an intellectual understanding… truly there is resistance from ‘me’ to admit this… ‘me’ is designed instinctually and evolutionarily and through social conditioning to exist and cover up (overlay) the now. It is an illusion but at the same time work needs to be done by this illusory me. It is extremely paradoxical… but a simple neurological understanding solves the paradox created by the conceptual/passionate thinking. The real world is like the ‘Matrix’ (the movie) and one has to find the exit in the real world according to the laws of the real world (though the real world is an illusion).

Well this is my line of thought. And let me take a stroll into this world of things, events and people. No 33

Yesterday I had the first really clear and unequivocal PCE since starting with this and I thought to write about it a bit. Previously, I had had what I call ‘mini-PCEs’. They lasted only very brief periods of time, say an hour or so, and I wasn’t really sure it was a PCE.

Yesterday, however, I had no doubt at all about the experience, as it accorded in all details with what I have read about PCEs.

I had some trouble at work on Friday. There was a major disagreement between I and my supervisor over something that happened. There was some discussion about it, and some old fears of mine concerning work, authority, success, etc. came up for me. I found myself in some turmoil about these issues and, investigating deeper into it, I once again saw the futility of a feeling-based life, a so-called ‘normal’ life of sorrow, malice, nurture, and desire. On Saturday morning, I wrote in my journal to myself what I would do to bring about peace-on-earth, for myself and others. A little later, I sat in my chair and was still for quite awhile.

The PCE experience started there and continued for the rest of the day, at times most vividly, at other times diminishing somewhat, but always lustrous, vibrant, and rich. One of the things I noticed most strongly was the intensity of sensation – the clearness and brilliance of colours, and the ability to hear every little sound around me. We went to a gravel pit after breakfast and were just walking around, looking at the rocks and other natural features. We found some bear tracks and were examining those for a while. I saw a stone popping out of the ground that had some interesting features to it. I ran my hand along the exposed top of it and it felt to be alive. Similarly, the texture and surface of the stone appeared to be actually a living thing. It reminded me of psychedelic drug experiences I had when I was younger, except that it was natural and uncontaminated by any emotions of fright, fear, doubt, etc. Later on we went to the supermarket to do the week’s shopping.

Another thing I noticed about the experience was how any object, even the most ordinary and mundane, instantly had become amazingly interesting and wonderful to look at. Everything I looked at had a life of its own. Everything appeared fresh and new. Everywhere I looked there were sensual delights to behold. Another thing was that there was some kind of very pleasurable sensation located near the solar plexus region. I find this difficult to convey but it was a very satisfying visceral sensation. I shall have to, in future, see what I can notice about it.

On 15.3.00, in a reply to a previous correspondent, you wrote:

I selected this excerpt because it reminded me of some of the questions I have about the PCE. I was wondering yesterday what made the experience fade away or diminish. Conversely, I found that I could refresh the experience by running the ‘How am I....’ question and by increased attentiveness to the feelings that contaminated the experience. A couple of times, the experience would come back in full bloom in all its’ lustrousness. The PCE stands out in such dramatic contrast to ordinary, every-day perception and sensation. I wonder if, as one advances on the path to Actual Freedom, they become more frequent, more a part of the landscape, so to speak? Or are they relatively rare? I gather from what Richard writes that his experiencing is like having a permanent PCE 24/7. How wonderful that must be! Which reminds me of another key feature of the experience – no affective element, no feelings, no disturbance whatsoever-there was nothing that could disturb the experience, take anything away from it, or detract from it. In other words, there was no feeling ‘me’ to spoil the experience.

How amazing. Gary to Vineeto

This is exactly how it has been happening to me: there is some instinct that I am hung up on, I investigate deeply into it, there is a sense of confusion, turmoil, etc, and voila – there it is, a PCE occurs. But, yes, like you said, you really have to dig your teeth into it, investigating it without the usual escapes and diversions. I have not had the ‘sneaking up’ variety of PCE yet – only the hard won type. Another thing you said rings true- ‘it is like a veil in my perception opens to reveal the actual world.’ It occurred to me that, in the past when this has happened to me, the experience has been rather disturbing. I think I have had it before at times, many years ago, but felt perhaps I was having LSD flashbacks (if such things do actually occur), or that I was losing my mind, so the experience has always been accompanied by a kind of fear or uneasiness, like part of me is saying ‘You’re really losing it Gary’. But now I look forward to these PCEs, I do not feel frightened at all.

Yesterday is a case in point. I went through all this stuff related to work. I finally felt that I had come to some peace within myself about it. Yesterday, as I set off for work, I knew I was going to have a perfect day and told myself such. In our supervisor meeting, the staff members were pulling their hair out and grumbling about their resentment towards the administration, and there were numerous put-downs of the ‘higher-ups’.

People were complaining about feeling dis-empowered and there was much discussion about how to make a change in the organization. I sat through this gripe session marvellously unaffected by what was going on – I realized that I do not have the slightest resentment nor negative feelings towards anybody in the organization. I do not belong, nor have any loyalty, to any clique, subgroup, or camp. It seemed to me like the age-old story: people dividing up into separate camps, drawing the battle- lines, and clamouring for their ‘rights’. It was wonderful to realize that I am completely free from any feeling of anger, resentment, pity, sympathy, or any other such feelings in this situation. I did not feel inclined to support any one else, form alliances to combat the evil administration, nor take any sides in the situation. Later, on my lunch hour, I was feeling marvellous. Walking along the street with the cool breezes caressing my face and hair, the bright sunshine streaming down, the veil in my perception opened and I noticed, first, with stunning detail, every minute facet, crevice, and feature in a brick wall. Here I was again in fairy-tale land, seeing the actual. Everything was wonderfully interesting and engaging. I knew and sensed that my hard work had resulted in this handsome reward, and that further there had been the pure intent to have this happen again, though not to make it happen, a crucial distinction. The experience lasted a while, though not as long as the last time. Gary to Vineeto

Yesterday I had the first really clear and unequivocal PCE since starting with this ... previously, I had had what I call ‘mini-PCEs’. They lasted only very brief periods of time, say an hour or so, and I wasn’t really sure it was a PCE. Yesterday, however, I had no doubt at all about the experience, as it accorded in all details with what I have read about PCEs ... I had some trouble at work ... some old fears of mine concerning work, authority, success, etc. came up for me. I found myself in some turmoil about these issues and, investigating deeper into it, I once again saw the futility of a feeling-based life, a so-called ‘normal’ life of sorrow, malice, nurture, and desire ... I wrote in my journal to myself what I would do to bring about peace-on-earth, for myself and others. A little later, I sat in my chair and was still for quite awhile. The PCE experience started there and continued for the rest of the day, at times most vividly, at other times diminishing somewhat, but always lustrous, vibrant, and rich. One of the things I noticed most strongly was the intensity of sensation – the clearness and brilliance of colours, and the ability to hear every little sound around me ... at a gravel pit ... I saw a stone popping out of the ground that had some interesting features to it. I ran my hand along the exposed top of it and it felt to be alive. Similarly, the texture and surface of the stone appeared to be actually a living thing. It reminded me of psychedelic drug experiences I had when I was younger, except that it was natural and uncontaminated by any emotions of fright, fear, doubt, etc. Later on we went to the supermarket to do the week’s shopping.

Another thing I noticed about the experience was how any object, even the most ordinary and mundane, instantly had become amazingly interesting and wonderful to look at.

Everything I looked at had a life of its own. Everything appeared fresh and new.

Everywhere I looked there were sensual delights to behold. Another thing was that there was some kind of very pleasurable sensation located near the solar plexus region. I find this difficult to convey but it was a very satisfying visceral sensation. I shall have to, in future, see what I can notice about it ... I found that I could refresh the experience by running the ‘How am I ...’ question and by increased attentiveness to the feelings that contaminated the experience. A couple of times, the experience would come back in full bloom in all its’ lustrousness. The PCE stands out in such dramatic contrast to ordinary, every-day perception and sensation ... another key feature of the experience – no affective element, no feelings, no disturbance whatsoever – there was nothing that could disturb the experience, take anything away from it, or detract from it. In other words, there was no feeling ‘me’ to spoil the experience. How amazing.

To be living in a condition in which the physical world and everything in it appears to be wondrously alive, newly born, and remarkably vivid, bright, and clean, does indeed impress me as the ultimate. In such a condition, there is immense satisfaction with simply being alive, present in this world at this moment in time. There is no sense of threat, nor does it seem such could arise. In the so-called ‘normal’ condition, fear, dread, or a sense of being threatened, never seems far around the corner. In contrast, in this condition, there was a fascinated and intense absorption in in the world of people and things, a sense of moving towards rather than moving away. The only thing that would be more ultimate would be to be living this experience continually and irrevocably.

Yes, particularly since on my part there has been some confusion on account of the terminology, some lack of clarity about the difference between the so-called peak experience and the PCE and, now, what is described as an excellence experience, it is good that you are are not lending affirmance in order to establish the validity of these conditions. One needs to ‘see for themselves’ what is up by comparing the experience with what is written and by talking to others.

Yes, with the PCE as one’s teacher, one has the very finest there is, an experience in which nothing is lacking and nothing can be added. It is already always here, awaiting discovery by those rudely bold enough to leave the Tried and True teachings of religion, ethicality, and morality behind. As I understand these things, in the PCE there is the danger of an incipient ‘I’ stepping in and claiming the credit for the experience. ‘I’ want the experience to last, ‘I’ am sad to see it dimmer and fade away, hence, ‘I’ take centre stage and send the experience packing. What is it about the PCE that holds the ‘me’ in abeyance? Is it correct to say that ‘I’ am in abeyance during the PCE? Or is it more accurate to say that ‘I’ have vacated the scene completely and totally? What causes ‘me’ to return?

In hindsight, the description of the PCE fits the bill, with the magical, fairy-tale like quality. The excellence experience may be more common to me lately that I hitherto thought. In the excellence experience, there is a commonness to it not found in the PCE.

In the PCE, there is a clear sense that something of momentous importance is happening, at least it seemed that way for me. The excellence experience, if not labelled such, might seem to be an experience of exceptional clarity and lucidity. With the PCE, words like bounteousness, bursting, pouring forth, vibrant, clear, alive, animate, come to mind. One of the things that was most striking about it was how uncommon everything appeared, how rich and variegated everything was. Gary to Richard

As I understand these things, in the PCE there is the danger of an incipient ‘I’ stepping in and claiming the credit for the experience. ‘I’ want the experience to last, ‘I’ am sad to see it dimmer and fade away, hence, ‘I’ take centre stage and send the experience packing.

Then this is the danger of the PCE turning into the Altered State of Consciousness? This ‘aggrandizing the experience’ must be extremely subtle then? What I understand to happen when this occurs is something like the following: the PCE is such a dramatic change from ‘normal’, everyday reality, that when it occurs, one loses all anchorage to the familiar, the cherished, with the resultant fear that one is ‘losing one’s marbles’, going insane. While it is a highly peaceful, pleasurable state, there also lurks the fear of the incipient ‘me’ that is on the verge of destruction, extinction. This ‘me’ steps in and becomes ‘Me’, with his or her divine mission to carry the message, and this occurs because this is how all the gurus and God-men/women down through history have interpreted the experience.

I am reminded of the experiences of Jacob Boehme, a 17^th century Christian mystic, whose writings I formerly had an interest in, chiefly because he represented the Western stream of mysticism and I could relate to that more than the teachings of the East. It appears that what happened to him is an illustration of this process whereby the ‘me’ becomes the ‘Me’. I include it as an example of the process:

‘This resident of Goerlitz, Germany, was a member of the cobblers union, married a butcher’s daughter, and fathered several children. After selling his shoemaking shop, he opened a yarn store. According to Alexandre Koyre, ‘In 1619 and 1620 we see him in Prague dealing in woolen gloves, which he buys from the peasants of the Lusace region to resell at the market.’ His enemy, Gregor Richter, the leading pastor of Goerlitz, accused him of being a dangerous heretic, and Boehme was persecuted and even jailed for a short time. And a few days after his death, the citizens of Goerlitz shattered and vandalized the cross on his tombstone. But nonetheless Boehme died a quiet death, in his own bed, after a relatively commonplace illness.’

‘The mystery of Boehme is found elsewhere: in his experiences of ‘illumination.’ At the age of twenty-five, he had a revelation that was the basis for all his subsequent work: while gazing at the brightness of a pewter vase, he felt himself suddenly engulfed by an extraordinary flow of information about the hidden nature of things. This data was incomprehensible to him at first, and he waited twelve years to understand what had been ‘given’ to him in that unforgettable moment. In our day, a person undergoing such an experience would immediately found a group of disciples and start giving lectures and writing best sellers. But Boehme waited twelve years, in almost total silence, in order to analyse, decipher, and explain what he had ‘seen’ in that moment of grace. Out of this gestation came the magnificent and unique work, The Aurora.’ (Science, Meaning, & Evolution: The Cosmology of Jacob Boehme by Basarab Nicolescu, 1991)

It is interesting how automatically such experiences of exceptional clarity and flow of information are treated as ‘revelations’, in the theological sense of the word. This seems to be what happened to Boehme, whether it started out as a PCE or as an ASC, is not entirely clear. And it really doesn’t matter much for all that. But when the ‘me’ steps in and claims a Godly ‘grace’ or singles oneself out as being the special recipient of favour by a benevolent God or Goddess, then the process of ‘me’ becoming ‘Me’ is ensured. This seems to be what has happened to people throughout the ages. The question at this point is, since this process must be so subtle, so insidious, and probably universal, what is one to watch out for? In other words, how does one keep from being seduced by the lure of Self, the lure of ‘Enlightenment’?

Thanks for your comments. Gary to Richard

I am having very nice experiences lately. Last weekend I went hunting in the frozen woods. After sitting there freezing for an hour or so, I got up and was stalking around slowly. I was in a spruce grove, gradually descending a slight hill. The mid-morning sun was shining directly down, gently backlighting all the tree branches. It was lightly snowing and the slight wind was driving the sparse snowflakes hither and thither. I stopped completely and just stood and looked at the flakes, dancing in the air. It was a wonderfully magical moment. A vast freedom opened up for me, a great joy in being alive. I became exquisitely aware of the breaths I was taking, the movement in my limbs, each and every sound in the hushed woods. There is a thrill in the realization that every moment of being alive can be like this ... when ‘I’ am no more.

This makes a good deal of sense. ‘I’ want to claim these experiences as ‘mine’, to my greater glory and self-aggrandizement. I have become aware of that starry-eyed, slightly dopey look of the Altered State of Consciousness, you know, that ga-ga expression on the face, when having an excellence experience, that signals that one is off track. I don’t know if describing it this way is accurate. One is then in danger of lapsing into Love Agape and Divine Compassion. I have not tried the technique of taking notes during a PCE. My description of the magical dancing snowflakes experience is the first I have written of this. I shall have to try this in the future and see what happens.

Hmm ... that’s interesting. I never thought to consider that these PCEs leave no emotional memory, but of course not.

Come to think of it, there was a lot of hard work and effort behind the ‘magical dancing snowflakes’ experience. Apparently it doesn’t come any other way. Gary to Peter

Richard, today, for the fist time, I managed to induce several PCEs!!! Like now (and here) LOL. It’s so easy (and yet so difficult). It was reading Article 19 that did it, this time, and asking the question. How can one have a conviction it is possible, born out of one’s PCE, without a belief it is possible? And maybe I have just answered my own question. I certainly did, which was also what Article 19 was about, of course. The feeling of ‘love’ I described to you previously, in the heart, solar plexus region, appears to have been fear, as I experienced it earlier today. I suddenly ‘got’ there was no one here to experience this fear – shivers of delight/fear all over, especially up the spine, culminating in the brain stem. Then, I guess, ‘I’ tried to make something ‘turn over’. It has, however, proved remarkably easy to be ‘here’ again. Whether it will continue to be so, who knows and what does it matter. The conviction and determination has been rediscovered. Alan to Richard

Needless to say, this method has not the slightest thing to do with plain rationalization or spiritual dis-identification – proven by the very fact that it works, that it gets rid of the emotion permanently while increasingly allowing the sensual sensuousness and the pure delight of being alive.

Earlier this morning, I was ‘catching up’ on some of Richard’s correspondence with mailing list ‘C’ and, later, was pondering on what I had read, while washing up some crocks. The subject of my musings was my reluctance to post to the mailing list, over the last few weeks and whether everything I do is done by ‘me’. This moved on to ‘how can I experience this moment without ‘me’ being present?’ Answer: by practicing the actual, by marvelling at the simplicity of it all, by delight at the wonder of the scene outside the window (at that moment a jackdaw landing on a cow’s head), by enjoying the simple pleasure of the hands in warm, soapy water. The thought came to me ‘how can anyone object to so-called ‘chores’, when it is just such fun to be here doing what it is I am doing’. Amazement and wonder shortly followed and I realized that what I had been doing was ‘reflective contemplation’.

To get to my point. ‘Reflective contemplation’ is the way to not only get out of stuckness but also to discover what is preventing one experiencing this moment. I realized that this is what had occasioned all of my PCEs – this is what leads to wonder at the joy of it all. Of course, it has been said before, especially in Richard’s brilliant paragraph (here).

Discovering it for oneself is what is necessary.

So, to anyone who may be interested, how does one activate ‘reflective contemplation’.

Simply by reading what is written here, on the AF web site and, best of all, Richard’s Journal. Then, by pondering on what has been written and applying it to oneself, one can move into ‘reflective contemplation’. If an emotion gets in the way, one is immediately presented with the opportunity to explore and discover and eliminate the emotion. To put it another way one asks oneself, each moment again, ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive?’ Another excellent method of invoking ‘reflective contemplation’

is to write to this mailing list, especially when one does not feel like doing so! Maybe I should post that above my computer on a yellow sticky, eh.

I will post this for now and reply further later, as I have to go and do some delightful ‘chores’.

Ain’t life such a ball! Alan to Peter

In view of the recent discussions on how to induce, or at least encourage, a PCE I thought it might be of use if I wrote of this afternoons happenings – besides, it will give me a lot of fun.

I found Richard’s post to No. 12 on my computer this morning and downloaded the new web page for later reading. While there I thought I would visit Richard’s home page in case there was any other new material. I do not think it is new, but I discovered ‘Compassion Perpetuates Sorrow’, which I had not read and so downloaded this also. Sitting with my cup of tea, after lunch, I started reading it. Fascination started to set in. There was a ‘connectedness’, a ‘rightness’, a delight in realizing what was written was actually correct and was what I was experiencing. I got to

This moment is happening and I am doing it. Then one is in this propitious state of being able to say: ‘I am doing what is happening’.

A shiver up the spine, a crinkling, tightening sensation at the back of the head, another shiver up the spine and suddenly I am this moment living me, I am the doing of what is happening. I realize it is not possible to ‘understand’ phrases like these, they have to be lived, experienced, and when one is living this moment, it is so, so, obvious. There is nothing difficult or complicated about being ‘here’, for we are all ‘here’. There is nothing to do, except doing it – and I file away another question, which springs into my mind and which might be of future use if ‘I’ get troublesome – ‘what is happening that I am the doing of?’ My senses are increased a hundredfold, a thousand fold, the whole of my body is ‘jangling’ with nerve endings experiencing a constant influx of sensations. Everything sounds so loud. The obviousness of perfection lies all around. It is just such a delight to be here as this body, with the enormous array of sensory input, which is almost overpowering, yet so simple. There is nothing complicated here, in this moment. There is an overwhelming sense of ‘rightness’ – an ease of just being here – this is how life was meant to be, everything is perfect and nothing can possibly go ‘wrong’. I actually am the universe experiencing itself and what else can I be – wow!! Alan

I am writing this in France, having just read the most recent postings to the mailing list. Something occurred to me about my own experience, which may be of help to others who are just starting to explore actual freedom. I am still only just getting the knack of living this moment – and allowing it to live me and it actually is as thrilling and marvellous as Richard describes in his mail to No. 7. And this is the important point – the knowledge that not only is it possible, but it actually exists. This is why this list and the writings of Richard, Vineeto and Peter are so important – to convince ‘me’ that it is not just a dream, a fantasy, an illusion – it is actuality. This is the last thing ‘I’ want to admit, because ‘I’ know ‘I’ cannot be here – hence the doubt, the reluctance, the fear. It is also why it is so difficult to recall a PCE. ‘I’ cannot remember a PCE – it has to be experienced. At best ‘I’ have a vague recollection of something that was ‘good’ and something ‘I’ would like to experience. However, by reading the accounts of others and one’s own previous accounts (if available) it is possible to, so to speak, sneak by ‘my’ defences and suddenly, almost by accident, one finds oneself living this moment. It sort of starts as imagining it is possible, then believing it is possible and one becomes more and more absorbed in the factuality, the ‘correctness’ of what is being said. As one becomes more and more fascinated, things become more obvious, one has to giggle at the simplicity of seeing something as a fact – possibly something one has spent many hours pondering and deliberating. And suddenly, as one realises how ‘right’ this is, almost unnoticed and effortlessly, one is aware that there is no longer any separation between me and what is happening – and I am the living of this moment. At this point it is very easy for ‘me’ to jump in and take control – I used to experience it as ‘love’, ‘gratitude’ (tears would run down my cheeks) and sometimes a dash of ‘humbleness’ – feelings ‘kick in’, as No 6 so aptly put it. All of this is ‘me’ trying to regain control and it is also at this point that ‘I’ can go off into the delusion of ‘Oneness’, Bliss and Beauty. I have little to suggest on how to avoid this – being aware of what is happening and being scrupulously honest with oneself are all I can offer. Alan

The other morning a peak experience snuck up on me – after a particularly good ‘romp’ with Vineeto. It was one of particular clarity marked by a complete absence of any sense of ‘self’ or ‘being’ within my body. All was perfect and pure with a magical intensity that was palpable. Not merely static – a sense of the whole universe happening at this moment with a vibrancy that was sensately experienced.

Your description was excellent, Peter, and I would like to explore further as this is the crux of what we are all aiming for. You seem to be saying that there is a difference in ‘degree’ of the PCE. My view (up to now) is that there cannot be such a difference – when one is experiencing a PCE how can perfection be improved upon? If one experiences that this moment is the ultimate, what else is there? As I write this I am very, very close to a PCE – but it is not a PCE. The words are writing themselves, tumbling out deliciously on to the screen, delightful music is playing in the background and I am almost the living of this moment. And that is the point – almost. I know (or perhaps pure intent knows) that this is not the ultimate – delightful, wonderful and delicious as it may be. When this moment is living me, then that is what I would call a PCE. Having said that, I have no recollection of experiencing what you did, regarding the existence of ‘me’, in a PCE. There are two possible explanations. Either you have experienced a ‘deeper’ (can’t think of a better word) PCE or our different backgrounds mean that our experience of the PCE has a different ‘flavour’. As you pointed out, your ‘route’ is very different from Richards and my ‘route’ is different from yours – I having had no eastern spiritual influence whatsoever. So perhaps what strikes you in a PCE is different from what I find to look at. I am usually struck by how simple it is and how amusing it is that ‘I’ was trying so hard to be ‘here’. However, the next time I have a PCE, I will try to remember and have a look at ‘what is ‘me’’. The difficulty is (and this is recollection) when I am in a PCE all these questions become unimportant – I am too ‘busy’ simply enjoying being here. But it is fascinating to explore, is it not? And the rock of enlightenment is a very real danger and not to be underestimated. As you wrote in your journal, I too have imagined ‘myself’ filling lecture halls and basking in the Glory – seductive, ain’t it – but only to an unprepared ‘self’ – and this, I guess, is where ‘pure intent’ comes in (I think I have got that now).

So, far from being an ‘unfair’ or ‘perverse’ exercise to cause a self-immolation or psychic death, it is the most exciting, amazing, wondrous, extraordinary journey possible for a human to make – a journey into one’s own psyche ... to the very end. Good Hey!

Yeh, it’s absolutely fantastic, isn’t it – and too good to be believed – it has to be lived, eh! And in that living, what a delight, what a joy, how much fun. And such a simplicity, an ease of existence – and ain’t it just great!! Alan to Peter

Going by what you have written in the past I have no doubts whatsoever that your experiences are full-blown PCEs. Perhaps you did not ‘immediately see that ‘I’ do not actually exist’ but to be able to write what you do it is patently obvious that at those moments ‘Alan’ is not extant. My favourite description of this phenomenon comes from Grace where, in one outstanding PCE (and as soon at it became apparent) I was quick to ask her: ‘what happened to that concerned woman sitting on the couch that I was just talking to a minute ago?’

‘Oh, her’, said Grace, without batting an eyelid, ‘she’s full of problems!’

This, to me, is one of the most startling things in a PCE. The troubles, problems and hang-ups one had a brief moment before, vanish completely. And just as, when returning to ‘normal’ after a PCE, one can only recollect the experience (as discussed above), when experiencing a PCE one can only remember that one used to have problems. It is no longer possible to experience the ‘problems’ and one wonders how one could possibly have ever been like that. Alan to Richard

* I can’t remember a PCE is that a problem.

It is very helpful to remember a PCE because it is to remember what is actual – which is a helpful and possibly essential reference point to have when plumbing the depths of the psyche. For myself, my identity was such a convoluted and tricky maze to navigate, it has been sometimes confusing to say the least, and the remembrance of the PCE for me is a remembrance of purity and perfection and my only experience of this body, this walking brain, if you will, in its purest awareness without any driver. When one embarks on a thorough investigation of the self, one can become involved in such inner battles for supremacy between conflicting beliefs ideas and emotions that it can become quite confusing as one’s conniving identity, seemingly chameleon-like changes colour and appearance, and dodges this way and that to avoid close scrutiny. During these confusing times, which all of us following this path have had along the way, when one does not know who is undoing what or why – then the remembrance of the PCE is most helpful to enable one to keep one’s bearings and observations unbiased.

In my own experience, in these states of confusion, sometimes the memory of a PCE was not forthcoming because of the befuddled state of affairs, then I simply had to remember that my motivation for being on the road to actual freedom is to understand fully what it is to be a human being alive and living on this earth, and in this very moment. This motivation, and previous successes gained by following this method, keep one going over rougher parts of one’s own journey when it may seem too uncomfortable or too difficult to proceed. Mark to No15

I agree with what you are writing here – that one can write with integrity and expertise about Actual Freedom even while one is not actually free ... as long as one is cognizant of the limitation in that one is not actually free as a continuous and on-going experience.

My only frame of reference for understanding Actual Freedom as an ongoing and continuous state are the pure consciousness experiences which, by definition, are transient experiences. But nevertheless, the pure consciousness experiences themselves are so superb, so completely matchless in their purity and clarity, that they form a valid basis for talking about what an Actual Freedom from the Human Condition is and what it is like. Without the clear memory of a pure consciousness experience as a guide, one is essentially running about in circles trying to describe Actual Freedom.

With the memory of this experience(s), one not only knows experientially that it is possible to experience the physical world with a bare sensuousness, bereft of an interfering ‘self’, but one can describe it accurately to others. With the pure consciousness experience as one’s guide, one is essentially standing in two worlds: one has the best that life offers, the PCE, on the one hand as a comparison point, and on the other hand, one is still living by varying degrees in ‘normal’ everyday reality, doing the process of actualism and experiencing the incremental improvements and successes as a result of the practice.

*

No, it seems to me that a PCE bears no relation to any of the things ‘I’ think I need or want. It is not something that ‘I’ can make happen, at will. Nor is it is something that ‘I’ can control. No, I agree with you that being happy and harmless is not at all about the search for perfection but it is finding perfection here and now in the present moment. It can and does occur in the most mundane situations and at the most unexpected of times.

When it does occur, one knows that it is possible to be happy and harmless wherever one may be, regardless of the external circumstances. Gary to Peter

It is of more importance to me, at the present time, to use my own pure consciousness experiences as my guide to what is possible rather than read others words. For a long time when first approaching actualism, I poured over the readings and printed materials on actualism. I was cleaning out my files the other day, consolidating some things, and I could not believe how big my file folder on actualism writings had become. Now I have slowed down quite a lot on the readings and am putting into practice the things I had read about. This knowing-by-experience what is possible – the sure knowledge that one can be free from the instincts, free from the Human Condition, by one’s own experiences, is priceless. This is what fascinates me and draws me in relentlessly to experience the best possible. Not a ‘personal best’ because, as I have said before, ‘my’ personal best is never good enough, but the very best that life at this present moment has to offer. Gary to Peter

I used to get a bit confused by actualist’s descriptions of ‘feeling good’, ‘feeling fine’, and ‘feeling excellent’, and tried to differentiate how this contrasted with other feeling and emotional states because after all ‘feelings are feelings’. I still cannot determine if the feeling-good part of the so-called excellence experience or PCE is a feeling or a sensation. My memory of PCEs I have had is that there is certain exhilaration associated with it. Not a manic type high at all, or even a drug-like euphoria, but there certainly is an exhilarating, ever-fresh, yes, vividness is a good word, and there is an exceptional clarity to it all which is the chief difference so far as I am concerned. The PCE is characterized by an incredible clarity of perception and sensation. The most ordinary and mundane objects are fascinating in their own right and everything is imbued with a clarity and liveliness that is missing in the ordinary ‘normal’ state. So the experience itself must be one chiefly of sensuousness and not emotion. Nevertheless one can speak of ‘feeling excellent’ as the word ‘feeling’ can also refer to the faculty of sensation. I’ve probably taken something here and over-complicated it all, but I thought I would mention it. When both bad and good feelings disappear, something so exceptional happens that everything else pales by comparison. The realization that ‘I’ am the only thing standing in the way of this magical perfection and purity turns what is initially an interest into a full-time obsession to experience the best that life on this planet can offer. Gary to Vineeto

Yes, I think it has never been done before but now it is and I want to be in on it in a front seat. It means the end of ‘me’ and nothing but experiencing the 24hour a day perfection and purity of this physical universe, all while doing what one usually does, whether it be working, driving, tending a garden, going to meetings, whatever. The virtually free state or the PCE is at once an extraordinary and ordinary experience ... I don’t know if you know what I mean about ‘ordinary’. I don’t mean ordinary in the sense of dull or mundane, it is certainly not that. But I mean ordinary in comparison to the ecstatic Altered States of Consciousness. As it is a purely sensory experience, completely devoid of emotional content, it can be part and parcel of one’s ordinary sensory experiencing of life in general. It is something that everyone has experienced before and may be potentially experiencing as soon as they focus their awareness on attention and sensuousness. It is indeed something that is right here and right now.

One needn’t go off to some monastery or trooping off to Byron Bay to make a pilgrimage to visit Richard to begin to experience this pure sensuous quality of life. It is right here right now. One becomes progressively more and more practiced in identifying what it is that is standing in the way of experiencing this perfection all the time, 24 hours a day. Gary to Peter

Personally, I don’t see why we can’t get rid of ‘expectation’ too while we’re at it. I put expectations in the same category as hope, trust, wishes, dreams, anticipations, etc. As an old cohort used to say ‘Having an expectation is about the same thing as having a resentment’, and I tend to agree. I am not saying just do whatever you like. If I have an appointment at work, I don’t sit around ‘expecting’ the person to show up. I tend to go on to the next thing I need to do until they either show up or don’t.

Normal human relationships seem to be filled with ‘expectations’, which greatly complicate the picture.

The loadstone for me personally is the PCE. Have you ever had one? If so, is ‘expectation’ operative? Here is a state totally devoid of any trace of emotion, including any kind of hopeful expectation, anticipation, worry, dismay, etc, etc. Apperception is what I am aiming at. And I think when apperception occurs, there is no such thing as expectation. Expectation seems to derive from one’s identity. And in a PCE, expectation vanishes without a trace. Everything is imbued with a lustre and a brilliancy and everything, even the most mundane of objects, are a source of delight and wonder. In this state, there is seemingly no ‘me’ and no ‘you’. It is most amazing. Gary to No 37

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