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Others ~ Selected Correspondence Authority
Hi Gary, Long time no talk. In one of your recent posts you stated that you had looked into it and that this is not a cult. Everything you said above could have Richard’s, Peter’s, Vineeto’s or Alan’s name on it and I could not tell the difference. This is a sure sign of a cult to me. Here is one example: ‘And the pioneering discovery of Actual Freedom is that the sense of being can be eliminated, extirpated in toto.’ It has taken me awhile to respond to your post. It seems that everything I thought of saying to you has already been said by others. Interesting how on Internet mailing lists the correspondence blooms and builds on itself. I assure you nobody on the Actual Freedom list is giving me diction lessons or correcting my copy for conformity to certain linguistic standards. That my post could have come from someone else is not in itself proof positive of a cult being in existence. Sometimes while in the process of writing a post to this list, I may check the actualism Glossary to see if I am communicating about certain things in a way that facilitates dialogue. That does not mean that I pattern my speech or behaviour on what others do. It only means that having a common understanding of terms and definitions sometimes makes it easier to communicate about certain phenomenon. Dictionary definitions of terms aside, I have always thought of a cult as being a sort of control thing -that one’s thoughts and behaviours are being controlled by the group or by the cultic leaders. This is not a precise definition of the term because by this definition any corporate setting would be considered a cult. I do not feel I am being controlled by anybody on this list, including Richard, Peter, Vineeto, or Alan. Nobody has told me how to speak or what to say. I exercise extreme latitude in my choice of topics to respond to as well as what I choose to say about them. I give careful thought to everything that I write. I would like to repeat that I have given a lot of thought to the matter of this list being a cult. I was afraid when I approached this list that I was getting into some sort of cult, and I think I expressed that, if not at the precise time that I entered the list, some bit later. I have never really had any qualms about the use of a actualism vocabulary and shared understandings of what certain words mean – words like ‘ego’ ‘soul’ ‘Enlightenment’ ‘feelings’ ‘instincts’ etc etc. The Glossary is full of explanations of these terms and I freely use it to double-check what I am talking about, not because I want to bring it into some sort of strict conformity with what others are saying but because I am interested in how these terms are being used and to see if that is the way I am using them. Anybody that writes to this list is free to agree or disagree with how these terms are being used. Gary to No16
This reporting to others is the limit of what is possible, and sensible, in communicating something so radically new and iconoclastic as actualism. So, when you ask me to point out any discrepancies, I am at a loss for all I can do is comment on facts and relay my practical experience as to what works and what doesn’t. Good that it was only your computer that faded out. I regard you, Richard, Vineeto, and the others as mentors. I think the word mentor has acquired certain negative connotations, especially here in the US. It is starting to smack of social control strategies by being applied across the board as a means of solving social problems. But if you regard the meaning of the word ‘mentor’ as someone who is a coach, then I think it is proper to use the term. I see what you mean about simply commenting on the facts of a situation and relaying your own practical experience with a matter, and I have no qualms about that. It is just that I am eager to learn from others who have more experience than I and get their direct feedback and comments on the issues that I raise. I’ll take all the help I can get in this thing. Thanks for your comments. * Personally I don’t see the word mentor, nor its implications, as appropriate in actualism.
To take such a radical path in life as to be an actualist and to strive for an actual freedom from the Human Condition can only be done under one’s own steam, following the expertise of others who have gone before. It is a simply process that is purely self-motivated – no-one can do it but you and nobody else can do it for you or to you. I’m a bit surprised that you regard mentorship as being inappropriate in actualism. I seem to remember the word mentor being used deliberately by Richard in his Journal, but I cannot produce right now the exact page reference, there being no index to his Journal. So from seeing it mentioned in his Journal, I thought the use of it in a loose sense of one being a coach or teacher it was appropriate. I understand the part about ‘nobody can do it but you’ and I do not think that I was asking for anyone to do it for me. But, if I am not mistaken, if one such as myself follows the expertise of others who have gone before (and I clearly regard you, Vineeto, et al to possess expertise in the method of actualism) then one is back to relying on the others to guide one, is one not? Is there a difference between following the expertise of others and being guided by others? If so, I would like to know what it is please. As it is at present there is nobody in my immediate environment with which I can converse in an intelligent way about what actualism is all about, except perhaps my partner, who is a little interested but I think also leery of it all. I have been receiving comments like ‘crazy’ and ‘psychotic’ lately when I have strayed from the herd and challenged the deeply held beliefs and psittacisms (interesting word – I never heard it before until I saw Richard using it) of fellow human beings. People have told me that I strike them as ‘cold’ and ‘clinical’ when I do not buy into nor follow along with their disturbed emotional displays or when I question the desirability or even the primacy of feelings. When you do not commiserate with people, they sometimes do not like it very much. People sometimes talk about having ‘heart’ and I do not follow what they mean – but I think they mean deep emotions and feelings. Often when they talk about ‘heart’, I think I don’t have a heart, not in the way they mean it anyway. So, Peter, I feel I have been going it quite alone, on ‘my own steam’, and I am not looking to lean on or depend on you, Vineeto, Richard or others. But I do, I think, recognize you and some of the others to be ahead of me on the road. I struggled a bit for a while with the whole process of making Richard into a hero or a guru, and I am by now well acquainted with the process, having been sucked into it in the spiritual world and also as a part of my enculturation and conditioning. But I am not making you nor Richard nor Vineeto into any kind of heroes. I do think that you and the others are extremely perceptive, or I might say discerning. For instance, your recent post to me on sex came like a swift kick in the rear end and got me off my backside and into action about some things. I seem to be hearing from people lately that I am ‘too intellectual’ and it almost seemed to me like you were saying the same thing when you advised that, although thinking about issues is essential on this path, it is no substitute for doing it. So thank you Peter for the swift kick in the pants. I also agree 100% when you say it is important to let down one’s guard. Perhaps a few anecdotes will illustrate my point. I always found being a parent a somewhat strange business – it was something I had no training for, it came at a stage in life when I knew nothing about life and it was clearly a case of the blind leading the blind. I always found the business of teaching or instilling my morals and ethics a bit hollow and phoney so as much as possible I adopted a tread lightly approach – which was still an approach. As quickly as possible I abandoned a fatherly teaching role – opting instead to allow my children as much freedom to explore and find out for themselves, make their own judgements, have their own successes and failures.. I cannot comment on being a parent, as I have never been a breeder myself. I at one time regretted never siring any children but I no longer think that way. Whether to have a child or not should be something one has the choice. So, fortunately or unfortunately, I cannot relate to being a parent but I can relate to having nurturing instincts. In the work I have done, I have often been involved in co-coordinating and supervising the work of others and again found adopting the role of teacher or mentor to be not my cup of tea and to be inhibiting of another’s learning for themselves. Another more pragmatic reason is I find if I do offer advise, no matter how sound and sensible, it was rarely followed and often resented or rebelled against. The last episode that stands out was when the teenage son of the owner of a house I was building came to work on site, fresh from school. After about 2 weeks of turning up late on the job, I said ‘I will tell you the only rule you need to know about work – turn up on time’. I said if you find yourself coming late, just take the day off because every one else is on time and you don’t want to be seen as the owner’s son taking advantage of the others. From then on, he wasn’t late and he picked up the necessary carpentry skills himself by observing others he worked with. I think I taught him all I knew about working for someone else – they are buying your time and the mutual bargain is time and effort exchanged for money. In a similar way to you, I have never aspired to leadership or supervisory positions. I have even gone out of my way in the work organization to avoid the onerous responsibility of managing and guiding others. However, in my work as a social worker, I can and do take the lead. For instance, today I was helping a man quite evidently demented from 45 -years of alcoholic drinking, a condition that used to be called having a ‘wet-brain’. It was a situation where I, the worker, needed to take the initiative and provide guidance in relatively simple tasks that most of us take for granted. Having spent almost my entire childhood with a severely brain damaged parent, I am very good at being helpful and reassuring with people who have obvious serious limitations and disabilities, which is probably a good reason why I am in the line of work that I am. Supervisors of mine have praised me for my patient and kindly approach to these individuals. In the case of actualism, all I can say is it works, and the return is related to the time and effort that you put in to actually changing yourself. Enough words and writing exist on the AF web-site for anyone to pick up the necessary skills needed to become more happy and harmless and to become free of the human condition, if that is your goal. The idea of teaching or mentoring is not for me, as I see it as the antithesis of freedom, both for me and others. Actualism is, by its very nature, squeaky clean – it is about autonomy, freedom and actuality, 180 degrees opposite to the spiritual path. I am sorry about any misunderstanding about my use of the word mentor. I am not looking for you to be a guide. But I can read your words as you communicate them to me and test out for myself the accuracy and/or veracity of what you and others are saying. I do not want to be a burden to you Peter, so please do not think that I am trying to turn you into a protective parent figure. Just say what you have to say and go on being autonomous and free. I shall do the same. Good talking ... cheers to you to. Gary to Peter
On the subject of mentoring, you wrote to me the following: I know Richard used the term in his journal but I think the word mentor has too many fuzzy connotations for our use. I guess it stems from the current local fashion of SNAGS to use the word mentor in running groups for teenage boys whereupon they are instilled with all sorts of moral values and ethical codes. Vineeto and I had a good mull over an appropriate word to use that would be free of social/spiritual preconditioning. One way is to invent a new unique word but this sort of spluttered out, so we have come up with two new terms for consideration. While I don’t know what SNAGS is, the word ‘mentoring’ has certainly acquired negative connotations, as I pointed out previously. Mentoring programs are starting up all over the place here in the US, and I have heard young people say in no uncertain terms that they are sick of being ‘mentored’. Were I young again myself, I would be too. It seems to me that you were using the term ‘mentor’ more in it’s spiritual application than I was. In fact, my Webster’s New World Dictionary defines mentor as teacher, advisor, or coach, nowhere mentioning guru or disciple as a use of the term. Maybe I am getting pedantic about it now, but that is how I was thinking of the use of the term. Firstly, the proposal is to use the term ‘experienced actualist’ for someone who is virtually happy and harmless, i.e. someone whose intelligence is no longer fettered by personal instinctual passions. As such, having a conversation or interaction with such a person would be of great benefit for someone interested in actualism and who is seeking a sensible conversation, clarity, direction and evidence. Vineeto and I certainly fit this description. Secondly, the proposal is to use the term ‘expert actualist’ for someone who is totally free from the Human Condition, à la Richard. This may seem over simple and pragmatic, but given the human propensity for over-complexity and ambiguity, these labels then allow others to freely make use of another actualist, and their level of expertise, in any way that is mutually appropriate. This definition also ensures it is a fairly simple business to debunk any pretenders, clip-oners or wannabes – they plainly have to exhibit a clarity of thinking, an absence of instinctual malice and sorrow and, most tellingly, show that it works by the down-to-earth demonstrable living of actualism in the world of people, things and events. Well, it seems that the idiom of actualism is still developing then. I have no objection whatsoever to what you are proposing. It seems to me that for someone such as myself, new to actualism, there might be a need to interact or converse more closely with an ‘experienced actualist’. I am greatly reluctant to say follow, rely, or be guided by, as again I think we get back to the whole issue of depending on others’ authority. One must be extremely careful about depending on anyone else for advice or guidance. I think sometimes when I feel myself getting in over my head, I want to depend on someone else, and at that time I may look a little more closely at what people are saying to me. As I mentioned in a post to Vineeto, I have been looking into my authority issues and, from what I have read, I see what you are suggesting is entirely congruent with the use of the word authority in the sense of following another’s expertise. Depending on others for advice and support is something that I find myself wanting to do at times of great indecision or fear. There have been some times of late when ‘I’ was moved to want to pray to God for an answer to a troubling dilemma. I can see how fear leads one to seek the secular or spiritual guidance of one supposedly more knowledgeable than oneself. On the occasions in question when I saw myself looking towards the palliative of prayer, I have dug my heels in and dealt with the situation using common sense and my own innate intelligence. Of course, it has come out just fine, in spite of ‘my’ fears. I think, though, that at these times some of the things people have said to me in this forum or some of the ideas expressed in the writings related to actualism have come into my mind more strongly, and I have used these as guideposts in the situation. For instance, lately No 13 referred to Richard saying that he had to sit on his hands sometimes when every fibre in his being was screeching out to react a certain way in a situation. I found myself in much the same situation and resisted my strong instinct to respond in a counter-defensive mode in a particular work type situation. I was then reminded of Vineeto’s use of the phrase ‘storm in a tea-cup’ (ha, ha!) and had to regard the whole thing as an excellent example of making ‘mountains out of molehills’, and could look at the situation with humour and good cheer. Again at the risk of seeming over pedantic, you are on your own in this exercise, which is exactly what makes the process so thrilling. Nobody but you can journey into your psyche, nobody but you knows what is the next thing you have to do, the next vital issue to be faced. I have no special perception, or sense of what is going on, other than what you report and all I, or any other experienced or expert actualist, can do is pass on knowledge, experience and technique – the most valuable of information, for it is all factual. No problem. I can see now why you say so. In order to demolish the social identity, one has to stand on one’s own two feet and sit in the fears that come up rather than rely on the easy way out. I can see now why ‘nerves of steel’ are required, and that this path is not for the weak of heart. You have done this difficult work for yourself, Peter, and so I think you are in an excellent position to offer your expertise. * You wrote me recently, following up on the theme of mentoring. I have little to say about that, and am quite content to drop the use of the word for our purposes. Gary to Peter
Just another little ‘pass-on’ that I found very useful on many occasions. It relates to the inevitable reactions and comments that others will offer to you on the path – when they offer their intuitive, insightful assessments as to what you are feeling or what you are ‘putting out’. I used to take these assessments on board until I discovered that, more often than not, their assessment was false, emotionally charged, defensive, attacking, etc. With practice, diligence and determination, I learned to be my own counsel, judge and jury, to make an honest assessment of my own feelings and reactions and not rely on others. The key word is honest and this is where pure intent, firmly based on your own pure consciousness experiences of perfection and purity, will be your guide – for the last person you want to fool is you. The determination to be my own counsel, not to rely on or depend on others is, in large part, what my most recent bout of fear was about. After going through this for a time, and getting to the point where I felt I could bear no more, it suddenly dawned on me how far I had come and why I was feeling so afraid. I have actually turned my back on things that used to be comforting to me, things that I was more or less brainwashed into believing were necessary to me to prop up a sagging ego, a terribly deficient sense of who I am. This includes all kinds of emotional ‘support’ from other people around me, including my partner, involving myself in a ‘support’ group based on spiritual principles, and in general trying to find someone to ‘understand’ and commiserate. I had been brainwashed into believing, and I took on board wholeheartedly this brainwashing, that I could not survive on my own without these props and ‘supports’. I earlier thought I had thrown over board totally all my spiritual values, but I found that there was one more big source of stink smelling up the place that I needed to throw out. Since I have done that, I know I can stand on my own two feet and take care of myself by myself, that I don’t need to be soothed or comforted by needing other people’s ‘help’. Gary to Peter
The eventual aim in actualism is not to feel different, but to be different – to be free of instinctual malice and sorrow and thus to be a flesh and blood body only, free of any psychological or psychic entity whatsoever. To get to this stage, my experience was that I passed through all of the ‘normal’ stages of feeling an outsider and all the ‘spiritual’ stages of feeling driven to be a messenger, or Messiah, for others who needed freeing. It was such good fun to personally experience and therefore understand the instinctual lust for psychic power that fires the priests, teachers, Gurus, God-men and Goddesses. I found people and events always challenged me in the process such that feelings and emotions automatically arose and all I had to do was observe them to become familiar with how I had been programmed to operate, both socially and spiritually. Observation led to awareness, awareness led to knowledge and knowledge led to experience, practical change and confidence. As you progress further on the path, confidence leads to surety, which, in turn, overcomes doubt and fear. Combine that surety with stubbornness, bloody mindedness and patience and success is guaranteed. Yes, bloody-mindedness is certainly something that I can relate to. I have found that I am essentially on my own in this enterprise. Being my own counsel in all matters has become increasingly important to me, and it is not something that I am used to, and perhaps it is this that is occasioning so many fears. Practical change and confidence are developing, perhaps slowly, but seemingly with an increasing momentum. Gary to Peter
It does seem that you have understood, and are experiencing, that actualism is about becoming autonomous. Understanding is the first step, experiencing it is the next. Autonomy is an inevitable essential part of the process, which is why I always chuckle when someone says I am a disciple of a Guru. Actual Freedom is squeaky clean. I suppose given the propensity of humans to form groups based on hierarchical principles it is natural for people to think that the same thing occurs in Actual Freedom or with the Actual Freedom Trust. I remember imagining such things myself, for instance, that you, Richard, and Vineeto were plotting or planning to do such and such, or so and so, that you had some type of steering committee or planning meetings. In hindsight, that appears ridiculous of course. There was also the tendency on my part to view Actual Freedom as some sort of Heaven or cultic activity with Richard being the Sun, and Peter and Vineeto revolving around the Sun in some sort of Actual Freedom firmament. Given that hierarchy occurs in any group, it is not surprising that one would have such thoughts or even wonder where one fits into such imagined hierarchy oneself. Becoming autonomous is becoming free from all such outlandish hierarchical notions as well as any tendency to subvert oneself to the authority (as in power) of another. Gary to Peter
There is something that I have been realizing recently and, while it may seem to be rather obvious to some, I thought I would comment on it here while it is still fresh in my mind. I wouldn’t worry that you are commenting on the obvious, otherwise we would have little to talk about and discuss. It takes incessant ‘self’-observation, discussion, reading, enquiry and investigation to wade through what is commonly accepted as true or self-evident in order to discover what is obvious as in factual, tangible, palpable, sensible and brings results. For the pioneers in this process, the amount of de-programming is immense and we have to deal not only with eliminating our own fears and passions but the atavistic fears and passions of the whole of Humanity. Being a pioneer in any process is daring enough but being a pioneer in one that flies in the face of all that human beings hold dear is not for the feint of heart. So please comment on the obvious – you will get nothing but encouragement from me. OK. That’s fair enough. I suppose it follows that it is often the ‘obvious’ things that are not rigorously questioned and looked into. One of ‘my’ particular hang-ups is feeling foolish or silly, or feeling humiliated when I am corrected for an ‘obvious’ oversight. Recently, a situation came up at work wherein I perceived that I was a bit under fire by the supervisor for my handling of a situation. I was confused by some comments that he had made about what I had done. I was mulling this situation over in my mind one night. When I awoke in the morning, it occurred to me immediately that I would go to him and request a private meeting. I wrote up several questions and asked him for feedback on how he thought I handled similar situations that came up in our work. The purpose of my meeting with him was to get his commentary about my performance in these situations. I listened carefully to what he said, took some notes, and there was some discussion afterward. I was particularly interested in what he saw as both my strengths and weaknesses in handling these situations. As a result of doing this, I realized that I have progressed considerably to be able to go to the ‘boss’ and bare myself to criticism and scrutiny of how I perform at work. The old Gary would have taken a more guarded approach, reacting emotionally to perceived criticism, and probably feeling offended. Along with this and similar situations, I have realized that ‘I’ have had a life-long deep resentment of authority figures. At times it has manifested as barely concealed hostility. At other times in my life, it has manifested as a grovelling subservience and obedience to authority. In the past, if I found myself in a position of having authority (what I thought was the power to coerce others), I have acted arbitrarily and unilaterally. As a subordinate, at times in the past I have used the Nuremberg defence: ‘I was only following orders’. The resentment of authority, for I was quite rebellious growing up and got in a great deal of trouble at home and school, is related too to a fear of the power of others. I am alternately afraid and resentful of people in positions of authority. In the past, I have resentfully mused on questions such as ‘What gives people the right to tell others what to do?’. I don’t want to have this resentment. It has been a burden for a long time and it dogs my every step when I relate to people who are ‘higher’ in the ladder than I. I have also realized, and this is something very similar to what Vineeto once said to me, that ‘I’ want to give someone else the responsibility and dominion over my life – that I want to be a follower rather than a leader, and then, when things go bad, blame the bosses. Standing on my own two feet means taking ultimate responsibility for my actions and conduct and not looking to others to tell me what to do. * I found that I went through a stage of being appalled at the extent of evil disguised as goodness that existed in the spiritual/ religious world. I went through a stage of being angry at the Gurus and God-men for many were not so deluded that they did not know what they were doing. Other people I know of also went through this stage but it may well not happen to you. Well, it has happened, but I think it has been relatively short-lived. The resentment of authority that I mentioned earlier in this post directly relates to this. My resentment of authority, either of the secular or the sacred variety, has been unmasked lately, allowing me a more direct look at my own malice and sorrow. Gary to Peter
The next issue is something that is also relevant to others on this list and it involves the role of the four people who are the nominal directors of the Actual Freedom Trust. The Trust is a legal entity that was set up to publish the writings of actualism and Actual Freedom so as to make them freely available for whomever is interested – and this endeavour has now been accomplished. There is nothing that needs to be added to the web-site – there is already more than sufficient information for anyone to become free from the human condition, should they so desire. More writing and more correspondence is a bonus and certainly not a necessity – the job the Trust was established to do has been completed. I have no axe to grind with the Actual Freedom Trust. I am glad the material is there for people to read, and I freely make use of it as the need arises. Much of the work of actualism is done on my own, with some help from the readings, the Journals, and encouragement from this list. The real work, however, is done on my own. I remember soon after I met Richard thinking what would happen if he disappeared and went off to live on the proverbial desert island. I then realized that I already had sufficient information by way of his journal, and his physical presence was a bonus and certainly not a necessity. This realization finally cracked the last of my seeing and treating Richard as a Guru or an authority figure I was dependant upon – from then on he was a source of information and the best and most concise form of this information was definitely his written words. In the recent past I considered what it would be like to find out that there is no Richard, or to find out that he actually does get angry from time to time, or beats his partner or whatever. It was a curious thought, but in a way I suppose a rather natural one, given that ‘I’ count on trust (or distrust) so much. And really I am not sure that it would make much difference to me, because actualism works, and I know it works from my own experience. So regardless of whether Richard has or has not self-immolated, and regardless of what progress others such as yourself or Vineeto or Alan have made towards the final extinction and extirpation of ego and soul, it is technique and a body of findings that not only works, but is eminently sensible and factual, and I am going to continue to use it. It would be a decided mistake to regard Richard or anyone else as some sort of salvific figure or charismatic leader that the entire method of actualism revolves around. There is an Actual Freedom from the human condition, and it is when the ego as ‘me’ and the soul as ‘I’ cease to interfere with the purity and perfection of this actual physical world as experienced through the senses. This experience is available to all human beings through the PCE, which is the lodestone of the method. The same thing applies to my writing – the one thing I wanted to do was write a personal journal documenting how to apply the actualism process and describing a virtual freedom from the human condition. Anything else I write falls into the bonus category. I do enjoy talking to others who are interested in actualism, passing on my expertise, comparing notes and sometimes coming up with a new way of saying something that may help to twig someone’s curiosity or interest. As I see this mailing list, it is a free-wheeling forum where those who are interested in actualism, or who have taken on actualism, can swap notes and relate experiences. What topics are talked about is secondary to the value of knowing that there are others doing the business of seeking freedom and peace on earth. Sometimes I get disappointed writing because I think I have nothing original to say. I berate myself because I see that my writing is just a rehash of what others are saying, and I seem to only blend and combine ideas that I get elsewhere. Sometimes I compare myself to others and come out short. Richard is obviously a very intelligent man and has an easy command of the language. You also write well and particularly in your recent posts your writing is crisp and clear. I think I also write well and I have had people compliment me on things that I have written. As for berating myself, I am sure it does not do much good or any good at all and it is something else for me to look at. In the real world, the Land of Lament, there is a heavy emphasis on developing ‘self’-esteem, which is a sense of pride for one’s competencies, strengths, and achievements. Conversely, there is a lack of ‘self’-esteem, or what people call ‘low self-esteem’, as evidenced by an extremely critical attitude towards oneself or berating oneself for lack of achievement and inner worth. I am coming to see that Humanity, the society, and the community needs a steady supply of people with ‘self’-esteem. In short, Society needs a steady supply of human beings who are ‘selves’ who either have ‘self-esteem or who don’t and want to have it. In this way, society and the community shape and mould the individual according to it’s selfish demands, and it demands ‘self’sacrifice because it is ultimately selfish, like the individual self. So this ‘self’-beratement, the flip side of the coin from ‘self’esteem, is evidence of ‘me’ struggling to stay in existence. It is ‘me’ as the parasitic entity flexing its’ muscles and attempting to maintain its’ foothold on this flesh and blood body. And as Vineeto recently pointed out, ‘I’ am redundant. In fact, ‘I’ am doomed. Gary to Peter
It strikes me that any team, any group, is really a form of tyranny. <snip> Not always tyrannical methinks ... all situations/people are somewhat unique. We humans choose to give authority to whom-so-ever we want for what-so-ever reasons we want unquestioningly and without regard for the consequences. Some reasons are sensible others may be foolish. Often the ‘group cultural mentality’ is born of feelings of loneliness, insignificance and powerlessness which give rise to identities, beliefs and rigid laws... historically, of course, human survival has depended, (in no small measure), to belonging to the winning team right or wrong. My first reaction to reading this is ... of course. I think you may be taking a more balanced view of what goes on in groups and staffs. So, I agree that ‘all situations/people are somewhat unique’, but then, there are also quite a lot of commonalities and similarities. Some groups are relatively healthy, encouraging the expression of individuality and supporting the personal growth of the participants, and other groups can be extremely dysfunctional, scape-goating and controlling the members of the group, requiring conformity and blind allegiance to the dysfunctional politics of the group. The group dynamics may be quite destructive and eventually greatly harm the people that participate in them. My statement that a team or group is a form of tyranny stems from my personal experience of groups and the kinds of pressures they can put on an individual to conform. In the workplace, one does not have much choice whether to belong to the work group or not- in fact, one has no choice. Taking the job means that you automatically belong to the work group and must involve yourself on some level in the particular processes that are going on in your workplace. The reality of hierarchical organization of groups, particularly work groups that are based largely on bureaucratic principles, ensures that certain members of the group have more ‘say’ than others due to the greater authority accruing to their positions. One of the outcomes of an Actual Freedom from the Human Condition seems to be what is on offer as an ‘indifference to hierarchy’, something quite different from the usual respect and deference we pay to people in greater positions of authority. Or, conversely, the contempt and superciliousness with which subordinates are dealt with. I take it to mean that the indifference to hierarchy does not mean an active disdain or despisal of hierarchical relations, it means that one is not affected at all by the emotional reactions that usually underlie group dynamics (for instance, the patterns of attraction-revulsion; fear of authority; subservience; domination/power; etc). In many practical situations a job requires intelligent cooperative teamwork. For me to communicate to you across the world requires the efforts of hundreds of thousands of my fellow humans...power generation, computer manufacture, etc. Many of these people may, intelligently give their time, effort, services in exchange for rewards, money and services ... others may give begrudgingly feeling themselves to be victims and in the 9 till 5 rat-race. As in, ‘I didn’t ask to be born anyway’. Yes, teamwork can often be intelligent, cooperative and instrumental to achieving the goals of the particular work situation. Perhaps I have been taking a jaundiced view of groups and group processes. In my personal life, outside of work, I feel little desire to belong to groups and get involved with membership in groups, belonging to organizations or taking a part in group activities. And that extends to political activities as well. Over the past few years, I have greatly decreased any kind of group participation or affiliation and I largely go it alone. I have no desire to follow the herd or what the herd is doing, so I am saying this perhaps as a way of explaining where I am coming from on this point. I think in the past I have viewed myself as a victim in some of groups I have participated in, but then it works the other way too and I must look at how I have contributed to the victim mentality and usually it involves being a passive participant in group processes and being too easily cowed by people in authority. Victims need persecutors, without them they wouldn’t be victims. Gary to No 13
I have talked in past posts of mine about my resentment of authority. <snip> it boils down to fear of authority <snip> it went hand-in-hand with this enormous resentment of him and what he stood for. What did he stand for? What did you stand for? Whatever ‘it’ is. Consider the alternative consequences of not standing for it, methinks. Those are good questions. I am just now getting clearer on my role in the difficulties. I have had enormous practice blaming other people for my problems and my unhappiness, and there was a great deal of this and other game-playing in the recent work situation. I think a lot of it boils down to taking responsibility for myself and the direction of my life. It’s always easier to point the finger of blame at someone else (or yourself) than face the facts of the situation and get on with it. I think more distance from the situation has helped me to disentangle from it and realize some of the things I need to change. ‘Playing it safe’ and gravitating to subordinate positions is certainly not the solution, nor is dreaming that all my problems are going to be magically solved by getting that dream career. ... even recently, sometimes, I find ‘I’ try to create a good impression as well as being good at my job. Thrilling stuff when one discovers the fearful entity behind the critically thinking mature adult ‘walking on eggshells’ ... ‘always regarding ... with a mixture of awe, fear, loathing, respect, disrespect, etc’ It’s interesting going on job interviews. One sees all this kind of ‘impression management’ stuff at work in oneself and others. By running the ‘How am I...’ question, one can intelligently be aware of one’s own instinctual fear and do the next sensible thing. Perhaps you resent your bosses the way they make ‘you’ feel? It is not always their fault (or yours)...you are both victims of a system instinctually and socially conditioned into you both. One no longer needs to feel inferior, (or superior), but rather aware of the simple facts of the matter self-evident, coherently and articulately explained...come what may. You will be appreciated and respected for this by those that matter, methinks. Perhaps what you are talking about here is that ‘indifference to hierarchy’ that I mentioned earlier. I agree with what you say about blaming people for the way they make ‘me’ feel – I think that comment is on the mark. But whether or not I am ‘appreciated and respected’ for how I behave in situations is quite aside from the point, isn’t it? Because one is aware of the simple facts of the matter, any appreciation or ‘respect’ from others is quite inconsequential, I should think. There is the trap of ‘appreciation’ too. In other words, if one is looking for appreciation, even unconsciously, one is not free from the carrot-and-stick of conditioning. It may be nice to be appreciated by the people around you, it certainly makes harmonious relations more likely, but it is hardly necessary. * One is then no longer a ‘self’ or a Self. <snip> Leaving the job ...has given me a little ‘vacation’ in the bargain. Bravo. In retrospect it is good to look back and see what progress we have made but every situation is unique and learning a lesson may become another belief...a subtle trap methinks. It’s been encouraging to see the extent to which I am competitive in the marketplace. I seem to be having much less difficulty getting interviews and such than the last time I was out of work, two years ago. My desirability to potential employers seems to have increased, judging from the reactions I’ve had to interviews. Although I have not landed work just yet, I expect that any day now, perhaps today, I’ll be getting a definite offer. Perhaps the last sentence should read, ‘So, I think the business of expectations fails both ways’. Do whatever works, methinks. Others do have power and control over your life ... you resent this fact ... just as others resent the fact of your control over them? Is it power and control, or just the illusion of power and control? Yes ... expectations may become onerous for one if one feels compelled to constantly comply ... like a robot/puppet. When I am aware of another’s expectations I reserve the right to always play the game ... or not. Alternatively, in a situation where there are unspoken expectations and ‘game-playing’, one can discover the game that is being played and name it, talk about it, in other words. Then there is sometimes playing the game and sometimes not. When intelligence is operating, perhaps it is unnecessary to play any games. One then just does what is the sensible and intelligent thing to do, at all times, and leaves the game-playing. Only the situation will reveal the intelligent thing to do. If one is playing a game, I suspect it is a defensive adaptation based on instinct and conditioning. OK. While each job may have, ‘its own set of requirements, its own culture, ethos, and operating principles’, I need not adopt or assume them as my own, (or expect them of others), lest I suspend critical thought ... feel resentful ... angry, etc. (each time ‘my’ impossible expectations are not met). Yes, ‘need not’ is the important operable phrase here. From a personal point of view, it seems to me that ‘fitting in’ is part of the ‘game-playing’ mentioned earlier. Usually, starting a new job, I am anxious to ‘fit-in’ to a certain extent, sort of like a naturalistic researcher living among natives, there is a desire to take in the culture and ethos of the surrounding workplace, for instance, ‘when in Rome, do as the Romans do’ as the old saying goes. Then I can hear the voices that say ‘To hell with fitting-in, just be yourself’. Trouble is, ‘yourself’ is the product of many years of fitting in or adapting to social conditions and the world around you. ‘Yourself’ is the product of a particular social identity which has been reinforced through countless years of conditioning over multiple generations. So, there is usually fitting-in involved, but one need not fit in in all situations and often it is matter for intelligent thought to draw the line between fitting in and doing what is sensible and required by the situation. Actually, I am not even sure that ‘fitting-in’ is sensible to do at all. Again, if intelligence is allowed to operate, and one is not trapped in blind instinctual and conditioned reactions, the requirements of each situation will dictate the sensible response. Complying diplomatically with reasonable ‘normal’ demands may:
Seems to be something that all who work are faced by. The tendency to focus on a future happiness, through planning for security in retirement, is an alluring prospect I might add as I grow older. It seems to be a stage of life that human beings go through. For instance, in this country, the Social Security system is a hot political item. During the recent election, there were many proposals to privatise Social Security. But there is a lot of fierce opposition to any suggestion that the government dicker with what many consider to be their rightful due in a democratic society. I don’t see anything wrong with planning for one’s retirement, but I do think that some people carry this to a rather pathetic and ridiculous extreme. Beyond the basic requirements of food, a place to live, some medical coverage, etc, I don’t see too much to worry about. * Many of the professions are founded on compassion and concern for others. True, (but as you seem to be aware of the, ‘trap of compassion’), I am not sure what your point is here, Gary. Compassion is a trap, and one needs to be aware of this emotion when one is experiencing it lest one get caught up the emotions and be oblivious to the requirements of the situation. I think the point I am trying to make here is that the professions are often idealistically based, and professional ideals are a smokescreen for self-interest. We touched on this point earlier. Drawing the line between professional behaviour and self-interest is not always an easy thing to do. Because I would say that professional interest is often the same as self-interest. When there is a concurrence between profession and self-interest, the choice is easy to make. When there is not, the door is open to doing exploitative and unprofessional things. Compassion is condescending. Gary to No 13
The one common denominator in all these reactions is that there is a ‘me’ involved – a ‘me’ who is strong or weak, a ‘me’ who is right or wrong, a ‘me’ who is good or bad, a ‘me’ who stands and fights or slinks away. The only way out of this seesawing emotional turmoil is to become autonomous – to become free of one’s own social and instinctual programming such that your being happy and harmless is independent of external influences and conditions. Yes. I appreciate your thoughts on it this way. And I have found it helpful to realize that there is this pole of opposing conditions – aggressiveness (which masquerades as ‘assertiveness’) and submission/humility. I can see that these are largely instinctual reactions and their socially inculcated derivatives. Being autonomous does not mean that you become a doormat and let people walk all over you. In my personal experience, it is characterized by a complete and total ease in dealing with and interacting with other people regardless of their position in the social hierarchy. Just a personal note on this here: I have noticed some very rare times when I am so incredibly comfortable dealing, say, with my boss, that there is no fear or aggression involved whatsoever. These moments, which must either be during PCEs or near-PCE experiences, are in such striking contrast to the other fitful, fearful, ‘walking on eggshells’ feelings that I usually get when dealing with authority figures, that I have wondered what is happening when they occur. Like I said, it does not occur very often, but when it does it is in such striking contrast to what usually happens in day-to-day interaction that I am utterly fascinated about how to make it happen again and again. Yet notice the paradox in this statement: I want it to happen, but it only happens when ‘I’, the resentful, fearful, respectful, obliging, well-behaved entity, am not. Nevertheless, it is an exciting and fascinating business. There is an autonomy, which is marked by a complete absence of fear and aggression. There is a freedom from the entire human emotional-instinctual package, and the really exciting thing is that one can experience this for themselves, as in these excellence and PCE experiences, before the ‘main event’ of self-immolation, if or whether it is to occur. Autonomy isn’t something that can be practiced because this only leads to feeling independent with its inherent qualities of feeling separate and feeling superior. Becoming autonomous is the inevitable result of becoming actually free of the shackles of the human condition. Just as an aside to the issue of assertiveness, it is both interesting and informative to see the parallels between the psychologically-based movements aimed at establishing a strong and assertive self and the Eastern religious-based movements aimed at establishing a dissociated and superior self. The distinctions are seemingly nowhere more blurred than in the U.S. where the utter ‘self’-ishness and ‘self’-centred nature of both movements are so intermingled that every pursuit and every activity has the tag spiritual added to it. There is really scant difference between a self-help Guru and a Self-realized Guru. Both make their living, and get their kudos, from appealing to deep-seated narcissistic urges within every human psyche. OK. I think I see the difference between autonomy and assertiveness a little better since we have had this exchange. Perhaps I should mention now that I have become very interested in knowing what causes pain – I mean emotional pain. Conversely, it is an interesting question what causes emotional feel-good feelings. But I seem to be more focused on emotional pain. This is another aspect of my ‘self’-investigations. I have sometimes mused ‘Why is this (what I am experiencing right now) so painful? What is this about? What is making this painful? Etc, etc. I have noticed the element of time looms large in any emotional pain I experience: there is either the regret or shame or guilt over something that has happened in the past, ie. the belief that I have failed to measure up in terms of some hope or expectation, or perhaps a fixation of anger or resentment about something that has happened and the re-experiencing of these emotions again and again. There is also the element of a fearful or worried projection into the future – what if...? When I feel anxious, my mind and emotions are drawn to play out in my imagination events which have not happened but which I fear are going to happen. I have noticed that when I am in emotional pain, it is usually a seesawing between the past or the future. Alternatively, there is no pain in what is happening right now. There is no pain as this flesh-and-blood body with these sensations right now at this moment in time. It is curious how the feelings, the emotions, and the beliefs are founded on this illusion of either past or present, which of course seems at the time to be very real but is not. Underneath this fixation with either the past or the future, of course, is the instincts – there is an instinctive fear or dread sometimes of the future, which, when it kicks in, causes one to fearfully anticipate or project into the future, and there is this aggression turned against oneself (you described it this way once in a post awhile back) when one feels guilty, ashamed, depressed, aggrieved, etc. I have noticed when in great emotional pain, there is the constant swinging back and forth between past and present, past and present. It may seem like an insignificant point but I really feel I have made an important discovery about myself. Gary to Peter Web page designed by The Actual Freedom Trust |
