Others ~ Selected Correspondence

Guilt

The ‘me’ showing its ugly head.

I am not like this all the time ... this is the dirty stuff that gets in now and then.

Mostly it is wonderful. Maybe 15 hours out of 24.

I think I get it now.

Basically, the desire/aspiration is a force that has certain properties. It is like the nuclear energy - put it to good use or bad use. We can put it to good use in actualism. Maybe there is some intelligence/ nobility/ altruism in it when it aspires for actual freedom – knowing that it will lead to its demise. It is silly to couple guilt with it – it is good enough to see what dangers are in it and how it causes all the problems elsewhere... so that one sees it for what it is.

To feel guilty about what one sees within is yet another survival trick that keeps the self at bay, which rules out extinction (an everlasting struggle between the controller and controlled). Guilty feelings have limited use of keeping some controls on the ‘bad’ parts of oneself... But one has to see that the guilt hasn’t solved the problems – still the evil breaks out and goes on when push comes to the shove; or even, in a cunning way even when not.

Unless one sees unreservedly that one is malice and sorrow at core – one will be fiddling in the surface. One tries all kind of solutions if one doesn’t see the root cause. And when one sees the root cause of all the evils of humankind within oneself: isn’t that a revelation of a most valued secret that has evaded humans from aeons! How wonderfully social programming of the basic instincts coupled with denial and ignorance hide the underlying reality! The deep earth is bubbling with lava all the time and not knowing this, one is shocked when there is volcanic eruption.

What is the alternative? Awareness and intelligence can safely understand and dismantle these controls and move into the psyche... and when in the field of total awareness (and naiveté? And intelligence?), the rudimentary self can be seen in its raw form without all the denials, controls... is this termed as out from control? One starts discovering oneself finally! One is no more dealing with something else – now one is finally with oneself. I am surprised by the safety of the whole thing: somehow intelligence rules out a wild outbreak... but still one has to be careful. No 33 to Richard, 9.7.2005

I came up with this association (a silly problem I had faced for a long time, probably still to some extent):

Suppose you are driving to a destination. Autopilot suffices most of the time... but if there are too many road signs and too many detours or construction work or changing traffic patterns – little more alertness helps. Sometimes you are on a familiar route and you don’t even realize that you are automatically doing a lot of familiar stuff like taking the exit, left turns, u-turns (particularly if you are dreaming or thinking about something else). Sometimes I have found myself in unfamiliar surroundings by making a mistake (taking a first left instead of second left unknowingly). What do you do? One thing is to ask people around to find the destination. Sometimes different people come up with different routes based on their knowledge. Sometimes their directions are not that clear. But if you can figure out the earliest point where you got lost and you can find your way back to that spot, you can start following your map once again. First realize that I am lost, stop driving in the direction, try to spot the earliest point from which I lost track, go there and continue. And also if I can correct the automatic habit that led to this mistake it will help. No 33, 12.7.2005

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