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Others ~ Selected Correspondence Naiveté
If I recall correctly, didn’t you once write that it is an ‘all or nothing’ affair for you in regards to actualism. If that is still the case, then I can see why you are (still) in this psychological dilemma – this psychic knot – because as I wrote to you last time ‘a difference in degree is not a difference in kind’. That’s right, it has been an ‘all or nothing’ affair for me. I’ve been striving to get to the stage where I can put ‘my’ head in the guillotine and get it over with. I’ve been trying to get there as quickly as possible, largely by brute force of will, and the results have been less than stunning as you know. That ‘brute force of will’ you write about can be an awesome thing when sincerity and altruism play a role. But without these two, it is mostly governed by ‘No 60’ the arrogant, ‘No 60’ the impatient and ‘No 60’ the put most of my effort into the wrong place and then continue to berate myself -and possibly others- because of unfulfilled affective expectations. Here is a small, down to earth, example (best read when naïve) –
I attribute this partly to some native arrogance, partly to impatience, and partly my failure to recognise that self-sacrificING and self-sacrifice are indeed a difference in degree, not in kind. Consequently I have underestimated ‘virtual freedom’ (both in its potential quality as a way of living, and in its importance as an intermediate step). You have hit the nail on the head! Yet remember that a realization is not an actualization. If actualism is fundamentally sound, the difference between virtual and actual freedom is also a difference in degree, not in kind. Right? A caterpillar has a jolly good time – but can he fly? No 47 to No 60
No 47: I feel as if I were just learning to walk again. That is a wonderful description. That is how I feel now. Regaining the naiveté and common sense is delightful indeed. It surely required a good dose from extensive writings of the actualists – also the objections raised by many (a lot of the objections were in my mind, but something stopped me from sending every objection to the mail without myself going into them at depth) brought out such responses from Richard, Vineeto, Peter and other actualists – showed clear thinking in action – as opposed to emotional outpour of beliefs or mystical word-play that paralyses common sense. I consider it my great luck to have come across the actual freedom website. I am still struggling with some of the stuff, as I don’t clearly recall a PCE; but I am getting the feeling of well-being which is so good – which is a direct result of having freed myself from a lot of insidious emotions – the freeing of which allows me to enjoy this moment; I think I have reached a point of no-reversal in the sense that my doubts are not powerful enough now to negate my progress and experiential as well as intellectual understanding I have made of the actualism. What in the beginning sounded like I would like to take this moment to thank (or acknowledge that I have immensely profited from) Richard (as well as ‘Richard’ who had the intestinal fortitude to go ahead for the sake of his body as well as all the bodies) for his ongoing clarifications and his prolific writings on actuality and actual freedom; Peter for having the intestinal fortitude to give it a try (if not for him, I wonder if I would be writing this mail – as his decision to go ahead and try makes virtual freedom a demonstrable actuality – also for having Richard go live in the internet) and Vineeto – for all their expertise and readiness to share on the virtual freedom and actualising of it. And all the participants in this mailing list who are showing interest in this most important business. No 33 to No 47
Whenever an adult observes a child there can be a degree of envy at what seems to be a carefree state. This is due to the fact that the instinctual animal ‘self’ is not substantially formed until about age 2 in children, i.e. the instinctual passions of fear, aggression, nurture and desire are not yet fully functioning. The other relevant aspect is that the child’s social identity – the befuddled mishmash of an individualistic persona and a collective social conscience – is not yet fully formed until the age of about 7 years, which means much of the childhood years are spent in ignorance of the grim everyday reality that every adult experiences. The envy can be for the child’s spontaneity and energy – they seem to have an inexhaustible supply of spontaneity, wonder, and excitement. And children can say things that are remarkably perceptive and ‘off the cuff’. This contrasts with the adult mode of functioning which seems to be ever-vigilant lest one defies some social convention or one of one’s imbibed and socially inculcated ‘must’, ‘should’, ‘ought to’ irrational beliefs. The spontaneity of childhood is soon enough trained out of one by one’s teachers, parents, etc. and the social identity becomes calcified and rigid. Then people try, through various means, to regain that ‘lost innocence’ but never seem to succeed. I seem to recall, as a child, having times when I had the most intense fascination with what I was doing at the time, whether I was playing with something or studying something, or just experiencing something. Later, these experiences I tried to re-create through drug use. The ordinary cares and woes fell away and there was this intense fascination and absorption in the moment and what I was experiencing. Later, and more recently, I found in the Pure Consciousness Experience what I was looking for: this incredible vibrancy, aliveness, scintillating, coruscating (all those Richard-words and more to describe the experience) quality. It is the most amazing thing when one shifts into apperception, and one experiences naiveté. It is not for nothing that Richard describes naiveté as ‘the closest approximation to innocence one can have whilst being a ‘self’’. In this state of naiveté, there is such an experience of wonder and one is in touch immediately with the purity and pristine-ness of the physical actuality of the world around one. When this happens, one has connected with the long-sought Meaning of Life. The search is over – there is nowhere else to go. Gary to Peter
It is of no use at all to beat yourself up if you miss the onset of a debilitating emotion or feeling and fall into the pits for hours or even days or feel pissed off at someone for hours or even days. The important thing is that you become aware of how you are experiencing this moment of being alive and if it is not optimum, get out of it, get back to feeling good and then crank it up to being excellent if you can. Yes, this works very well. I have become much more aware, it seems, of cynicism, something that you have mentioned several times in recent posts. I sometimes find myself becoming quite cynical when observing the state of the world and ‘human nature’. For instance, watching the television news last night there was a brief spot on the Oklahoma City bombings. A small shrine was recently dedicated to victims of the ‘worst case of domestic terrorism the US has ever seen’. The news story mentioned that Timothy Vey, the convicted terrorist, is scheduled to be executed in May. Quite a few of the people whose loved ones were killed in the bombing have petitioned to be allowed to watch the execution. The state of Texas is even going to install close-circuit cameras so that they can watch the killer in his moment of death. Some of the victims’ families opined that they wish he would suffer more a more hideous and agonizing death so they can rejoice in his suffering, as they themselves have suffered through his deeds. Watching this story, I am astounded by the degree of the vengeful, retributive ‘eye for an eye’ mentality that exists in the world, and I can sometimes feel it hardening into cynicism, a definite form of unhappiness and sorrow that debilitates one and spoils the present moment. ‘What kind of world do we live in?’ is a question I often ask. However, morbidity and cynicism over the state of humankind seems to be the very same mistake every one else is making, since it is wasting the precious purity of this eternal moment. Only this vital moment in time exists, and it is senseless to waste it in worry, anger, cynicism, or fear. Only continual and unrelenting awareness will reveal those states of mind and feelings which interfere with this priceless moment, so that one can get back to being happy and harmless. Gary to Peter
To be an actualist it is imperative to abandon cynicism and gullibility and actively cultivate naiveté – the closest thing to actual innocence. I remember you talking about ‘cranking up one’s naiveté’ in a long ago post and I didn’t exactly know what you meant at the time. I am not sure I know exactly now either but I think I have a better inkling of what this means. When one is experiencing naiveté, there is not that curious ongoing sense of being ‘on guard’, defence systems at the alert, on the lookout for threats and evil, that there is usually in the self-centred experience. I sometimes experience this, for instance, at work when I am going about my duties, just doing the next sensible thing and not worrying about the outcome. It is really a wonderful experience and each moment is experienced more fully and seems in some way to be set apart from every other moment. There is not that sense of continuity or time. I don’t know how to put this exactly but it is something that I have noticed at other times and it seems important to describe it. Despite the feeling that I don’t know exactly what the hell I am talking about, I shall try to describe it. Each moment in time, the present, is so utterly fascinating and enjoyable that when one is experiencing naiveté (or at least what I think is being described as naiveté) there is no sense of this moment being other than ‘now’ – it is somehow set off from or set aside from one’s ordinary sense of there being a past, present, and future. Perhaps because there is no intervening ‘me’ with my cares, worries, anxieties, anger, resentment, and longings, there is not that centre by which everything is judged relative to ‘me’ and ‘my life’. Does that make any sense? One is fully engaged in experiencing the delight of living in the present moment, and one goes about one’s day meeting people, interacting freely, and events happen of their own accord, unaffected by any ‘me’ pulling the strings making things happen. There is no sense of strain whatsoever and if strain does arise, it arises chiefly because there is a controller, again – ‘me’ – calling the shots and controlling events. This is, at the moment, my best description of the closest thing to innocence. By fully experiencing the delight in being here at this present moment, I am blithely unaware of any dangers encroaching – I am not caught up in the instinctual drama of survival. I am free to be here and enjoy the company of other people as I like, or, alternatively, to be by myself and enjoy the solitude. Gary to Peter Web page designed by The Actual Freedom Trust |
